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Essek awoke from his trance to find Caleb still fast asleep next to him. Going by their usual sleep schedules, it was right around four in the morning, and Caleb wouldn't be awake for another four hours. He stood, quietly put on a light, comfortable set of robes, and glided out of the bedroom, careful not to wake his beloved.
Uthodurn's temperature was quite a shock from what Essek had previously gotten used to in Eiselcross. Then again, he supposed any location with temperatures higher than those of an arctic climate would feel that way. At least here, there was no need to worry about the sun and its ill effects on him. He grabbed a novel from their most massive bookshelf without looking, sat down on the armchair in the den and started reading, eyeing the clock every so often. Close to eight in the morning, he took one of the many bookmarks Caleb had collected for him from the coffee table, marked his place and shut the book. Caleb always remembered the page number he stopped on when he put a book down, but Essek found he could not, so Caleb made sure he would never have to worry about it.
Essek moved to the kitchen and got out his ingredients. He had consulted both Reani and Jester earlier this week to make sure he could not possibly mess up making pancakes, and he had been practicing cooking lately, with fewer and fewer complete disasters happening the more he tried. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He could make breakfast for himself and Caleb.
It was going surprisingly well when Essek heard a mighty yawn from the direction of the bedroom. He smiled and continued his work.
Caleb slowly padded into the kitchen and grinned at Essek. "I knew I smelled something sweet."
"Good morning, Caleb," Essek said, trying to will his blush away.
"Guten Morgen, Schätzchen," Caleb replied, wrapping his arms around Essek's form and kissing his cheek.
Essek flipped the final pancake onto the serving plate and leaned into Caleb's embrace. "So. I think I actually did it this time."
"You did," Caleb murmured.
"And nothing is on fire."
Caleb turned Essek's face to his and kissed him on the lips. "I am proud of you. Thank you."
Essek's cheeks burned. "You are welcome. But this is something many grown adults are able to do, so I do not think you should be proud of me just for this."
"Nonsense." Caleb let him go and waved his hand. "You struggled with cooking before and now you have conquered pancakes. That is a wonderful accomplishment worth recognizing."
"Whatever you say," Essek muttered. He knew arguing with Caleb would do no good. "Anyway, let us eat before they get cold."
"You don't have to tell me twice." Caleb picked up the serving plate and carried it to the kitchen table while Essek got the butter and syrup and followed his lead. They set the table together and Caleb quickly heated some water for tea.
Essek released a breath he didn't know he was holding when Caleb made a pleased sound at his first bite.
"These are lovely, Essek," Caleb told him. "You did an excellent job."
"Thank you. It probably would have been worse if I had not reached out to some friends for advice."
"I bet Jester was thrilled to talk with you about pancakes," Caleb laughed softly.
"She was." Essek couldn't help the little smile forming on his face. "So was Reani."
They ate in comfortable silence. At least, it was comfortable until that familiar look crossed Caleb's face shortly before he finished eating. Essek had seen it many times over the years, so he knew what to expect.
Something that made Caleb unhappy and anxious had crossed his mind, and he would be agonizing over it for the rest of the day, most likely.
It was truly a shame that they had no plans or obligations today, and Caleb would still not be free of stress. Caleb had never done anything to warrant near-constant anxiety and paranoia, unlike himself. Essek had to do something about this.
He cleared the table and made sure the kitchen was clean after Caleb walked to the den. Essek followed his lead and joined him on the couch, far enough away to give the redhead some space if he needed it, and resumed the novel he began reading earlier this morning. He knew Caleb was unlikely to want to talk about whatever was bothering him, but the last thing the man needed was to be all alone with his thoughts.
It was Caleb who broke the silence after a half hour of pondering.
"I will be turning 40 soon." He sounded quite uncomfortable, like he was forcing the words out of his mouth.
"Indeed." Essek looked up from his book and worried his lip between his teeth. Caleb looked so troubled. "Is there something wrong, darling?"
"I—" Caleb began. "I don't know how to say this. You just prepared a lovely breakfast for me and I can't—" A tear rolled down the human's cheek.
"Oh, Caleb." Essek placed his book back on the coffee table and moved closer to his boyfriend. "Please tell me what is bothering you, darling. I hate seeing you so miserable, I want to do something about it. Would a hug help?"
"I don't know that it would help," Caleb's voice cracked. "But I still want one."
Essek barely got his arms around Caleb before Caleb crumpled in them. He could feel Caleb trembling and his heart ached.
"My love," Essek cooed, petting Caleb's long hair. "What is the matter?"
Caleb sniffled, practically in Essek's lap. "I'm getting older. I have roughly 40 years left before I am gone. And you have over 600 years before you are gone, Essek."
Essek hoped this wasn't going where he thought it was. "That is true, if I am extraordinarily lucky. What is your point, Caleb?"
"You're going to be without me for so long, maybe—" A hiccuping sob escaped Caleb's mouth before he covered it with his hand. He got his breathing under control before trying again.
"Maybe— it would probably hurt you less to lose me if you and I— if we broke things off—"
"Caleb Widogast, what are you talking about?" Essek held Caleb's face in his hands and looked into his eyes. "You aren't making any sense. That would not make it easier. More importantly, I can tell this isn't what you really want. It is written all over your face, dear."
Caleb said nothing, he only closed his eyes and continued to cry. Essek wiped his tears away with his thumbs.
"Perhaps it is not about my feelings after all," Essek continued. "Perhaps it is something you are not admitting to yourself."
At that, Caleb hid his face in Essek's shoulder, and that was all the confirmation Essek needed.
"We are wizards with immense power, darling." Essek continued to hold Caleb. "Do you not think there is something we could do about this?"
Caleb finally spoke up again. "If you are suggesting necromancy…" His hot breath tickled Essek's neck.
"No, of course not. I just believe that there is something we must be able to do about this situation that does not include you becoming a lich."
"There you go again, not accepting defeat," Caleb grumbled.
Essek laughed. "You're one to talk when your very astute idea to the contrary was breaking up with me."
Essek felt more than heard Caleb's laugh, and a slow smile spread across his face. He loved this foolish man with every fiber of his being.
"You are always going on about how much you worry for me and my nerves about being discovered." Essek had the beginnings of an idea. "Hmmm..."
"What are you thinking of, Liebling?"
Essek looked at Caleb in his arms. He never thought he'd ever grow accustomed to the casual touches and affection the Mighty Nein gave him, until suddenly he had. And now he had a whole man in his lap.
"Hypothetically," Essek began. "If there were a way to extend your lifespan so that it would match mine, do you think that is something you would want, or not? Please be honest."
Caleb mulled it over for a moment. "I do not think I would want that. Being a human and expecting the sort of lifespan humans typically have, it makes 600 more years seem overwhelming."
"I can understand that," Essek replied. He kissed Caleb's temple and continued talking before Caleb could stop him.
"It is settled then. We will make me into a human."
"Wie bitte?"
"We have the means to do so," Essek reminded him, knowing Caleb was about to argue. "We both contributed to the completion of a spell to do just that."
"Essek, I cannot take your life away from you like that," Caleb insisted.
"What life, Caleb?" Essek countered. "You are my life. The Mighty Nein are my life. My brother, the few other friends I have, they are my life. But that is it. Every moment of my life not spent with any of you is spent hiding, terrified that at any moment my actions will catch up to me. And I know that is what I truly deserve, but I also know you would go to great lengths to try to stop it. You and the Nein would get yourselves into the sort of trouble that would get every one of you killed, just to save me. And that is what truly scares me. Becoming a human would remove the possibility of any of that from the equation entirely. And it would do away with whatever pain you feel regarding how long I will live compared to you, if I were just about your age."
"Essek…" Caleb looked torn at his words.
"I know, Caleb. I know. But you said it yourself that 600 more years seems overwhelming. Perhaps it is overwhelming to me, as well. We are lucky we have been able to stay here for this long without anyone discovering my identity."
Caleb sighed deeply. "You do typically disguise yourself as a human while we are out together…"
Essek smiled. "I do."
Caleb looked Essek in the eyes, deadly serious. "And you're certain this will not ruin anything for you? Like your relationship with your brother?"
"Verin may be a bit sad at first, but I think he will understand my decision. If admitting to him that I traded away sacred artifacts from our home country wasn't enough to ruin my relationship with him, I doubt this will be. I am still amazed at his refusal to turn me in."
"Okay. All right." Caleb scrubbed a hand over his face.
Essek beamed. "Yes?"
"Ja. I will make you a human, Essek."
"Th—"
"But," Caleb cut him off. "I want you to think about it for the rest of the day before we do anything. Tomorrow morning, if this is still what you want, then we will go to the Liber Disk and get the clay and gem dust, and I will keep it in my necklace for you until you are ready."
"Oh, how I love you," Essek murmured, kissing Caleb all over his face.
Caleb laughed warmly. "You would do so many inadvisable things if you knew doing them would put a smile on my face, wouldn't you?"
"Without a doubt." Essek hugged Caleb close to him. "What can I say, Caleb? My heart is yours. I am not thinking of doing this solely for you, but you are definitely one of my motivations."
Caleb looked fondly upon Essek. "I love you."
Essek kissed his forehead. "And I love you."
~ * ~
"Good morning, sleepyhead," Essek giggled, amused at Caleb's truly monstrous bedhead.
"What is so funny?" Caleb yawned. He sat down next to Essek and ran a hand through his hair, only managing to make it stick up in more places than it already was.
"Oh, nothing," Essek smirked.
"Okay, whatever. Let's move on to something more important." Caleb moved closer to Essek on the couch and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Have you decided? About being transmogrified?"
"I have," Essek breathed. Why did he feel nervous? Caleb already said he would agree to it if it was what Essek wanted. He tried to push down his anxiety. "Yes. I want you to make me a human. I am certain."
Caleb smiled at him and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "All right. Now, shall we go and get breakfast?"
Essek's brain seemed to short-circuit at how relaxed Caleb was. "Breakfast?"
"Yes, Schatz," Caleb said, amused. "We are going out today, and neither of us have prepared any food, so we might as well."
"Right. That's a wonderful idea." It was really starting to sink in for Essek. He was finally getting his chance to stop running. Very soon, he would be free.
"Let us get dressed then." Caleb got up and walked back into their bedroom. He must have caught a glimpse of his wild hair in the mirror, because Essek heard laughter from that direction. Essek smiled to himself.
Today was going to be fun.
~ * ~
After a hearty breakfast at the Broken Stool, Essek and Caleb traveled to the Liber Disk for the necessary spell components. Initially, they struggled carrying around the hunk of clay matching Essek in weight, but Essek placed a hand on the clay and whispered a few arcane words, temporarily making it much lighter.
Shortly after only getting a little sidetracked at a bookstore, they walked through the door of their home. Caleb placed the bags holding their components down on the coffee table and immediately took out his amber pieces to begin his ritual casting. Essek let his disguise fade and pulled off his boots. He rushed over to Caleb once he realized what the other wizard was doing.
"Wait." Essek placed a hand on Caleb's shoulder. "I don't think that will be necessary, dearest."
"It is the safest place to keep them in the meantime," Caleb replied, his focus on the ritual beginning to fade.
"That is the point. There is no meantime. I want to become a human right now, if that is okay with you, and if you have the energy to d—"
Caleb's laughter cut him off. "I did not realize you were quite so eager."
"Well, I…" Essek felt his face heat up.
"It is all right, Liebling. As long as you are ready." Caleb stopped casting, stood and grabbed Essek's hand, entwining their fingers.
Essek inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "Yes. I am ready."
"Wonderful." Caleb kissed Essek's knuckles and let his hand go. He then proceeded to face the wall and begin the casting of another spell. Essek recognized the components and somatics of it.
"You're summoning the tower?"
The shimmering doorway appeared before them.
"There is no place safer for us to cast such a spell," Caleb assured him. "When the clay— explodes off, I suppose is the only way to put it— it cannot permanently damage anything that is a fixture of the tower. No bathtubs will have to be sacrificed this time."
"Bathtubs…" That must have been something Essek was not present for. "Sure, all right. Lead the way, handsome."
"I must tell you that story sometime," Caleb grinned, his cheeks a lovely shade of pink. Essek returned the smile at having successfully flustered Caleb. Caleb gathered their supplies and took Essek's hand again, leading him inside the tower. He shut the door behind them and turned to Essek.
"The second floor would be the most appropriate place for this ritual." Caleb was smirking at him, waiting for him to say it.
Essek rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly. "Up."
Caleb beamed. "Up."
They floated up, both of them still clasping the other's hand until they reached the second floor.
Upon quickly saying zu and his feet touching the floor, Caleb handed the components to Essek and very nearly jogged over to one of the sets of sliding doors.
Now who is the eager one? Essek thought to himself. But he knew it made sense for Caleb to be excited about using magic. It was a fundamental part of who he was as a person. And having that in common had been a large part of what attracted Essek to him in the first place.
Essek was pulled out of his fond thoughts by Caleb carrying a stuffed cloth mat to the center of the room and laying it out. He went to another set of doors and returned to Essek's side with a fresh piece of chalk in his hand.
"Shall we?" The joy apparent in Caleb's expression was contagious and quite distracting.
"Ah, yes," Essek muttered, remembering why they were there. "I will mold the clay into the appropriate shape while you draw the ritual circle, I assume?" He gestured to the chalk in Caleb's hand.
"Sounds like a plan."
Essek kneeled down on the mat and started to, essentially, just flatten the clay out into a thin sheet. Caleb worked around him, the sounds of scrawling filling Essek's ears. This pattern they fell into while doing spellwork always relaxed Essek immensely. He sighed contentedly while molding the clay, partially with a bit of magic and partially with his own hands. When the ritual circle was complete, Caleb moved closer and assisted Essek with the clay.
"There." Caleb wiped his hands on his pant legs when they finished. "Now, I know my memory is exceptional, but just to make sure I cannot possibly forget, will you show me your human disguise one more time, Schatz?"
Essek laughed softly at the implication that Caleb could possibly forget what he saw almost daily. "But of course."
Instead of disguise self, Essek cast silent image and projected his usual disguise next to himself so Caleb could clearly see what he wanted changed and what would stay the same.
"Very clever," Caleb commented. His gaze flitted back and forth between Essek and the illusion, as if he was genuinely trying to make sure he could remember every single detail. Essek felt a warmth bloom in his chest at the sight.
A minute or so passed before Caleb spoke again. "Okay. Now I am completely certain there is no way I can forget."
Caleb took Essek's hands as Essek let his spell fade and squeezed them gently.
"Are you ready, Essek?"
Essek gave Caleb's hands a squeeze in return. "I am."
"Let us begin, then."
Essek laid down on top of the sheet of clay while Caleb sat facing him, still holding one of his hands.
"I love you," Caleb murmured, tucking an errant curl back into place from Essek's forehead
"I love you too," Essek breathed, emotion clear in his voice.
"I am going to start now." Caleb leaned down and kissed Essek on his forehead, then his lips.
Essek nodded and closed his eyes.
Essek felt Caleb let go of his hand, and then felt a fine powder being sprinkled over his body. The gem dust. He could feel the clay beneath him heat up and start to shift and move upward as Caleb got into the verbal components of the spell. It slowly started to encase parts of his body, and it took a little effort on Essek's part to stop himself from panicking.
Just breathe. You will be okay. This magic is not harmful.
It took about half the spell's casting time for the clay to fully cover Essek's form. It quickly hardened around him, and gradually started warming up further, enough to nearly be alarming. He breathed deeply and found that the clay covering his head did not restrict his breathing at all. Caleb's voice grew a fraction louder, and then Essek felt the tickle of the magic Caleb was weaving on his skin, covering him along with the clay. The sensation seeped deeper into his flesh, and kept going until Essek could feel it everywhere, even in his bones. It felt almost like a hug.
Not even a second after the arcane hug fully enveloped him, he became acutely aware of Caleb's mind and his own mind connecting, clicking into place like cogs. An image was projected into his mind, their minds, of his often-used disguise, soon to become his new body. He focused intently on the image, and could feel Caleb focusing on it as well. Caleb's voice grew louder still, and Essek could feel something about his own form shifting, like he had become a spirit and his physical body was trying to coalesce again. The ticklish-hug sensation intensified as the shifting continued, and the minutes stretched on.
Essek could tell the spell was going to be over shortly, and as soon as the thought crossed his mind, the ticklish-hug sensation stopped suddenly. He felt solid, corporeal again.
And then the clay shattered out in all directions from him.
He finally opened his eyes and saw that he was levitating, higher off the ground than the cantrip he had created for himself allowed him to, and he was upright. The point at which his body had shifted in such a way, he must not have felt it. He slowly drifted to the floor until his feet were touching the mat.
His eyes refocused to see Caleb's own wonderstruck eyes.
"Look at you, Schätzchen."
Essek looked down at his hands, now a cool-toned, dark brown instead of purple.
"Let me get you a mirror." Caleb rushed over to a set of doors and pulled out a full-length mirror, quickly setting it up in front of Essek.
"My ears are so small," Essek blurted, tracing the roundness of them with his fingers.
Caleb giggled. "Perhaps they are, but look at the rest of you."
Essek did. Very little about him was different, in all honesty. He retained his silver eyes, white hair, stature and general build. Beyond his skin tone and ears, the only differences were a change in the bone structure of his face, just enough to look human and not elven, and the fact that he now appeared to be the same age as Caleb.
"You know," Caleb mused. "You look like you could be a relative of Reani. A first or second cousin, maybe."
Essek blushed and shot a glare at Caleb, who was visibly suppressing a smile.
"Excuse you, Caleb. Reani's skin and eyes are warm-toned, mine are distinctly the opposite."
"Yes, which is why I did not say you looked like siblings."
Caleb snickered as Essek rolled his eyes.
Essek examined himself in the mirror again. Caleb had a point, especially considering that Essek and Reani shared the same hair color, but he was not about to admit that. The more he looked, the more he realized that someone looking for Essek, someone not already intimately familiar with his previous appearance and the sound of his voice, could not be certain he was their target, even with what little had changed. He already used a different name whenever he went out in public. And any attempts to scry on him using the mental image of either of his forms would still be thwarted by the amulet he was given by his best friends and the love of his life all those years ago. An amulet he still wore every day.
He no longer had to run.
He was free.
"Essek, are you okay?" Caleb sounded concerned. Essek blinked and realized he had begun to cry.
"Never better." He opened his arms in Caleb's direction. "Come here, please."
Caleb hugged Essek tightly and let him cry.
"They're not going to find me." Essek could hardly believe his own words.
"They're not," Caleb said. "You are safe, Schatz."
Essek kissed Caleb, and went in for another kiss when that one ended.
Caleb giggled. "Essek?"
"I am so happy." Essek kissed the corner of Caleb's mouth before capturing his lips in another kiss.
"That is good to hear," Caleb replied when they parted again. "I think we should both go and rest right now, th—"
"Rest? But I feel so full of energy." Essek placed his hands on Caleb's shoulders and pushed gently, to walk Caleb backwards and float up to the salon or even the ninth floor, perhaps. What Essek wasn't expecting was for them to both go tumbling to the floor.
"Oh dear," Essek murmured from his place on Caleb's chest. "I'm sorry."
"We need to rest, Liebling," Caleb repeated. "The spell takes a lot out of both participants. You do not feel tired because you are still processing this new and exciting thing."
"I suppose you are right," Essek mused. "Does that mean I will be… sleeping?"
Caleb grinned. "Yes, it does."
"Is sleeping a pleasant experience?"
"Generally speaking, ja." Caleb looked up at Essek with affection in his eyes.
"If you allowed me to get up once more," Caleb continued. "I could get us a mattress, blankets, and pillows and we could just have a nap right here. And then we could have lunch up there in the dining room when we wake up."
Essek clung to the redhead like an octopus. "But I don't want to get up."
"We would be much more comfortable on soft bedding than the hard floor, Essek."
Essek grumbled and reluctantly rolled off of Caleb. Caleb proceeded to drag a mattress out of the sliding doors and went back for pillows and blankets. After setting up a nest for them, Caleb hesitated to lay down.
"Essek?"
"Yes?"
"You should cover your ears."
"But why—" Essek stopped talking and did as he was told after Caleb gave him a pitiful look. He remained confused until he saw Caleb stick two of his fingers in his mouth and let out a whistle that would have been uncomfortably loud if his ears were uncovered. The sound of meows grew closer and louder.
Caleb joined Essek on the mattress as dozens of cats poured into the room from their little tunnels. They gathered on and around the mattress.
"Did you invite these cats to snuggle with us, Caleb?" Essek was starting to feel the exhaustion, finally.
"I did. The idea was too wonderful to pass up." Caleb shifted closer to Essek and draped an arm around his middle so Essek's back was against Caleb's chest. The cats cuddled in closer and many of them started purring. Essek could feel one making biscuits on the blanket covering his calves. Another curled up against Essek's stomach and he wrapped his arms around it.
"We should get some cats," Essek yawned. "Real ones."
Caleb laughed quietly. "We should. I look forward to it."
In a matter of moments, Essek Thelyss was asleep for the first time. Asleep in the arms of the man he loved, surrounded by spectral cats, truly feeling at peace for the first time in what felt like an eternity.