Archive of Our Own ^beta

Michael's POV:

     "Mike, you almost done in there? Matt has to talk to us about our schedule today!" Calum shouted, banging on the door of the bathroom.

     I cleared my throat before answering. "Y-Yeah! I'll be out in a second," I responded.

     I had dashed in here earlier thinking I was about to be sick, before most of the others had even noticed I was awake. I had been sitting on the cold tiles of the bathroom for who knows how long just waiting for something to happen. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and took some deep breaths. I felt my entire body shaking from the rampant nausea coursing through my entire being. I didn’t even know if I would even be able to move without puking, but I couldn’t stay here all day.

     Eventually, with what little strength I managed to muster, I shakily stood, balancing myself by placing two hands on the sink. I stared down at the floor, trying to take some deep breaths. I couldn’t help but feel a bit pathetic, someone in the prime of their life hanging off of the sink just to stand up properly. I looked up and saw myself in the mirror. God, I looked awful. I waited a few more seconds until I felt okay enough and I walked out of the bathroom.

     Just as I walked out, I bumped into Calum who was waiting on the other side of the door.

     “There you are! Matt is with Ashton and Luke already, they’re waiting for us,” Calum explained. I sighed heavily, and followed him to the main room of the bus. Ashton and Luke were sitting on the couch while Matt was standing, reading through something on his phone, probably our daily schedule. “Got him,” Calum said, making all of them look up at me.

     Matt quickly smiled and put his phone away in his pocket. He cleared his throat before speaking, “So, today is going to be an eventful day,” Great, I thought. “You boys have a photoshoot at eleven forty-five, a meet and greet at two, sound check at seven thirty and the concert will be at eight,” I was worried. I wasn't sure if I could make it through the day without being sick. It was, speak now or forever hold my peace.

     I took a shaky breath. "Is there any way I could skip something? I'm not feeling so good," I asked, looking at Matt, hopefully. Matt stared me down for a moment, eyeing me up and down. I held my breath waiting for his response. 

     "You don't seem too sick to me," Matt said after a moment. My heart dropped. Of course he didn't believe me. I didn’t fully understand how though, I mean I looked like shit, at least according to the bathroom mirror and my own eyeballs I did.

     "Please, Matt! Why do you think I was in the bathroom for so long? I'm sick," I pleaded. "I have been extremely nauseous for hours now," I added. (Little did he know, I had been feeling ill on and off for the past several weeks, but I wasn't about to say anything. The boys didn't even know.)

     Matt sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Listen, we’re really busy today. If you feel worse, then I’ll think about it, but as of now, you will need to be there for everything,” he explained.

     I wanted to cry at that. Hearing those words only made me feel that much worse. It was like my stomach was taking Matt’s words as a challenge, and was desperate to prove him, myself, basically everyone wrong. Matt finished explaining everything. When he finally left the room, Ashton came up to me.

     “Are you really feeling sick?” Ashton asked with a frown. I only shrugged, there was no point in saying anything, the truth or a lie. There was no point. He gently felt my forehead and hummed. “I can’t tell if you've got a fever. Maybe you just need some food in you, then we can walk around until the photo shoot,” he suggested.

     "I've heard there is a great café near by," Calum adding, going to the fridge to grab a cold water bottle. I nodded. Even if I felt like I was going to be sick any minute, I decided to listen to Ashton and assume that I was just hungry. Maybe the exercise would help. Plus, the café could have something light for my stomach.

     Luke was quick to agree. Just like that we were heading out for the day. I wished nothing more than to lay in my bunk and sleep the sickness that plagued my body away, but with our schedule, there was no way. It angered me, truthfully.

     Luke was the first one off the bus. I was right behind him when I got dizzy and lost my footing, slipping on the last two steps, nearly face planting on the pavement below. I crashed right into Luke, almost making us both fall. "Whoa, Jesus, Mike! You okay?" He asked as he caught me. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and I had to swallow thickly as I felt a sickly warmth splash against the back of my throat. His hand was pressed deeply into my stomach.

     I stayed silent, doing everything in my power to keep the vomit at bay, worried I would projectile vomit all over Luke's front. I was staring wide-eyed at my feet for a while, the scare of being in the air still heavily looming over me like a dark cloud. I was thankful to be on solid ground.

     He whispered my name again and I cast a glance in his direction. Something about his eyes showed genuine concern and something else. Was it fear? I looked behind me and saw the other two frozen on the steps, staring at me, awaiting my response.

     "What? Now you guys are worried? I'm peachy, just fuckin' peachy," I grumbled angrily, practically yelling. I pushed away from Luke roughly and stomped off, leaving Luke, rubbing at his now sore bicep. Oops.

     "What the fuck are you on about, Michael? Why are you in such a God damned tizzy? Is it Matt? We weren't the ones who were brushing you off. So why in the fuck are you taking it out on us?" Ashton's voice rose an octave or two as he yelled, causing a shiver to run down my spine, though that could have been the headache making me cringe at his volume. It was rare that he got pissed and it was clear he was peeved at my sudden change of behavior; his accent changed from an Americanized Australian to full on Aussie.

     "Whatever, just drop it. Let's go," I muttered, walking ahead of them, but I stopped short several paces ahead of them. "I don't know where the fuck I'm going," I spoke aloud, realizing my mistake. I turned back to see that none of them had even moved. I internally groaned. "Look, I'm sorry… could we just forget this happened, please? I'm not well and I just want to get to this café and rest for a while," Ashton looked to be deep in thought.

     "Fine, but I don't want you lashing out like that at us again. None of us have done anything to deserve that," he said. I mumbled an apology under my breath as Calum walked past me. It was as if he was acting as if I didn't exist.

     I fought the urge to shrink away once I stepped into daylight. My head was absolutely pounding. The sweltering heat of the sun was beaming down on my skin, threatening to boil me alive. I internally cursed. Being in the heat was already causing the sick feeling to increase. I wanted to stop walking, but I knew I had to keep going. The walk had only just begun after all.

     "The café is right around the corner. It isn't much of a walk," Calum explained, walking backwards for a second. I nodded and weakly pointed ahead so he would watch where he was going. There was a light pole coming up and I didn't want him walking into it. Calum walked around the pole before he slowed to walk beside me. “How are you feeling?” he asked. I was surprised he was talking to me.

     "You aren't still angry at me? You were ignoring me just a couple minutes ago," Calum folded his hands against the back of his head and huffed.

     "Oh, I am, but I'll get over it. Besides, I'm sure it's nothing that a bit of gaming couldn't fix. You think you'll feel up to playing tonight?" I just gave him a thumbs up. Calum seemed to be in a much better mood as he sped up once more to be in front of the group once more.

     We walked on. I was falling a little behind the others, but they didn’t really seem to notice. I felt more and more dizzy as I kept going, my stomach kept flipping and a part of me just wanted to be sick already instead of having this heavy feeling in my gut.

     We rounded the corner and I had to slow to a stop. The dizziness had gotten much worse. I whimpered and brought a heavy hand to my head whilst I leaned on a brick wall to keep myself upright. "I can't," I tried to say, only for it to be no louder than a whisper. I groaned loudly, finally catching the boys' attention.

     "Michael? What's wrong?" Luke asked, walking toward me. All I could respond with was a pathetic grunt. Truth be spoken, I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt really out of it. It felt like I wasn't even in my body.

     "Can you make it to the cafe? It's literally the next store," Ashton asked, his voice was getting muffled. I glanced up at what I thought was him, only to see an indistinguishable blurred figure. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my vision, but all it was doing was making me feel generally worse.

     All of what I was feeling increased tenfold. Without much warning for me or those around me, I felt myself swaying. My knees buckled. I felt arms wrap around my torso and within seconds, the light at the end of the tunnel closed in, engulfing me in a world that was pitch black.

Luke's POV:

     I pushed aside the panic as I lowered an unconscious Michael to the ground. He had grown overly pale and quiet just before fainting. "Ashton, go run to the cafe and tell them we need a rag and some water. Explain what happened," I instructed and he nodded, sprinting to get the stuff. Calum knelt down on the other side of Michael. I met my eyes with his. "Can you lift his feet, please? We've got to get the blood flowing to his head again," he nodded, quick to grab Michael's ankles and raise them over his shoulders.

     A soft, weak moan caught my attention. Michael was slowly coming to. He was disoriented and ghostly pale. One of his hands slowly went to his undoubtedly throbbing head.

     Ashton rushed back outside with the requested items in hand. An employee from the cafe we were going to, followed him outside. He handed me the stuff. "How is he?" He panted, out of breath from the sudden run.

     "He's awake, but he's still really out of it," I answered, turning back to the boy in my lap. Michael coughed lightly. Within a couple seconds the coughing turned to harsh hacking. He coughed hard enough, it caused him to gag. He gagged again, only this time it sounded much wetter. I leaned him to the side in case he was about to be sick. He let out a painful sounding dry heave, but after that, the fit seemed to be over. Luckily, it was only a false alarm.

     He pushed himself up using his elbow for support. The concerned employee walked over to where we were. "Should I call an ambulance?" She asked. Michael shook his head.

     "I'm fine," he insisted. No one seemed to buy it. "Just feel really-," he paused to muffle a burp with his fist. "Really sick," I rubbed his back lightly, trying not to jar his sick stomach.

     "Do you want to come inside? I don't think you should be out here. It's above one hundred degrees. It's sweltering," the woman asked. I internally cringed at the thought of Michael's bare skin being on the concrete. It must have been boiling.

     "Well, we were on our way there, but he ended up passing out and none of us have exactly eaten anything today," I explained, and the woman nodded.

     "I’m going to go grab my boss. He can help you guys get him inside," she quickly explained, dashing off to get him right after we thanked her. She seemed really sweet.

     After a few minutes she came back out with her boss in tow. He greeted all of us, made sure Michael was okay and that he had everything he needed before helping us inside.

     We were seated at a table and the employee smiled at us. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes,” she said before walking away.

     The others and I flipped through our menus, everyone besides Michael, who was just leaning his chin in the palm of his hand.

     “Getting anything?” Ashton asked him.

     Michael's eyebrows scrunched together. "Mm, what?" He asked, seeming to have no clue what Ashton was talking about.

     "Are you getting anything to eat?" I watched as Michael only shook his head slowly, closing his eyes, visibly turning paler at the mention of food. “Come on, maybe some soup? You need to stay hydrated, especially in this heat,” Ashton tried to convince him. He did have a point. After a few more tries, it eventually worked.

     When our waitress came back, Ashton ordered for himself and for Michael, seeing that Michael was in no mood to talk. Then Calum and I ordered. “Alright, I’ll be back with your orders soon.”

     As soon as she was gone, Michael folded his arms on the table, gently laying his head on top of them. I frowned as I watched him do so. “There’s no way he can do all this promo today, we should tell Matt,” I suggested.

     “Wait, let’s just see how he feels after he eats,” Ashton insisted. I sighed, but decided to listen to him.

     Surprisingly, the food didn’t take long at all. Michael slowly lifted his head, wincing at the sudden light as the waitress placed each of our plates in front of us. “Enjoy!” she said cheerfully, walking away once again.

     We all started to dig in. I kept glancing at Michael every few seconds, watching as he would take slow sips of his soup from his spoon as it went as close to cold as it could on a day like today.

     A few minutes passed and he honestly started to look better. He had regained some color in his face and he seemed more alive, until he slowly pushed his bowl away and whimpered quietly, almost inaudibly. “You alright?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in concern.

     He carefully wrapped both of his arms around his stomach and shook his head. “I feel sick again. I'm going to throw up.” He mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. The color he had gained from eating faded, his skin turning a translucent green color. "Bathroom," he said, shakily rising to his feet using the table to stand. Calum shot up to help him.    

     Ashton scooted away from the table and flagged down the waitress. "Where is the bathroom? My friend feels like he's about to be sick," he quickly explained, and the woman gasped.

     "Follow me, sir. The bathroom is right back here," she briskly walked Michael and Calum back to the employee bathroom. Ashton and I stayed at the table to discuss the plans for today. Maybe we could convince management to let him take a sick day.

Calum's POV:

     I held the door open for Michael once we got to the bathroom. He rushed past me, muffling a gag into his hand. He lowered himself in front of the toilet. I closed and locked the door behind me and sat down with Michael, not wanting to leave him alone after he just fainted outside.

     He scooted closer to the bowl and hung his head above the water, taking a shuddering breath. I grazed my fingernails along his back trying to bring him some comfort. His mouth hung open and he let spit fall freely. We stayed like that for a few minutes. Occasionally he would let out a distressed whine. I felt bad for him.

     He started crying after a couple more minutes. "Oh Mike," I cooed, dragging him away from the toilet and onto my lap. "What's wrong, bud?" I asked.

     "I can't throw up," he sobbed into my chest. "I feel so sick, but nothing will come up. I'm so tired. I really don't feel well… I just want to lay down! I don't want to do the promo stuff today, I don't," I held him as he ranted off his frustrations. I wasn't sure what I could do.

     Suddenly, he lurched out of my grip with a dry heave. I got him back over the toilet, just in time for him to bring up a small amount of his lunch. He gasped and brought up a slightly larger wave. I rubbed his back as he panted over the murky water.

     "I think I'm done," he declared after several more minutes. He reached for the toilet paper and tore off a few squares to wipe his mouth and blow his nose. He tossed it in before flushing the mess away. "That was fucking vile," he sighed.

     "It wasn't too pretty to watch either," I joked. He gave a light chuckle and smacked my arm. "So, are you feeling any better?" I asked.

     "I'm still nauseous, but I don't feel like I'm about to hurl. I guess that's something," he chuckled, and I nodded.

     "Are you ready to head back out?" He nodded. I grabbed onto his hand and helped him up. He was absolutely trembling. "Are you sure you are okay now?" I asked, unable to help the pit of worry I felt.

     "I'm still quite dizzy if I'm being honest. I think I'm just having some sort of strange vertigo," I thought about it. The symptoms seemed to line up.

     "Well, I do know you can faint and vomit from vertigo. The best thing for you is probably just laying down," I checked the time on my phone. There was still over an hour before the photo shoot was supposed to start. "Maybe we can get you out of the shoot," I spoke aloud. He shrugged and walked over to wash his hands and rinse out his mouth.

     "Do I have to eat the rest of the soup?" He asked, drying his face with a paper towel. I put my hand on his upper back.

     "I think we are going to be saving it for later. I don't want you getting sick again," he nodded and walked out, only getting a few steps in before he turned back to wait for me.

     We slowly walked out to the table and sat back down. "You good now? Did you throw up?" Luke asked Michael. Michael mumbled a 'yes' and eyed his food. To my surprise, he picked up the spoon.
He dipped the spoon into the soup and brought to his lips. "You don't have to eat it, Mike," Ashton told him. Michael shook his head.

     "I feel a little hungry. I wasn't until I sat down," he hummed and went back to eating the food.

     Thankfully, he managed to eat the whole thing without feeling sick afterwards, maybe he just needed to be sick that one time.
“If you guys are ready, I think we should start going now” Ashton said, glancing at the watch he was wearing.

     We all nodded and waited for our waitress. I watched as Michael started to take out the money from his wallet, but the waitress stopped him.

     “Don’t worry about it; it’s on the house,” she said with a bright smile. The manager from earlier came over with the same smile, hearing what was said. He quickly agreed.

     “I hope you feel better. Come back soon,” he added cheerfully, taking our plates as we got up and walked out.

     "I cannot believe that just happened! That was, what, almost forty dollars worth of food?" Luke asked ecstatically.

     "Yeah, it was," I smiled and wrapped my arm over Michael's shoulders and brought him closer to me. Now that we were standing I could see he was growing peaky again and every so often bringing his hand up to his head. "Are you alright?" I whispered to him.

     "I guess," he murmured, focusing his gaze to the sidewalk in front of him. "I just keep getting dizzy. I really want it to sit," his voice wavered and it honestly sounded like he was on the verge of tears again.

     "Do you need to sit down for a bit before we go? The shoot starts in thirty minutes; we've got time," he pondered for a moment, ultimately agreeing. "Guys, Mike wants to rest before we get a ride over there," I called to the others. Michael slipped away from me and slid down the wall so he was sitting down.

     We all sat down next to Michael on the ground, waiting for him to feel better. At some point Ashton’s phone beeped, meaning he got a text. I glanced over at him, waiting for him to say who it was.
“Matt says we should start heading to the photo shoot,” Ashton said, looking at Michael, “Are you feeling okay now?” he asked.

     Michael nodded. “I feel better,” he said quietly, shakily bringing himself to stand up. We all did the same. Michael squeezed his eyes shut once he was up. "Maybe not…" he started swaying and this time Ashton was holding onto him. He started sobbing into Ashton's chest. Ashton held onto him as I had in the cafe bathroom. I ran my hand up and down his arm.

     "We really need to get him the day off," I said. Luke and Ashton both shook their heads.

     "We already tried. Matt can't pull him off the schedule. The photoshoot isn't able to be rescheduled. The only things he might be able to get out of are the meet and greet and soundcheck," Luke explained, only succeeding in making Michael cry harder. "Hey, try to breathe. You are going to make yourself even worse if you panic, bud," Luke said, trying to calm him down.

     I frowned as I watched the poor boy cry for minutes straight. I checked my phone for the time and realized I should probably flag down a taxi, so that’s what I did.

     Once the taxi came, we all got in. Luke sat in the front while Ashton and I sat in the back with Michael, me sitting in the middle so Michael could have the window seat.

     “You can sleep until we get there, it’s a bit of a way,” I told Michael. Michael nodded and gently repositioned himself so that he now had his head on my shoulder. I gently ran my hand through his slightly damp hair. He looked adorable honestly.

     Only a few minutes later he whimpered and started to move around a bit. I looked down at him worried, I thought he had already fallen asleep. I heard his belly gurgle a few times and frowned, trying not to cringe as I can imagine how awful he must have felt.

     “Awe, Mike, are you feeling bad again?” I asked sympathetically. He only whined a little, clearly meaning yes. I carefully moved my hand to his stomach, gently rubbing it in small circles, feeling how sick it was beneath my hand.

     When we pulled up to where the photo shoot was being held, Michael looked worse for wear. He sluggishly climbed out of the car and tailed us into the building. We were met with an agent who was sitting at the front desk. The man brought us back to the room the photo shoot would take place.

     The photographer was a very unique individual. She had long dark brown and red dreads and she was in gothic clothing, but she had a calm, gentle personality. She introduced herself as Onnetta, a very beautiful name if I do say so myself.

Onnetta's POV:

     I was just finishing up with my setup, when I heard footsteps echo around my large studio. I turned around to greet the Australian band known as 5 Seconds of Summer.

     "Hello boys! My name Onnetta. It's nice to meet you all," I smiled and shook each one of their hands. "How is everyone doing on this fine day?" I asked.

     The green eyed man shuffled a little on his feet. He didn't seem too steady on them either. Surprisingly, he was the one to answer first. "Sorry, would there be any way I could lay down for a little? I haven't been feeling too hot," I frowned. He was looking straight past me, eyeing one of the pieces of furniture I had in here, the couch.

     "Yeah, of course, dear. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well," with my permission, he dizzily brushed past me and collapsed onto the couch.

     The other boys went next to him as well as I messed with my camera, the lights, and everything else. “So, who wants to go first?” I asked cheerfully, not too long later.

     Michael carefully sat up, raising his hand weakly. “Can I go first to get it over with?” he asked in a thin voice. I frowned sympathetically, but quickly nodded, taking his hand and helping him up from the couch.

     We did around twenty photos before he had to stop. Usually, I would do around thirty-five to fifty of them in case there are issues with the shots and for their management to choose what they thought was best. I chose to let Michael rest while I did the other individual photos.

     He laid back down on the couch and I called Calum over to me. I couldn't keep the slight blush from creeping up over my cheeks. He was really cute. I hid behind my camera for a moment to compose myself. Once I did, I told him to pose. I was impressed with how great he was in front of my camera. He was model material for sure.

     When I was finished with him I handed him my card with a little hand written note on the back. He did exactly what I wanted him to. He checked out the card. His eyebrows raised when he read what I had written and I saw his adorable toothy grin form on his face.

     "I'd love to go on a date with you sometime," Success. I smirked, happy that had actually worked. I told him to go get one of the others.

Ashton's POV:

     The rest of the photoshoot went smoothly. On the way to the meet and greet, Calum told us about him and the photographer. Luke and I teased him a bit, but tried to stay quiet for Michael's sake.
I glanced over at Michael a few times as he was being awfully quiet, not that I could blame him.

     “Doing okay, Mike?” I asked at some point, we only had a few more minutes until we were at the meet and greet location.

     Michael shrugged, which clearly meant no. I frowned and turned to the others, unsure of what to do. There was no way he would be able to finish the meet and greet, he most likely wouldn’t be able to even make it through the first hour.

     Eventually we were there. I watched as Michael shakily got out of the car, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here. We all went through the back door so no one would see. Management went over a few quick rules and told us a few things. Then we had a few minutes to just relax until the meet and greet started.

     We all talked about random things, except for Michael who was mostly just listening. At some point I looked over at him again and he seemed way paler than before.

     Just as I was about to ask if he was alright, he whimpered and wrapped his arms around his middle. “I don’t feel good, ” he mumbled weakly.

     "I know. Do you think you will be okay to do the meet and greet?" I asked him. He shrugged.

     "I want to lay down." He said, looking down at the floor. We were all sitting on uncomfortable plastic chairs so there wasn't anywhere for him to really lay down. He whined and slid off the chair onto his knees. The security guards looked on in curiosity as they watched him lay across the carpet.

     "Uh, Mike, I don't think you should be doing that," Luke said as one of the security guards approached us.

     "I just want to sleep. I'm tired and I don't feel good at all," he complained. We all felt really bad for him, but I was worried that we'd all get into trouble with Michael 'behaving' like that.

     "Mr. Clifford, you need to get off the floor," the guard commanded. Michael mumbled something quietly to him and I heard the guard hum. "I can see about that, but please get up in the meantime," Michael huffed and sat up, hovering a hand over his stomach.

     "Where's the bathroom?" He asked quickly, before the man could walk away. I frowned, knowing why he must be asking.

     "Derrek! Show him to the bathroom, will you?" The guy I presumed to be Derrek, nodded and walked over to show Michael where the bathroom was.

Michael’s POV:

     I quickly followed Derrek as he walked me to the bathroom. I had to cover my mouth with my hand, feeling as if I would be sick any moment. Once he showed me to the door that led to the bathroom, I quickly ran past him, going into one of the stalls.

     I bent down on my knees, leaning over the toilet slightly with my eyes closed, trying to calm my breathing. I felt my stomach flipping repetitively. I quickly leaned further into the toilet as I heaved emptily. I kept dry heaving for almost five minutes straight and it was getting annoying.

     At some point it was becoming too frustrating to deal with. That mixed with being sick turned me into an emotional mess. I gently reached in my back pocket, getting my phone out and dialed my girlfriend’s number.

M- Michael, Cr-Crystal

M- “Crys?” I whimpered out when she answered.

Cr- “Michael? Are you crying? What’s going on?” She asked worriedly.

M- “I...I feel horrible Crystal. I feel so sick, but I can’t actually be sick. I’ve felt really bad all day and no one-“ I rambled until she cut me off.

Cr- “Hey, slow down baby. You’re sick? Do they know?” She asked.

M- “Yes, but management won’t do anything about it. They say we have too much to do today. I want to go home,” I continued to complain.

Cr- “Mike, maybe you should tell someone that you feel worse. You should be seen at a hospital or something if it’s that bad. You never cry so easily,” I sniffled, knowing she was right. A ball of fiery anger burned inside of me and I was trying not to take it out on her.

M- "I will try. I don't know if it'll get anywhere though. I just- I passed out earlier and I feel so fucking hazy and-" I paused, feeling my stomach flip. I scooted closer to the toilet as a precaution. "Hang on, Crys. I think I'm gonna-" I gagged suddenly, cutting myself off. I moved the phone away from my ear and carefully readjusted myself so that I was back over the bowl. I wretched several times, but like before, continued to bring up nothing. "Damn it!" I yelled, slamming my fist against the seat, losing my cool for a split second. I picked the phone back up and put it on speaker. "I can't throw up," I cried, wiping the stray tears away.

Cr- "Aw, babe… I'm sorry and did I hear you right? You said you passed out?" She asked. I just whimpered.

M- "Yeah, you heard right. Sorry for yelling by the way. I'm just pissed at the moment. Why the fuck can't management see that I'm too sick for this shit? I've been feeling like shit on and off for almost a month. I just want it to stop," I felt like I was going through mood swings. One minute I was angry, the next, upset.

Cr- "No, it's fine, you have every right to be mad. Definitely try to get seen tonight baby. I don't want you getting any worse," she stated. I nodded slightly even though she couldn't see.

M- "I've got to go, Hun. I will call you later," I said.

Cr- "Alright, babe, let me know if there is anything I can do, anything at all, and I will do it," a smile played on my lips. God, I love her.

M- "I will. I love you Crystal," she repeated it back to me and hung up the phone. Just like that I was alone with my thoughts again.

     I was still heavily nauseous when I gently forced myself to move away from the toilet. I just assumed it was a false alarm since nothing was actually happening, although I sort of wished something did, maybe I would have felt better.

     I waited a few more seconds until I gained enough strength to slowly lift myself up from the bathroom floor and weakly out of the room, going back to the others.

     I was stopped by the guy who brought me into the bathroom. "You are out of the meet and greet. I was told to take you to one of our back rooms so you can rest," I sighed in relief.

     "Thank fucking God..." For once it seemed management actually had me covered. I followed him slowly back to a dark room. He turned on the light and it was as if rays of light shone down from the heavens. Rays of light that didn’t hurt my already throbbing head, though, of course. There was a couch. I could finally sleep.

     Sleep never came. Thirty minutes went by at a snail's pace. I was staring at the ceiling, trying to make out shapes, trying to distract myself from my misery. Eventually, though, I had to give my body my full attention. I was in agony. My head felt like someone was pounding it with a hammer, I felt increasingly nauseous, and my entire body was encased in a sticky heat.

     I looked over at the security guard who was scrolling mindlessly on his phone. "Uh, excuse me..." He looked up at me over the rims of his glasses.

     "What's up kid?" He asked.

     "I need a bin," he shot up at my words. It only took him a second to find one and bring it to me. He set in on the ground next to the couch. I didn't hesitate to grab it. I instantly heaved, bringing up the largest wave of sick yet. For a split second, I was embarrassed about throwing up in front of a complete stranger, but soon enough, I felt too sick to care.

     He asked something, but I couldn't hear him over my heaving. Another half hour passed with me over the bin. I had managed to bring up four copious waves, but after that, it was nothing but spit and dry heaves. Finally, I got a reprieve and was able to lay back down.

     I was just about to fall asleep when I heard the door open. Hushed voices filled the room. It was Luke, Ashton, and Calum. I heard them talking to the security guard about me. He informed them that I just got really ill and had fallen asleep right before they came in.

     I could hear someone taking a few steps closer to me, I tried my best to still pretend I was asleep.

     “Should we wake him?” I heard Luke ask in a whisper. I didn’t hear a reply, but nobody tried to wake me, so I’m assuming someone had shaken their head in response. Soon, I heard a few more footsteps, then the room went quiet.

     I slowly peaked open one eye, seeing only the security guard. “They’re gone,” he announced.

     I opened both eyes and gave him a small smile. “Thanks.”

     He nodded. “So, how are you feeling now? Any better? I’m sure I’m supposed to be leaving soon since you guys are finished,” he explained.

     I frowned a little. He was nice. “I feel about the same,” I replied simply, I just wanted to feel better.

     I guess at some point I had fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I was being woken up by Calum shaking my shoulder gently and whispering my name a few times. I hummed cluelessly and gently rolled over to face him.

     “Hey, you’ve been asleep for some time. How are you feeling?” He asked, carefully placing his hand on my forehead for a few seconds.

     I whimpered. I expected to feel better when I had woken up, but I felt worse. “I feel horrible,” I whined, turning over again and pressing my face into my pillow.

     Calum gently started to rub my back. “Well, we have the concert in about three hours but we need to do sound check and get ready first. I think we’re going soon,” he explained.

     I groaned out loud, just wanting nothing more than to just stay on the couch and sleep. “Do you think I can skip the concert? I feel too bad,” I mumbled.

     “I don’t think you will be able to skip the concert completely, but I’ll try again to work something out with management,” Calum offered. It was better than nothing, so I only nodded a little.

     After a few more minutes, I decided to force myself off the couch and went to try to fix my appearance a bit, even if I was sure that the makeup artists would do that for me.

     “Mike!” Ashton cheered happily once he saw me. I weakly waved at him, forcing a very small smile. “All good?” he asked.

     I could only offer him a small shrug in return. I barely even understood what he was saying, my mind was still foggy and my head was spinning. “Ash” I whimpered a few seconds later.

     He gave me a weird look and frowned. “Yeah? What’s wrong?" He asked, taking a few steps closer to me.

     I couldn’t even say anything before I burst into tears. I watched as Ashton’s face dropped and he quickly pulled me into a hug.

     “Hey, it’s okay, you’re alright bud,” he cooed, rubbing my back in comforting circles. I slowly hid my face in his shoulder and continued to cry. I didn’t even know why I was crying to be honest, I was just over emotional at the moment.

     We stayed like that for a few seconds until I eventually pulled away, sniffling slightly. My head was pounding even harder than it was before if that was even possible. My stomach made a few awful sounds and I assumed that crying only made me feel worse.

~Time Skip~

     I paced back and forth backstage. We were set to be on in five minutes. The deal with management was that if I felt too bad I could stop. I had medicine, water, and food practically crammed down my throat earlier, even after trying to tell them that I would just puke it back up. We were told that there was a bin on my side of the stage in case it came to that. I just couldn't shake the fear that something terrible was going to happen tonight.

     The lads had given up on trying to get me to relax; they had been trying for nearly an hour. I was biting my nails, trying to ignore the endless churning in my gut and the dizziness that I was feeling. I had to stop and lean on a table with a grunt when both feelings increased tenfold out of nowhere. I couldn't move. I took a shaky breath, hoping I wasn't about to be sick all over the floor under my feet. Thankfully, I didn't.

     Minutes later, I was being pushed onto the stage, in front of nearly two thousand screaming fans. It was enough to make my head feel like it was being split open. I had to shake off the urge to grip my hair and scream. It felt comparable to being set ablaze all those years ago. No, scratch that, I'd take getting burned over this pain.

     My internal struggles aside, the concert was going pretty well, that was until She's Kind of Hot began. I was slurring my words. They were getting all types of jumbled in my head. The pain had worsened yet again, causing me to yelp straight into the mic. I felt like I was on the verge of being sick. I clawed at my skull, falling to my knees. Fuck, I was in a world of agony.

     Panic erupted throughout the arena as someone rushed to aid me off the stage. He hoisted me to my feet and I staggered blindingly behind him, not daring to open my eyes. Tears were cascading down my face steadily, my head was extremely cloudy. I wasn't sure where I was anymore. Who the fuck was pulling on me? Who was holding me?

     My stomach lurched and I fell to my knees again, throwing up everything management made me consume earlier. I cracked an eye open, but I still didn't recognize what was happening or where I was. I was getting scared. I knew everyone at the venues, all the staff at least, so why didn't I recognize anyone?

     "It's okay, Michael, just breathe," I turned to see another unfamiliar face trying to comfort me.

     "Wh-Who are you?" I shrieked. The man's face dropped. He looked to the others around me and his breathing quickened.

     "Mike, it's me, Matt. Do you not know who I am?" I shook my head slowly. I let out a shrill cry, a sob, not unlike what a child would do when lost. I wanted nothing more to find some familiarity. I inhaled sharply as the man hugged me. I wasn't sure who he was, but I knew I felt at peace in his arms.

Matt's POV:

     I was trying my hardest to stay strong for Michael as he shivered and whimpered. I held him close. "I don' feel right..." I heard him slur, ending the sentence with a groan. I could barely make out the words. I lightly pushed him away to get a better look at him.

     I damn near had a heart attack seeing his eyes roll back. His body jerked away from mine and he fell stiffly against the ground, strangled choking sounds coming from his throat. "Fuck, he's seizing!" I shouted. Someone ran towards us with Cash.

     "Matt, help me roll him into his side! He's aspirating!" I sat there dumbfounded and motionless for a moment. "Matt, he's choking!" He shouted, finally snapping me out of my trance. I rushed to turn him over with Cash's help. Just as he said, bile dribbled past his lips. The choking sounds persisted. "Come on, Mike, breathe for us," I heard him beg.

     About a minute later the harsh jerking motions ceased, his eyes fluttered open after several dreadful seconds, and he coughed, bringing up the rest of what was caught in his throat. He continued to have involuntary jerking in his limbs while Cash assessed him. Cash told me that it was perfectly normal after someone has a grand mal seizure. He also informed me that the need for alarm wasn't in the abnormal movements, it was why he had the seizure in the first place. I nodded slightly.

     "I'm going to cancel the rest of the show. The lads need to be with Michael," I concluded. I stood, knowing I was leaving Michael in trustworthy, caring hands. I walked out onto the stage. As I centered the stage, I signaled for them to stop playing before grabbing onto Luke's mic. "Sorry to stop you guys mid song, but we need to end the show early. As you guys saw, Michael is pretty ill. The boys need to be with him right now," as I talked and informed the audience what was going on, the boys were ripping off their instruments and rushing to the sidelines. "Anyone who is here will be eligible to get one item from the 5SOS store at 75% off. We will be emailing you with a promo code. Thank you for coming out to see 5 Seconds of Summer tonight. We are sorry for the inconvenience," the arena broke out in loud chatter as I stepped away from the microphone. I hoped that would make up for the early cut off.

     I made my way backstage. Immediately, I was bombarded by them all asking me questions at once. I led them back to Cash and Michael and decided to ignore them for now. There was too much going on and all I cared about was Michael at the moment.

     We got back to Cash who was still on the floor with Michael. He made grabby hands for the only person he seemed to recognize, Calum, who had been friends with him since year 3 of school. With a small sniffle and fresh tears pooled in his eyes, he mumbled, "Cally," my heart clenched at the sight. It was by far the most vulnerable I'd ever seen him.

     Calum rushed to his side. "I'm here, buddy. It's okay," he said, stroking the boy's hair.

     "'M scared," he mumbled into Calum's lap. All Calum could do was comfort him. Michael pulled away from him after a minute or so, his adam's apple bobbing viciously. "Sick," Calum rubbed his back, silently letting him know that it was alright to throw up. Michael's back tensed, his shoulders rolling forward as he gagged emptily towards the ground. He hiccuped just before, lurching forward again. A small amount of puke poured from his mouth.

     “I'm getting him into the ambulance and taking him to the hospital,” Cash explained, gently picking Michael up, bridal style when he was finished throwing up so he could place him onto the gurney that the medical team was passing by us with. He glanced over his shoulder at Calum. "You can ride too. He seems to recognize you," all the boys' faces dropped, looks of pure terror replacing their worried expressions.

     “The hospital? Matt? What really happened? What are you not telling us?” Ashton asked worriedly, a hint of anger laced in his voice.

     I sighed heavily. “I already told you, he had a seizure. I'll explain more on the way there. Now, Cash, you go with Michael and drive him. I’ll take you boys in my car,” I said, knowing it would be too chaotic having everyone in one ambulance.

     "I'm riding with Mike," Calum insisted. I just waved my hand at him.

     "Fine, let's get to the car guys," I said, leading Luke and Ashton out of the room and out to the car. When we climbed into the car, the medics came out with the gurney, Calum tailing behind them like a lost puppy. We watched silently as they all loaded Michael into the back of the truck.

     When the tail lights of the ambulance flickered on, I turned my key in the ignition. I wasn't ready for the conversation I was about to have with the two lads in my car. What was I supposed to tell them? How was I going to explain to them that their best mate had no idea who they were? I wasn't even sure what had brought this all on.

     Just as I expected, Ashton was the first to talk. “Do you think he will be okay?” he asked. “Was it bad? What happened when he woke up?”

     I sighed heavily, I knew I couldn’t tell them the truth. “It was pretty bad. He didn’t say much when he came to; he was really out of it and that’s why he needs to be taken to the hospital,” I explained quickly, giving minimal details. I knew it would be too heartbreaking for everyone if I told the full truth. I looked at Luke who was sitting in the back seat and frowned. He was awfully quiet, resting his head in the palm of his hand and looked rather pale. “You alright, Luke?”

     Luke shrugged. “Just scared,” he mumbled. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same, but I needed to be the stronger one for them. I could tell I would hit my breaking point at some time though.

     “He will be fine. It's probably nothing serious,” I told him, forcing a reassuring smile, hoping what I said was true.

     Thankfully, we arrived at the hospital a few minutes later. By the time we walked through the emergency entrance, Calum was already being escorted in, despite his protests. He forcefully pulled away from the nurse's hands, looking absolutely furious with them. I told Ashton to handle him while I went to speak with the receptionist.

     "Just have a seat, sir. We will call his name when they are ready for you," I groaned. Of course that would be her response when I asked her about Michael. How typical. I joined them in the seating area, plopping down beside Luke and reiterated what she had told me.

     I felt the guilt welling inside me. I buried my face into the palms of my hands and leaned over my knees. Fuck, not now… I begged my body not to give into the stress, but it didn't seem to get the memo. A rough sob tore through my throat before I even knew it was coming.

     "Matt…" Calum sighed breathlessly. I heard someone get up from their chair and come over to me. They pulled me into their chest. I gratefully accepted, mortified by how I was acting.

     "I told him that he was faking… Why did I not see how he was feeling?" I questioned more to myself than anyone else.

     "Sh, it wasn't your fault, Matt. Please don't pin the blame on yourself," Luke said, rubbing his hand up and down my spine.

     "I- fuck, I just can't help it. He was so sick and I just blew it off. I made management believe he was fine. I was the reason they said no. Why am I so fucking dense? You guys even told me that he passed out this morning, but I still had him work through it," I rambled on and on.

     The boys' all stayed silent after I said that. I could tell they were pissed, but yet they still comforted me as I cried. It made me feel so undeserving.

     To make matters even worse, I felt myself starting to doze off, tired from all the crying I had been doing. The person who was holding me, shook me ever so slightly and roused me when I had actually dozed off. I sat up and took in my surroundings. So it was Ashton that was holding me that entire time. "Why don't you lean on Luke? You are clearly tired. We are probably going to be here awhile. You should get some rest," he said. I felt tears forming in my eyes again.

     "Why are you guys being so nice to me?" I asked. Luke was holding his arm out to let me cuddle against him, but once I said that he slowly lowered it.

     "We are mad, yes, but that doesn't change the fact that Michael is in the hospital. He is sick and no matter what you did today, it wouldn't have changed the outcome," Calum answered. "Besides, you've been here with us since the beginning," he added. Fuck! I curled forward, full on bawling my eyes out. Now I felt like I had to tell them what I had been trying to hide for their sake.

     "Hey, hey, Matt, what's going on?" Ashton asked frantically.

     "He-He-" I took a sharp breath in, choking on the unspoken words. "He forgot who I-I was…" I risked glancing at each of the boys. "He's probably forgotten everyone except Cal… I have no fucking clue as to w-why!" All of the boys' complexions had gone about 3 shades lighter. Ashton shuffled back over to his chair and plopped down, just staring straight ahead.

     "That's why Cash said that he seemed to recognize me," Calum stated in a monotone voice. I nodded. "I tried asking him why he said that, but all he said was to ask you. He said there had to be a reason why you didn't say and he didn't want to say anything if you didn't want him to."

     "Oh," I breathed, not really sure what to say. In truth, I was expecting Cash to tell him the full story.

Ashton's POV:

     Several hours had passed with no word on Michael's condition. Luke and Matt had fallen asleep cuddling each other.

     Calum and I had taken turns checking for any updates every hour. It was my turn. I headed over to the receptionist and asked again. The woman sighed, but looked his name up for the fifth time.

     "He has been admitted. It doesn't say much. He's going to be getting a few tests. I'm sorry sweetie, that's all I know," she explained with a shake of her head.

     "It doesn't say what tests he's getting?" I asked. She shook her head again. "Well, that's something at least. Thank you," I walked back over to the spot we had been sitting at all this time. A part of me wanted to sleep, but at the same time, I wanted to be awake for when the doctor actually did come out.

     It was nearly six in the morning when the doctor finally called Michael's name. I woke up the others and we all rushed over there. I straggled behind a little seeing as how I hadn't gotten any sleep at all.

     "Hello, family for Mr. Clifford I presume?" We all nodded.

     "I'm his uncle. These three are his brothers," Matt explained, gesturing to the three of us. The doctor easily bought it.

     "You guys may want to have a seat for this," shivers went down my spine. Those words are never something you want to hear a doctor start off with.

     "What's wrong with him is he going to be okay? Is he still alive?" Calum asked frantically as the doctor ushered us back over to the sitting area. The doctor stayed silent until we were all seated again.

     "First off, Mr. Clifford is alive. We did an extensive battery of tests. It appears that Mr. Clifford has a tumor in the frontal lobe of his brain," Calum and Luke started bawling. Matt and I looked at each other in shock.

     "A tumor… does that mean he has cancer?" I asked, taken back by the diagnosis.

     "We still need to run more tests. There is a chance it won't be," the doctor added. I nodded.

     "When can we see him?" Matt asked, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

     "I will be taking you back now, but I have to warn you, there are a lot of wires and tubes that are connected to him right now. He is still really confused and disoriented. He seems to be suffering from retrograde amnesia,"

     "What does retrograde mean? I've heard the term before, but I have no idea what it means," Luke asked, biting his lip to keep it from wobbling.

     "Retrograde is one of the two types of amnesia. Retrograde amnesia occurs usually as a result of a traumatic brain injury, but in the case of Mr. Clifford, it is caused by the tumor. With this ailment, a person can lose anywhere from a few minutes to decades of time and memories. They can lose memories of places they've been, small, trivial facts about themselves, people, and even how to do things they love, such as hobbies," we all gasped at that. I felt myself shaking, trembling.

     "We are in a band, and have been for nearly 7 years. Are you telling me there's a chance that Michael may never recall any of the time we spent together? Are you telling me that he may not even remember how to play guitar?" Calum sobbed, partially losing his temper toward the doctor. I reached over and pulled him close. The doctor looked particularly saddened.

     "There is a chance it could be permanent, but there is also a chance that it will be temporary. It depends on his recovery. Let's try to keep positive, please, for the sake of your brother. The last thing he needs right now is added stress," we all nodded. Luke swiped at his eyes and took a deep breath. I convinced Calum to do the same, but it took him a little longer to calm himself down. "There is something we will need to do, considering how bad his symptoms are. It is a risky procedure, but I wouldn't be telling you this if we didn't think it was absolutely necessary,"

     "What is it?" Matt asked nervously.

     "We believe our best course of action is to go in and remove the tumor in its entirety. Now, we are talking about brain surgery. There could be some complications. Do any of you know if Mr. Clifford has ever had any bad reactions to anesthesia before?" We all shook our heads.

     "Michael has had his wisdom teeth removed back when he was 14, I believe. He didn't have any bad reactions then," Calum explained. The doctor nodded and wrote that down in the notebook he was holding.

     "Alright, that's good to know. Okay, now, the risks of brain surgery are, and can include, problems with speech, memory, muscle weakness, balance, vision, and coordination issues. These problems may last a short while or they may not go away. There is a chance of a blood clot or bleeding in the brain, seizures, a stroke, coma, infection in the brain, wound, or skull, and brain swelling. Some of these, I'm afraid can be lethal, but I assure you all, he is in great hands," he turned and looked at Matt. Matt sat straighter in his seat and nervously glanced at each of us. "Now, are you able to sign for Mr. Clifford in the event that he cannot do so himself?"

     "Uh," he paused. "Michael has his parents and girlfriend. I believe they should be the ones to sign for him. Crystal is the closest. She's only in LA, but his parents are in Australia. I could give each of them a call if I have time," Matt answered.

     "That would be advised then. Thank you. If you would like, please follow me. I will lead you to his room. Take some time to get things situated and come to us when you are ready," Matt nodded again.

     After a few more minutes, the doctor made sure we were all ready, then he walked us to Michael’s room. My heart was racing, I didn’t know if I was able to hold back the tears.

     The doctor slowly opened the door, letting us go in first. I gasped lowly as I saw Michael while Luke burst into tears and Calum and Matt stared in shock. I felt tears coming to my eyes once again, but I tried my best to hold it.

     Michael gave us a confused look. My instant thought was that he had gotten who we were.

     “Guys?” Michael slurred, blinking a few times at us. I instantly smiled, happy that seemed to remember us. My smile quickly faded as I gave the doctor a worried look, he still seems so out of it.

     “He woke up confused, wasn’t sure where he was or why he was here. We tried to explain, but I don’t think he understood very well,” the doctor explained simply.

     Matt was the first to step closer to Michael. He went next to Michael’s bed, slowly grabbing his hand and holding it in his. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, quiet tears falling from his eyes again. Michael gave him a confused look. My eyes widened, he still didn’t remember him.

     “M-Matt?” Michael stuttered quietly, almost inaudibly.

     The biggest smile appeared on Matt’s face. “You remember me?” he asked. Michael only shrugged, not replying.

     Everyone in the room frowned after that. I once again turned to the doctor curiously. “What does he mean? Is this normal?” I asked, becoming worried by Michael’s behavior.

     "He's still probably a little spacy. He's been in and out mentally since he arrived," the doctor explained, walking over to Michael's other side. "Michael, can you tell me who this is?" He asked, referring to me.

     Michael furrowed his brows in concentration. "Mmm, Ashton," he concluded. I smiled brightly, happy he remembered me. The doctor pointed at Luke and Michael guessed correctly again. I huffed out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

     "Good job, buddy!" I encouraged him, squeezing by the doctor to hold his hand. He gripped my hand tightly on his own.

     "I'm scared Ashton," he admitted, looking up at me with glistening eyes. Matt raked his fingers through the man's hair.

     "You'll be okay though. Right, doc?" I looked to the doctor for reassurance. Thankfully, the doctor caught on and agreed. Michael didn't seem too sure, but nodded nonetheless. He pulled his hand away from mine with a small, barely audible groan, putting his hand on his stomach.

     "Are you feeling sick?" Luke asked from several feet away. Michael's mouth was hanging open slightly and he was breathing deeply. He nodded after giving it some thought. Matt reached for the pink bucket that was sitting on the bedside table and placed it on Michael's lap.

     Michael stared into the bucket and immediately spit flowed freely from his lips, hanging in strings. Just a couple seconds later, his stomach contracted with a loud dry heave. All he managed to bring up was some bile and mucous. He was completely empty. He let out an eerie sound that was something of a mix between a groan and a wail.

     I cringed, knowing how painful dry heaves tend to be. He started crying again. Calum popped up beside me and placed a hand on Michael's leg. "It's okay, Mike." Michael shook his head.

     "Hurts," he mumbled.

     "I know, bud," I cooed, taking his hand in mine. I squeezed it out of instinct. My eyes skimmed over all the tubes that were connected to him, all the wires, all the machines he was hooked up to. It was so much to take in. Almost too much. Please don't let it be cancer… the thought ran through my head. I wanted to scream. I really didn't want Mike to be ill anymore. None of us did.

     "I'm going to step out for a second," Matt's voice had cut through the silence like a knife in butter, bringing me out of my stupor.

     "Mind if I come with you?" Luke asked. Matt didn't mind. I saw Michael look on in sadness as Luke left the room.

     "He won't be gone long. I think he just needs some time to breathe, buddy," I spoke calmly to him. He looked at me and I could just see the anguish in his dulled green eyes.

     I wrapped him in a well needed hug. "You will get through this," Calum expressed with a light smile. Michael scooted over and pat the bed on the side Calum was on.

     "I want a cuddle," Cal's face softened and he climbed onto the bed very carefully. Michael rested his head on Calum's chest with a sigh of contentment.

     After a moment of silence, soft snores filled the room. Calum and I chatted amongst ourselves, neither one of us bringing up the "C" word or the surgery. Matt and Luke walked in and joined our conversation. The air was thick with worry, but with everyone together, it all seemed to melt away for a moment.

Michael's POV:

     "Hey, Mike, open your eyes, bud," I was being shaken awake by someone. I didn't want to be awake. That was when the pain was at its worse. When I was asleep, it all was gone. Why could they just leave me alone?

     The voice didn't stop. I eventually pried my eyes open. I blinked away the fogginess and my heart nearly skipped a beat. There, in front of me were the most beautiful set of icy blue eyes.
My breath caught in my throat. "C-Crys?" I choked. She was beaming. I ran my fingers through her gorgeous platinum blonde locks, truly admiring her beauty as if I had laid eyes on her for the first time.

     "Hey, baby. I'm here. I'm right here," she said, putting her forehead against mine. I nuzzled into her, taking in this moment. I wasn't even sure if I was dreaming, but I was enjoying the moment nonetheless.

     "Is this a dream? Are you really here?" I asked. She chuckled, intertwining her fingers with mine.

     "I'm really here," she tucked some of my hair behind my ear and I found myself leaning into her touch.

     "I've missed you so much," I sighed. In this moment of clarity, I remembered that situation I was in. My face dropped. "Crys, I'm so scared," I said with a sob.

     "Aw, baby, come here," I shuffled over to her, nuzzling into her chest as the crying picked up.

     "I don't want to die…" my bottom lip wobbled the more I thought about it. "I- cancer, Crys, I could have cancer. This is the most clear my mind has been all day. Finally, the fog clears and I realize that I might die! I don't want to leave everything behind…" she was holding onto me tightly, light cries muffled into my hair. I was upsetting her. "I want to marry you. I want to be able to start a family with you. You are the love of my life. I love you so much, babe. I want to see my family again- Mom, dad, Southy, Moose-Moose- hell, I want to perform one more time for our fans. I don't want that to be the last time they see me…" I muffled a wail into my palm. I was shaking something terrible.

     Crystal was lightly rocking me, calming me from my fit. She knew that I just needed her to be there. I didn't need words. I just needed her presence. I took a deep breath, breathing on her sweet perfume. She was really with me. Just knowing that allowed me to relax a little. She was here; she was holding me.

     "I love you," I said softly.

     "I love you too, baby, more than you believe," I felt her lips grace my forehead.

     "If I make it out of here, I'm marrying you. That is a promise. It'll be the best night of your life. We've been together for four damn years," I chuckled ever so slightly, wiping my eyes. "I think you deserve a ring by now. Thank you for putting up with me,"

     "I'm glad I found you," she squeezed me as if she never wanted to let go. I didn't want her to. I wanted to freeze time, be in her arms forever. With her, I am home. No matter how terrible the situation, it was perfect as long as we were together.

     She took a small breath. I could tell she was contemplating saying something to me. "What is it, babe?" I asked.

     "Are you guys going to tell the fans?" She hesitated a bit, pulling away from me.

     "I- uh- I hadn't really thought about it, if I'm being honest. I don't know if I want them to see me like this. This- I'm at my worse right now. I doubt they could handle seeing me like this and I doubt I could handle it," I was getting choked up again. She grabbed ahold of my hand again. I pulled her hand up to my lips, giving it the lightest kiss before I held it over my heart.

     I looked her in the eyes for the first time since she came in. They were red and tear filled. "I'm sorry," she wiped her eyes. "I'm trying to stay strong for you. I don't want to lose you. I think you will survive. If you have cancer, you will be able to fight it. I know you can. You are the strongest person I know," I gave her a watery smile and signalled for her to lay beside me. She obliged and I cuddled back into her side.

     "I'm tired, Crys," I mumbled. Her fingers brushing my hair was lulling me back to sleep.

     "You can rest, baby. I'll be here when you wake," I hummed and closed my eyes.

     When I woke next, the room was dark, the only light in the room was pouring in from the hallway through the window in the door. Even in the dark, I could make out Crystal's sleeping form. I sighed contently and turned onto my back. I furrowed my brows when I felt an unsettling amount of cold air hit my crotch. Why did it feel- oh no… I reached my hand down and felt wetness. My face turned as red as a cherry. I wet the bed. I was so embarrassed. I felt the sheets, panicking when I felt that the wetness had seeped under Crystal.

     "Oh God, Chrys?" I shook her awake. At first, she just bat my hand away. Her eyes opened slightly.

"Mm, why is the bed wet?" She mumbled, her voice still heavy with sleep. I whined slightly, feeling myself getting emotional again. She sat up abruptly. I think that's when it clicked.

     "Hey, hey, it's not a big deal, baby. It happens, okay," She hugged me again and I squirmed out of her hold, too embarrassed to be comforted by her. "Look, babe, don't be embarrassed. You are connected to all of those fluids. It isn't your fault,"

     "I got it on you…" I said, turning away from her, feeling completely ashamed.

     "I'm not mad, alright? Babe, look at me," she grabbed onto my chin and turned my head so that I was facing her. "Here's what we are going to do. I'm going to get up and press the call button to get a nurse in here. I'm going to explain what happened and they are going to bring us some new clothes and we are going to get you into a nice hot shower. How does that sound?" I nodded. It did sound nice.

     She did as she said she would. I felt the shame really set in as she told the man that had walked in. He seemed to understand. He brought me a new grown along with some pants, and some scrubs for Crystal. A couple of nurses came in behind him to change the bedding. I felt sick seeing one of the nurses holding new sheets in her hands.

     One of them unhooked me from all the equipment and dressed my arm so that the IV connection wouldn't get ruined under the water. I felt weak as Crystal helped me up off the bed. I groaned and put my hand on my head. I still felt slightly dizzy too. I heard another groan in the room.

     "What's going on?" I heard Luke ask. My blood ran cold. I had no idea they were all in the room with us.

     "Nothing, Lu, go back to sleep," Crystal said, quietly. I turned to see him looking tiredly over his shoulder from his position on his stomach.

     "You sure?" He muttered.

"Yes, I'm sure. It's fine. Michael and I are just going to take a shower really quick," he nodded and smashed his face back into the pillow. I was quite surprised to see Luke, Calum, and Ashton all on the small pull out bed in the couch. Matt was snoring away in the recliner. I didn't know how I didn't notice.

     Crystal helped me walk to the bathroom, sitting me down on the closed toilet as she got the shower ready. I groaned, putting my head in my hand. My stomach was churning wildly from the trek into the small conjoined room. I thought before that it was just from the mortification, but I supposed it wasn't.

     A gurgling retch had me shooting up. I fumbled with the lid and crouched down in front of the toilet, barely getting my head over the water as a wave of watery vomit shot out of my mouth. I heard the water shut back off. "Aw, babe. You didn't say you were feeling sick," Crys said as she walked over. I couldn't even respond because my stomach was sending up another wave. She ran her hand up and down my spine the whole time I was being sick.

     I coughed harshly toward the murky water. I sniffled and readjusted so that I was sitting down rather than crouching. I tore my shirt off, feeling way too overheated, and wrapped my arms around my stomach. I still felt unbearably nauseated. I swallowed hard, resting my cheek against the seat of the toilet. Not even 5 seconds after I did that, I was forced back over the water at the force of a retch.

    "I don't feel well, Crys," I whimpered. She shushed me and stood up. She grabbed a cloth from the bucket they brought us that was filled with shower supplies and wet the cloth, bringing it over to me and draping it over my neck. I moaned, feeling the cool water drip down my back. She always knew what to do. Thankfully, in a couple minutes, I felt like I was finished throwing up.

     I reached up and pulled a couple squares of toilet paper from the roll, blowing my nose and wiping my mouth. I felt thoroughly disgusting. I was literally sitting in my own piss, drenched in sweat. "I really need that shower," I mumbled, trying to push myself into a standing position. I was too weak, but with Crystal's help, we managed. I was actually winded when I was standing.

     "You alright?" She asked me with her hand on my shoulder. I didn't feel alright, but I nodded, ignoring the wooziness that was setting in. She helped me strip my pants and underwear and turned the shower back on. I sat back down on the toilet while we waited for the water to get warm. "Okay, it's warm," I had her help me up again. She had me step in first. She stepped in right after, soaps in hand. She placed the soaps on the shelf in the shower and grabbed the shampoo. She worked it into my hair and my eyes fluttered closed as she massaged it onto my scalp. Crystal started humming our song, her beautiful hums filling the room, bouncing off the walls. She had me step under the stream to rinse my hair.

     "Do you think we could skip the conditioner?" I asked her. Her eyes widened. I never skipped the conditioner since my hair began falling out from all the excessive bleach way back when. She nodded and reached for the body wash. She washed my body with gentle hands, careful of the rash that was forming on my lower half.

     She quickly washed herself and we both stood under the water. I put my chin on her shoulder and held her, but the dizziness quickly won out. I stumbled back out of her arms, trying hard not to slip in the process, knowing that if I did, I wouldn't be able to get up.

     "Are you really alright?" She asked again.

     "I'm dizzy," I answered honestly this time. Out of nowhere, I jolted forward with a dry heave. I held onto Crys' shoulder tightly as I gagged emptily.

     "I think it's time to get out," I hummed in agreement. I wanted to be in bed. She quickly got me dressed and as she was cleaning up, I held onto the doorframe, trying to walk on my own on shaky legs. I ended up tripping. I fell hard on my arm, right into the metal mechanics of the pullout sofa bed. I screamed, waking everyone in the room. The light was briskly turned on and to our horror the IV had been ripped out of my arm and blood was dripping to my fingers and down onto the floor.

     "Oh my God, Michael!" Matt and Crystal rushed over while Calum ran out of the room to call for help. Luke and Ashton were trying to calm me down so I didn't make myself pass out. I wasn't far from it either. A flock of nurses came rushing in. They had everyone back off while one of them accessed the damage done to my arm.

     "What happened?" I heard one of them ask.

     "He fell. We were all sleeping so I'm not really sure," Ashton answered. I felt myself growing lightheaded. I informed the nurse who was looking at my arm and she told the other nurses to prop me up on the wall in case I were to faint. I groaned at the movement, but at least felt more stable against the wall.

     "Crys…" I pleaded. She rushed over to me and I fell into her, feeling my consciousness fading.

     "I think he might need a couple stitches to close the wound. Jen, could you grab me a suture kit, please?" The nurse ran off to grab it and came back mere seconds later with one in her hand.

     "Here," the nurse accepted it and grabbed a pair of gloves.

     "This may hurt a little," I nodded and closed my eyes. It didn't hurt that bad. I was more tired than anything at the point. It was done quickly and I was asleep by the time it was done.

     Next thing I knew, I heard muffled voices. I looked around, shocked to see my parents in the room. "Mum, Dad?" They turned to me and their eyes filled with pure relief.

     "You're awake! We were just informed of everything that happened," my mum said. I started crying again. The whole thing happened with Crystal repeated, only I was in the arms of both my parents.

     When I calmed down, I talked to them for a while, enjoying everybody I loved being around me. I felt awkward when I had to pee again. It was when I asked Crys for help to the bathroom that she pointed out the fall risk bracelet, which meant I couldn't get out of bed. Great.

     Crystal pressed the call button for me and one of the nurses from earlier walked in. One of the boys told him that I had to use the bathroom and to my horror, the nurse left and came back with a bed pan.

     "Do I really have to use that?" I asked, scrunching up my face in disgust.

     "Afraid so. According to your chart, you are not allowed out of bed for any reason due to your fall last night," I groaned.

     "We will all step outside, honey," my mum explained. She gestured for the others to follow her and dad out the door. It was just Crys, the nurse, and I in the room.

     I felt so uncomfortable using that bed pan. I even had trouble going, seeing as how I was laying down. I had my face covered the whole time. I was told that I would have to use it the duration of my stay at the hospital.

     "So," Crystal started. "When is the surgery?" I looked over at the doctor, waiting for a response. Half of me was hoping he would say it was canceled.

     "I would have to discuss the exact time with his doctor, but since his parents just arrived, it would be pretty soon," my heart dropped into my stomach.

     "I really don't want the surgery," I whined. Crys just rubbed my shoulder. 

     "I don't blame you, but it needs to be done," the nurse said. I nodded sadly. The nurse left. I turned to Crystal, wiping my eyes for the millionth time.

     "Can you hand me my phone, please? I want- no need to do something," she dug into the plastic bag that held all my belongings and pulled out my phone. She quickly checked the battery and handed it to me.

     "The battery is at sixty-five percent. Do you need anything else?" I shook my head.

     "Could you step out, please?" She frowned, but agreed. As she left the room, I heard her tell the others that I needed some space while I did whatever it was that I had to do. The door clicked behind her. I was a mess as I unlocked my phone. I took a deep breath and opened my camera.

Crystal's POV:

     While out in the hallway, Michael's doctor had approached us to tell us that his surgery would be in around an hour. I held my breath. I really didn't want him to go under the knife. His doctor explained again the necessity of the procedure. He was holding the consent forms in his hands. Michael's parents signed for them.

     We waited until we got the okay from Michael to re-enter his room. He asked Matt to get a piece of paper and a pen. He wanted to write a will 'just in case'.

     It was hard to watch him write it up. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He had been crying already. When he was done, he rolled it up and handed it to Matt to be taken care of. He thanked him and laid back down on the bed. Whatever he had done while we were outside had really drained all the energy out of him.

     The time came. An anesthesiologist came to prepare him for the surgery, informing him of all the risks, what to expect, how to care for the wound, etc. A team of nurses swarmed the room once the anesthesiologist left the room.

     Michael had grown pale in the moments leading up to the surgery. It was very obvious he was terrified. I held him for as long as I could. He handed me his phone, begging me to show the others all the videos that he had recorded. I promised I would. When the medical staff came in to get him, I was allowed to walk alongside him up to the doors.

     I was bawling when the doors closed. My path to Michael had been severed. We were all told that this surgery had risks, one of them being death. I had been doing everything in my power to stay strong for my boyfriend, but I could only be an emotional rock for so long. My own supports caved once I lost sight of him.

     I nearly fell to my knees in a fit of sobs. If it weren't for Daryl's arms holding me up, I would have. I turned and buried my face in his chest, just letting myself lose it.

     "He will be okay, Crystal," he sighed, running his hand along my back. I could hear the boys crying as well. That only made me cry harder.

     "I don't want to lose him, dad. I can't. I-" I started hyperventilating. Karen shushed me and told me to breathe, but I couldn't. I knew I should have believed that Michael would come back and be perfectly fine, but I couldn't help the feeling that I was going to lose him forever. I kept hearing Michael telling me that when he gets out of here he would marry me. I wanted that to happen. I needed that. "Mikey wants to marry me. He said so last night," I spoke after I caught my breath.

     "Oh, sweetie, that's amazing. Honestly, you two are a perfect match. I have been waiting for him to propose to you," Karen said. I chuckled and she tossed her arm over my shoulder.
I glanced down at the phone in my hand. Michael wanted me to play each of the videos he recorded.

     I cleared my throat after a few seconds to get everyone’s attention. “Umm, Michael wanted me to share a few videos with you guys,” I announced when I saw all heads turn towards me. My voice was shaky and I didn’t know if I could handle the video right now, but I knew Michael wanted us to see them.

     I sat down in one of the chairs, sitting closest to Karen and Daryl since they were already sitting. I glanced up at the others, waiting for them to do the same. Soon enough, they did.
“What are these?” Luke asked. I shrugged, having no clue.

     Once I saw that everyone seemed ready, I went into the file where the videos were and clicked on the first one I saw, glancing at them all one more time before I pressed play.     "To the love of my life, I am going into surgery soon to get this brain tumor out. I am scared, and broken. I just wanted you to know how much I love you. If I don't make it out of this for whatever reason," I covered my mouth with the palm of my hand. Were these videos really meant as final goodbyes? "I knew from the moment I saw you that you were the one. You are perfect in every way imaginable. You make me laugh when I am sad. You see the side of me that no one else sees, all my flaws, my weaknesses, the pain, the jealousy, the anger, everything.” Tears already were slowly falling from my eyes. “You bring out the best of me. You are the good that is in me. If I wasn't with you, I don't know where I would be. You have saved me from the darkest pits of depression. I love you so much. No matter what happens to me, today, tomorrow, or the course of these next few months, just remember that. I know I said this last night, but you really are my everything Crystal Leigh," Once the video stopped, I burst into tears, placing the phone in my lap, and hiding my face in both of my hands. I heard one of the boys crying as well, I just couldn’t tell who it was.

     Thoughts couldn’t stop running through my mind. This was it. These are Michael’s last words to me.

     Everyone else was silent, completely in shock. I felt a hand on my back as my body shook with each sob.

     “Hey, come here” Calum said softly, breaking the silence in the room.

     I slowly lifted my head, turning to him and instantly hugging him. My cries only turned into harder sobs if that was even possible. I buried my head into Calum’s shoulder as I felt him tighten his hold on me.

     We stayed like that for a few minutes, I was totally uncontrollable of myself.

     After a few minutes I felt as if I had no more tears left to cry. I slowly gathered all my strength to push myself away from Calum. I slowly wiped the tears from my eyes and let out a deep sigh. I took his phone from my lap. “There’s more,” I said.

     “Crystal, we don’t need to watch them all right now. We can take a break if-” Ashton was saying, but I cut him off by shaking my head.

     “No, I’m ready,” I insisted. “The next one is titled parents.” I said. With shaking hands, I pressed play, handing Karen the phone.

     "To my mother and father, thank you for always providing for me. Getting me through the toddler years and so on must have been nearly impossible: all of those busted knees, those nights where I would wake up screaming because of the boogeyman or whatever demon was haunting me on those nights, and getting me through the years of heartache. Thank you for all the birthdays, all the presents, and most of all allowing me the opportunity to become the man I am today. I wouldn't be able to enjoy my life as a member of a world famous band if it weren't for you. I love you mum. I love you dad. I want you to know that I am, and will be forever grateful to have had you two as my parents," the video ended with a smiling Michael. It didn't seem like a real smile. His eyes were filled with hurt, brimming with unshed tears.

     Karen was worse than me when she broke down. Even Daryl was left a blubbering mess as he embraced his wife. The video was short, but it was no less beautiful. I comforted them as much as I could.

     The phone was handed off to me again. The next video was for Calum. I handed him the phone.

     "To Cal, you have been my best friend since the beginning. We met in grade school, year three, if I recall. I remember when you and I met. We both loved singing and playing guitar. We were in the school choir together," Calum's lips twitched into the faintest of smiles. "In high school, you had convinced me to join a band, insisting that we would get famous. You had me record videos with you, Luke, and Ashton," Michael chuckled with a small shake of his head. "You and I did one. I don't remember which one of us said it, but I remember one of us telling our subscribers to make us famous. Little did we know it would really happen, right? Now touring the world with you has been both annoying and the best thing that's ever happened to me. Thank you for believing in me, even when I didn't have faith in myself. I love you Cally," with that the video ended.

     Calum was a mess as well when the video ended. “God, please let him be okay,” he talked out loud to himself. He looked down at the phone again, smiling and laughing lightly, wiping his tears. “Ashton is next,” he announced, giving the phone to Ashton.

     "To Ashton, you are one of the most quirky people I know. You are full of wits, full of charm, and you are one of the funniest people I know. You and I were polar opposites when we met. I thought I was punk rock and could do anything I wanted. I cussed up a storm with no filter and I didn't give a shit who heard. God, I-" he broke out into a fit of laughter, making all of us perk up a bit. Even scared, Michael still had the sense to laugh. "Do you remember when you accidentally cussed in a live interview? You covered your mouth and got all embarrassed. All of us were a little shocked, honestly," Michael's face dropped a little and he messed with something out of the frame on his lap for a moment. "I'm sitting here wondering if you were scared like I am now when you had your appendix removed. I cannot believe we nearly boarded that plane. You would have been d-" Michael ran his hand through his hair as he choked on a sob. "I'm so scared. I don't want to die…. I'm so sorry- I can't-" the video cut off there.

     Ashton surprisingly handled it the best… until the end. It was obvious he was trying his best with everything in him not to cry. He bit his lip hard, a few single tears streaming down his cheek. “Fuck,” he muttered, mostly to himself. “Excuse me for a minute,” he added, his voice breaking at the end.

     “Ash-” Luke was saying, but Ashton cut him off by handing him the phone and quickly getting up and running off. Luke sighed heavily, “He doesn’t like crying in front of people,” he explained, looking at all of us with an apologetic frown.

     We waited for Ashton to come back to start the next video which was Luke’s. Thankfully, a few minutes later Ashton returned. His eyes were red and glossy and he looked awful.

     “All good?” Luke asked, looking at Ashton. Once Ashton nodded, Luke pressed play for his next video.

     "If Ashton is standing beside you, I love you Ash. I'm sorry about how the video ended. Anyway, Luke, you have grown to be one of my brother's. We went from hating each other, to sharing a bus, food, clothes, you name it. I can't count how many times I've cuddled with you or taken care of you when you were sick. I'm sorry for all the times I screamed at you and called you names and what not. If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. I admire you, hell, I look up to you. You are a model as a side job. I wish I could do that, but I don't look nearly as good as you. To be fair, it's not like I am a fan fave, not by many at least. You may be the youngest in the band, but I honestly feel, out of every one of us in the band, you have the most potential. No offense to Cal or Ash, of course. I'm kind of running out things to say. I guess, if I don't survive this, please tell the fans that I loved them and I was happy to have helped make millions of people's lives worth living. I love you brother," Luke brought in a shaky inhale.

     "I'm not even that great. He's giving me too much credit," he laughed dryly, swiping away at his dry face. "He doesn't even realize his worth. He better survive this. He needs to know how amazing he is," Luke added. He glanced down at the phone, his lips parting slightly. "The last video is for Matt," Matt had been quiet the entire time. He was sort of huddled over in a corner.

     "Matt, do you want to give yours a listen?" Ashton asked. Luke held the phone out to him. Matt unfurled, lifting his head from on top of his knees.

     "Sure," he reluctantly took the phone from Luke's grasp. He glanced up at us before hitting play.

     "Okay, last video. Matt! Bah!!! I'm running out of things to say," Michael ran his hand through his hair with mild frustration. It was clear he was actually trying not to laugh. "Well, thank you for being a second father figure to the band and I even if you are only around ten years older than us. You have been there since the start of the band. I believe you joined us around when we were touring with One Direction. Thank you for putting up with all of our crazy antics. Love you Matt," The videos ended. We were all a mess, but at least in the end, Mike made us all chuckle.

     It couldn't get more raw than this. The emotion we all felt was so real. We were all left hoping, praying that Michael would come out of this safe and sound.

     A couple of hours went by. I was just staring at the wall the entire time. Ashton asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink, but I turned it down. I wasn't wanting anything.

     Five hours after the doors had closed, the surgeon finally came out to talk to us. I held my breath as he walked over to us. "Mr. Clifford is in recovery right now. His surgery was a success," he explained with a large and tired smile on his face. I felt like I was able to breathe for the first time in a long time. Hearing those words was the breath of fresh air that I needed.

     "Thank you so much!" Daryl shook the man's hand.

     "Of course. You guys will have to be quiet while Amy brings you back to him and you can't touch his head. It's very fragile right now. I had to remove a decent sized chunk of skull in order to get to the tumor. He will be in a lot of pain over the next several weeks," I nodded, not fully processing what he was telling us. Michael was still alive. That was all that was really going around in my head at that moment.

     Amy took us all back into the room a few minutes after that. We all walked in quietly, none of us saying a word.

     Michael wasn’t awake yet which worried me. I looked towards Amy with a frown. "He's still out?" I asked dumbly. Amy nodded.

     "We just haven't woken him yet. I am going to in a minute or so. We actually need to do some cognitive function tests," Calum mumbled 'huh'. He had no idea what she meant and quite frankly, I didn't either. "Are you wondering what the term 'cognitive function' is?" She asked. Calum and I nodded. "Well, we need to decipher whether Mr. Clifford can perform simple tasks, such as speaking and moving. There is more to it, but it's a little hard to explain,"

     "Oh, right, that's a part of the risks, right?" Matt asked. Amy nodded.

     "That is correct," Amy said swiftly. "I will need to call the neurologist that's on the medical team," she turned and went to walk away.

     "Wait!" Ashton called out to her, stopping her in her tracks. She turned back around to look at us and waited for him to continue. "Um, how long until we get the results from the biopsy?" He asked. All heads turned to the woman. Her mouth opened as if to answer, but she quickly closed it again, speechless.

     "You guys will have to talk to his doctor about that. I'm not really sure about the answer and I don't want to provide you with false information," she explained. She apologized and walked away to get the neurologist.

     I walked over to the bed that Michael was laying on. I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. Seeing him with the bandage wrapped around his head and tube down his throat was a terrible sight. I grabbed his hand and sat on the small space on the bed beside him. We waited for the neurologist and Amy.

     They headed over to us once they entered the large recovery room. They had me move away from him. I went to the foot of the bed and watched as she pushed some sort of medicine into the IV port on the tube. Within a couple minutes, Michael's eyes fluttered open. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw his baby green eyes land on me. I was the first thing his eyes landed on.

     Michael's finger twitched just before he lifted his arm, reaching out for me. I glanced over to the doctor, silently asking if I could go over to him. He nodded. I rushed back to his side and grabbed his hand again. "I'm right here baby," I said lightly kissing the X on his middle finger. I felt a hand land on my shoulder and looked to see who it was. It was the neurologist.

     "The fact that he was able to reach out is a good thing. What is your relationship with him?" He asked.

     "I'm his girlfriend. I've been with him for four, almost five years now," I said, locking eyes with Michael again.

     "He might recognize you," the doctor stated.

     "Do you recognize me, baby?" I asked Michael. He nodded slightly, restricted by the tube on his mouth. I smiled.

     The neurologist went to the other side of the bed and shined a small light in Michael's eyes. He did not like that one bit. With him still being out of it, he wasn't cooperating with the doctor. He was turning his head away, shutting his eyes, and even grunting somehow. With the ventilator being in, that had to be painful for him.

     "Hey, baby, hey… you need to let him check your eyes," I said carefully caressing his cheek, getting his attention again. His hand let go of mine and he slowly began to raise his hand to his head. "No, Mike! You can't touch your head, baby. You just had surgery," I reminded him. He grunted again, glancing at the neurologist with a slight nod. He let the neurologist check them this time.

     "Pupils are reactive. You shouldn't be in any pain since you just woke up from the anesthesia. I'm going to go now, but you will be seeing a lot of me for the next few days," he said to Michael. Michael gave a weak thumbs up. He left and Amy came up to us with Michael's doctor by her side.

"Hello everyone. I have the biopsy results. I am ecstatic to inform you that Mr. Clifford does not have cancer. The tumor was benign," he said with a large grin. We all broke out in cheers.

No POV:

     Karen hugged the doctor in the midst of her joyous relief. The doctor looked a bit uncomfortable over the hug, but patted her back. "How is Mr. Clifford doing?" The doctor asked, coming over to the bed.

     “I think he’s okay. He’s a bit out of it, but I assume that’s normal,” Ashton replied, still smiling. He had been worried that his friend was going to die, they all had, but he felt like he could finally relax. It was only then that he realized how tense he had been.

     “Yes, that’s normal, but he’ll snap out of it over a couple of days, especially when the anesthesia wears off.” the doctor agreed, before adding, “The tumor shouldn’t return, as it’s benign, so Mr. Clifford should be in the clear from here on out. We will need to monitor him for a few months, but that shouldn’t be too invasive on his life.”

     It was all good news, and they decided to let Michael sleep for a bit, to try and sleep the anesthesia off a bit, and hopefully he’d wake up being more coherent. It was the next morning as the surgery had taken a while, so the boys decided to get some sleep too, leaving Michael to head back to the bus currently parked around the corner from the hospital. They were hoping that he could be moved out of the ICU the next day.

     Michael woke up as the sun was rising, before the boys made it back to the hospital. The nurse came in to move him to a new room. His own room. Now that he didn’t need as much care, they could move him somewhere more private, just in case there were fans in the hospital.

     The room was nice, large enough for all of the boys and a few extra visitors, with a small stack of chairs in the corner for them to use. It also had its own bathroom, thankfully. He decided to try and freshen up as much as he could before anyone turned up. He felt gross, and knew that even a bit of soap would make him feel so much better.

     He had to wait for the nurse to come back first though, as she wouldn’t let him get out of bed on his own at first. He was grateful for her presence as when he stood up, his legs wobbled, and if she hadn’t supported his arm, he was fairly sure he would have face planted the floor.

     He was escorted to the bathroom, but was glad to get some privacy in there, and after using the bathroom, was able to wash his body with the tiny soaps provided. He couldn’t get his head wet because of the stitches and bandages, but he was very careful to not mess them up.

     By the time he felt better and left the bathroom, his new room was full of bright eyes, smiley people, all glad that he was doing much better. Karen walked over to Michael and hugged him. "It's so good to see you up and walking," she smiled. Michael nodded, not quite feeling up to talking. His throat still stung from the tube of the ventilator.

     He was quite unsteady on his feet and seeing that, had Daryl rushing to his aid. His parents helped get him back to his bed. Michael instantly snuggled into the sheets. It was already cold in the hospital, but being wet, chilled him to the bone.

     "It's f-fucking freezing," he muttered with his teeth chattering. Crystal cooed, sitting next to him to help to provide a little of her warmth.

     Michael quickly snuggled against her, not being particularly wet now as he dried fast, and she stroked his back gently, helping to get some heat and love across.

     There was a knocking at the door and as per usual, all heads turned to see who it was. It was the neurologist, coming to see how Michael was doing. He was scheduled to check on him three times a day until Michael is set to leave the hospital. It was still up in the air as to when that would be.

     "So how long until he can leave?" Calum addressed. The neurologist stood, pocketing his mini flashlight.

     "He will be able to leave in two days. Mr. Clifford seems to be handling the operation well. So far, he has been responding perfectly fine to all the tests," Calum nodded, sending a smile over in Michael's direction. "As long as he continues to show improvement upon every examination, he will definitely be out of here in a couple of days," Michael croaked out a short, ecstatic cheer.

     "I'll- be happy to- get out of- here," Michael expressed, pausing in between words to swallow when the pain got too bad.

     "Preserve your voice, Mike. Try not to talk too much," Luke reminded him. Michael blushed briefly. A vocalist's voice is something to take great care of. It was obvious and Michael hadn't even thought about that fact when he spoke.

     "I've got to go now. I will be back later, Mr. Clifford. I'll see you then," The neurologist announced his departure before he left the room.

     With it being only close family and friends (basically all family) in the room, Luke spoke up. "Michael we need to have a serious talk. Well, I talk, you listen," he corrected, pulling up a chair. Michael watched him, staring at Luke with mild panic in his eyes. "It's nothing too serious and you aren't in any sort of trouble, but in the video to me, you said that you weren't as valuable as me. Michael, I, we, want you to know that you are extremely, and I mean extremely important and valuable. Your self worth, what you see in yourself, is so low that you have really led yourself to believe that you are nothing?" Luke scrunched up his face. "Michael, we almost lost you. You have no idea how upsetting it was to find that out in what could have been your last words to me. When we get out, we are going to find a way for you to work on that, alright?" Luke paused, waiting for some form of reaction from the lad in front of him. When he got nothing, but Michael staring at his hands he tried again. "Alright?" Michael sighed, but nodded.

     Michael motioned writing something down. Ashton was quick to grab his phone and hand it to him. "I'm sorry if I've upset you," Michael typed, showing Luke the phone.

     "We were already upset, Mike. I promise you though, you will be able to see that you are worth more than gold by the time we are finished with you. Actually, scratch that, we will never be done with you," Luke joked. The whole room erupted into a fit of giggles, even Michael, who's throat was shredded.

     "So," Crystal started, seemingly hesitant to continue. "Did you really mean what you said the other night, before the surgery, and on the video? When you spoke about marrying me and wanting to start a family?" Michael's mother watched him intently, glaring at him as he typed his response.

     "I meant every word of it. I love you Crys, with all my heart. Being with you makes me happy. I can't truly put it into words. I WILL marry you. I'm going to have these guys help me propose too," he put the writing into a voice simulation so that it was spoken rather than read. Calum through his arm over Crystal's shoulder.

     "Damn right! And you won't know when it'll be coming. We'll make sure of that much. It could be today, tomorrow, well, maybe not, but it could be any day and we will make sure you won't suspect a thing," Calum teased. She scoffed at him playfully, throwing his arm off her.

     "Right, because you are all the romantic types," Crystal poked back. Cal and Ashton both put their hand against their chests, playing off as if she offered them. Laughter filled the room again. That moment was perfect, it encapsulated the beauty in life. It also showed just how much a scary moment could turn your perspective on things for the better.

     As promised by the neurologist, Michael was released two days later after receiving a clean bill of health. He was told to rest for a couple of weeks, to which management had no choice but to agree on.

     A month passed and it came the time he would propose to the love of his life. It would be a perfect night in the spot where they first met almost six years ago. He paced back and forth as he waited for her to arrive.

     Michael's heart skipped a beat when he laid his eyes on her. Crystal looked as stunning as ever in her white dress. Michael felt it hugged her slim frame just right. He chuckled, sparing a glance at his own clothes that seemed out of sorts for the occasion, but he had to keep the element of surprise.

     He held her hand as he led her to the extravagant canopy where they would be dining. Crystal's jaw dropped, her eyes sparkling with the reflection of the fairy lights that surrounded the canopy. White roses were wrapped around the beams, white petals scattered about on the bedding.

The pair ate in candlelight and as the sun was setting, Michael took her to walk alongside the pool. He tossed the box in hand pocket a few times before pulling it out. He let Crystal walk a few steps ahead so that she wouldn't see him get down on one knee. He called her name. She turned around and froze, a hand covering her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. She quickly agreed. Michael stood, easily sliding the ring onto her finger.

There was no speech, but to the two of them, the night was perfect. Words didn't need to be said to know they would be happy in each other's arms for the rest of each other's lives.

Here is an actual photo of the proposal! Let's just pretend they are down on that beach.

And here is collage I put together of their little secret wedding they had. They let everyone in on it and shared these photos on their one year anniversary. Still tripping out that Mike is a married man.