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Charles stretched until his joints popped as soon as he was out of the helicopter. Training had really kicked his ass today it seemed, because he was sore all over, except in his legs, which were restless. He was really just ready to collapse in bed and not get up for as long as possible.
He checked back through his text messages. Quadruple threat was all in the same group chat, but Henry and Ellie had been chatting back and forth alone for the past couple of hours, without Charles or Sam.
Henry: headed to th studio after training
Ellie: Not gonna elaborate? Charles won't know where that is.
Henry: dosnt matr
hes a big boy he can figur it out
Ellie: He'd love to see you.
Henry: which is y he can find me himself
This particular exchange made Charles raise an eyebrow. The studio? Oh, wait, someone mentioned something about a studio to him awhile back. What did they say...?
Charles moved on autopilot to his car and was out of the parking garage by the time he realized he knew where Henry was. Since he'd gotten those ballet slippers for Christmas, he'd been practicing in an extended ballet studio where the owner allowed him to practice whenever lessons weren't going on. Not only that, but Charles knew where it was. He'd just never been there before.
Once he pulled up to the small parking lot in front of the building, he spotted Ellie just beyond the glass door to the viewing window, where the actual studio was. He looked around as he headed inside. The beige stucco walls were decorated with vinyl record sleeves, the padded chairs surrounded by discarded ribbons and hair ties. Ellie was passively watching through the viewing window, and beyond it, a tall figure was clearly dancing.
Charles found himself staring. Henry was dressed in a pink leotard with pink tights and his pink ballet shoes. He had just moved up on pointe, one hand on the bar as he lifted one leg up so it was against his cheek, with his toe pointed straight up towards the ceiling. When he was twirling like this, stretching himself out so his limbs were fully extended, Charles couldn't help but notice just how elongated he looked. He was so tall and thin, his back arching with each of his moves, and Charles just...stared.
Ellie hit his shoulder, "See anything you like, lover boy?"
Charles flushed beet red, "He's cute, okay?"
Henry's eyes opened as he dipped down to touch his toes, and a beaming smile lit up his face as he hurried over to where Charles was, twirling along the way until his dance shoes hit the rough carpet.
"Hi, Charles."
Henry pulled Charles into a kiss, making him panic about where he should put his hands. He settled on Henry's hips, feeling the seam beneath the leotard where his tights started, and it made him internally panic, his heart fluttering as his thoughts skipped like a broken record.
Even once Henry separated from him, it took him a second to move his stiff hands from Henry's hips, flexing his fingers as he struggled to keep his eyes on his partner's face. Ah, wait, Hen was wearing the yellow they/them bracelet today. Charles corrected that in his head.
Henry's smile fell, "What's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry, I uh..." Charles felt his face heating up in embarrassment, "You're just so..."
"Cute?"
Charles' gaze flicked to Ellie's smug expression, and he tugged on his fluffy bangs as he flushed even hotter.
Henry chuckled, their face going pink, "Ah, n-no...I'm not that cute."
Charles brought both hands to each side of Henry's ribcage, his gaze unintentionally lingering on their soft chest, though somehow, it didn't look as soft as it normally did. The touch made Henry stiffen.
"Take a compliment, sweetheart." Charles said softly, trailing his hands down Henry's sides as they shivered.
"Don't..." Henry flinched backwards, "D-d-don't touch me."
Charles snatched his hands back like he'd been burned, "Sorry. Is everything alright?"
"Fine, yeah." Henry huffed, "Sorry, I think I'm still a bit jumpy from the mission today. Do you wanna watch me dance?"
Charles nodded, moving behind the glass to watch as Henry headed to the middle of the floor to go up on pointe.
"They're trying to nail the black swan's dance from Swan Lake." Ellie explained, "Right now, they're just warming up, but watch, they're gonna start spinning here soon."
"The black swan's dance? What does that look like?"
"Thirty two consecutive spins."
Charles whirled to face her, "Thirty two!?"
"I know. It's insane."
"How do you even..." Charles trailed off as Henry moved to the other side of the room, going up into a pirouette, taking a step with their arms out, and then doing another.
Henry had always loved dancing as a kid, but they stopped doing it after their mother made them feel bad for it, saying, "Boys don't dance!" It had taken a long time for them to come to terms with their gender identity, and with their hobbies. Now, as Charles watched them spin, plant a foot flat on the ground to swing their other leg out so they could spin again, he felt a surge of pride in his chest, knowing how hard it was to overcome that taught shame and learn to enjoy dancing again.
That was when, as Henry swung their leg out again to continue spinning, they wobbled, lost their balance, and toppled to the ground, just barely catching themself on trembling arms.
Charles gasped, hurrying to them and dropping to the floor, "Min? Hen, love, are you okay?"
Henry's eyelashes fluttered, but they offered a shaky smile as they leaned on Charles for support, "Ah, m-musta spun too fast. Made me dizzy."
It didn't look like that to him. Their forehead was shiny with sweat, their face somehow flushed and pale at the same time, and their arms were heavy, still weakly trembling, while their heart was fluttering in their chest like it was struggling to get enough oxygen.
"Hey hey, take it easy, baby." Charles let Henry lean on him as they got back to their feet, "You should take a break if you're not feeling well."
"No, I'm fine. I'm okay." Henry backed off, both hands in the air.
"Are you sure?" Charles put the back of his hand to Henry's forehead, but it didn't feel too hot, so no fever.
"Yeah. Quit fussing over me." Henry took Charles' hand out of the air, "I just need to be more careful. Don't mind me. Just gimme a breather."
Charles wasn't convinced, but he backed off regardless, moving back behind the viewing window with a visible crease in his brow.
Henry took a deep breath before moving their arms back and forth in slow swings, keeping their heart rate up as they prepared to go into another spin.
"Shit..." Ellie bit down on her knuckle watching Henry go into fifth position and then bend their knees in a plié, "They haven't been dancing for very long..."
Charles rubbed the back of his neck nervously watching Henry sigh as they braced against the floor, beginning to spin more carefully.
They seemed fine for now as they got back into it, so Charles let himself relax as Henry rose back up on pointe and then began the subsequent spins. They made it to four spins in one go before they needed to come back down. This happened a few more times before they came back into the viewing area to grab their water bottle.
"Not bad, Min!" Ellie hit their shoulder with the back of her hand, "You okay?"
"Fine." Henry opened their water bottle, but made no move to drink from it, "Gosh, I feel nauseous all of a sudden..."
Charles offered a hand to them, "Do you need me to carry you?"
"No no, that won't be necessary." Henry set the bottle aside, "I'll be fine. I'm sure I can walk it off."
"Min, that's the exact opposite of what you want to do if you're tired and nauseous."
"It's mild, really. I'm okay." Henry stood up, "I'll get changed and then..."
They trailed off.
"Hen?"
They lost their balance. They fell.
"Henry!?" Charles just managed to catch them, "Hen, what happened? Are you okay?"
Henry tried to get up again, but their head was spinning. They reached for Charles' arm, but they missed and hit their elbow on the ground instead.
"Fuck!" Ellie wrapped them up to hold them close, pressing two fingers to their neck to check their pulse, "Can we get them back to base!?"
"It's too far! I'll just run them to the hospital!" Charles scooped them up bridal style to carry them off, sprinting as fast as he could with Ellie close behind.
Henry tried to fiercely cling to Charles' jacket, but their fist was weak, trembling violently. Their head lolled back as they began to lose consciousness, trying to speak but with no sound coming out.
To Charles' dismay, Henry's heart was increasingly fluttering, pounding and then skipping, almost growing irregular in its movements as it made their breathing stutter.
"Shit! Just hang in there, Hen! I've got you! You'll be fine!"
At Charles' top speed, he could almost chase down cars in residential areas, and he was getting dangerously close to that speed as he ran faster and faster, using up all his energy in his panic and making his legs burn.
When he burst into the emergency room, he swore he nearly tore that fucking door off its hinges.
"Help!" Charles croaked between breaths, heart hammering in his throat, "Help them!"
Doctors surrounded him, and then Henry was gone.
***
By the time they saw him again, Charles was feeling his impromptu sprint in his whole body. His eyes stung, his throat was dry and burning, his lungs were on fire, his legs were just in agony, and his heart...fuck, his heart was ready to give up with how fast it was trying to beat.
Ellie caught up eventually. She hadn't bothered to run even half as fast as Charles, but once she was there, Charles was glad for the company.
A doctor came back into the waiting room, and Charles stood up straight, despite his aching muscles.
"How are they?" he said, "Is Henry okay?"
The doctor just gave a heavy sigh, sticking her pen in her breast pocket, "You're Charles, right? Follow me."
The way she was looking at him was odd. Charles didn't like her harsh glare.
"They..." Charles stumbled as he hurried to catch up with her, "They are okay, right? You figured out what was wrong?"
A little compassion bled into her glare as she looked over her shoulder at him, "Yes, we know, and they're recovering, but I'm concerned for other reasons."
Ellie trailed behind Charles, hands in her jacket pockets, "How's their mental state, then?"
The doctor turned the corner, stopping at one of the doors, "We aren't sure yet. They're not talking or signing, but they have been crying."
Charles' heart gave a massive lurch.
She cracked the door open, giving it a quiet knock, "Henry? Min? Someone's here to see you."
Charles pushed his way into the room. Henry was hooked up to a machine giving them fluids through an IV, a bunch of wadded-up tissues in one fist. Charles couldn't believe how awful they looked like this, their eyes watery, their whole face red from crying.
Ellie held back while Charles stopped at the bed, "H-hey, Hen."
Henry glanced up at him, pulling the thin blanket up to hide themself under it.
Charles recognized this. Henry was broken-hearted. Over what?
Ellie shut the door as she addressed the doctor, "What's wrong with them?"
The doctor moved to the heart monitor, "They came to us with a very severe case of acute hypoglycemia."
Charles just blinked.
Ellie filled in for him, "Hypo means low, glyc comes from the Greek word for sugar, and emia refers to blood."
"Yes, so they suffered from low blood sugar." the doctor crossed her arms, "And acute means that there was no underlying or chronic issue. This all happened very quickly, and has a single cause we can pinpoint."
Her glare returned, and Charles swallowed nervously.
"If they had low blood sugar..." Charles was feeling sicker by the minute, "Oh no..."
"They look like they've been starving for awhile, at least a week." the doctor said sternly, "Why is this?"
"I...they already don't eat much, I've been trying to..."
He sounded like he was making excuses, even to his own ears.
An eyebrow raise, "Trying to what?"
"Trying to get them to eat!" Charles rubbed his forehead, "I'm trying to get them to eat more, but sometimes they just don't! I can't force them to eat against their will!"
"It's true." Ellie added, "I tried to get them to eat after the mission today, but they said they weren't feeling well. They wanted to dance."
The doctor raised an unamused eyebrow, "And you just let them? Surely, you at least tried to make them drink water."
Charles met Ellie's eye. She looked just as sad and scared as he felt.
"Don't blame them."
All three heads turned to Henry, still in bed, still avoiding eye contact. Their voice sounded hoarse and underused.
"I didn't realize how bad it was either." they turned further away to stare at the wall, "I wanted to dance to take my mind off of everything. I didn't even realize I hadn't eaten all day. I was even too sick to drink water. Everything just gets worse when I start losing weight again. How can I force myself to eat when all I can think about is how little that will actually help me gain back?"
"Oh..." the doctor checked the numbers on the heart monitor, "Forgive me, but I thought you perhaps had anorexia."
Henry glared daggers into the wall, "That would be easier to explain."
Charles buried his face in his hands.
"Hen, why didn't you tell us how bad you were feeling?" Ellie asked, "Even up to the moment you passed out from low blood pressure, you still kept trying to insist you were fine."
Henry weakly shrugged, "I thought I was."
Charles moved to the bed again. He tried to hold back, but as he thought about it more, his blood began to boil.
"Henry..." Charles hit his forehead with an open palm, "Henry..."
"What?"
"Henry, you are not helping my state of mind. Why do you do this to yourself? Don't you get hungry?"
Henry turned to him with a broken expression, "Charles..."
"You keep scaring me! I thought you were going to die!" Charles tugged on his bangs, "I'm stressed every day about how little you eat! When's the last time you ate anything!?"
"Charles!" Henry sat up to face him better, "Fuck you! I'm trying, okay!?"
"You're scaring me, is what you're doing! You're so bad at gaining weight, and yet you still continue to do this to yourself!"
"Charles, I'm really trying-!"
"How many times are you going to-!"
"-as hard as I can!"
"-scare me until you stop losing weight!?"
"I don't have any control over that!"
"ARE YOU TRYING TO STARVE!?"
Henry stared at Charles open-mouthed. Ellie sucked in through her teeth. The doctor winced, her eyes squinting shut.
Henry's expression broke, and they began to quietly sob.
Charles' heart swelled with guilt.
All he could think to do was run.
***
"Abigail, love, I need you to breathe, okay?"
Charles ran, tears stinging his eyes as he barely saw where he was going.
"Abigail. Sweetheart. Please, I need you to listen to me."
He feared he might trip. He didn't even know where he was going, he just wanted out.
"Yeesh, Frank. With a body like that, she'd better not lick the spoon!"
Don't cry.
"Fuck you, Jerry! My wife is beautiful!"
Don't cry. Please, Charles. Don't let yourself cry now.
"Hope you don't project that onto your daughter, Abby. She'll gain weight if you keep feeding her like that."
Charles felt his whole body lurch as he slammed the door behind him.
He was crying.
Fuck, he was really crying.
"You're a man now, Charles. It's time you start acting like one."
"Nobody wants a skinny man."
***
Charles sobbed into his pillow until it was completely soaked through. He couldn't even call in sick, but he never got a call from the general, so he didn't bother to worry about it. He shivered from the cold sweat that coated his back under his jacket, the AC kicked up to full blast as his toes curled in his socks, having kicked off his shoes to fall into his pillow and sob until his lungs hurt from the pressure.
That phrase had haunted Charles since the day he first heard it.
Nobody wants a skinny man.
People told him he was too fat when he presented as female, but once he transitioned, suddenly people started saying he was too thin.
Charles had repressed this memory.
"Don't listen to him, sweetheart. You're beautiful. You deserve to eat."
"But Frank, I...I can't..."
Charles turned the corner to the sounds of retching. His mother was leaning over the toilet, his father brushing the hair from her forehead as her tears mixed with the bile in the toilet.
"Abigail, my love..." Frank nuzzled into the side of her head, "You're beautiful. You were beautiful then, and you're beautiful now. What matters is that you're healing. What matters is that you're better now. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect wife than you."
Charles could barely recall this. It was so long ago. What made him forget? What made him remember now?
"Mama?" Charles had said, "Are you okay? Are you sick?"
Charles buried his face further into the pillow.
"Hey there, kiddo." his dad had said, petting his hair, using his dead childhood nickname since this was years before he'd come out, "Hey Ash, you think your mama is beautiful?"
"Yes! Of course Mama is beautiful! Why?"
Frank wiped a tear from Abigail's cheek, "See, love? Our daughter thinks you're beautiful too!"
"Charles!?"
Charles lifted his head to stare at his wet pillow. He was completely and utterly drained.
"Charles, let me in!"
Ellie. Charles groaned as he rolled onto his side to face the far wall.
"Charles! I can pick locks!" Ellie banged on the door, "Let me in right now, or I'm forcing my way in!"
Charles wrapped the pillow around the back of his head to muffle the noise, "Go-go away! I'm...I'm changing!"
"Liar! I can hear you in there, Charles!" more banging, "You're just laying in bed! Get up and open this fucking door right fucking now!"
Charles growled as he swung his legs out to stand, stumbling across the room to yank the door open whilst Ellie was mid-knock, "What!?"
"Fucking finally! Do you have any idea-!" Ellie was cut off by seeing Charles' face, his eyes and nose completely red-rimmed, "Have you been crying?"
"No!" Charles rubbed his eyes, "What'd you want, Ellie? In case you noticed, I'm not exactly in the mood to talk!"
"I don't care! I've been trying to console Min for the past thirty minutes, but they're completely broken! You need to go fucking tell them you don't find them ugly, or so help me Charles, I will turn your spine inside-out!"
Charles stumbled into the doorway, leaning heavily on the wall to catch himself, "What? Ellie, I-!"
"They took what you said really personally." Ellie let her voice lower to a more reasonable volume, "They were already self-conscious about how thin they were, but now they're just...god, Charles, I know you weren't trying to hurt their feelings, but they're so..."
Charles swallowed, his Adam's apple visibly bobbing up and down around the lump in his throat.
"I..." Charles squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his face against his arm, draped over the doorway, "I can't..."
Ellie shrugged helplessly, "Why not?"
Charles trembled against the wall, holding back more tears.
"Why not, Charles?"
"Fuck, Ells, can't you see I'm busy right now?"
"I need your help! Min won't listen to me!"
"AND YOU THINK I COULD DO ANY BETTER!?"
Ellie visibly flinched.
Charles lowered his voice with a pang of guilt, "I can't do this. I just can't. I don't have the spoons to deal with this right now. I have nothing of myself to give. I'm strung too thin, I need a break."
Charles stared at the floor, wincing as his tears dripped from his face to land on the floor. He rested his forehead on the doorframe, praying that Ellie would just leave him alone, at least until he had a chance to calm down.
"Please." Charles cursed his voice for shaking, "Please, just let me calm down."
She didn't leave, though. Instead, she tapped her foot, arms crossed, leaning into the doorway with one shoulder.
"Charles, I don't understand." she kicked at the polished wooden floor, "You're the one who accidentally said something hurtful. What about that hurt you so much it depleted all your mental energy?"
"It...it just did, okay!?" Charles wiped his tears away on his jacket sleeve, "I don't want to talk about it! I just need to calm down! Can't you afford me that at least!? Just tell Min I'm sorry! I'll talk to them when I've gotten my spoons back!"
"But Charles-!"
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"
Ellie scowled, punching a crack into the drywall before stomping away in a huff, and Charles slammed the door a little harder than necessary. Anger mixed with grief, sadness, frustration, guilt, all swirling in a hot brew like boiling soup in the pit of his stomach.
He ran back to his pillow, burying his face in it, and he screamed.
***
When Charles peeled his crusty eyes open, the clock read 7 pm. He'd been dead asleep for four hours. Still, he felt like death as he blindly reached for his phone, which was poking into the side of his ribcage from where it had fallen out of his pocket while he was tossing and turning. His back ached. His throat was dry, he was caked in sweat, and his eyes were full of dried tears. He desperately wanted a shower.
The first thing he saw when he turned the screen on was a text thread from Ellie. He opened it as he unlocked his phone.
Ellie: Hey, Charles. I don't know when you're going to listen to me, but I'll just leave this here for wenever you get the spoons for it I guess
Ellie: Min has always had trouble with food, and they're really insecure about it. They don't gain weight easily, and they spent almost their whole life in poverty, so eating well is something that just doesn't come naturally to them. You know all this, but I need to bring it up again so you have context. Min thinks that they're ugly, but the uglier they feel, the less they're able to eat, which only makes them lose more weight. They feel completely out of control when this happens
Ellie: When you asked Min if they wanted to starve, it was basically like confirming their worst fears. After you left, they cried for a long time, convinced that you only found them beautiful when they were bigger, and you only held back to not hurt their feelings. They eventually figured out that you weren't harboring any animosity towards them, but the damage has been done.
Ellie: Please, Charles, as soon as possible, you need to go to them and reassure them. They're so heartbroken, and nothing I said seemed to help at all. I hate not being able to help my best friend.
That was the end, all sent a little less than four hours ago. Charles felt more tears gathering in his eyes. He was just so, so drained.
Okay, that shower could wait. Charles sat up, fell back down again, and then got up more slowly.
Fuck though, he could really use a drink after all this.
***
"Uh, sir, visiting hours are ov-!"
"Sorry, but I'm getting in one way or another. You gonna let me in, or am I breaking in through a window?"
Charles felt bad breaking rules, but he wasn't gonna skimp out on this. He'd grabbed his special old photo album on his way there, calling his mom on his cell phone to make sure he had his story straight. He lingered outside the in-patient room, shaking his head before steeling himself and going inside, leaving the door a crack open.
Henry already looked better than they had when they'd passed out at the studio. There was more of a natural tint of blush to their face, and their frame looked more filled in, like they'd been quickly rehydrated. They'd also likely been given nutrients, slowly as to prevent refeeding syndrome. Right now, they simply stared out the window, completely still, watching each dim light in the night sky as they flickered in and out.
Charles hugged the photo album close to his chest as he approached, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking a steadying breath of air as he tried to figure out what to say.
Henry pulled the thin blanket up to hide their body. It made Charles falter.
Finally, he grazed Henry's shoulder with a feather-light touch, "Hen..."
Henry hummed, their voice cracking.
"Min..." Charles set the album down in his lap, "I'm really sorry about what I said. I just...I worry so much about you."
Henry reached out to hold Charles' hand, "'s okay, Charles. I already forgave you."
"Yeah but..." he sighed, "That doesn't make it okay."
Henry apathetically turned their head towards him, "What's that?"
Charles smiled, placing the album in their lap, "A reminder."
He flipped to the middle of the album. It was from the day of the airship mission. Charles had his arm wrapped around Henry, smiling brightly at the camera, while Henry was looking away in embarrassment, trying to shy away from the camera, though Charles could see the slight squiggly smile that tugged at the corner of their mouth in the photo.
"Mom gave me this when I left home." Charles sighed again, wistfully this time, something like nostalgia behind his eyes, "She wanted me to document my memories here, so we could bond over them later. But...she left me with one important memory that wasn't mine."
He began to flip backwards through the pages. The day he reunited with Rupert when he joined the army, his last date with Konrad. His first. His recovery after bottom surgery. The day he changed his legal sex in Montana to male. His last kiss with his childhood sweetheart.
Finally, after a few sparse childhood photos, Charles landed on a photo of his mother Abigail. She was in a hospital gown, a very visible baby bump that she cradled in both arms, a huge smile on her face to the point where there were tears in her eyes.
Charles held Henry's hand as they traced the edge of it with one finger. The photo looked very old.
"This photo..." Charles said softly, "...was taken the day before I was born. We have copies of it now, but this was the original photo. I can't believe now how happy she looks."
Henry leaned on Charles' shoulder, and Charles turned to kiss the top of their head.
He turned the page back again, "Mom didn't take many pictures from her pregnancy. She went through a lot mentally and emotionally, so she didn't have time to think about taking photos."
Henry gave a soft little gasp, "Wait...your mom...?"
Charles nodded against their hair, "My mom had an eating disorder as a teenager."
Henry looked away from the album.
"She tried to rigorously document her weight loss journey." another page turn, "It wasn't just about being thin for her, though. She had no control over her own life as a teenager, and even as a young adult to an extent, so she wanted some way to feel like she had any kind of foothold in the world. She loved the attention. Half of people would congratulate her on her success while the other half were horrified at how thin she'd become. Both bolstered her confidence."
"Wait, she liked that?" Hen looked up with watery, sparkly blue eyes, "She...why would you want to look like a skeleton?"
Charles chuckled, "I don't know. I don't get it either. She says it was a desire to show her illness on the outside, like a cry for help. She had no access to mental health services, and the sentiment at that time and place was that mental illness didn't even exist. She wanted to believe she was really sick and in need of help. She wanted to believe there was something wrong with her. She knew she wasn't making it up, but everyone was telling her otherwise. Again, though, I don't really get it. I know I would have reacted to that issue a lot differently myself."
Henry had an unreadable expression on their face as Charles turned another page back. This one had a photo of Abigail, looking gaunt as she posed in front of the mirror, and the next one was from Frank and Abigail's wedding, with Abigail looking a lot more plump than in the other photo, and a lot more happy.
Henry closed their eyes as they nuzzled into Charles' chest.
"She relapsed a couple of times, even after she recovered." Charles continued explaining, "One of those relapses overlapped with when she met my dad. Man, she said she was enchanted by him the moment they first met. She trips on shoes that are too high and were hurting her bruised feet. He catches her with a laugh, tells her she's beautiful and offers his shoulder to her in case she needs help walking."
"Why wear the shoes if they hurt so much?"
"Her parents made her wear them. Weird ideas about gender. But anyways, he radiated such kindness that she couldn't help but feel safe around him. For the first time ever, she found someone she wasn't scared of. She even had enough courage to ask him out, but he turned her down, said he wanted to hang out as friends first, so she asked him again a week later, and he said yes. Oh, also after she tripped for a third time in those shoes, he gave her permission to walk barefoot. They were in a park outside with grass, so it made sense."
"You're rambling."
"I am. Sorry." Charles set the album aside, "Anyway, my mom kept relapsing until I was seven, but on that day before I was born, it was when she realized she had finally found long-term peace with her weight. She had to gain a lot of weight to have a healthy pregnancy, and she was determined not to relapse then for fear of harming me. Her hard work paid off, and she realized that she couldn't have made a better short-term home for me. I never had any problems with my own health related to my mom's eating disorder."
"Wow." Min bit their lip, the information rolling around in their head as they laid back on the bed, "That's a really inspiring story."
"Yeah. I tell her that all the time, and so did Dad." Charles shut the book, his smile fading, "My mom always told me that I should never be defined by societal expectations. She called me beautiful every day, and after my social transition, she always called me handsome. Still does, in fact."
"Okay, but..." Min was caught between responses, so they simply trailed off.
"Why am I telling you this?"
Henry quickly nodded.
Charles beamed, ruffling their hair, "To remind you of something important. Remember that my dad met my mom when she was relapsing, so she was much thinner than she was when she was healthy, and he still found her beautiful enough to compliment her. She gained weight, and his opinion on her beauty didn't change. Even at her heaviest, when she was carrying me around everywhere inside her body, my dad said she was just as beautiful as the day he met her, when she was drastically underweight."
Henry's expression hardened into a glare.
"Don't believe me?" Charles retrieved the album again, "You've seen the pictures yourself, Min. You tell me if she's ugly as a thin person."
They just pushed the book away, "Charles, your mom isn't me. Of course it doesn't bother me if other people are thin! It only matters because it's me!"
"What else can I do to convince you, Hen? I think you're beautiful!"
"No you don't! Or, it doesn't feel like you should!"
"Hen..."
They both stopped. Henry turned away, silently steaming, while Charles fumbled for an answer.
"Remember in the studio when you were wearing that leotard and tights?"
"Yes, and I hated the way you stared at me in it, but it's not like I can do ballet in baggy clothes."
Charles winced, "Was I staring?"
Henry's mouth drew into a hard line as he gave another nod.
"Well...do you know why I was staring?"
Henry didn't answer.
"Remember when you kissed me and I touched your body? You pushed me away." Charles shifted on the bed so he was facing them better, "Why?"
"Because, I..." Henry blinked as their chest heaved, "Because I didn't want you to feel my ribs..."
Charles didn't respond. Not at first. The answer had hit him harder than he was expecting, and he found himself propped up on both shaking arms on the bed, trying to keep himself upright as his mind promptly shut down.
"I don't want you to feel all the things on my body that make me feel ugly."
"But Hen...you're not." Charles scooted closer, "You're just not. I touch you and I kiss you because I love you, and I think you're beautiful."
Henry turned to face him, "Promise...?"
"I've said it before and I'll say it again." Charles got close enough to nuzzle into Henry's forehead, "You. Are. Beautiful. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. From the day we first met, I was already mesmerized by your eyes. If anything, you've only ever gotten more beautiful to me..."
Henry's breath hitched as Charles traced the line of their collarbone from their shoulder to the base of their throat, dipping slightly below the hem of the stiff hospital gown.
"I'm...saddened by all your divots and bumps, in a way..." Charles admitted lowly, tracing their collarbone out to the other side, "But you're still so beautiful, Hen. You're always beautiful."
Henry shivered, taking Charles' hand as it dipped under his neckline again to touch their sternum. Charles thought that Henry was going to take that hand away, but he didn't, instead just holding it there, their heart pounding against Charles' palm as they flattened it against their chest.
"Okay..." Henry breathed, face flushed in shyness, "I believe you."
Charles smiled warmly, and Henry returned it, a light giggle shaking their chest.
"Are you okay?" Charles lifted his hand, "I can still not touch you if you want."
"No, that's okay." Henry breathed even softer, if that was possible, "You...um...can...if you want..."
Charles grinned as he moved his hand down to cup around the side of Henry's ribcage, making Henry shudder, goosebumps prickling all over their skin.
Charles felt each bump where their ribs were, "Gosh, Hen, your skin is still so soft..."
He always started at the top, with his hands and then with his mouth. So, with a hand still sliding carefully around Henry's back, Charles placed a kiss to Henry's forehead, then his temple, gently kneading lower towards Henry's hips, which made Henry squirm, their body bending to meet the touches. They forced their eyes open as Charles retreated from their cheek. Upon receiving their affirming nod, Charles dipped down to their neck, loosening their hospital gown with his teeth as his hands slid up underneath it to graze over both thighs.
"...beautiful..." another kiss, "...you're so beautiful..."
Each kiss gradually grew warmer and wetter, grazing over Henry's scars as their skin became more and more exposed. Their breathing picked up as Charles' head grew foggy from euphoria, kissing over every ridge created by Henry's bones and lingering where he found some areas of soft flesh, starting with each breast and then ghosting down even further. The beeping of the heart monitor was speeding up, but Charles didn't even hear it as he was only aware of the pounding heartbeat trapped within Henry's ribcage.
By now, the gown was almost in tatters as Charles absently tore it open, not caring where the pieces ended up, just wishing he could be closer and closer-!
"Charles! Ahh! W-w-wait!"
Charles snapped out of it in a flash, his head flying back to make eye contact.
"U-um...I f-forgot about the heart monitor..." Henry's eyes glowed beneath their flushed red face, "If it gets too fast, the nurses'll come back and ruin our f-fun..."
That was when Charles finally registered the quick beeping of the heart monitor, glancing down over Henry's body, his hospital gown completely split down the middle, and Charles flushed in embarrassment.
"Fuck, shit I'm so sorry." Charles pulled the blanket up over them to cover them up again, "Shit, Hen, I didn't mean...I wasn't thinking at all..."
Henry huffed out a breathless laugh, "'s okay, Charles. I wasn't thinking either. I only wish we weren't in a hospital so you could keep kissing me..."
Charles chuckled at Henry's embarrassed little shimmy into the blankets, bringing the cover all the way up to their nose as they shivered at the feeling of being exposed, the remnants of the gown crinkling around them.
"Wait, how the heck did you manage to tear this gown without hurting me?"
Charles pet Henry's hair to distract himself from that embarrassment, "Ah, don't worry about it. Must be a thin gown."
Henry smiled so his eyes turned up.
"Now...listen, Henry..." Charles said seriously, "You're not ugly, far from it, but I'm worried about you not eating enough. You really scared me today, just like my mom did when I was young, far too young to understand what was actually happening. I don't care if you feel sick from now on, Hen, I am going to force you to eat whether you like it or not!"
"Charles-!"
"Ah ah ah! I'm not finished!" Charles found both of Henry's hands, "Love, I'll find a way to make it easier for you. I promise, I will find a way."
Tears leaked from Henry's eyes as he smiled wide, and If Charles was crazy, he could've sworn that the heart monitor was slowing down as Henry's heart was calmed.
***
"Don't wait until you have the body you want. Don't wait until you have the job you want, the relationship you want, the house you want, or the family you want. Don't wait for any of that to give yourself permission to find happiness in the here and now. No matter where you are in life, finding happiness is simply a human trait. Don't make yourself wait for what you should let yourself have right now."
Charles knew this from years of loving guidance by both his parents. He remembered climbing up on a stool at the counter to try and kiss his mother's cheek. He was so short that Abigail had to kneel down with him on that stool just so they could look at each other eye-to-eye. She would carry him on her hip, rambling about everything and nothing while he tried to baby-babble his way into a coherent sentence. After he started his medical transition, he shot up like a tree, and before he knew it, he was looking down to meet his mother's eye instead.
That was the thought that went through his head as he looked up to see Henry coming out of the studio, A lot more plump than they had been that day when they collapsed. Charles could see all the subtle curves of their body through their ballet outfit, and now, after they'd tried extra hard to gain weight for a couple weeks, they were dancing once again, and it came a lot easier to them. They were still pretty damn thin, but now they looked a lot healthier, which Charles was glad for.
Henry came back out to the viewing room to drink a massive amount of water, "Wow! I can't believe how much easier it is now!"
Charles sat beside them, "The spins?"
"Yes! It's so much better!" Henry looked into their water bottle wistfully before twisting it closed and setting it aside, "Man...it just gets hard sometimes, you know? Ballet is a very form-centric kind of dance, so it's really easy to fixate on parts of your body you don't like. One friend I had back in grade school had to quit because even though she liked the dancing, it made her body dysmorphia worse."
"Yikes. That doesn't seem fair."
"It's not. I wish we had more of a culture of acceptance around things like this."
Charles watched Henry rub their arms as they looked away from him, and suddenly he had an idea.
"Hey, uh, Henry..."
"Mhm?"
Charles took their cheek to turn them back towards himself, "How much longer do you have this studio rented out?"
"Oh, it's not rented. A friend lets me borrow it, remember? Why?"
Charles grinned, glancing outside to make sure no one was looking in. He put a hand on Henry's hip, making them sputter and blush.
"Would they mind if we made a mess?"
Henry's blush deepened, "O-oh..."
They shyly brought both hands up to their chest, thighs rubbing together through their tights.
"I..." Henry gulped loudly, "I, u-uhh...I think I know a place...where...w-we'll be able to clean up..."
Charles pulled Henry into a heated kiss, drinking up the little noises they made as he tilted his head to deepen it. When he flicked his tongue into their mouth and grabbed both their hips, they squeaked and pushed back.
"A-are you sure? Right now?"
Charles' smile softened into something sweeter, "I never want you to hate your body again. How do I get across to you that everything about your body is beautiful to me? You may see flaws everywhere, I'm sure they're obvious to you, but to me, even your flaws are all perfect. Every last square inch of you is just perfect. I can never get enough of it."
Henry giggled, mouth turned up in a squiggly smile, "S-stop. You're just saying that."
"I'm not." Charles took Henry's hand to place flat on his own chest, "What do you think of mine? Is my body perfect to you? Could you point out what I see as flaws? Can you pinpoint any flaws at all?"
Henry's blush went up to his ears as their eyes roamed all over Charles' body. They bit their lip, brow furrowed in concentration, and it made Charles just ache to kiss them again.
Finally, Henry huffed, "Fine. You win."
Charles chuckled as he kissed Henry's forehead, "See? I know it's so easy to be hard on yourself, but I love everything about you. Your head, your heart, your personality, your body, and everything in between. I love you, and I want to find a way to prove to you how much I love everything about you."
Henry nuzzled into Charles' neck, "I'm surprised you didn't mention my ass."
Another chuckle, "Oh, well that goes without saying. I fucking love your ass."
Henry whined, gripping hard onto Charles' jacket.
"Are you okay? Can you show me that place you mentioned?"
Henry lifted their head, meeting Charles' gaze with big doll eyes. Fuck, they were just so adorable.
Henry took his hand, and then they escaped.
Charles was ecstatic. Oh, how he loved happy endings.
***