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“I told you!” Cartman yelled, jumping up from where he’d been dropped on the ground. He then turned to where Kyle was lying on the ground saying, “I told you it would work.”
“I never said it wouldn’t work. I just told you that maybe you shouldn’t take yourself in the past at first just in case.” Kyle said, standing up and brushing himself off.
“And then why did you tag along huh?” Cartman said, to which Kyle rolled his eyes.
“Just in case you fucked you big time,” Kyle said.
“What the fuck?” They heard behind them.
Cartman laughed as he turned around, having to look down to look at his past self, “looks like it worked better than I thought.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” Kyle asked, squinting.
“I don’t know I thought maybe it was like a day, but clearly we’re back quite a few years,” Cartman said, shrugging.
“God, you’re an idiot,” Kyle said, facepalming.
“Hey,” Cartman started before he was interrupted.
“Seriously, what the fuck is going on.” Ten-year-old Cartman said, interrupting his future self.
“I’m you from the future.” Cartman said rolling his eyes, “Seriously kid, context clues.”
“Hey don’t act like I’m dumb.” Young Cartman said.
“Come on dipshit, you couldn’t notice the fac-“ Cartman was interrupted pretty quickly by Kyle.
“Seriously, stop fighting with your ten-year-old self,” Kyle said, smacking Cartman from his time upside the head.
“Hah, you got hit by the Jew.” Past Cartman said, laughing at his future self.
“The only reason that I’m not hitting you is because you’re a kid,” Kyle said, turning to past Cartman.
“Hey what’s going on?” Stan asked as coming up behind Cartman, Kyle and Kenny following him.
“I don’t know. The most I’m getting is that this is my future self and I’m assuming Kyle.” Past Cartman said, his arms folded over his chest.
“Are you sure this isn’t just the whole Motivation Corp thing again?” Stan said, looking at the supposed future Cartman and Kyle.
“Oh, I will tell you for certain this isn’t Motivation Corp. Stuff never repeats itself in this town.” Future Kyle said in waving their young selves off.
“Well, what’s something that only Kyle or Cartman would know?” Stan asked to which both Future Cartman and Kyle rolled their eyes.
“Really, that is the most cliche thing ever.” Future Cartman said.
“I’ll play the stupid game,” Kyle said, having to think for a moment before knowing what to say. But past Kyle might not like it, “Well at this point I should have only had three kisses at this point.”
Past Kyle’s face went bright red, whereas Stan looked confused. “Three times?” Stan asked
“Yeah there was Bebe, Rebbeca, and then-“ Future Kyle said before being interrupted by his past self.
“I believe him, I believe him. I don’t think we need to hear anything more.” Past Kyle said, his face still red.
“Who’s the last person, Kyle? Why didn’t you tell me?” Stan asked, turning to Past Kyle.
“I don’t have to tell you,” Kyle said.
It looked like Stan was about to respond but Kenny beat him to it, speaking up for the first time, “How the fuck are you married, Cartman?”
All the kids were shocked, their eyes suddenly being drawn to Cartman’s hand where a ring resided on his ring finger. Future Cartman shrugged.
“I’m not telling you. You’ll have to figure it out your damn self.” Cartman said.
“Seriously, stop fighting with 10-year-olds.” Future Kyle said, rolling his eyes once more.
“Do you disagree with me?” Cartman said, turning to Kyle.
“No, of course not. If we told them everything, and how everything happens, it would go wrong. But you still don’t have to fight with your 10-year-old self.” Kyle said, rolling his eyes.
“How many years in the future are you guys from?” Past Kyle asked.
“About 17 years,” Future Kyle said.
“I figured you would leave the rest of us behind never talking to any of us after high school,” Kenny said, his voice muffled as it always was by his parka.
“We kept in touch plus we’d all meet up during holidays.” Future Kyle said, shrugging.
“Wait a minute, who the fuck do I marry?” Past Cartman asked, coming out of some kind of shock that had come when he was told that he had gotten married in the future.
Future Kyle and Cartman looked at each other before Future Cartman said, “Oh you’re definitely not going to like the answer.”
“Come on, it can’t be that bad.” Past Cartman scoffed.
“Yeah, I mean it’s Cartman. You’d have to be stupid to marry him.” Past Kyle said, rolling his eyes.
Future Kyle and Cartman made eye contact for a moment. Future Kyle was silent, although a smile slowly spread over his face. Eventually, he couldn’t hold himself back, busting out into laughter. He brought his hand up to cover his mouth, tears starting to run down his face.
Past Kyle stared at his future self, confused. Why in the world would he be reacting like that, past Kyle thought to himself. Until he noticed it.
“No. No way.” Past Kyle said, taking a step back, “there’s just no way.”
“I can’t believe you said that dude.” Future Cartman said as Future Kyle finally stopped laughing.
“Oh, it’s definitely something that I would have said.” Future Kyle said, whipping his eyes. “It’s true kid.”
“Wait, what the fuck? Seriously, who do I marry?” Past Cartman asked.
“Again context clues.” Future Cartman said rolling his eyes, “I get married to Kyle dipshit.”
Future Kyle hit Future Cartman’s arm as past Cartman panicked. There was no way that he married the Jew. He wasn’t gay and even if he was, there’s no way that he would be attracted to Kyle.
“How did that happen?” Stan asked, not having the same crisis both Kyle and Cartman were.
“Like we said,” Future Kyle said, “we can’t tell you how everything happens. You could easily mess something up. But everything that happens will happen no matter what.”
“How have y’all not killed each other yet?” Kenny asked, to which both the time travelers shrugged.
“I ask myself the same thing every day,” Kyle said.
“Hey.” Future Cartman said.
“Oh, come on like you haven’t.” Future Kyle said rolling his eyes.
“I still would never tell anyone that. I tell everyone gross mushy details so that way we don’t sound fucking insane.” Cartman said.
“Oh, who would you tell that to? The coworkers that I know you don’t like?” Kyle asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Would you tell Stan and Kenny? Because they would defiantly never believe that.”
“Oh, shut up,” Cartman said.
“Oh, speaking of them, we should probably get going. I was about to come and get you before getting dragged into this to tell you they were coming over.” Kyle said, looking down at his phone.
“Yeah yeah yeah no need to nag,” Cartman said rolling his eyes to which Kyle sighed.
“I’m not nagging asshole.” Kyle said, “Now hurry up.”
“What the fuck goes on in the future?” Past Kyle said, mostly to himself.
“I’m pretty sure one of us got severally injured or something,” Past Cartman said, shaking his head.
Future Kyle rolled his eyes as his Cartman was busy messing with the time travel device. “Everything will make sense. Of course right now it seems impossible but seriously. It will clearly make sense.” Future Kyle said, “So just remember to not worry about us.”
“Bye losers.” Future Cartman said before the two of them were gone.
“What the fuck just happened?” Stan asked, looking where the two had previously been.
“I have no idea, man,” Kenny said, his voice muffled.