Chapter Text
Diluc stopped, stunned and disoriented. His heart skipped a beat and started racing. He couldn’t move, eyes glued to the view in front of him.
He was wandering across Teyvat, once again dealing with his grief through adventuring. His soul kept bleeding, much, much longer this time. He expected to never end his journey. Ten years after his death, Diluc still feared coming back to Mondstadt, to Dawn Winery, to Angel’s Share. The very thought of being surrounded by those buildings and walls, where everything reminded him of a man he would never meet again, he would never say sorry to and would never have a chance to fix their relationship, still kept him awake at night.
Long ago he lost count of villages and suburbs he visited. They were all the same for him and blended easily, lost in the timeline of his memories. If one was on a ten years long journey, it was impossible to tell the difference anymore. Sometimes he didn’t know where he was until he heard the accent or saw some uniforms. Though this time he knew exactly which course he took and it only added to the wonder.
Beside the road was a boy. Eight, maybe ten years old, was playing with some toys and not paying attention to the surroundings. It wouldn’t be weird at all if not for the fact that in the nearest two kilometers Diluc found just three old, ruined huts with roofs filled with holes and no doors at the entrances. There were plenty of such forgotten households as locals preferred living inside the city's walls. The boy looked like he lost his way home, out of place.
It would be normal and he would ride past him, if not for said boy’s looks. He stopped the horse and came closer but stopped a few steps away. His ears buzzed and his heart began to beat even faster.
The boy averted his gaze from the toy he was playing with and raised his head. Two steel gray eyes with diamond shaped irises looked at him and his legs buckled under Diluc. The boy brushed a strand of dark blue hair off to see him better.
“Good morning” he said, smiling.
Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes. “Kaeya…” he breathed out.
A woman ran out of one of the crumbling huts.
“Kiaran! Come back!”
It was a Khaenri’ah name undoubtedly. What they did there though was really weird.
“No” he stopped her with a hand stretched. His appearance, wealthy clothes and a thoroughbred horse made her halt in place. She was ready to defend the child, probably her son, with the smallest sign of threat on his part. She looked like a wild animal, scared but brave enough to fight for her kin.
Diluc made one more step, then another, and kneeled in front of the boy. His eyes, his hair and dark toned skin were not the only similarities. He looked exactly like a boy who once showed on his doorsteps in Dawn Winery, on a rainy night. The only difference was the absence of an eyepatch.
“Hello” he said quietly. “You have beautiful eyes, kid.”
“Please, I beg you, don’t hurt us. We do not bother anyone, please, let us go.” She kneeled beside the boy, wrapping her hands around him protectively and begging for both of them. “We don’t want any trouble, please.”
For a split second Diluc stared at her with pure shock. Why should she do that when he had no intention in harming anyone in the first place? His claymore was on his back, yes, it always was there. Teyvat was a dangerous place regardless of the Abyss Order’s existence. But he just came over and said... A moment later he realized his unfortunate choice of words and the fact that they were in Fontaine added up to the situation. It clicked eventually and he looked at her while managing to bring in a calm expression.
Her skin and eyes had the same colour but she had blonde hair. Diluc saw some resemblance indicating that she had to be the child's relative. Maybe a mother.
“I won’t cause you any problems” he promised. Something in his voice, his eyes or facial expressions convinced her to wait. Given a credit of trust he returned his gaze to the boy. He found it hard to breath. Looking at him seemed like traveling back in time to the happiest moments in his life. It was both wonderful and painful at the same time. His hand wandered to the place on his chest where, in the hidden pocket of his coat, was a dead Vision and an eyepatch. “Your name is Kiaran, right?”
The boy nodded, still smiling, glancing at him with childish curiosity.
He tried to smile too but it was hard as Diluc still was overwhelmingly confused with his discovery. His mind already tried to come in with an explanation and he actually had one. It wasn’t common but he knew it kept happening.
He just had to ask a proper question.
“How old are you, Kiaran?”
The boy looked at his guardian but answered anyway. “Ten, mister.”
“Nine and four months” the woman said, sensing finally that Diluc was no danger to them. “He’s still a child. Had just born.”
Khaenri’ah counted time differently. It was just a blink of an eye for her, while for Diluc it was an endless streak of suffering, remorse and longing for the past.
That past just decided to haunt him once more.
“Are you living here?”
The woman blushed. She was a prideful person for sure, not used to such treatment. But Teyvat deprived her and her kin of their property, of their dignity, of their whole world. She might be still not used to it but couldn’t change it.
“We hide, all of us. But you… You’re not prejudiced to…” The word Khaenri’ah couldn’t make it through her throat. He noticed. In moments like that he wondered how much suffering they lived through? For how long they met only hate and isolation? Kaeya fought for them. He died for them. He was their last hope. And he failed.
“I knew one of your kind once” he said quietly. Memories flood him, causing another wave of phantom pain in chest. He was used to it. It was that kind of pain which never actually left him. It accompanied him for the last ten years.
The woman tactfully said nothing so he assumed his face showed more than he liked to. Diluc excused himself and drove away, saying goodbye to them with a kind word and a bag full of Mora. He had to go before he stopped breathing from too many emotions and memories. He held it in for too long.
This kid looked exactly like Kaeya on the rainy night he showed up in the Dawn Winery. Worn-out linen shirt and thick dark gray pants with holes at the knees. But he had a childish naivety in his eyes, something Kaeya lacked. Those diamonds gazed at him in a way for which Diluc had to work for for years (to be lost again in a short time).
Diluc didn’t go far before stopping at the village and renting a room. He was unable to process the day in his head and in his heart. He was feeling like he just experienced something important and just didn’t know what he should do about it.
For the first time in his long life he didn’t have a sorted out plan that he was sure of.
While holed up in the inn, he saw a child's guardian shopping at a local stall. She kept hiding behind a wide-brimmed hat, wildly glancing at all sides. He watched her buying some books too. It calmed him somehow, and a few days later he was already on his way forward.
He left the village eventually, trying to move on. Next on his not necessarily strict plan was a capital. He stopped by his friend’s mansion, welcoming some distraction.
Fontaine was a beautiful place and their cities and villages had some magical way of slowing time. The water and little flowers were everywhere. People from Fontaine loved their gardens. They planned them very carefully, competing with each other for the biggest, the brightest, the most colourful or most organized ones but each of them had one thing in common. In the center always stood a fountain with a statue of their Archon, holding a vase full of water. It was their way of worshipping their Goddess, showing gratitude and respect for her fair care. There was no decree on that but when a new garden blueprint was being drafted, the first question architects asked was ‘How do you want our Justiful Archon to look?’
And people of Fontaine always choose fancy.
His friend, Lucien, was in the middle of redesigning his garden, which happened to be the most important project of the decade in his household. Since the last one, obviously.
Fontaine garden architects were the second most prominent job position in the whole region, right after legal advisors and judges. That’s why Mr Beaumont was walking through existing alleys with a snub nose, ordering around Lucien’s staff and no one dared to protest.
The garden was already beautiful and Diluc couldn’t understand the determination of Fontaine’s people to change what already worked just fine, but he just watched, silently, as the workers started to morsel it.
They treated all the flowers with exceptional care though. It was dug out gently and stored in a special greenhouse owned by the architect. Some of them will be reused, some of them sold to less wealthy garden owners. None of the flowers were to die in the process, as it was a measure of the quality of the job.
Diluc sat in the corner, trying to not get in the way and still having a good view on the turmoil. His thoughts wandered in several regular directions, only adding one new course to the package. He couldn’t get that boy, Kiaran, out of his head. It even crossed his mind to adopt him, but he rejected the idea immediately. He would have to take him to Mondstadt, to Dawn Winery and he left for good, running away from memories and pain. So the distraction was very welcome. He intended to take the chance and use it well.
“You have to stay until it’s done, my friend” Lucien was looking around with excitement. “It’s gonna be marvelous, you have to see it!”
Diluc sent him a trained smile and nodded. “Only if you can bear me this long.”
“Of course, my dear, stay however long you want! You know how much I value your company.”
Diluc couldn’t honestly tell the same about him but courtesy demanded otherwise. Still he preferred this diversion in his chosen exile once in a while, especially when this busy.
Mr Beaumont approached them with a pile of sketches, asking the question. Lucien’s eyes lit as he started bubbling about the statue, about the Archon’s robe and the decorations he wanted on the vessel.
While he was trying to draw his attention away from the incident by the road, there was one more thing pestering him, an idea planted in his mind and growing with each day. He accepted it eventually. Lucien’s garden was almost ready when he decided he’ll head to Sumeru next. Realising that for all those years he never even tried to know more about Kaeya’s nation, he knew he had to catch up with that. Diluc felt like he owed that to him and if his grief could be complete eventually, it won’t be without it.
He waited impatiently for the work to be finished but leaving a few weeks from the official opening of the new garden would be taken as offensive by his friend. So he waited until Lucien held a great party and left the very next morning.
When saying goodbye he felt his heart squeeze a little. Fontaine was difficult to leave. It’s atmosphere of eternal spring, it’s slow pace of life and affirmation of beauty itself tempting adventurers to stay longer.
Diluc had a new plan though, an idea that grew in him for several weeks. Stings of remorse haunted him. He should have thought of it earlier. He should have done it years ago. He didn’t.
Stepping into the walls of Sumeru Academy he had only one goal in mind. To find out everything about Khaenri’ah.
Diluc leaned on the chair and closed his eyes, letting the book in his hand close without placing the bookmark in it. It took him a year to wade through the bureaucracy but he needed this knowledge if he wanted to…
Did he? What was he supposed to actually do?
Under the eyelids he saw that child. Something in him wanted to take care of him. But he knew the reason and it wasn’t a proper one. He saw Kaeya in this kid. He wanted to take care of Kaeya, not that child. He wanted to fix his mistakes from the past. That was the true reason. But this child wasn’t Kaeya. Diluc didn’t even remember his name anymore. He would only hurt him by promising him things he could not cope with.
Yet he started learning about Khaenri’ah, assuming he would use this knowledge in the future, assuming he will go back to that village in Fontaine eventually.
He did go back to Fontaine. It took Diluc over two years but he now stood in the same place, anticipating the meeting.
Everything looked exactly the same, with time-worn huts, deserted at first glance. Wild cornflowers were scattered on the grass, swaying in the wind. The scent of a meadow, wet with dew, was in the air. The sun was still rising, bathing the world in bright light. Diluc waited.
“Oh, mister. Good morning” he heard from behind.
“Morning,” said the woman with a smile. “Would you stay for tea?”
Diluc nodded. “With pleasure.” He followed them.
Had he not read all those reports on Khaenri’ah lately, he would be genuinely surprised when she led him to the furthest hut from the road, opened the trap door and started coming down. The entrance was big enough so Diluc went through without having to bend. The stairs were illuminated by kerosene lamps, as well as all the rooms. It was unexpectedly bright.
It was a full sized house with a living room, a kitchen, bath room and two bedrooms. It obviously required a huge amount of handwork. All the walls were covered by a heavily oiled wood, ensuring preservation. It was cozy.
Diluc sat at the table, watching her making a tea. It felt absurd and unreal. The boy disappeared for a second and came back with a pile of books and papers.
“Auntie teaches me how to read and write!” He boasted about his new skills, “From the books we bought thanks to your money, mister.” He was excited and jumping and blinking at him with those steel blue stars and Diluc felt like something warm and fluffy settled on the thorns covering his heart.
Diluc smiled softly. It was a reaction he thought he would never be able to make again but he did. It was confusing. The warm and fluffy feeling spread a little more inside him.
He had to put a lot of effort to avert his gaze from the child and the warm feeling disapeared instantly. “May I know your name?”
The woman noded. “I’m Sigrun.”
“He calls you an auntie.”
Sigrun nodded again. She wasn’t a talkative person, something he appreciated a lot in others. There was always only one person who could stand talking nonsense constantly, for the art of speech, and it was…
Yeah, Kaeya.
“His mother was my sister,” she explained after a moment. “Died while giving him birth.”
“You take good care of him,” he replied, not knowing how he could actually answer that. “He’s learning fast.”
“Too fast, I’d say.” She looked at the boy with a fondness in her eyes and it reminded him the way his own father was looking at them when they were younger. It was unfair, though. The boy, even in another life, had no luck with family members, being an orphan again.
He was already twelve years old. He grew up a lot since the first time they met but still he radiated innocence and naivety. Diluc remembered exactly the way he was touched with this thought and it was the same feeling now, after so much time.
“He should have access to the schooling system.”
Diluc remembered how fast Kaeya was learning, how he sometimes was teaching him, how he always had exactly ten percent worse scores than Diluc. He always knew that and didn’t protest. He was such an egoist asshole back then.
“They don’t accept Khaenri’ah to schools here.” Sigurn sipped her tea to cover the anger mixed with tired resignation.
Diluc put a hand on the boy’s head, ruffled his hair in a desperate attempt to initiate some physical contact. He yearned to just hug him, but he was still a stranger.
He’s not Kaeya. He’s not Kaeya . He had to repeat it in mind, a mantra of sorts.
“I want to help.” he said instead.
Sigurn shook her head. “No, we owe you a lot anyway. I’m glad he could learn so much.”
He left with a heavy heart. It was painful but he knew he couldn’t stay. A month later, a very surprised Adventurer showed up in front of a rotting hut with three huge piles of books and scrolls from all around the Teyvat. He made sure to cover all topics from how the nature works all the way to the basics of the commerce. Plus, carefully hidden under the fake cover, the research work of one of the students of Sumeru Academy on the history and culture of the Khaenri'ah. A rare gem, actually.
Diluc just couldn’t let go. He kept showing up more often, he was staying for longer. He started to get to know the boy and his aunt more. Kiaran was intelligent, perceptive, outspoken and carefree at the same time. Exactly the way Kaeya could be, if not for the role his ancestors put on his shoulder to carry since childhood.
He loved spending time with Kiaran, even if it was as painful as it was pleasant. They had long discussions. They were breaking down into prime factors every topic the boy had come across in the books. Diluc also taught him how to wield the sword.
Sigurn, at first grateful but careful, accepted him and his growing presence in their life. She probably wanted a father figure for Kiaran. She probably suspected the reason why Diluc kept coming back to her nephew, even if he never told her. She comprehended that he had a positive effect on the boy and she got rid of prejudices.
Years passed and Diluc no longer wandered around Teyvat. Sometimes he disappeared for a month, sometimes for two, but he always came back. Using his own hands he repaired and then expanded the hut. He visited Northland Bank a few times and under his watch the buildings changed into a well working prosperity.
He didn’t know when, certainly not how and why but at some point he felt he’s home.