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"Dad."
Gabriel sighed. "What do you want, son?"
"I wanna tell you a joke." Adrien was staring a hole at him from across the large dinner table, his dinner long forgotten.
"Again?"
"Well, yeah. I have a shit ton of em." Gabriel was going to chide him for his language, but the boy had been completely disrespectful ever since they found each other's identities out, so he opted on giving up trying to discipline him.
Adrien was smiling smugly now, but that didn't make his gaze any more fucking piercing, and holy shit what was that?
His son had pulled a thick book out from God knows where, and he was now paging through it.
"What is that?" The designer asked suspiciously.
"It's my book of jokes." the blond looked up, a dangerous glint in his eye. "Moth jokes, to be specific."
Gabriel took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He was on the verge of tears now. "Son, why do you torment me so much?"
"You banned me from eating my sweets. Not that I don't smuggle any, but still."
The designer slammed his fists on the desk. "Fine then," he said through gritted teeth. "The ban is lifted."
Adrien wasn't phased by his tone. And, with a completely serious look, he said, "Why does Gabriel Agreste have several lamps all over his house?"
"Huh?"
Adrien looked at him like he was stupid. "You're supposed to ask why."
"Why?"
"Because he's an overgrown moth." At that, the model started wheezing, and Gabriel just stared him.
"That was fucking terrible, your ban is no more lifted."
.
Gabriel came down with a cold the next week.
Sitting in a pile of blankets, the designer took another sip of his tea and coughed again.
"It appears what you've come down with is not a cold, sir. It's an allergic reaction." Nathalie informed over the tablet, a blank expression visible on her features.
"An allergic reaction from what, exactly?" He sneezed.
"Mothballs." She stated simply.
"Pardon?" Hmm. Perhaps this allergy was affecting his hearing as well.
"Mothballs, sir. It seems your miraculous's side effect includes... allergic reactions to mothballs. I found a heap of them planted in your closet."
"What?"
Nathalie sighed. "We checked surveillance, and according to it, Adrien planted them," her lips thinned. "I advise you see the footage yourself and deal with it when you've gotten better. I've sent it to you just now."
Gabriel checked his inbox and sure enough, there was a message from Nathalie, and attached with it was a fifteen minute video.
"Anyways, I have to go take care of something. Call me if you need me sir."
Abruptly, the call ended and the designer was left to his own devices. Out of curiosity, and partially because he was bored, he opened the video.
The first few minutes of the video were quite uneventful, until a figure holding a bag appeared on the screen. 'Adrien, I'm guessing.' Gabriel thought.
Adrien swiftly walked across the room and finally made his way to the closet, where he paused for a moment. Suddenly, his shoulders started shaking and the shaking progressively because more violent. So the little shit was laughing.
The blond took the bag and opened it, then proceeded to toss the mothballs onto the secluded corners of the closet. Then, he grabbed a bottle out of the bag and sprayed the contents of it all over his clothes. So that's why his clothes smelled a little off when he wore them.
Suddenly Adrien strode to the bed with his bag, and pulled a large piece of cardboard out of it. He turned, and looked directly at the camera with one of the most shit eating grins he'd seen in his life.
The boy lifted the sign, and it read,
Dear moth dad,
I know you'll see this, and I have a few things to say. Fuck the sweets ban. For the next few days I'll be eating Marinette's amazing sweets for dinner and getting kisses as a bonus. Have fun with your allergy, by the way <3
He called Nathalie immediately, fuming. When his assistant picked up, he spoke up immediately. "Nathalie, where's Adrien? And how did he get into my room?"
"Oh. So you watched the video. Well, he's been missing for the past three days, and you weren't present on the day he raided your room."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Gabriel hissed.
"Adrien's fine. He keeps sending me updates and pictures and he looks like he's doing well. He's staying at the Dupain-Cheng's, by the way." She sounded slightly amused.
"How come I didn't notice his absence? And again, why didn't you tell me my son left the house for three whole days."
"Well, I mean... You've been stuck in that room for almost a week. And like I said, he's doing fine. I even went to check on him at the bakery. Miss Dupain-Cheng's parents are really nice."
Gabriel sighed in defeat. "I'll deal with him when I get better. This child is uncontrollable."
The line cut. "Whoops, service is bad. Call me when you need me." Then, his assistant hung up on him again.
The designer frowned. That little shit's antics were going too far now. He decided he'd blame Plagg for all of his son's shitty behavior.
.
"Adrien, why do you have like, three hundred and seventy one missed calls from your dad?" Marinette asked, genuine curiosity on her face. She was perched on the edge of her bed, but crawled her way back into Adrien's arms.
"Did he really pass two hundred this time? Well, I better call him soon." The blond sighed, and snuggled up closer against his girlfriend.
"Maybe you went to far with the mothballs this time, Adrien. He hasn't recoverd yet and it's been a week. This is just an allergy, not a cold, and I don't think someone with an allergy should stay bedridden this long."
"He'll be fine," Adrien said nonchalantly. "Besides, it's payback."
"He's never done anything this mean to you." The bluenette looked extremely worried at this point.
Adrien kissed Marinette on her forehead. "It's fine, bugaboo. I'm sure he's feeling better by now."
Marinette still looked tentative. "Fine. I'm warning you though, if he strikes back-"
"I'll make sure he doesn't ruin our date like he did with Date Ruiner that time." Adrien reassured.
The bluenette snorted. "Yeah, that was pretty crappy of him."
.
As soon as Gabriel recovered, his first thought was to akumatize someone. Finding a victim was easier than he thought. Turns out if you didn't have a too serious intention behind the akumatization you'd pick up on the negative emotions of pissbabies and not truly angry or sad people.
"Why hello," he began. "I am Hawkmoth."
.
"Akuma alert." Adrien said. "The akuma is attacking near the Eiffel Tower."
Marinette sighed. "Well then, shall we?"
.
Chat Noir doubled over in laughter on the rooftop he and Ladybug were standing on. Ladybug was also laughing loudly, and the akuma frowned.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Please-" Chat Noir managed through laughing fits. "P-please say your name again?" The leather clad hero looked like he was on the verge of suffocating from his own laughter. Ladybug was leaning on a chimney, and her shoulders were shaking.
"Moth Ball Eradicator." These heroes were starting to piss him off. What were they laughing at?
They laughed harder. "Say that again," Ladybug wheezed out. "Then, we'll give you a proper fight."
"Moth Ball Eradi-" 'Oh.' So Hawkmoth was fucking with him.
"You know what?" The akuma fumed. "I renounce this akuma." Purple particles covered Moth Ball Eradicator, and there stood a tall, young man, who looked particularly furious.
"I'm done with Paris's bullshit." The man walked away, cursing up a storm. Paris's superheroes continued laughing.
.
Adrien came back the next evening. Again, Gabriel was waiting expectantly for him on the foyer.
"You disappeared for a week." Gabriel glared at his son.
"Worth it." Was Adrien's reply.
"You know what? You're grounded for thirty years." The designer said in a serious tone.
Adrien barked out a laugh. "Thirty?"
"Yes."
"You could never keep me in here that long moth man." The model made his way to the kitchen.
"Shut up."
.
A month later, #justiceformothballeradicatorsname was trending. Hawkmoth sent Akumas out for four days in a row, and Gabriel booked a two week spa.
.
A week after that incident, #flipoffthemoth trended again.
Discipliner got akumatized again, but with a bonus feature: he could take away people's ability to laugh.
.
Adrien strolled into Gabriel's office. "Dad, guess what?"
"What?" Gabriel growled.
"Yeet."
.
Somewhere, in the distance, you could hear Gabriel Agreste's cries of agony, and Adrien Agreste and Plagg's booming laughter.