Chapter Text
Walking out of Carlos’ condo hurts in ways TK hadn’t thought to be possible anymore. He doesn’t want it to hurt, he doesn’t understand why it even is hurting. Those sad eyes, that pained look… they’re haunting him and all TK can do is run away from this place as fast as he can.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
His own words ring loud in his ears as he pushes himself forward. He needs the burning in his lungs and the ache in his muscles and he knows that state won’t happen anytime soon if he doesn’t push himself harder than ever. Being as conditioned as his body is… it takes a lot to get there and the need for it itches under his skin.
It’s either that or seeking another kind of high and he never wants to go back there again. Ever.
He really thought they were on the same page here. Just two dudes, blowing off some steam, riding out this mutual attraction. Two first responders who know the pressure of their job and how good it feels to sometimes just… get that excess energy out of your system.
He has never taken Carlos for a guy that would actually try to date someone that so clearly is not his destined soulmate. Carlos Reyes is… he is pure light and the definition of a good and honest heart. Why would he betray his future soulmate in such a way? Not that it was really betraying, of course. Obviously, Carlos hasn’t found the man yet or he wouldn’t even bother with TK. But still… Why try to pursue anything with TK when there is a perfect match out there, just waiting for him?
Someone who is most likely as good and as pure and as amazing as this man is.
Someone that TK tries not to think about too much because his stupid heart can’t take it, the traitorous bitch.
He doesn’t want to think of Carlos with another man – and that alone is bad enough because TK needs to stay realistic here! One day, Carlos will find his soulmate. Even if TK would be crazy enough to try and date again, this could only end in disaster. Because there were only two ways this could go. Either Carlos would leave TK, or he would stay with him… and knowing the man and the fact that he has too good a heart to actually break TK’s, he would probably stay with TK and be unhappy about it because he wouldn’t be with his perfect match.
So really, why would Carlos even try to date TK at all?
And the first option…
TK’s lungs slowly start to burn with every breath he takes and he welcomes the pain as he pushes forward even harder. He feels the first few drops as it starts to rain and TK can’t believe just how fitting that is for his mood.
Gray.
The night is black and where there are lamp posts, it is gray.
Just like TK’s life.
Except for those few fleeting moments he had with Carlos.
Within mere days, the man has turned into a new drug for TK – and now Carlos has taken it away from him. Or rather, TK has realized he needed to stop riding this high before it was too late. Before he would be so addicted again, so deep in. He knows for sure he wouldn’t survive it a second time.
Being left breaks your heart enough.
But being left for someone else is an entirely different level of heartbreak.
He knows Carlos isn’t his soulmate, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much as it did when Alex left him, but he can’t be sure. Since that night, he felt numb, his world nothing more than a gray mess. But with Carlos?
When he was with him, he actually felt alive again and there were bursts of color. Almost as if he wasn’t broken anymore…
TK shakes his head as he stops abruptly to catch his breath. Looking up he pushes his hood off and lets the warm Texas rain soak him.
He hasn’t questioned why Carlos makes him feel whole again. Hasn’t thought about it, really. It can’t be, because only being close to your soulmate heals injuries. And he is pretty damn sure that only applies to physical injuries, not something like a broken heart.
But he knows that he had felt whole whenever he had been close to Alex. The craving for oxy muted, almost as if it had been the right type of injury and healed by his soulmate. In reverse, the moment Alex had left him, all TK could do was…
No, he can’t think about that anymore.
And he surely can’t think about Carlos anymore.
Carlos, who even after a few days has touched parts of TK’s soul and heart…
Carlos, who is too good and too pure for him…
Carlos… who just had to go and destroy the perfect thing they had going between them…
Carlos… who makes TK question his belief about Alex being his soulmate…
Carlos… who TK might just resent a little bit for all those reasons…
Shaking his head once more, TK pushes forward again, running even faster yet, trying to outrun his emotions and the memories of those damn sad puppy eyes…
~*~*~*~
Of course, it has to be the 126 that answers the call to the silo.
Carlos’ grip on the steering wheel tightens as they follow the three fire trucks and the ambulance, trying to ignore the beating of his heart. At least his partner doesn’t seem to notice how on edge he is – or if she does, she might just chalk it up to being concentrated.
As someone who had often been told that he wears his heart on his sleeve for the whole world to see, Carlos has learned early on how to school his professional poker face. His cop attitude. Conceal, don’t feel, and all that. Outwardly, he keeps his calm, even though his lips press together a bit tighter and the look in his eyes is a bit harder.
On the inside though…
He really thought he was on the same page with TK. The instant attraction between them, the way they complimented each other, the easy flirting and banter, the way they simply fit…
There had been no doubt in his mind that TK is his soulmate and if it had been true, Carlos knows he would have hit the jackpot. TK is everything he could have ever dreamed of and Carlos made that assessment without even knowing all that much about him. Nothing, actually.
Except for the fact that the man has a kind soul and a gentle smile. That he’s a firefighter not because he wants to please his dad or to be a hero, but because he actually cares for those he saves. He is sweet and has a killer smile and his humor isn’t half-bad either and yes, Carlos knows that’s probably not enough to go by but… he just knows, okay? Call it instinct or a gut feeling, but he knows TK is the kind of man he could fall in love with, soulmate or not.
And that was all he had ever wanted. All he had ever hoped for.
Growing up, he had always prayed for it to happen this way. He had gone through a rebellious phase where the thought of Fate dictating who to love made him mad; until his mother had sat him down and explained to him that that was not the case. There were all kinds of soulmates: soulmates who didn’t work out in the end; platonic soulmates who weren’t sexually interested in each other; soulmates that were actually bad for one another because one had chosen a different path in life, despite their predestination. There were couples that were happily married without being soulmates and those who didn’t even have a soulmate because their other half had died early on…
There were all kinds of this – because, despite Fate throwing you a bone, it doesn’t mean you have to take it. Because despite Fate knowing who fits you best, life still happened and humans still had free will.
So Carlos had grown up with the hope that if he ever met the man designed to be his other half, they would fall for each other, predestined bond or not.
He had hookups before, solely based on attraction, but none of them had ever been like TK Strand.
Carlos had been so sure… and he had been so thrilled. Thrilled that he knew he could fall in love with his soulmate of his own free will.
And then TK had to go and ruin it all.
Obviously, they hadn’t been on the same page this entire time.
Obviously, for TK, Carlos had simply been a quick lay, a stress relief, an easy fuck-buddy.
He had opened his heart and TK had smashed it.
Oh, he’s sure the man has his reasons… but that doesn’t make it any better.
That doesn’t erase the pain, the heartbreak, this weird feeling of being used for sex. Not that that’s the case, of course; he had always been more than willing to participate… but no one ever said feelings were rational, right?
He doesn’t want to… but he can’t help resenting TK; if only just a little bit. He’s probably being overly dramatic here, but this whole concept of soulmates Carlos had in his mind ever since his mother had explained it to him? Yeah, it got a little crack and even though it was his own fault for reading the signs wrong… he can’t help but also blame TK Strand…
~*~*~*~
“Nobody’s feet touches the corn!”
Judd’s words reach his ear and TK knows he should listen – he’s on a damn scene after all – but he really doesn’t get what the big deal is. It’s just corn! The man acts as if this is some kind of rocket science, seriously. Texans really have a weird view on things and a knack for being overly dramatic…
Still, he finishes gearing up and reaches for his radio, doing the thing he has to do.
“Copy that,” he replies, right as his eyes catch sight of a certain someone over by the trucks.
Carlos Reyes.
Seriously, are there no other officers in Austin? Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Seeing the man at scenes all the time?
TK clenches his jaw and tries not to let it distract him. He has to concentrate, even if this should be an easy job. He certainly can’t think about the man and how much seeing him hurts, irrational as it is. TK has burned that bridge and they’re both better off if it stays that way.
For his own sanity.
… but also for Carlos, because the man certainly doesn’t deserve dealing with the mess that is TK. Clearly, it’s too much to handle even for a soulmate – point in case, Alex leaving him for someone better, someone not as broken – so how on earth would anyone else be able to deal?
Pushing his self-destructive thoughts aside, TK ignores the way Carlos’ gaze catches his just then and turns around to start climbing up the ladder of the silo.
~*~*~*~
Carlos doesn’t even really know why they’re here. (That’s a lie, of course he knows why.)
There is not much for them to do, no crowd to control to not get in the way, not even a real culprit. The witness, Kenny, explains that it’s his family’s silo, so there isn’t even trespassing going on.
So really, why are they here?
With nothing else to do, Carlos can’t help but switch his radio on the same channel as the 126, fooling himself into believing it’s so he knows how the rescue is going. He can’t admit that there’s only one thing he wants to know, not even to himself.
All he needs to know is if TK’s safe.
Carlos has been at enough scenes like this and he knows the danger that a silo full of corn poses. But he also knows TK (... well… he thought he did…) and he’s pretty sure the man doesn’t buy into how dangerous it is. Plus, he has this hunch that TK might be a hothead.
He just really has a bad feeling and he can’t shake it.
Listening in, he tries to paint the picture of how it’s going behind that wall by the instructions Judd gives. He tries to soothe himself with the knowledge that Judd has run situations like this about a thousand times. He knows what to do, he knows how to get all of them out of there alive.
But he can also hear TK’s pissed-off voice when Judd reminds him of something Carlos doesn’t quite catch over the radio. The tension in there is palpable, even like this, and he wants to smack the man over his head; because really? Who does he think he is? Despite how much TK might hate to hear it, he is a city boy. Carlos has no doubt that he’s brilliant at his job – but he should get off that high horse, quick. Judd knows this scene and TK needs to listen and follow directions, God damnit!
There’s some excitement coming over the radio and Carlos guesses they’re making progress, which Judd confirms a few moments later as to Captain Strand’s request for an update. Still, he holds his breath, knowing they’re not yet in the clear.
His terrible gut feeling gets confirmed right then as one of the lines snaps and shouting echoes over the radios.
“Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.” – “My line snapped.” – “Marjan, Marjan! Hold on, hold on. Do not struggle!”
Carlos closes his eyes for a second and says a silent prayer. He prays for all of them to fucking listen to Judd. He knows what to do, he will get them out of there.
His hands dig into his belt where he holds it to keep his hands from trembling. Or himself from doing something stupid like run up there and try to help.
Judd has this!
And then he hears TK’s scream for Marjan and Carlos knows – he just knows with every fiber of his being that the man won’t stick to Judd’s order.
“Please,” he whispers. “Please, please, please, don’t.”
“Marjan! Marjan, grab my hand!”
“Nonononono, don’t do it.”
“TK! TK, don’t!”
He wants to throw up! He can’t see it but he can picture it all and it’s stealing his breath, choking him up, and tearing at his heart.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Grab my hand, Mar–”
There’s screaming and Judd’s voice cutting through, ordering TK again and again to not do it!
“I can get to her!”
“TK, don’t! That’s an order!”
He wants to scream but he’s frozen to this place, his voice stuck in his throat as he keeps staring at the silo in front of him.
“Marjan!
“TK, no, no!”
There is more screaming and he hears grunting and above it all, Judd’s yell for TK to let go!
“No, no, no, no, no, no!”
“TK!”
“Captain Strand, they went down!”
“Who’s going down?”
Why does he even have to ask???
Carlos wants to scream at the man, they all heard it, they had all been listening over the radios! But Judd still confirms it.
“TK and Marjan! Cut it open, now!”
He sees the other firefighters on scene react instantly, cutting the sides of the silo open and he wills them to go faster, to hurry up. Judd is still talking, giving instructions or whatever, but he doesn’t hold Carlos’ attention anymore. His sole focus is the side of the silo and the beating of his heart.
And then it finally bursts open, corn spilling out like water from a punctured can. There are two figures and Carlos knows he should care for all of them… but all he can take in is the man he wants to see the most.
The moment he makes out TK’s form, every fiber of his being pulls him towards the man. He wants to check on him, wants to see if he’s okay, needs to be close to him. It’s a pull so terribly strong that he even takes a step towards him.
But before he can take another, Captain Strand is already by his son’s side and Carlos can see the man breathe and cough, and thank God, he’s alright.
He’s alright and Carlos forces himself to turn around and walk away from the scene before he does something stupid that he would regret for the rest of his existence.
~*~*~*~
The feeling in his chest is tight and TK’s still coughing by the time he makes his way over to the firetruck. He should probably let the paramedics check him out but they have their hands full with the victim, Derek.
At least it turned out that Kenny is more than just his friend. He’s his soulmate, so the paramedics’ job just got ten times easier. They still need to take him to a hospital to get him checked out, even if they won’t find much if a soulmate is on scene. But it’s still protocol in case… well, in case they were mistaken.
There have been reported cases where couples thought they were soulmates and they would be able to heal without calling 911 – only for the harsh reality to set in and the victim bleeding out. After all, until one has seen an actual wound knit itself back together when their soulmate is close by, no one ever really knows.
There are instincts and hopes and feelings, but there is never any real assurance until injuries happen and heal up again.
There’s also the fact that it’s not an instant thing, no snap with a finger and the wound is healed. It takes time sometimes, depending on the wound. Some even think it’s about how strong a soulmate bond is or how long soulmates have known each other. Really, there are too many theories out there to count and TK doesn’t really care. What he cares about is the fact that there are so many factors people can’t fathom. The issue of internal injuries that bleed faster than they heal, for one. Because despite what romantic movies make it out to be, despite this romanticized version, there’s only so much a soulmate bond can do.
So, yes, victims still have to go to the hospital.
Coughing again, TK throws his turnout coat into the truck, ready to leave this scene behind. But his dad still needs to overlook the cleanup, and the rest of his team is still busy. Only TK and Marjan were allowed to step away from the scene.
Preparing himself for a little wait, TK grabs a water bottle, clearing his throat again and again in the hopes to get the scratchy feeling out of his lungs, before finally taking a sip.
“Quite the stunt you pulled there.”
He jerks so hard the water goes down the wrong pipe, leaving him coughing and spluttering even harder.
Carlos doesn’t look apologetic as he casually leans against the other truck, opposite of TK, hands on his belt, staring at him with a hard – and judging, he’s definitely judging him! – gaze. A gaze that absolutely doesn’t rile TK up, nope.
Not at all!
“How would you know? You weren’t even there,” he fires back once he can breathe again, clearing his throat one more time.
“Didn’t have to be,” Carlos replies, his gaze never leaving TK. “It was pretty clear listening over the radio.”
“Yeah, well. I acted on instinct.”
“Instinct? I see,” Carlos says and he’s just oozing of judgment, it isn't even concealed anymore.
And TK is pissed. “What?!”
“Oh, nothing,” he states, as casually as if they’re talking about the weather, pushing away from the truck to step closer. “I’m just wondering where these instincts are coming from? How many corn silo rescues did you make exactly, back in New York?”
TK grits his teeth and bites his tongue. He wants to tell him to fuck off. To leave him alone because that’s exactly what he will do, sooner or later. Everyone leaves him and Carlos will be no exception. His own fucking soulmate left him, for fuck’s sake!
But there is something about the man… something beneath all the false bravado and the mocking and judgment.
It’s concern, and TK can see it in his eyes. He feels it the closer Carlos steps and it confuses the hell out of him.
“Why do you even care?”
There’s a flash of hurt in those wonderful brown eyes and it throws TK right back to two nights ago when he walked out of the man’s attempt at a dinner date.
He just fucking doesn’t understand why.
“You’re right,” Carlos replies, his voice somehow flat, not even filled with judgment anymore. “Why do I even care? Guess that’s too much as well, right? After all… we’re just fuck-buddies, aren’t we?”
TK doesn’t know what to say and Carlos is standing too close for his liking. He can’t breathe and it has nothing to do with the corn he had just been trapped in. It’s all on the man mere inches away from him.
Close enough to pull in and kiss and it’s all TK wants to do. He wants to drown in the feeling of this man around him, of being held by those strong arms, and kissed by those soft lips, and touched by those gentle hands.
But he can’t.
Not anymore.
He burned that bridge and he did so for a reason.
“Sorry you’re still salty about that,” he says, making sure to stir that fire and keep the bridge burned down. “Wasn’t my intention.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Carlos bites out. “You made your intentions pretty clear.”
He holds his gaze for a moment longer as he takes a step back and TK has this terrible and irrational desire to reach for him, to pull him closer again.
But he doesn’t.
He has a feeling Carlos wants to say something else – but the man just presses his lips tighter together and turns around, leaving TK alone.
Closing his eyes, he leans back against the truck, softly banging his head against it. Absent-mindedly, he takes another sip of the cool water and brings his other hand up to rub his chest.
But the tightness there is gone, his lungs free from any scratchy feeling, and he can breathe normally again.
Huh, he wonders, staring at the water in his hand. Yeah, corn’s definitely more dangerous than he thought, he’ll give Texas that. But really, no need for anyone to make a big fuss about TK going down and acting on instinct when all it takes is a bit of cold water to patch him back up and soothe the pain…