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He watched David flitting about the Store not really doing anything but also not really standing still and grinned. Of course David chose that particular moment to turn around.
‘What?’ his eyebrows met in the middle.
‘Nothing.’ Patrick said. ‘You missed a spot.’
David huffed and resumed dusting, and Patrick smiled going back to his spreadsheet.
He’d kept a quiet catalogue of moments that made him feel ‘right’ and this was one of them. He’d never felt such ease with someone before. He was easygoing, he got on with most people most people he flattered himself liked him at least on a superficial level but there were few people in life he’d ‘clicked’ with in the way he did with David. Where he was just him. That felt right from the start.
*
It wasn’t just the shift to David being a guy. It was the fact he just ...fit in a way nobody had before. He’d never laughed this much before. He’d never been laughed at so much either. But in a loving way.
He was currently laughing so hard he was crying. David had got his ridiculous sweater caught in the drawer at the Store and there was no way he was going to help him. Right now there was no way he could because he was laughing so hard. David in his petulance hadn’t thought about just taking the sweater off and was clearly blaming Patrick who was the other side of the Store.
Eventually he calmed down. Went over and freed his even more petulant boyfriend who pouted. But he was caught smirking. Moments later Patrick glanced back over and grinned.
‘What?’ David asked, catching his shift in tone.
‘Nothing.’ Patrick said, doubling back to kiss him ‘You’re special.’
David didn’t know whether to pout or grin, so he did both. Patrick grinned in return, which made David break into a genuine grin. Making him smile like that felt right too.
*
David was padding across the bedroom wrapped in a towel. He’d forgotten to take one for his hair so it was hanging in an undignified mess in his eyes while he rounded up his clothes. And Patrick was staring. He didn’t realise he was staring until David stopped and looked at him.
‘What?’ he said, pushing wet hair out of his eyes.
Patrick grinned. ‘So pretty.’ he said. But couldn’t help himself flicking an approving look up and down David’s body.
David blinked. Patrick knew he wasn’t quite used to such unashamed admiration. He shifted from foot to foot. Patrick grinned.
‘Get dressed before we get ourselves into trouble.’ he laughed. But refused to look away while David got dressed.
He never thought that was the kind of view that would feel so right. Or he’d feel so right focused on that view.
*
Receiving David’s undivided attention also felt right. He wasn’t used to that either. Another one that wasn’t about David being a guy. It was just about someone wanting him that much. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever wanted him in more than a ‘hey he’s ok’ kind of way. And it wasn’t that he lacked confidence- as David liked to remind him- he just wasn’t used to the kind of attention David gave him.
Today it started when he watched him, from across the store, while he rolled his sleeves up. Just rolled his sleeves up. He looked up to see David watching his every move with a look of total focus, and he blushed at the thought, desire.
‘Really David?’ he’d asked, carrying on with the other sleeve, maybe slightly deliberately slowing down. David shrugged and made no move to look away or hide his expression. ‘Well if I knew it was this easy.’ he shoved his sleeve up pointedly ‘I wouldn’t waste all my best moves on you.’
David raised an eyebrow. ‘Best moves.’
‘Are you going to stare or are you going to do something about it?’ he asked with a smirk in reply.
David had obliged and come over to the counter and kissed him in a way that was definitely one of his best moves.
*
He felt himself shifting what his favourite part of looking at David was. But he knew day on day it felt right to stare at him, to feel that familiar swell in his chest or at times, a shifting elsewhere. Today it was his eyebrows.
His ridiculous eyebrows.
They had a life of their own. They could certainly communicate on their own. Even when David was trying, to hide what he was feeling...his eyebrows betrayed him. Right now they were telling Patrick his choice of movie was less than idea. The right eyebrow was rising slowly with every car chase. And Patrick found himself staring at his eyebrows more than the movie.
Not just the eyebrows, his thick long eyelashes, deep brown eyes. Before he knew it Patrick had stopped watching car chases too.
‘What?’ David asked ‘I’m watching it aren’t I?’ his eyebrow arched further up.
Patrick leaned over and kissed his eyebrow, causing it to rise further.
‘Ok we can watch the Sandra Bullock film.’ Patrick grinned and the eyebrow came down. Even at its normal position, they were just incredibly….attractive. He’d never admired anyone’s eyebrows before, he’d never noticed them really. But he did with David and it was one of those things that felt right.
*
Some days it was the little things that fascinated him. They were sitting in the corner of one of Elmdale’s only slightly fancy bars. David was drinking some kind of lurid green cocktail that had tasted both incredibly sweet and mildly of rubbing alcohol when he tried it. Patrick was drinking a beer. David was telling a long story about...actually Patrick had no idea any more. He’d started absently resting a hand on David’s arm as he talked. He’d folded the cuffs of the shirt he was wearing up to his elbows in the heat, and his forearms rested on the table as he talked. Patrick had started just by resting a hand there to show he was listening. But now he wasn’t. He was fascinated by running his thumb back and forth over David’s arm, and the way the dark hair there moved. More so he was fascinated by the trail of dark hair right down to David’s hands. He couldn’t take his eyes off it. But it was at once the most intriguing, beautiful thing. BUt also a thing that felt right. This was his boyfriend, this arm, this arm covered in dark soft hair, felt so right under his palm. It was the little things that did it.
‘And then the rabbit ate him.’ David said.
‘What?’ Patrick frowned.
‘Knew you weren’t listening.’ he smirked triumphantly. ‘Which means the next round is on you.’
Patrick rolled his eyes. Fair he conceded. David flicked his eyes down to Patrick’s hand and covered it with his own for a second. He smiled at him.
‘Good different right?’ he said, reading his mind.
Patrick nodded with a shy smile. ‘Right what the fuck is that thing called?’ he asked getting up.
*
Sometimes things were a little more...visceral.
He was smaller than some guys, sure, but he was strong. What he hadn’t anticipated with David’s wiry frame was just how strong he was. Or how much he liked it when he showed that.
So when David picked him up- actually picked him up- and threw him onto the bed, that felt right too.
*
A few days later he had caught David staring at him while he cooked. Admittedly David was known to look at a pizza with something close to lust, but as Patrick glanced over from Ray’s 70s decor kitchen to where David perched at the table, the look was something else, something softer.
‘David?’ he asked in case there was something wrong.
David shook his head. ‘Nothing.’ he said looking at the table.
Patrick abandoned the sauce he was cooking and walked over to David, rested his hands on his shoulders and kneaded his fingers for a moment. David wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him in. They didn’t speak for a while, but it just felt right.
*
He’d never have guessed, on first meeting David, that silence was something they were good at. David of course enjoyed giving a running commentary on whatever was happening, or whatever was running through his head. He also enjoyed a commentary on whatever Patrick was doing, particularly if it entertained him, or irritated him, which it seemed most things fell into either category. But David was also good at silence.
Patrick had never had someone he could just be silent with. He was used to silence, being an only child, being used to his own company. And silence with his parents was different. But nobody else had ever seemed able to just be with him like David did.
He first noticed it in the Store, how they could pass hours without talking, each quietly doing their own thing. But that was work, he wasn’t sure it counted. He then noticed in the mornings that David stayed over. At first he thought it was just David not being a morning person- which was true- but they could also sit together, Patrick reading, or sometimes not, and not need to speak.
He finally realised it was true one Sunday afternoon. They’d taken lunch down to the creek, mainly because it was the only truly quiet place in town. They’d chatted over lunch, then taken advantage of the relative privacy for an old fashioned ‘make out on a picnic rug’ session. And then they’d just sat for a while, not doing anything, watching the creek and the birds. After a while David dropped his head to Patrick’s shoulder and he kissed his hair. They still didn’t speak, the silence felt right.
*
He never thought it would be a thing that felt right- or a thing that he’d admit- but that David was taller than him felt right. The tiny tilt of his head needed to kiss him felt right. The fact that if he wanted to rest his head on David’s shoulder he had to scoot up on his toes just a fraction felt right. The fact David could loop himself over his shoulders from above felt right. The fact he fit just about perfectly under David’s arm felt right.
*
It felt like an understatement to say that sex felt right. Even the first few times when they were both fumbling their way around trying to figure out what worked, Patrick was aware he was all over-enthusiastic hands and tongue, even then it felt right.
It was when David, the third time they’d managed a full night alone and stopped him, before things got too heated and asked him.
‘What do you want?’
That things had truly clicked into place. They’d paused, and talked, actually talked through what they could do, what David usually liked to do, what Patrick was comfortable with, what Patrick wanted to do.
Nobody had ever asked him before. He’d never had that conversation before.
Sex was just something you did. Fumbling your way through based on sex-ed and porn and hoped for the best. It had never been terrible, not truly. Just distinctly ok. And he hated it now he thought about it, but being the guy nobody had asked him what he wanted, what was ok. He’d just gone along with it. Done what you’re supposed to.
He’d done his homework of course, between their first kiss and this. He was aware of the...possibilities. But David took the lead and actually talked about it, honestly, openly and they figured it out.
It had been good before. But that night everything fell into place and he felt right.
*
Sometimes it took a while to figure out right. Ray was out, and so they had the sofa and his TV to themselves. He’d cooked for them, and they were not flopped on the sofa with wine. It was strange. They weren’t used to having time and space to themselves to just...be. For a moment Patrick felt himself getting self conscious. Just like in the car on their first date. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He fidgeted a bit, fussing with his wine glass. They sat close but not touching. He wasn’t sure what to do with that.
He felt David reach over and take his glass out of his hand. He glanced over with a frown. David gave him a little smile and shifted himself into the corner of the couch. He jerked his head as an invitation and held up an arm. Patrick hesitated a second but nodded and made his way down onto David’s chest. They’d never done this. Not like this. They’d curled up after sex, but it was usually David on him, or entwined in a mess of limbs. But they’d never done this.
He settled in. It was different. He wasn’t used to being the one who rested on someone’s chest. He wasn’t used to a larger body than his under him. He felt David’s arm wrap around his shoulders, felt him let out a sigh as they both settled in. He rested his hand over David’s heart and felt the soft regular beat there concentrating on that not his racing thoughts. Everything was so different and it was a lot all at once. He felt David rub his thumb back and forth on his shoulder. He let out a breath.
It felt so right. It was different. But right. He felt like he fit here. He felt himself relax, and as he did David dropped his head and kissed the top of his head. He squeezed him a bit and settled in to watch TV. He fit here, it felt right.
*
‘David come here for a second. I want to talk to you.’ It was the wrong thing to say. David looked immediately panicked from across the Store. ‘It’s fine I promise.’ he tried
‘It’s just when someone says ‘we need to talk’ that’s never a good thing.’
‘Well what I actually said was ‘I want to talk to you.’ Patrick smirked. David was still hovering.
‘Well that’s worse. Because when you say ‘I want to talk to you’ it means I’ve fucked up some inventory or something.’
‘David does it look like I want to talk about inventory right now?’
He rolled his eyes, 'I don’t know you really love inventory, you’d probably use it as dirty talk if you could.’
‘David I do not want to talk about inventory. Now, or just for clarity in any kind of sexual setting. Please.’
‘Well that’s one good thing.’ David tentatively sat down. Progress at least.
‘David this isn’t bad I promise!’ Patrick sighed then reached over and kissed him. He relented a bit and flopped into the pillows a bit. Giving Patrick his full attention.
‘I was just thinking about something, this week, and I wanted to tell you something, well actually uh tell you something again.’ he blinked, still talking about this stuff didn’t come naturally to him. ‘David you make me feel right.’
David blinked, he hadn't been expecting that. He’d been expecting ‘I love you’ again, Patrick hadn’t said it again, knowing David needed to ease into this a bit. But this wasn’t what he expected. He frowned.
‘The last time I said that to you was under...less than ideal circumstances.’ Patrick said with a little shrug. ‘But I meant it and I wanted to say it again, hopefully under better circumstances.’ he smiled and could see the corner of David’s mouth creeping up too. ‘I didn’t know what right felt like until I met you David. You make me feel right.’ he smiled and shrugged.
David didn’t respond. He looked like he might cry. Instead he leaned over and kissed Patrick softly.
‘I love you.’ he said.
This time it was Patrick who cried. Taken aback at David’s willingness to say what he knew did not come easily. David shifted resting a hand on his hip and brought the other one to wipe at Patrick’s face. He’d never cried in front of David, he rarely cried in front of anyone, but it didn’t feel wrong, or scary. And when David leaned in and kissed him it felt as right as ever.
‘And I guess, while that is still the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard anyone say outside of the Downton Abbey Christmas special.’
‘Obviously.’ Patrick interjected, smiling again now.
‘In a different way, I never knew what right felt like either.’
Patrick nodded, and smiled, knowing what David meant without him having to explain it all. That felt right too. The Store was quiet save for the soft Jazz playing in the background, and it was getting dark outside. Patrick pulled back and looked at David.
‘You know what we’ve never done?’ he said. David raised an eyebrow. ‘How how do you make that dirty?’ he asked.
‘It’s a gift.’ David shrugged.
Patrick pulled out his phone and hit a few buttons, changing the music to a soft Chet Baker song.
‘We’ve never danced.’ Patrick said ‘Well in fairness you danced, we’ve never danced together.’
David gave him a lopsided grin, as Patrick put his phone away and stepped back towards him.
‘People can see you.’ he grinned as Patrick took his hand and awkwardly twirled him.
‘I don’t care.’ Patrick said, pulling him in close and feeling David wrap his arms around his neck, leaning up for a kiss.
They danced. That felt right too.