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There’s a numbing cold slowly moving over Erwin’s body, steadily dulling the sharp, hot pain in his stomach like late November frost. The cold feels less tangible than November, however, less secure and friendly. The frigidness of death. Erwin tries to ward it off like a stranger, seeking the comfort and familiarity of November’s icy winds, of snow against his palms, and on his clothes, and in Levi’s hair.
They had been returning from a reconnaissance mission six years ago, tired and aching with the weight of fighting titans. Levi had decided to stay with the Survey Corps only seven months prior. The air gnawed at any exposed skin with frozen teeth, and the sky was clouded with ripples and waves of grey. Erwin remembers the gate being in sight, waiting to open when they got closer and let them into the safety of the walls. Snowflakes fell against his horse’s mane, which had caused him to smile, only just. He always loved the snow.
Levi’s horse was right next to him moments later, and when Erwin had looked at him, there was an uncharacteristically panicked look in his eyes. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were reddened with the cold, only just. Once he met Erwin’s gaze, he glanced around, almost frantically, as if looking for an escape from a cage. Erwin had rarely seen Levi like that. At that point, perhaps he hadn’t seen him like that at all. “What do you have to say, Levi?” he had said calmly, confusion and the slightest bit of worry shifting his expression as he looked at the other man in search of an answer. Levi’s stormy grey eyes had looked back at Erwin, his expression still filled with alarm.
“Erwin…” he’d said, voice steady despite his panic. “Ash is falling from the sky. Why’s no one worried about the fucking ash…?!”
Erwin hadn’t understood at first, but he quickly caught on. Levi had grown up in the Underground. Snow was novel to him, unknown. “There is no ash,” Erwin said softly. “It’s snow.”
Levi’s eyebrows pushed together, bemusement joining the dismay in his eyes. “Snow?”
Erwin nodded. “Frozen rain.” He had reached out a hand from under his cloak, allowing the small, icy flakes to collect in his palm. He had looked at Levi again as the gate opened in front of them, watching as he did the same with his own hand, albeit tentatively. Erwin smiled as they entered the wall.
“It’s cold,” Levi said quietly, his alarm slowly carried away by the wind. Erwin nodded.
“As I said, it isn’t ash.”
Levi had looked down. “Right.”
Erwin laughed softly, hardly paying attention to the people they were passing along the streets. The mission had been a quick reconnaissance only, so no one had been lost. He allowed himself to laugh in the midst of that fact. Levi looked at him again.
“What’s so fucking funny?” he mumbled defensively. Erwin had shaken his head.
“Nothing.”
They didn’t say another word to each other as they rode through the streets. They didn’t speak as they left their horses in the stables. They were silent as they went inside, as they walked together towards their respective rooms, which were near each other. Levi had finally broken the silence between them when they’d reached his room and Erwin began to walk to his own. “Why’d you laugh?”
Erwin turned to face him. “I found it amusing,” he had said after a moment. “That you didn’t know what snow was.”
Levi scoffed gently, looking down. “Piss off.”
“That’s no way to speak to your commander.”
“I won’t take it back, if that’s what you want.”
Erwin tilted his head slightly. “I didn’t say you should.”
Levi looked at him. “We didn’t have snow in the Underground. Obviously.”
Erwin nodded. “I know."
“Then why the fuck’s it so funny to you?”
“I said it was amusing, not funny,” Erwin had reminded. “Just your reaction. It was amusing.”
Levi shook his head, turning to enter his room without another word. Erwin sighed and made a move to head to his own room, but stopped himself for a few seconds to look inside the still open door of Levi’s room. Levi had moved to the window and was now trying to force it open. Erwin remembered doing similar things when he was a child, wanting any excuse to feel the cold white specks against his skin.
“Levi.”
He didn’t look at Erwin as he continued to work on opening the window. “What.”
Erwin hesitated, before heading to his room and retrieving his coat and a scarf. He returned to Levi’s doorway, finding him still struggling with the window, which he was now cursing for not opening. “Come with me.”
Levi finally looked at him with that. “Why?”
Erwin pulled on his coat. “That’s an order.” He began to walk towards the building’s exit without saying anything more. He hadn’t been completely sure if Levi would follow. Trust was still being built; it had only been a few months since Levi tried to kill him, after all. But Erwin had hope that he was being followed out, and after walking out the door, he had been proven right. Levi stepped out and walked up next to him, and they just stood under the falling snow, letting the air eat away at their warmth. Erwin had looked at Levi, watching him reach his hand out towards the sky once more and let the snowflakes fall against his skin, and he found himself admiring the scene. They were both quiet as they stood out in the cold. Erwin readjusted his scarf around his neck, keeping his eye on Levi and counting the snowflakes that stuck against his head. “I used to collect snow on my tongue,” he had said after a moment, and Levi looked at him.
“What?” he replied, one eyebrow raising slightly.
“When I was a child,” Erwin clarified. “I would stand outside with my tongue out and let the snowflakes melt on my tongue.”
Levi had made a face, looking away again. “That sounds disgustingly unsanitary.”
Erwin smiled. “It might have been.”
Silence surrounded them once again, and they hadn’t said another word to each other until almost an hour later, when they’d returned inside. They had walked together towards their rooms once again, and upon reaching Levi’s, Erwin had looked at him.
“Goodnight, Levi.”
Levi hadn’t spoken, only nodding, before heading into his room and closing the door behind him. Erwin stared at his door for a long while before returning to his own room, thinking of Levi in the snow, and what a beautiful sight it had been.
Perhaps Erwin will never be able to say that about Levi again, because his attempts to fight off the unfamiliar cold and stay in November memories are becoming futile. The pain in his side is almost completely gone, replaced with the uncomfortably numb ache of ending life. However, Erwin has the smallest bit of hope, albeit selfishly, that perhaps Levi will end up in the same place as he will when he dies. He hopes that isn’t for a very long time. But when it happens, as it inevitably will to everyone, perhaps he will meet Levi again in hell.
And with that final flame of hope to warm him, Erwin breathes his last breath.