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It was dark.
Which was weird, because Peter could feel the stiffness of a hospital bed beneath him. He could hear the beeping of monitors next to him. He could smell the antiseptic and could even hear the irregular heartbeat that he easily recognized as Tony’s, next to a more steady heartbeat he knew to be his aunt’s.
He blinked his eyes to make sure they were open- if he was in the Medbay, why was it pitch black?
His head still swimming as he slowly came to consciousness, he let out a groan. Next to him, there was a startled snort as Tony woke with a start.
“Oh! Kid! You’re awake!” The inventor sounded nervous. There was a shuffling sound and then Tony’s joints cracking as he presumably stood up and stepped closer to Peter’s bedside. The teen felt a larger, calloused hand engulf his own. “Pete, this is going to be hard to swallow, but I’m going to need you to stay calm, okay?”
“…Mr. Stark?” Peter asked timidly, still blinking, though with a little more intensity. The heart monitor picked up speed as his sight still wasn’t there. “Why is it dark in here?”
Tony’s hand squeezed his, while the other one rested on the teen’s shoulder. “Yeah, about that…do you remember what happened?”
Peter thought for a moment. The last thing he remembered was being out on patrol and seeing a building on fire. He could hear screaming from within and had rushed inside to help, but that’s all he recalled.
“…there was a fire…” He muttered.
“Yes…you ran inside that building to save people trapped.” Tony prompted. “What else?”
“Um…that’s it, sir…” He could feel his heart pounding now as panic began to set in. Why couldn’t he see?
The hand on his shoulder moved up to his cheek. “Kiddo, I don’t know how else to tell you this, so I’m just going to say it. You got hit pretty badly in the head when part of the building landed on you. According to Dr. Cho, you suffered a nasty TBI, which hit your optic nerves…it’s not dark in here, Underoos…” Tony took a deep breath, his thumb stroking Peter’s cheek. “You’re blind.”
Peter remained silent as he tried to process what had just been said to him. His body seemed to react first, the heart monitor again picking up speed. The word seemed so hollow and meaningless, and then out of seemingly nowhere, the meaning of the words hit with the same force of whatever falling debris had hit his head. His heart dropped into his stomach, and he felt dizzy.
“What? No! No, no, no, no! I can’t be! I can’t be blind! Mr. Stark, there’s gotta be some mistake! Some…this has to be temporary!” He could feel his cheeks dampen with tears he didn’t even know had welled up.
“Peter, I’m so sorry…”
“Mr. Stark! Isn’t there anything that can be done? Like…like…the cradle! Doesn’t Dr. Cho have that regeneration thing?”
“It’s not a miracle cure, kiddo…” It was suddenly hard to breathe as his stomach lurched. He heard the hurried sounds of Tony grabbing something and holding plastic beneath his face. “Here’s a basin. Let it out.”
Only a split second after Peter registered what Tony had said, did he gag before whatever was in his stomach came up.
Amid the sounds of his own retching, there was a confused noise on the other side of him. As he finished and Tony began to wipe his face off with what felt like a tissue, two gentle hands landed on him.
“Honey, honey, calm down. It’s going to be okay!” was his Aunt’s quiet reassurance. The sound of her voice was enough to get the blind terror, no pun intended, to suddenly flush out of his system, and against his own will, the tears came freely, sobs erupting from his chest. Arms enveloped him, pulling him against May’s chest, her heartbeat in his ear.
Peter struggled to catch a breath. “I’m blind!” he wailed before he even knew he was saying it. The weight of his own words, the…finality of it all… just brought on another round of sobbing.
“I know, baby, I know…” was all May whispered to him before he felt Tony’s hands on him again, rubbing his back.
He stayed there, sobbing into May’s shoulder, until eventually he cried himself back into unconsciousness.
~~~~~
When Peter woke next, the realization that he hadn’t been dreaming and that he truly was blind made his stomach lurch again.
He took a deep breath, slowly releasing it, and fighting the urge to be sick again. Not that there was anything more to come up, anyhow. He stared into the absolute darkness, focusing on his breathing as he adjusted to this new reality.
A toilet flushing got his attention. The sound was even louder than it had been beforehand, way louder than it ever should have been. His hands flew to his ears, but he could clearly make out the sound of a door opening, and Tony’s hurried footsteps towards him.
“Hey. Hey, buddy, it’s okay, it’s just me!” the inventor’s voice was barely a whisper, but it was conversationally loud for Peter. Tony’s hand lightly rubbed his back. “I’m guessing your senses are dialed up even more, now?” Peter simply nodded, and the touch left him as Tony took a few steps away, opening a cabinet as quietly as possible, and rummaging around in it until he made a small nosie of discovery. He came back over to his bedside. “Noise-canceling headphones. These might help until you get used to everything. Can I put them on you?”
Peter nodded, lowering his hands and letting his mentor slip the headphones over his ears. They didn’t cut off sound, but it lowered it more to a tolerable level.
“Thanks, Mr. Stark…” he muttered.
“No worries, kid. These are made for super-sensitive Spiderling ears; had a couple of pairs put into every room in the MedBay, just in case…”
The nickname Tony used suddenly made him realize, “Oh my god, Spiderman! Mr. Stark, if I…can’t see…what’s going to become of Spiderman?” He drew in a shaky breath, feeling like he’d be socked in the gut. “I’m never going to be Spiderman again, am I?”
Tony sighed. “Peter, that shouldn’t be worried about right now.”
“But…but the city-”
“-will be fine until we figure out how to navigate this. This isn’t something you’re going to get used to overnight! Spiderman will have to be on the backburner, and when you feel ready to go back to it, you do.”
Fresh tears welled up in Peter’s now-useless eyes and he inwardly cursed at them as he scrubbed the tears away with his hand- it was like they were adding insult to injury!
“What if I’m never ready to go back to it? How can I be a hero without one of my senses?”
Tony sighed. “Then that’s perfectly alright if you retire.” Peter groaned. “Hey. Listen. There is so much more to you than running around in a high-tech onesie.”
Despite everything, peter laughed wetly. “A onesie that you built for me!”
Even though he couldn’t see it, he knew Tony was smiling. “And what matters most is the kid in that onesie. We gotta take care of Peter Parker before we even think about Spiderman. And I know you, you’re gonna find a way to go out on patrol again.” This time, Peter was silent. He knew Tony was right, but he couldn’t bring himself to say so. He felt Tony sit on the bed next to him and put his arm around his shoulders. “Hey. This sucks. I’m not gonna pretend like it doesn’t. But you’re not gonna suffer this alone, you know that right? May and I, and of course the whole team, and your little friends, Scary-Spice and Ted will be with you every step of the way!”
Peter chuckled mirthlessly. “His name is Ned, Mr. Stark…” Oh shit, wait a minute…“Ned! MJ! Oh my god, how am I going to tell them?”
“Easy, kiddo.” Tony squeezed his shoulder. “I spoke with them already…told them what’s happening. You’re going to be okay, but you’ve lost your sight.” He paused, the hand that was on his shoulder moving to rub his arm. “They’re obviously worried, but they’re willing to wait until you’re ready to see them.” Another pause as the arm stopped rubbing. “…um, excuse me, bad choice of words.”
“It’s okay, sir, I know what you meant…” he muttered, leaning as best he could against Tony’s shoulder, hindered slightly by the headphones. "I know it seems impossible now, but wait and see. I can guarantee you, you will not be less of a hero, just because you don't have your sight." He nodded, trying not to dislodge the headphones. Neither of them spoke anymore, just sat there in silence as Peter focused on his mentor’s heartbeat, his gentle caresses on his arm as they began again, and the idea of where the hell to go from here.
~~~~~
Peter was discharged from the MedBay a few days later, now holding a blind man’s cane that he was getting used to using. The noise-canceling headphones still on his head, Peter stepped off the elevator and onto the main floor, immediately hearing a group of familiar heartbeats. He walked with extreme caution; he knew the compound was spacious, but he felt like he was going to walk into something at any moment, even with the help of the cane, as well as Tony and May flanking him on both sides.
He reached the center of the common area, listening to the heartbeats and the bated breaths around him.
“I know you’re all here.” He began. No one said a word. “…you all can say stuff, you know…”
Someone stood up and stepped a little towards him. The footsteps were very light, almost cat-like. The next words spoken to him were quiet, but confident and reassuring. “Hi, Peter. How are you feeling?”
He smiled slightly as he tried to step closer to Natasha. His cane bumped against her boot, and he nearly jumped back, but Tony caught him and encouraged him forward.
“I’m…I don’t know…” he confessed, remembering she had asked him a question.
There was movement in his direction. “I’m holding out my hand, Peter. You can take it.”
After a moment’s hesitation, he did so, feeling her well-manicured nails lightly touch him.
“We’re glad you’re up and about, son.” Came another voice. This was Steve’s, his strong footsteps a stark contrast to his quiet voice.
Peter turned to face him out of habit, still holding Natasha’s hand. “I am too.” He forced a smile. “I just wish I was…all here, ya know?”
“Peter…” Nat began.
“Like…don’t get me wrong, cause I know what you all are going to say, but I…I know it’s hard to get, because you all have your senses, but…” He sighed. “I know I shouldn’t be worrying about this, but…how can I be a hero now?”
There was a brief pause as no one replied, before someone else got up. “Hey, kid.”
He turned towards where Clint’s voice came from. “Hey...”
Clint came closer to him. “Can you let go of Nat’s hand? And can I take your hand in mine?” He nodded, releasing Natasha’s hand and a moment later, feeling Clint take hold of his. “I want you to feel something.” Peter’s hand was guided upwards, Clint’s unshaven stubble brushing against his skin as his hand was brought to touch something just below the archer’s hairline. It was small and plasticy. Clint guided his hand lower down; Peter recognized an ear, and soon realized what he was touching.
“Your hearing aid.” He identified. He suddenly felt a wave of guilt hit him for forgetting about that.
“That’s right.” He released Peter’s hand. “I have damaged eardrums. But does that make me ‘not all here’, or ‘less of a hero’?”
Peter could feel his face paling. “Oh my god, I swear didn’t mean to insult you, Mr. Hawkeye-sir, I just-”
“It’s ‘Clint’, kid. And you didn’t insult me, I’m just pointing out that we’re in a very similar boat. I take these out, and I’m still who I am. I’m still able to go out and fight alongside everyone.”
He mulled this over. “But… but you still have hearing aids! You can hear with those!”
“That may be, but there have been times where I didn’t have them. Mostly, in the days before I joined SHIELD. Even after that, sometimes missions left me in silence as these became lost or destroyed, but that didn’t stop me…nor should this stop you.” Peter wasn’t even sure how to respond to that. “You’re still a gutsy super-kid, who, if I know him well enough, will not let anything stand in his way!”
“He’s right, kid!” Peter cringed at the sound, pressing the headphones more against his ears as a chorus of “shhhh!” rang out after Scott’s voice had been too loud. “Sorry!” Was his whispered apology. He waited until Peter recovered to continue, his voice lowered. “He’s right kid. I mean, your senses were more enhanced even before this, but now…now you’ll likely be able to hear where your webs need to go!”
The teen blinked. “I…never considered that… that honestly sounds super cool…can I…can I hear buildings? Like, tell how they’re shaped just from listening?”
“Hey, don’t get too excited; this is all being tested out way, way further down the line…” Tony chimed in.
“Agreed. Recovery first, super-heroing last!” May added, eliciting poorly-stifled laughter around him. He felt her gently tussle his hair.
Once the laughter died down, Peter cleared his throat. “Um…thanks Mr. Hawk- um, I mean, Clint.”
“Anytime.” Was the archer’s reply. “Can I hug you?”
Peter smiled. “Yes! For sure!” And he then felt strong arms around him.
After they broke apart, one by one, he hugged his teammates. He knew he had support all around him, but, as cliché as it sounded, it took more than seeing it for him to truly realize it.
The last one to hug him was Tony. “Figures, I tell you basically the same spiel, and yet it goes in one enhanced ear and out the other!”
Grinning against Tony’s shoulder, Peter gripped him tighter.
~~~~
“Alright, Pete, we ready to get this show on the road?” came Clint’s voice.
With a nod, Peter put away the retractable blind man’s stick Tony had installed in his suit and pulled down his mask, that had been bunched up at the top half of his head. Of course, the stick wasn’t the only upgrade Tony’d been working on as Peter got used to not having his sight over the past few months, but it was the little things, like the noise-cancellation in his mask, that Peter really appreciated.
He turned toward Clint’s voice. “Yeah! Let’s do it!”
He heard May sigh. “Just be careful…bring him right home if he refuses to listen to you, or tries to put himself in danger…”
Clint laughed, slinging an arm over Peter’s shoulders. “No worries, May. We got this!”
“Kid, you sure you don’t want me to tag along?” Tony asked, as Peter heard the sound of the window opening, and felt the cool, evening breeze hit his face. “I can call a suit in a matter of seconds, it’s not a problem-”
“I-I think we’ll be okay, Mr. Stark!”
There was a moment before Tony leaned forward and kissed his mask-covered forehead. “Now, you listen to Barton, and don’t rush into things, okay? Let him be your eyes…like we discussed…”
Peter nodded before stepping towards the window. “I know, sir. I will. I promise.” He called behind him where he heard the other man’s heartbeat. “Clint?”
“Right behind ya!” He felt the archer lock his arms around him from behind, and lift his legs to wrap around his hips. “Let ‘er rip!”
He paused and listened. He knew around them were tall trees, and it was a few miles before any buildings were within reach.
With deadly accurate aim, he shot a web at a tree, feeling and hearing the adhesive make contact with the high-up, yet still sturdy branches.”
“All right, kid!” Clint cheered.
Grinning wildly and his heart picking up speed, Peter leapt out the window and onto the tree, landing them both safely.
And then they made their way towards the city, Clint hooting with excitement the whole way, and Peter feeling like he could take on the world.