Chapter Text
When Paxton Hall-Yoshida's mom sent him out to the store because she was out of tofu and needed to make something for the church potluck that weekend, he didn't know he was going to end up at Devi Vishwakumar's front door.
He'd been thinking about how he'd snapped at her, after he'd found her in Rebecca's room yesterday. He hadn't meant to, he'd just been wondering where she'd gone after sitting in his garage with this strange wheeling feeling in his stomach. There was something about Devi. With her, he didn't know what was coming next, like he was playing a game she’d invented and she was writing the rules as they went. Paxton hadn't realized, shaking her hand outside the school pool, what he'd signed up for when he'd agreed to bang her.
It was a rude juxtaposition of his home and school lives, finding Devi Vishwakumar joking around with his sister in her room. He hadn't expected to have to reveal anything more of himself than he usually revealed to his teammates every day when they all changed together in the boy's locker room. It was supposed to be fast, and easy, and cement him a little further into the safety net of his reputation. Maybe he’d have been using her, but it’d be mutual—she was using him too. Devi meeting his sister had not been a part of the deal.
But the look on Devi's face when he'd dismissed her was more than disappointment, and it made him wonder if there was something more to this proposition of hers. She'd been so casual about everything, but now he sensed that there was something she needed from him beyond a quick fuck. And the weirdest part was, even though that was exactly what Paxton thought he didn't want, the feeling tugged at him. He started wondering about her. Who was this girl? When he thought about how the only thing he knew about her was that last year she’d been the girl in the wheelchair who everyone whispered about in the hallways—the girl with the dead dad—he was filled with shame. He felt like he’d kicked a puppy. It wasn’t a good look.
He'd tried to avoid Devi at school that day, but of course she'd sought him out when he was surrounded by his friends. Even though Paxton felt safe in their number, they couldn't protect him from knowing that there was now something unspoken between him and Devi Vishwakumar. She'd robbed him of his carefully constructed anonymity, busting past defenses he'd erected a long time ago into his life. He knew all she wanted to do was talk to him, but all he wanted to do was hide.
He got to Facing History after the last bell semi-on-purpose, but as usual the only empty seat was the one in front of Devi. His eyes darted to her face as he walked over to take the seat, and of course she was looking at him. Paxton thought that she probably knew that she hadn't done anything wrong and that he was the one being a dick, and he hated that she had that knowledge, that power. And then something strange happened. Professional Try-Hard Ben Gross baited Devi, and she came back at him swinging, which earned both of them a trip to the principal's office but was kind of impressive and definitely ballsy. He watched Devi storm out of the room, imagining one of those thunder-dark clouds like you’d see in a cartoon hanging over her head, and again he wondered who she was, what had possessed her to say that thing about Nazis, and if it was his sister he had been trying to protect, or himself.
And now he was pulling up in front of her house, and knocking on her door, and still not entirely sure why he was there, except that it felt like the right thing to do. A middle-aged Indian woman in loose, flowy clothing opened the door. She gave him a suspicious, appraising look which was intensified by the dark kohl she wore around her eyes. Large dark eyes, like Devi’s.
“It’s a bit late to be out selling candy bars, hmm?” She spoke with a slight accent.
“I’m not fundraising,” he said quickly. What time was it? As politely as he could, he asked her, “Is Devi home?” The woman, Devi’s mother, raised her eyebrows.
“I’m sorry it’s late. I’ll just be a minute.”
Dr. Vishwakumar left the door open, but didn’t invite him in as she went upstairs to summon her daughter. Paxton peered into the foyer, but he was spotted by another, younger woman who gave him a confused smile and a little wave, so he ducked back out of the doorway. He thought about what he’d come here to say.
Paxton turned around when Devi appeared behind him. She looked a little wary of him. “Hey,” he said with a smile he hoped would be reassuring.
Devi relaxed a little and returned his greeting warmly. This was fine. He could do this. Devi’s mother was watching them from the stairs, and Devi quickly shut the door behind them for privacy. “Let’s talk over here,” she said, following him down the walk a little ways, and then standing there curiously, expectantly.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry for yesterday,” he began. Paxton did his best to explain himself, about why Devi meeting his sister could feel like she’d touched a raw nerve. Devi listened, her expression open. He was rambling, but felt encouraged when Devi laughed at the thing he’d said about guarding Rebecca. The thing about shooting the cat in the eye just sort of slipped out, but then it was Devi’s turn to reassure him.
“Paxton, I would never make fun of your sister,” she told him, and he realized that he already knew that about her. “She’s super fashionable and way cooler than me.”
Paxton laughed at that. He often felt the same way about Rebecca. Devi’s mom interrupted them from where she’d been watching at the window, and Devi must have realized that it was time for him to leave.
“If we’re cool, should we meet in your garage tomorrow?” There it was again, that whirling sensation in his stomach. Paxton bit his lip.
“Actually, I don’t think that’s a good idea anymore,” he said. “It just got weird, you know?” He couldn’t do it anymore and he was still working out why. He’d been wrong about it being quick and easy and safe, and maybe it was better not to find out what it really would be like. Already he’d caught himself thinking back to when they were in his garage and her hand was on his bare chest, imagining that he’d kissed her before she’d said the thing about polio and stabbed herself in the leg and fled from him.
“Yeah, sure. I was going to say the same thing, too,” she said, fooling no one. Devi was strange, but kind of funny, too. At least the air had been cleared. Paxton felt in control of himself again.
“Okay,” he said, wanting to seem cool even though the way Devi was smiling at him warmed him all over. “Well uh, I’ll see you at school.” Paxton walked away, sticking his hands in his pockets. He only made it a few steps, however, before he turned back to look over his shoulder, watching Devi retreat back into her world.
So she had a crush on him—Paxton could handle that. Plenty of girls had crushes on him. What would the harm be in getting to know her a little better? In spending a little bit of time with her? He kind of liked the idea of being her friend. What was the worst that could happen?