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English
Series:
Part 3 of even in different universes, you're always my comfort.
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Published:
2021-07-06
Completed:
2021-07-10
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8,733
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2/2
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47
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450
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65
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5,764

if by chance

Summary:

“I had to tell you. You deserved that much, what with me practically slobbering all over you all the time. You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to even talk to me ever again after this,” Marinette finished with a heave, her hand gripping her bag insanely tightly. He worried for the poor stitching she’d spent such good craftsmanship on. But more so for her.
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the fic in which rejection calls for realization

update: final chapter uploaded!!

Notes:

bro literally this one hurt me to write i can’t stand marinette being upset :’(

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: you can’t want me if it’s not real

Chapter Text

     He hadn’t meant to find out. He really hadn’t. It just…anyone could connect the dots. Anyone could. It was too easy to place one image over another in your mind and watch each flaky alibi crumble into dust. It was easy to match mannerisms and characteristics; to remember certain phrases and watch fond eye rolls. She was one in the same, she was the same, and he had realized that. 

     It was terrifying. To know that the person you loved was the one you had rejected only a few days prior. 

     Glistening eyes and a wobbly, forced smile still haunted him each time he closed his eyes. He had felt so bad, and after completing his mental puzzle, he realized all he could feel bad for then was himself. 

     Staring at her empty seat. The seat behind him that should’ve had someone sitting there, someone smiling and laughing with Alya. Someone throwing a joke right back at Nino. Someone that would stutter out a warm good morning to him that for some odd reason had made his chest tighten because damn if it wasn’t so sweet. That odd reason became clear as day. 

     It was always her. That magnetic pull she had on him; it all made sense. They were the same. They were his. The girl he’d chased after for so long, it was her. His instincts, god, he should’ve trusted his instincts! 

     He should’ve stopped being so blind. He should’ve opened his eyes to the beautiful beacon of light that loved him, that loved him so fiercely and kindly. He should’ve known better. He should’ve looked her in the eyes and been honest; should’ve been less stupid. It was her. 

     How in the ever-living hell do you not recognize the one person you’ve faultlessly devoted yourself to? How do you miss the fantasy that stands before you and says things you’ve never even imagined coming out of their mouth? He felt so stupid. 

     So, so stupid. 

 

 

      Adrien watched as Marinette approached him after being given a harsh nudge by Alya. Or a shove. Alright, it was a very aggressive shove. She didn’t meet his eyes, only shuffled awkwardly toward him as she popped her fingers mindlessly. 

     Marinette was one of the sweetest people he knew. Always kind. Always quick to make a smart decision. Always strong. She was the rock—the stability—of their entire class. Of everyone around her. He admired her a lot. Placed her on a pedestal, even. 

     She stopped before him and finally chanced a look up, those ever so blue eyes pulling him in. He didn’t quite understand how she had so much power in just those eyes. 

     “Hi, Marinette,” he began with a smile. “What’s up?” She took a shaky breath, her eyes glinting with something he couldn’t quite place, and then she looked away. He frowned, upset with his good friend’s obvious unease. 

     “Hi, Adrien,” she managed. She didn’t stutter like she normally did. It both relieved and absolutely terrified him. It meant either something good for her development or that she was about to say something that would be hard for him to swallow. He didn’t know what, but that’s what it seemed like. 

     “Are you alright?” he asked, leaning down a bit to try and meet her eyes. She peeked up at him through her lashes which made his heart stutter and reminded him of a certain spotted companion of his, her lip curling in a pout. 

     “I just,” she sighed, suddenly clasping onto her purse like a lifeline. “I need to tell you something. And I understand if you think it’s weird, but I really need you to hear me out.” Adrien nodded, a devoted look plastered on his face. It honestly probably made him look like a child that was being trusted with a “magical secret” from a parent or something. He didn’t care. 

     “You can tell me anything, Marinette,” he said confidently. “And if it bothers you this badly, there’s no way it could be weird.” Marinette smiled, albeit stiffly, and nodded. She wrung her hands, squeezing her eyes shut to gain some confidence. He watched as her frame shook a bit, and he considered consoling her. Until she blurted what was bothering her and his bones went cold. 

     “I like you,” she spat out. “I actually managed to love you in the process, and I don’t really know how exactly it happened because it was all so fast. I’ve had a huge crush on you since that day in the rain when you handed me your umbrella and made me feel like I was something worth taking care of. Something worth looking at. I don’t—I don’t know how else to explain it. You just, you’ve made me feel a kind of love I didn’t even know existed, Adrien. 

     “I had to tell you. You deserved that much, what with me practically slobbering all over you all the time. You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to even talk to me ever again after this,” Marinette finished with a heave, her hand gripping her bag insanely tightly. He worried for the poor stitching she’d spent such good craftsmanship on. But more so for her. 

     “Marinette, the fact that you think that much of me, it,” he paused, taking a shaky breath. There was no way this girl could think that much of him when she was the most amazing girl in their class. “It flatters me but I just don’t feel that way about you. I’m so sorry. I…there’s someone else. You’re…you’re so amazing. And breathtaking. You’re literally the epitome of perfect, Marinette, and you need to know that, but. But she caught me a long time ago.” Watching her big beautiful eyes glisten with quickly forming tears made his heart shatter. “Maybe if you’d been just a…just a little bit earlier.”

     She took a sharp, shaky inhale, blinking rapidly. A few stray tears streamed down her face, and he went to wipe them away, but Marinette pushed his hand away with a swat. He watched, chest tight and brain screaming damnit, Agreste, fix it! But he knew he couldn’t. Not when he loved his partner more than his ability to breathe. He watched painfully as Marinette whimpered into her palm, biting the heel of it and whirling around waving sheepishly over her shoulder. 

     “Thanks, bye,” she choked out. He could do nothing but watch. He wanted to go after her. To tell her that he prized her friendship over all of the others he’d made. Their friendship was the biggest accomplishment in the world to him. When they’d finally became friends after he’d explained he “was only trying to take the chewing gum off your seat. I swear.” Friendship with her was special. Precious, even. 

     Adrien knew he couldn’t go after her. Not when it wouldn’t be fair to her. Not when each time he tried to move on, he saw a spotted mask on the face of each dark haired girl he crossed. It was honestly pathetic. Because to be loved by Marinette Dupain-Cheng? That. That would be something absolutely magical. Her love was boundless, whole, and pure. She loved with everything she had and everything she knew. 

     So to reject love like that? It made a small part of his longing heart ache. Longing that placed pink and designing into red and protecting. Longing that didn’t belong in the same category. They were both perfect. However, he knew his lady so well that he knew the secret flaws. To him, it only made her all the more perfect. But Marinette? Entirely perfect. 

     Smart? Check. Creative? Check. Cute stutter problem? Check. The sweetest little quirks ever? Check. Witty remarks? Check. Literally one of the most beautiful people he'd ever seen in his life? Check. Basically the mama bear of their class? Check. Everything. Check check check. 

     Marinette’s little slip ups here and there weren’t even considered flaws to him because they were just so damn cute! How could something that cute be a flaw?

     But seeing her face crumble? Seeing her entire beacon of light that flowed from her heart and blinded the people around her dim out? It made him want nothing more than to crawl into a hole and scold himself for being such an idiot. 

     But accepting Marinette’s feelings? That would have made him even more of an idiot. It hurt. It hurt that he made someone hurt. That he made Marinette hurt. 

     He felt like a piece of shit.

 

 

     Marinette hadn’t been to school for the past three days. Alya said she was really embarrassed and that she was taking it really hard, too. It made Adrien want to slam his head into his locker repeatedly. He was a piece of shit. A big fat fuming piece of shit. 

     Alya would cover for him sometimes and facetime her during lunch. She’d never show Adrien, but she’d always say “how are you doing today?” And when Marinette would say “you’ve already asked that ten times today, Al,” Alya would only reply with “everyone wants to know.” 

     “Everyone” being one Adrien Agreste. 

     Unbeknownst to Marinette, of course. He would make Alya ask the raven haired girl if she needed anything, if she was okay, if she wanted someone to talk to, and even if she…hated him. That was what worried him most. He couldn’t live with himself if Marinette hated him. She was too precious. Too good. He couldn’t lose that. 

     She didn’t. Hate him, that was. She said so herself. He felt a spine splintering wash of relief upon hearing her say so. It still made his heart ache when he heard her go off on a tangent about it, though. 

     “Hate Adrien?” she asked incredulously, sounding spectacularly stuffy. “Alya, what kind of question even is that? No, I don’t hate Adrien! He is entitled to his own feelings and I can’t let my heart being broken dictate my mental image of who he is. He’s so good, Alya, there’s no way I could hate him. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I wish he could’ve said yes. Yes, it’s going to be so painful and awkward for me to even speak to him when I feel better, but that’s fine. That’s okay. I’m getting over him. That’s fine by me.” 

     It didn’t sound “fine by her.” And if the telltale squeeze of his heart has anything to say about it, it wouldn’t be fine for him, either. He couldn’t ignore the drop he felt in his chest when Marinette said she was getting over him. It was a bit disturbing. He’d never felt that way about another girl except for Ladybug. 

     And he’d dated Kagami. Kissed Kagami a couple times. And he never felt what he felt around his two favorite blue-eyes ravens. He found shame in that. But because it was Marinette and Ladybug? He didn’t mind all that much. 

     He didn’t like Marinette. She was just special. She was Marinette. She was pretty, kind, selfless, and smart. Ladybug was…pretty, kind…selfless…and smart. 

     Given the few days Marinette hadn’t been at school (which turned from “only three days, Alya, I swear” to “I'll be back next week” and a whole five days without everyone’s favorite class president passed ever so slowly), Adrien was given time to analyze that coincidence. It turned into not so much of a coincidence. Everything was the same. Far too similar. 

     There was no way Marinette was just a fan of Ladybug’s (given the hairstyle and acts of bravery) when it was all too similar. Plus, Marinette hardly even talked about the heroes of Paris. Aside from the few times she’d praised Chat Noir nonchalantly and made Adrien turn as red as a fire hydrant. But she never talked about Ladybug. 

     In fact, when Alya talked about the Ladyblog, Marinette always seemed pretty bored and uninterested…almost like she’d…heard it all before. It wasn’t because she’d read the blog, everyone knew Marinette never looked at the Ladyblog. She couldn’t tell you about not one post or a single quoted phrase from there. Adrien could name off thousands on a whim, but Marinette certainly couldn’t. 

     It only proved his theory more and more accurate. 

     When Ladybug showed up to patrol, she looked pale and tired. She didn’t want to talk much. And if Chat even attempted to flirt, her eyes would get misty and she’d quite literally cover her ears and walk away. At first, he took offense. After making his connections, he only felt so entirely sympathetic. He stopped flirting and opted to crack puns and try his best to make a smile on her face. 

     It didn’t work. 

     After the time came for Marinette to come back to school, he was ecstatic. She was coming back! To sit right behind him! She was going to be there! Marinette! Ladybug! Marinette is Ladybug! His heart was beating out of his chest. 

     And in she walked. Perfectly on time. He was grinning, but it soon dropped as he took in her appearance. 

     Pale skin. Tired, dull eyes. Dragging feet. Messy pigtails. She looked up, which was a mistake on her end. She immediately tensed and looked away, her shoulders shaking as they hiked up. He felt his heart break. It was his fault. 

     She scramble-sped over to her desk, sliding in beside Alya and plopping her head on her best friend’s shoulder. Alya leaned her head atop the girl’s rubbing her back comfortingly. Adrien hadn’t even realized he was completely turned around to watch her. 

     “Agreste. What are you doing,” Alya said rather than asked. Adrien outright squeaked and whipped back around, smacking his palm to his forehead. 

     “Dude, staring at her won’t help your case,” Nino remarked from the side, his voice hushed. “It’s just going to make her think you’re mocking her.” Adrien paled and felt his teeth clench too tightly. 

     “I just,” Adrien whispered to his friend, his eyes wide with worry. “I realized some things while she was gone.” Nino’s eyes blew wide and he smacked Adrien’s shoulder. 

     “No fucking way, dude, you’re kidding!” Nino whisper-shouted. Adrien felt red heat color his face as he covered his entire face. 

     “Help me-e-e-e,” he groaned, plopping his head back down on his desk. Nino patted his shoulder sympathetically and laughed. 

     “You just gotta tell her, Adrien,” he said confidently. “She deserves to know. Besides, we all know dudette’s head over heels for you.” Adrien sighed and sat back up, a defeated expression on his face. 

     “I’m not so sure about that anymore,” the blond mumbled, crossing his arms. “From what I last heard, she’s getting over me.” Nino gave him a sad frown, twiddling his thumbs atop the desk. 

     “What are you two talking about down there?” Alya asked suddenly, a slight scowl on her face. “It’s rude to mumble. And keep secrets without sharing them with the rest of your friend group.” Nino winced a smile, Adrien doing the same, the two sharing a look of terror. 

     “Just talking about boring guy stuff,” Nino blurted, yanking on the cord of his headphones in an anxious way. Alya looked unimpressed. Adrien didn’t dare chance a look at Marinette. He knew he’d break. 

     “Didn’t seem boring. Sunshine over here was bashing his head on his desk. And you were talking him up,” Alya narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend, who snapped his mouth shut and nodded, looking down at his lap. 

     “Isn’t it obvious?” Marinette interjected, sounding more exhausted than teasing. Adrien finally looked at her, and he went numb all over. His heart melted and hurt for her, his fingers longed to just caress her beautiful skin where a mask would lay. “He’s going to ask out the girl. The one he likes.” Adrien watched as her eyes dimmed and the remaining color drained from her face. 

      Don’t do that to me, he thought desperately. You don’t deserve to hurt like this. 

      “Who?” Alya asked, sounding more curious than excited. He sighed and looked away, his face heating, but not before meeting Marinette’s sad gaze again. 

     “It’s fine,” she said, snapping her mouth shut as she was about to say his name. “It won’t bother me. It’s not like I have a claim on you or anything. You’re your own person. Your happiness comes above my own in this situation, alright?” He wanted to throw the entire desk and the girls’. He wanted to literally kick down the eiffel tower. This was too much pain for him to handle in one day. 

     “Maybe you both just need to be happy,” Nino shrugged, turning back around. Marinette wasn’t done yet. And apparently she was sick of it.

     “Not everyone can be happy in every situation,” she spat. “Sometimes, things don’t work out. Dreams don’t come true. Futures aren’t what you plan. Sometimes you have to learn to grow up and stop living in a fantasy world fawning over something that shouldn’t even exist in your mind!” Alya smacked her hand over Marinette’s mouth before she could say anything further, hugging her close. 

     “So you don’t embarrass yourself,” she explained after Marinette sent her a harsh glare. Marinette nodded, slumping down in her seat. Adrien wanted to die. Right there. He was a dream to Ladybug. 

     He had to do something. 

 

 

     Adrien started leaving her little love letters. Nothing intense, just small little things on sticky notes. He would leave them on Marinette’s locker and on her desk, manage to stick them to her clothes when she wasn’t paying attention, and he even dropped one on purpose in front of her. His Chat Noir had really started to show considering how insanely creative he was getting with it. 

     He’d left small notes like: 

     Your hair is so pretty. 

     I’ve always loved your eyes. 

     I wish you weren’t hurting. It hurts me. 

     I would die to hold you. 

     You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. 

     You deserve more than I could ever give you. 

     You look like you’d fit perfectly against me if I held you and it’s killing me inside. 

     You drive me a little insane, did you know that?

     God, what I’d give to just be yours. 

      Until it all slammed to an unceremonious halt. 

     Marinette stormed inside the locker room, smacking her palm loudly against the locker beside Adrien’s. He jumped, looking up to see the most fiery look of anger he’d ever seen. She shoved the thirty-one sticky notes into his chest, the notes all falling to the ground as furious tears appeared in her eyes. 

     “Marinette, what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to feign a bit of innocence. He’d come clean, but he wanted to milk this for all it was worth if it had any chance of working. She blew her cheeks out and her shoulders shook. 

     “Do you think this is fucking funny?” she asked with a wobbly voice. He’d never seen her this angry. “Do you think that you can just mess with me like this and it will be okay? Do you feel so bad about rejecting me that you’re going to magically fall in love with me now? Are you pitying me? I’m not a damn charity case, Agreste.” He winced at the way she spat out his last name, her glare unrelenting. 

     “I’m not pitying you,” he assured. “Look, we can talk when everyone leaves. I don’t want to cause a scene. I’ll answer anything you ask.” She glared harder, but his expression didn’t waver. She sighed and nodded, leaning against the lockers with an angry pout. 

     He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to kiss it away. 

     After everyone else left and Marinette waved Alya off, she glared at him again. He mustered up the best apologetic look he could manage. 

     “You’re not a charity case. I’m not messing with you,” he admitted quietly. “How’d you even know the notes were from me?” Her cheeks glowed something shy as she looked away. 

     “I recognized your handwriting,” she mumbled. He could tell it wasn’t the whole truth, but he’d take it. 

     “Marinette, I,” he sighed, looking shamefully down at his feet. “I’ve always loved you. I was just an idiot and couldn’t look past the mask, Bugaboo.” Her eyes widened in wonder, but quickly narrowed in what was borderline disgust. That’s not good. 

      “You mean to tell me that you only feel this way about me now because you found out I’m Ladybug?” she asked in a weak voice. He felt his heart drop. Oh, yeah that sounded really bad. 

     “No! No, Marinette, that’s not—!”

     “God, don’t even try to save yourself from this one, Adrien,” she growled. “You only like me now because I wear a suit and fight crime. You don’t like me, you like the idea of having something like that as yours. I’m not Ladybug. I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I fight crime sometimes, but I’m Marinette. I can’t believe you only like me now because you realized I swing around Paris with a yo-yo!

     “You don’t like me! You don’t! God, you really are Chat, aren’t you? Do you realize how unfair that is?” She was hiccuping sobs. He felt bad. But he was also confused. 

     “Aren’t you happy that it’s me? And that I love you back?” he asked meekly. Marinette glowered. 

     “Before I confessed? Probably. Now? Absolutely not,” she grumbled. “Adrien, I would love to accept your feelings. I would. Trust me on that one. But I can’t because I know it’s not real. That’s even less fair. Do you realize how much worse that makes me feel?” He covered his face in exasperation, sighing deeply. 

     “Marinette,” he drawled, his heart beating through his chest. “When I first met you in the suit, I promised to myself that I would love whoever it was beneath the mask. Because I love my partner. Who she is, what she stands for. I love her. ” Marinette shook her head, running her fingers through her hair, loosening her pigtails. 

     “That’s not even right, Adrien!” she shouted. “You don’t even know me! You can't love someone you don’t know!”

     “I know you better than anyone.”

     “You can't love someone that you haven’t known!” she retaliated. “How can you love someone when you don’t even know their name! Their age! Their parents! Their friends! Their school! You didn’t know me and you didn’t love me, Adrien!” He felt his own glare as he looked down at her. 

     “You don’t get to dictate who I love, Marinette,” he pointed his finger at her, feeling offended that she would even try to tell him what he felt. “I fell in love with you a long time ago, and I’ve stayed in love with you, then managed to develop something for your civilian self and feel beyond guilty and so disloyal. I told you no because of you! Because I fell in love with the version of you I met first! The one person who shared something with me that was just for us! Our miraculouses are literally halves of a whole! Of course I love you!” She shoved his finger away, her expression breaking. She crumpled and her hands came up to cover her eyes as she racked with silent sobs, shoving away his attempts to comfort her. 

     “Stop, you’re not supposed to want me,” she argued, choking on her heaves. He captured her wrists, pulling her to him so he could place his forehead against her hands. A small barrier between their faces. 

     “How could anyone not want you?” he asked, pressing forward and rubbing circles on her wrists. “Marinette, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. The only reason I didn’t choose you first was because I’d already chosen you.” She pulled her hands away, slamming herself into his chest and getting her snot and tears all over his shirt. Adrien didn’t care. He pulled her as close as possible and pressed each curve of her body into his. 

      “No,” she whimpered, pressing her nose into his collar bone. His heart hadn’t ever hurt so much. Hadn’t ever felt so shattered. He felt terrible. It was his fault. 

      “Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” he whispered into her ear, his breath sending her loose strands of hair flitting about. “ Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Marinette, I love you. Marinette, Marinette, Marinette , it’s always been you. Thank god, it’s always been you. You.” She was gripping onto him like a lifeline, her knuckles white and her cheeks a deep rosy red. He was equally as emotional. It had caught up with him just then how lucky he’d gotten for it to be her. 

     “You love me,” Marinette croaked weakly, her hand coming up to blindly cup his cheek and caress him lovingly. He pressed a soft, lingering kiss to her palm and nuzzled into it. 

     “I love you,” he echoed. “I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m so sorry I told you no. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I shouted at you earlier. I’m sorry I got angry.” Marinette shook her head with a small laugh. 

     “It’s okay,” she replied gently, ever still stroking the soft skin of his cheek. “I shouted, too. Shouting exists.” Adrien barked a laugh, nodding against the crown of her head. 

     “Yes, shouting does exist,” he chuckled. “So, what do we do…about this?” Marinette pulled away slowly, giving him a vulnerable look. 

     “I think,” she sighed, her eyes averted, “I think we should just be friends.” His world caved. “At least for now? I don’t know, I just need a break. And time.” He…He didn’t know how to explain how badly that had hurt. 

     “Uh, y-yeah,” he stammered, feeling his heart scream in agony. In longing. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He thought it would be happily ever after. He thought he’d fixed it. But Marinette…she needed time. And he’d give it to her. All the time in the world. Whatever she wanted. He just…when would he ever get what he wanted?

     What he failed to realize was that it wasn’t torture to just him. The girl across from him wanted nothing more than to take back her words. 

      “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” Yes she was. “We can get together right now!” No they couldn’t. “We’d be perfect!” Not if they got together right then. 

      They needed time, not just Marinette. 

 

Chapter 2: what do you want?

Summary:

“Someone asked you out,” he interrupted, his shoulders slumping. He felt his heart drop and his hands break out in a nervous sweat. She couldn’t be taken from him that easily, could she?
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dramatic black cat and ladybug have a lover’s quarrel and it ends with tears and the eiffel tower

Notes:

ah i hope this is angsty enough.

 

honestly, you don’t even have to read this chapter! if u want to leave this at its first chapter and leave it with the unknown, i say go for it! it’s what i intended in the first place. this one just includes details of their friendship and their trials with the friendzone, and even shows them finally getting together! if u want that, then this second chapter is for u!!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

     Calling Marinette “just a friend” used to be so easy for Adrien. It turned into a literal dreaded phrase after their whole moment in the locker room a few months back. Being close to Marinette wasn’t a problem. They were constantly together. They were seen together almost as often as Marinette and Alya would be. They would joke around, Adrien would help Marinette with her physics homework, and Marinette would regale her stress from her duties as Ladybug to him regularly. 

     She let him come over one day to see the Miracle Box and meet all the kwamis. He nearly started crying over how adorable they all were. He tried to take Fluff home with him. 

      “But Marinette! Look at her!” he whined. “She’s the absolute cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” 

     “Adrien, while Fluff loves you too, I am not letting you take a kwami. You have Plagg.”

     “That’s the problem, Mari.”

      He had left right after, their ensuing awkwardness making it hard for them to talk. Alone. In Marinette’s room. It was making his mind foggy, and he couldn’t look at his surroundings without blushing like mad and feeling out of place. He didn’t belong in a place that was intimate like that. He wasn’t her boyfriend. 

     He’d give anything to be. But Marinette’s wishes from that day in the locker room would echo around in his head whenever he thought about just going for it. 

     He was doing what Marinette wanted. The girl he loved wanted him to wait. He would wait until the day he died if it meant she was the prize. 

     It brought him to the point of holding back flirty comebacks and outright voicing his admiration for her. He was mentally restraining himself and it was becoming exhausting. He wanted to hold her when she was upset, to kiss her when she was spiraling, to hold her hand while she read from Master Fu’s notes, to play with her hair while she was sewing and designing! It was becoming torture for him to be around her. A sweet, sweet torture that was driving him mad. 

     Alya and Nino would shoot him pitying looks whenever he’d nearly slip up, and it made him even more desperate. Everyone else knew. So what in the world was taking her so long? He respected her, don’t get him wrong, but God. God, he loved Marinette so much. Everything new about her that he learned everyday just never failed to make his love for her grow. 

     He was more attentive. He watched the way she walked, the way her tongue poked out when she was focused, how pretty she was when she gave a full-belly laugh, how pretty she was on a daily basis, and even the way she would nearly shovel food in her mouth depending on her mood. It was all insanely cute. 

     She would grip his upper arm and shake him when something excited her, and she’d even punch him sometimes if it shocked her enough. Her punches hurt. If he hadn’t already known she was Ladybug, that hard ass sucker punch would’ve been enough to give it away. 

     “Adrien, can I ask you something?” the selectively ignorant love of his life asked. He knew from the sound of her sweet voice that she was nervous. He looked up to meet those hesitant eyes, seeing the timid glint they held. 

     “Of course,” You can ask me anything you want. “Go ahead.” I’d listen to anything you ever had to say. 

     “If someone you knew liked you asked you out,” she said quietly, her hands wringing self-consciously, “what would you say?” He took a deep breath, feeling his heart race as he gulped. 

     “If I liked them back,” he looked at her insistently, “then I’d say yes.” Marinette blew out her cheeks, picking at the loose thread on her blazer. He watched in confusion as she seemed frustrated with his answer. 

     “But what if,” she blurted with a sigh of resignation, “what if…someone else loves you? And you love them, too? But the person that asked you out is super sweet and kind and would turn the world over if you asked, and you know that everything would be fine if you were with them—!”

     “Someone asked you out,” he interrupted, his shoulders slumping. He felt his heart drop and his hands break out in a nervous sweat. She couldn’t be taken from him that easily, could she? 

     “Adrien I just,” Marinette cut herself off, squeezing her eyes shut in near shame. “Yes. Yes, someone asked me out.” He took a shaky breath, his grip on the book in his hands tightening. 

     “Who?” he asked, sounding feeble and shy. Marinette looked at him again, her eyes glowing with sympathy. She placed her hands on the table they were sitting at, gnawing her lip anxiously. 

     “Luka,” she breathed. “Luka asked me out yesterday.” Adrien nearly growled. Not because he was mad at Luka for liking her, who didn’t like Marinette? Who couldn’t? He was upset that the girl he loved was being taken from him by someone that was so worth having her. Someone that really would love her better than he could. He loved Marinette. So much it hurt him. But Luka…Luka was just a huge bundle of love. Adrien could never compete with that. Not with the past he carried on his shoulders; an endless weight of trauma. Adrien had way too many insecurities and trust issues to be good enough for Marinette. 

     “Then,” he said, all of the bitter replies he’d wanted to give sticking themselves to the backs of his teeth, “then you should say yes.” His partner’s big blue eyes widened as she shifted in her seat. 

     “What?” she asked, her mouth opening and closing around lack of words. He looked away, trying to hide his hardening facial expression. He saw her try to reach for him, but her fingers twitched around the air as she pulled her hand back. 

     “I said you should say yes,” he said a little too cheerfully. “Luka’s a great guy, and you’re right, he’d be really good to you. Plus, maybe sticking to a love that has no hope wouldn’t be very good for you.” He watched as Marinette tensed, her sharp inhale feeling like a punch to the gut. 

     “Adrien, that wasn’t what I meant,” she mumbled. “We…if we got together, it would increase the amount of danger we put ourselves in. It would be used to Hawkmoth’s advantage if he found out. And I can’t bear anything happening to you. I wouldn’t live without you.” He refused to meet her eyes, knowing that one small peek into them would cause his walls to crumble. To make his heart fall to her mercy. He had to be strong then. 

     “I would never let anything happen to you,” he grumbled. “I would protect you until my last dying breath. I always have. But having to live each and every day knowing I couldn’t have you yet has killed me. All I’ve wanted since I’ve met you was to be able to love you, and now you’re saying you can’t love me? And you’re telling me by asking if you should go out with Luka?” Marinette looked down in shame, gripping the straps of her purse. 

     “Adrien, I love you more than anyone I’ve ever met,” she admitted, her voice wavering. “But I love you so much that I know what I have to do to protect you.” 

     “I’m more than capable of taking care of myself, Marinette, and so are you,” he finally looked up, his eyes boring into her own with a fire that made them burn. Or maybe that was tears. He couldn’t tell. “I don’t know why you’re so afraid. There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’re the love of my life, of course we’ll be fine!” She covered her face, shaking her head in exasperation. 

     “It’s not safe,” she said sharply. “We can’t.” He felt his chest tighten around harsh words as he huffed angrily. He stood from their table, his chair scrubbing loudly against the floor, and stormed out of the library while slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

     Let her go out with Luka. 

     It’s what she wanted. 

 



     They didn’t speak. Not one text, call, or planned meet-up. When an akuma attacked, they did what needed to be done, then left. Marinette couldn’t deny that she knew Adrien was doing everything he could to avoid her. She felt terrible for it. She missed him more than anything in the world. His laugh, his soft smile whenever she was a klutz, and his small words of encouragement when she was struggling with her role as guardian. 

     She relied on him. And he was gone. He was only around when he had to be. At school, he wouldn’t ever reach back in the middle of a lesson and play with her hands. He wouldn’t shoot jokes at something the teacher had said under his breath for her prying ears to catch. He didn’t offer to carry her things. He didn’t even sit with them at lunch. 

     He sat with Chloé. 

     Marinette would send longing looks his way, and he only caught it once, sending her a look that she could only describe as “this is what you wanted.” 

     And it wasn’t. It really, really wasn’t. Not this. She didn’t want to have him gone completely. She was just protecting them. That was when she became bitter. She refused to be around him, too. When he first heard her solid “no” to Alya asking if she wanted to partner with Adrien instead for the project, she saw his face pale and his shoulders hike up. 

     It bothered him, too. They were both bitter, ashamed, and lonely. 

     When Marinette fell one day outside school, Adrien went down immediately to help her, lifting her up almost carelessly. It was more instinctual than out of honest consideration. She wanted to cling to him. To beg him to talk to her again, to hug her, to hold her. Her kitty wouldn’t talk to her anymore. It hurt. 

     “Th-thanks,” she mumbled, opting not to look at him. He only grunted and stalked away. 

     Marinette cried when she got home. Seeing how  cold he’d gotten toward her was killing her. She just wanted him back. He wasn’t even showing up to their patrol they did together. He only went solo. In and out of the mask, Adrien was very upset with their last conversation. 

     Marinette didn’t blame him, not one bit. It upset her, too. She was upset with herself for her turning away the brightest part of her life. 

     “Mari,” Alya finally asked her a few days after all of Adrien’s and her sour tension. “What happened?” 

     “I messed up, Al,” she spoke, her voice hardly above a whisper. “I messed up really bad.” Alya spent the rest of the day with Marinette, the two watching movies and eating ice cream, then playing Just Dance until they couldn’t keep their eyes open or move their bodies any longer. 

     It was a different story with Adrien and Nino. The blond counterpart of their friendship was hardly in the mood to even talk to anyone anymore. 

     “Adrien, dude,” Nino had begun, a hand on his shoulder. “What's going on with you and Mari? You were so perfect I don’t—”

     “Why don’t you tell her that,” he ground out, shrugging Nino’s hand off his shoulder. The DJ frowned and crossed his arms. 

     “Hey, no need to be cold with me over your girl problems,” he chided. “Just go make out with her and fix the tension your weird super touchy friendship caused.” Adrien whipped around and glared at his friend, a deep scowl on his face. 

     “I can’t,” the blond growled angrily. “She doesn’t want me, Nino. That’s the whole problem.” The dark-haired boy shook his head, slumping in defeat. 

     “You know,” he said softly, trying to soothe Adrien more than anything, “she does. Something must be going on in Marinette land that’s making her tell you otherwise, but…she does want you. She’s wanted you for a very long time. You’ve been the only person she’s truly wanted.” Adrien looked up, a broken yet hopeful expression etched onto his face. 

     “And Luka?” he asked. Nino smiled and chuckled lightheartedly. 

     “She knows he likes her,” his friend said like it was obvious. It was, but. Nino was making him feel stupid. “She feels safe that way. Around you? She’s always been scared. You’ve always been what she’s wanted, and thinking she has a chance at having you? Her wildest dream? That’s terrifying. Come on. Anyone can see right through Mari. Can’t you?” Adrien gaped like a fish out of water, his fingers twitching on the table in front of him. 

     “Do you really think that, Nino?” he asked, wringing his hands. 

     “Dude. I know so. Everyone does. Has .”

     That was wonderful to hear. And it made sense. And yes, obviously that was such a Marinette thing of her! He was happy, elated, and he knew he had to fix it! He had to make it all better. 

     He went out that night, transformed, ready to go greet his Princess on her balcony, until he saw her all dressed up in her room with Alya’s blinking face on Marinette’s phone screen. 

     “Are you sure this is what you want, Marinette?” her friend asked gently. Marinette sighed, pulling the skirt of her dress nervously as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. 

     “I’m not sure at all, Alya,” she mumbled. “I’m just doing what's smart.” Alya sighed and slumped on the screen, propping her chin on her hand. 

     “Doing what's smart is what should make you happy,” Alya said with a mournful smile. “All that aside, you look beautiful, Marinette.” The blue-eyed girl turned back to her phone and smiled, blowing a small kiss toward her friend. 

     Alya wasn’t kidding. Marinette looked so beautiful. So precious, so delicately molded and sculpted into a glistening stature of pure beauty. So infinitely gorgeous that it made his knees weak. 

     But she wasn’t his. He reluctantly launched himself back toward home, longing to hold pale skin hugged by deep red. Just not the spotted kind. 

     

     




     “Marinette, are you alright?” Luka asked. They were in a restaurant. On the date that Marinette had accepted with a pinch in her heart. The date that she had asked Adrien, Chat Noir, if she should go on. Knowing he loved her. Knowing they couldn’t be together. Of course she was alright. 

     “Of course I’m alright,” she assured him, shaking herself out of her stupor. “I’m perfect, I’m here aren't I? We’re here, having a good time!” Luka frowned and set his glass down, raising a knowing brow at her. 

     “What'd you do, Marinette?” he asked with a small smirk. She scoffed, placing her fork down with less anger than she had anticipated. 

     “I did nothing! I don’t know why you’re accusing me of doing something!” she pouted at him, and he snickered with a shake of his head. 

     “I can see right through you,” he told her with an amused grin. “You’re regretting something. And it means a lot. Is it…going on this date?” Marinette gasped and righted herself, smoothing out the skirt of her dress. 

     “Luka, no, absolutely not!” she said urgently, and Luka visibly deflated. “I…I just regret not telling you the truth.” He tensed again, meeting her eyes through his fringe. 

     “Truth about what?” he asked, trepidation lacing his voice so thickly that it instantly filled her with guilt. She reached across the table, curling her fingers around his. 

     “Luka,” she whispered, feeling like a massive piece of shit, “Adrien loves me. And I…I don’t know…I turned him down by asking if I should go out with you. And I’m pretty sure I ruined everything with him.”

     “You love him, too,” Luka breathed, giving her a smile that told her he knew every bit of what she was saying. “That’s why he’s been avoiding you like the plague. And that’s why you two just immediately stopped being tied at the hip. Marinette, why would you do that to him? To yourself?” Marinette hung her head, feeling her eyes burn. 

     This was not how it was supposed to go. Her date with Luka was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to change her feelings on the whole Adrien situation. To make her mind be consumed with less of her favorite blond dork. But it didn’t. In fact, he was all she could think about. 

     “We can’t be together,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Luka sighed in what sounded like frustration, making her look up. He was rolling his eyes at her and his jaw dropped in exasperation. 

     “Marinette, I know that,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “being a superhero and being in love with your partner,” she squeaked, “is dangerous. Potentially, yes, it could be, so you’re right. But even having friends is dangerous. Hiding yourself and your emotions away in fear of ‘what if’s’ is only going to kill you. You’re blocking out your own happiness in fear of the future. A future that you’re not even sure of.” Marinette felt her bottom lip quiver, and shielded her eyes with her hand. 

     “I can’t lose him,” she said, her voice shaking. Luka squeezed her hand. 

     “Hey, Marinette, look at me,” he soothed, his soft voice lifting her hand from her eyes. “There she is. I know it’s scary. It’s a huge step. Big steps are scary. But if you look at it right now, Mari, I think you’re closer to losing him right now than you have been in a long time.” Marinette’s eyes widening, realizing that she’d practically already had her worst fear happen. She was losing Adrien. 

     “Luka I have to—”

     “Go, Mari. Fix this before it’s too late.” 

     Marinette leapt across the small table, her arms looping around his neck as she squeezed him tightly. He hugged her back, pressing a small kiss to her hair. When she pulled away, he wiped the streaked mascara from under her eyes and wiped it on his black slacks. 

     “There, pretty girl,” he crooned. “All better.” She pressed a loving kiss to his forehead, whispering a small thank you against his skin. She waved as she sped out of the restaurant, a ghost of a wave sent with his own hand. 

     Luka sighed, turning his attention back to his food before him with a small smile. 

     “Well,” he mumbled. “This is what I get for being the therapist of every friend group.” He heard the chair across from him scoot against the tile, and he looked up in surprise. 

     Blonde hair. Icy blue eyes. Fairly tanned skin. Light, carefully blended blue eyeshadow. A hesitant tight-lipped smile. Chloé Bourgeois. 

     “Luka Couffaine, if I’m not mistaken?” she asked, sitting down carefully. He nodded, his brows creased in confusion. “You looked lonely.” He nodded slowly, still confused. She groaned and facepalmed. “I know being lonely sucks, so I’m here to fix your problem! That’s all! Ew. Ew, what does Dupain-Cheng eat!” Luka snorted and reached over, taking a forkful of food from Marinette’s forgotten plate and taking a bite. 

     “If I’m not mistaken,” he quoted her, swallowing the bite of food, “ Marinette got angel hair pasta with mushrooms and alfredo sauce.” Chloé shuddered and nodded, placing a napkin atop the plate and effectively covering it. Luka snorted and covered his mouth, shaking his head. 

     Chloé tried to hide a smile. She failed. 

     

    



     Marinette had never run so fast in her life. Refusing to transform out of sheer urgency, her lungs burned. She could feel her calves and feet protesting against her slightly wedged Mary Jane’s, and she regretted dressing so fancily for her date. Stupid heeled shoes, stupid dresses, stupid boys and boy problems! Rounding corners and skidding on concrete, she came to the foot of the Eiffel Tower. She bolted to their regular meet-up area on one of its platforms during patrol, and called his cell. 

     No answer. She rang it again, and again, and again, and again, until he finally answered, sleep still clinging to his soft voice.

     “Marinette, what’s wrong?” he asked worriedly. She laughed breathily, fisting her hand in her hair and pacing. “Marinette?” 

     “Can you please come see me?” she asked, her tears making her voice wobbly. She heard his sharp intake of breath, and shuffling of bedding as he likely sat up. 

     “Where are you?” he asked, sounding wildly concerned as she heard him padding about his room. 

     “Patrol spot,” she said. She heard him pause, and it made her heart skip a beat. 

     “I’ll be there soon,” he said softly. She replied with a soft “okay,” and hung up. She sat on the edge of the platform, tears rolling down her face as she stared up at the starry sky above her. She didn’t know what she was even going to tell him. All she knew was that she had to tell him. She just…didn’t know what that was. She’d know when he got there, she guessed. 

     Marinette had never been so ashamed of herself in her life. Luka was entirely right. And she felt so bad for using him as her excuse. She should never have used him like that, especially not when he genuinely liked her. She felt terrible for using one of her best friends that way. She felt even more terrible for putting Adrien and his feelings aside for so long. She wouldn’t be surprised if he was completely done with her and wanted nothing to do with her anymore. 

     She had been a terrible friend. 

     She heard a soft thud and Chat Noir’s telltale whoosh and click of his baton closing. She turned and met his worried gaze. They only stared at one another. 

     “Mari, are you okay?” he asked, his hands hanging limply by his sides. Marinette whimpered and stood, tears blurring her vision as she launched herself into his chest, clutching him tight. “Marinette, oh God, did Luka do something? Are you okay?” She took a gasping breath, feeling the words she wanted to say bubble up. Before she could swallow them back down or restrain herself, they were pushing past her lips with an urgency. 

     “ I love you,” she cried, her hands roaming everywhere she could reach just to hold him. “I love you, I love you, I’m sorry for being so terrible to you. I was scared, I shouldn’t have been, and I was. I miss you, I love you, I miss you.” He shuddered out a breath, clutching her form to himself, cradling her like she was fragile. 

     “Oh, Bugaboo,” he whispered, his clawed fingers stroking through her hair. A new wave of sobs racked her body, and all he could do was let her get it all out. He called off his transformation, pulling her down to the floor with him and into his lap. Her fingers tangled themselves in his hair, and he’d never felt so desperately needed in his life. 

     She needed him. 

     “I was stupid,” she said through snot and tears, “I was so stupid to think I could just forget how much I love you.” He found himself with his own tears on his face, clinging onto her like she was close to slipping from his fingers. He needed her. 

     “I’m sorry I shunned you,” he said, rocking them back and forth. “I just couldn’t imagine a world knowing I couldn’t have you. I didn’t want that.” Marinette mumbled an apology into the crook of his neck. He could feel her lips quiver. 

     “Do you still want me?” she asked, sounding absolutely terrified. He pulled back, seeing how her mascara had left streaks down her face, her ruined concealer and light foundation, and he could see her nose getting raw from her relentless rubbing at it. She hadn’t ever looked more beautiful. 

     “I’ve never wanted anything the way that I’ve wanted you in my entire life , Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” he admitted in awe, looking at her like she’d hung the moon and handmade each star in the sky. She cupped his face, the ghost of a sob etched onto her face, and kissed him with shaky lips. He smiled wistfully and nuzzled her nose. 

     “I love you,” she said, her voice hardly allowing her to be heard. He sighed, pressing the lightest of kisses back onto her lips, savoring the sweet moment and taste of her. 

     “I love you ,” he almost sang, feeling her relieved smile being pressed against his lips as she slumped forward. He smiled back, their teeth clacking lightly at the impact. 

     “I’m yours,” she lamented, pressing faint kisses over his cheeks. “I’ve always been yours.” He laughed in surprise. Hearing her say it took him aback. She was his. All his. “If you still want me, I’m yours forever, Adrien Agreste.” He pulled back again, looking at her with nothing but pure adoration and longing. 

     “I’ll always want you,” he assured her, cradling her face. “Even if I’m upset, or if we hit a rough patch, I’ll never stop wanting you. You’ve had me since day one. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise.” Marinette smiled and pressed her forehead to his. 

     “Sweet, sweet kitty,” she sighed. “Such a romantic.” He smirked and curled his arms around her again, trying to suppress the light, rumbling purr in his chest. 

     “At least I’m not a hopeless one.”

     She shook her head and he could only stare at the endless blue in her eyes. The way her freckles were spread across her fair porcelain canvas of skin, dotting her like constellations. He could love her forever. He would love her forever. Nothing could stop him. She was letting him love her, and he had never been happier in his entire life.

     “You never were, Chaton. You never were.” 

Notes:

…was it angsty enough

Notes:

HEY SHOULD I DO ANOTHER CHAPTER OR LEAVE IT HERE?
whatever u guys want on that, i’m cool w whatever lmao

 

…i made another chapter 🧍🏻♀️