Chapter Text
Lance took a deep breath in. Those long inhales that hurt your lungs with the strain. Pulling his shoulders back to right his posture as he stood before the door. He let it all out in one huff, a nice release from the pressure on his chest. This was the third time he went through with this. Taking slow deep breaths as he stared at the door in front of him. The glowing blue lights burning into his retinas and no doubt gonna leave an annoying black spot in his vision for a few minutes. Or hours seeing he still hadn’t sparked the courage to move.
“Okay, this is ridiculous,” Lance grumbled to himself, raising his fist to the door. He froze up. Eyes locked on the small red marking atop the door. Pidge and Hunk had made stickers for their rooms because they kept getting lost the first few days on the Castle. Walking in on each other was far too often to be comfortable with. Coran and Allura had treated the stickers like technology far beyond their experienced races, which the Paladins all took pride in. Flaunting their sticker expertise until it became old. Which was about two days later.
“I’m putting this off,” Lance growled under his breath, dropping his hand onto his neck and looking up at the ceiling. Indeed, there was the annoying black spot that was gonna accompany him for the next few hours. He paced in front of the door, mind racing and eyes locked on the ceiling. He let out another puff of air before he turned back to the door. Taking in another deep breath and letting it out, slumping his shoulders to rid the tension. But the tension still stayed.
“Come on,” he slammed the palm of his hand against his forehead. “This is simple, you did it like two seconds ago, what’s wrong with you?!” He had raised his voice.
His body tensed more – if that was even possible – straining his ears for any sound within the room. A few moments later, he let out the tension with a sigh. “Dios Mio, I’m fucking stupid. We’ll see him in about one minute, what’s the point?” He looked at the door one more time, glancing at the faded red spot above it. One he had come to recognize over the course of living here. He let out one last tense huff and walked away. Not taking a single glance back at the door.
“That’s one quarter powdered Vix Root which you grate and refrigerate for five Vargas , not dobashes, Vargas , do not overdo it on the Vix Root, you’ll have a mighty stomach ache and a mouth of cotton and if you do not add two tablespoon’s worth of Yule-Ok Cider into the heated water, you will either get a rash or vomit, which will not pair nicely if you overdid it with the – now say it with me – the Vix Root, no-no, with me , Keith! Do you even listen?” Hunk sighed with exasperation, rubbing his temples with his fingers. Pidge chuckled from behind him.
“Hunk,” Keith said, patting him on the shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll tell the machines to remember your measurements when I reach the base.”
“And how are you going to tell them if you can’t even recite Vix Root with me!? I don’t understand you,” Hunk shook his head, hands flying to his hips in a classic, dramatic mom stance. The glistening of tears in his eyes hinting at a dramatic breakdown was a nice touch and really helped sell the look. Keith retracted his hand, looking a bit more lost at what else to do. His amount of expertise in comfort had reached its limit.
Lance sighed and stepped forward. The doors closed behind him, like trapping him into the scene. Walking forward to the group standing outside the Blade shuttle. Kolivan conversed with Allura and Coran off to the right, the other Paladins off to the left saying their goodbyes. Keith in his blade suit with one of the Altean bags that was always stored in their rooms. Containing a few copies of the Castle’s info as well as his very few belongings that he would never be using on the Blade base. Lance wondered why Keith bothered taking his dumb red crop-top at all.
He considered sneaking up beside Allura, maybe ducking behind Coran. He’d done his fair share of goodbyes back on the bridge, he didn’t see why he should do it again. His eyes darted from the boring political discussions and saying goodbye to a fellow comrade. Debating which one was more important or interesting in his head. Then Keith locked eyes with him. His eyes felt captivating, the harsh bay lights bringing out the violet highlights. He was expectant and waiting, looking past Hunk’s sobbing figure and Pidge’s cackling. Waiting for Lance to make the final move.
And he did.
He turned to Allura and Coran and slotted himself between the two of them. He felt Keith’s eyes following him all the way there, finally breaking off as he stopped next to the two Alteans. He could only imagine Keith’s cold gaze as Lance looked up at Kolivan. The Blade leader seemed a little surprised when the newly claimed Red Paladin stopped with them but the emotion passed quickly, probably because he wasn’t capable of any more expressions in a short period of time.
“And what about missions?” Allura asked. “Would you inform us of any he may be participating in?”
“Depends on the mission, Princess,” Kolivan replied. “If it is classified then it is simply classified. The Paladins know more than anyone that we take our organization very seriously and we decide when something is too much of a risk. But if we do not feel the mission to be too serious, we may inform you of his participation.”
Allura swallowed with a tense nod. Because when didn’t the Blade of Marmora have serious missions? The message wasn’t vocal but it sounded like a Lion’s booming roar. ‘He no longer concerns you’.
“Then would you at least call if he gets hurt?” Coran asked, stepping forward.
Kolivan regarded the older Altean for a moment before speaking, “It is important to keep our organization stable and guarded. Sending out a hailing that could easily be intercepted by outer forces is too much of a risk. Especially if the hailing involves a wounded soldier that serves or served a big part in the war. We must keep our allies focused and that includes the largest most integral part of this battle. If we deem it necessary, we will inform you of any injury.”
‘He no longer concerns you’.
“Would there be any moments where we could see him again? In-person?” Allura asked next.
“He now works for the Blade of Marmora and must prove his worth to stay in our ranks,” Kolivan responded. “He must train and strategize with the rest of us and earn his rank. Whether that be a commander or commanded. That is for us to decide. The first few phoebs may be harsh on him and he may not get a lot of time to himself. He already promised his devotion to the Blade of Marmora and is ready to fight the hard battle whenever that may come. If we find a window of opportunity, we’ll attempt an in-person connection.”
‘He no longer concerns you’.
“What are the chances when we see him again?” Lance finally asked. All questions of getting through to him all had a clear answer. It was better to just seek out the opportunity.
“Ranging from battles that you may share to important meetings with old or new allies,” Kolivan responded. “There could be occasions in which he has the time to converse about other topics than the current war but more often than not, he will leave the premises almost immediately.”
‘He no longer concerns you’. Somehow, he still got the message through. Lance nodded silently and let the two Alteans’ questions pour through. He didn’t even understand why they bothered. They knew what the answer was. He did at least. He looked up at the other Paladins, Hunk being pulled back by Pidge as Shiro pulled Keith into a hug, whispering something into his hair. Keith’s shoulders shook, a grin on his face. Pulling back and exchanging that warm smile with Shiro. Hunk burst out crying and Pidge could barely hold the man back.
Shiro stepped back, ruffling Hunk’s hair and yelling at Pidge as she used bad language. There was a light of longing in Keith’s eyes, an almost forced smile quivering on his lips. Observing the jumbled mess before him like he’d never want to be anywhere else.
Lance turned away again, gaze locked onto the ground. If Keith loved them so much, if he really wanted to stay, then why didn’t he just stay? He could still serve a great purpose on the Castle of Lions. He could stay with them if he so wanted. He could’ve stayed in the Black Lion if he just didn’t distance himself. And part of him still wondered… What if the reason he was leaving, that longing, that want to stay, the goodbyes… what if…?
“Commander Kolivan,” a raspy voice spoke as a Blade walked down from the shuttle’s ramp. “The ship is ready and set on course. The base will open in five dobashes and close thirty ticks after. I suggest we wrap up this meeting and head back as soon as possible.”
Kolivan nodded firmly and turned back to them all, “We will allow you to say your last few goodbyes but keep it brief. Keith!” Keith turned his attention to Kolivan and walked over. He stopped beside his new commander, the other Paladins crowding around them. Hunk was still audibly sobbing beside them, Pidge half-heartedly patting him on the shoulder.
“Well, thank you, Keith,” Shiro said, stepping to the front of the group. Taking back his role as a leader as Keith straightened his spine. “We’ll see you around at meetings and perhaps catch glances of each other on the battlefield. I have no doubt in my mind that you will serve the Blade of Marmora with honor and work as hard as you did when you were a Paladin. You always have a special place here whenever you need it and we will never turn down your return. But all of us couldn’t thank you enough for the great sacrifices you’ve made in battle as you carried the burden of being a Paladin of Voltron.”
“I assure you, it was no burden,” Keith said, hoisting the bag on his shoulder. Knuckles clenched around the strap. A light smile graced his face. “For the most part.”
“Awww ~ Keith!” Hunk sobbed, breaking free from Pidge’s clutches and tugging Keith against his chest. Soaking his Blade suit in a matter of seconds. Pidge grappled him by the waist and the two Alteans broke free to give him their respective hugs, Coran covering his face with his handkerchief. Shiro ruffled his hair over Allura’s head with a light chuckle. Lance stood back, watching the scene unfold before him.
Keith had a nervous smile across his face as the others crammed around him. Kolivan and the Blade standing off to the side. Lance had never gotten close enough to Keith to recognize when he was happy or upset, he never got to learn the tell-tale signs. It was always Pidge or Shiro or just someone else. He knew when he got on his nerves, knew when he was inches away from rage. But the way Keith gripped on the bag strap and kept his eyes on the ground was a clear enough indicator. It was the first time he saw Keith holding back.
Holding back tears, holding back running back to them, holding back on quitting the Blades and their offer. He pulled away from the hug, a forced chuckle as he dusted himself off. “The info cards are unbreakable, Hunk,” he said, righting the bag again.
“That’s why he didn’t hold back,” Pidge said, stepping away from Keith and fixing her glasses.
The group laughed. And Keith looked past all of them. Locking eyes with Lance again. Did he say goodbye or did he stay away? He wasn’t sure. It should’ve been an easy question but those thoughts still weighed on his mind. So he waved from faraway, grinning to defuse any tension. “Stay safe out there, Mullet.”
“Yeah, you too,” Keith said, the warmth gone and replaced by a deadpan expression. He turned to Kolivan without another glance. Without another word. Kolivan nodded to him curtly and the three Blades turned to walk up the ramp into the shuttle. Keith turned back and waved at them one more time. Shiro held Hunk back from running up the ramp and waved at him with his robotic hand. Lance watched quietly from the sidelines. Keith didn’t look at him once . It made the feeling grow worse inside him. Because what if…
The ramp closed the ship, the engines hummed and it lifted off the platform. It steadied into the airlock, the doors closing as they made their exit from the Castle. It was the first time in phoebs that Keith left with the Blades.
And wasn’t coming back.
‘ Hola, Lance!’ They all called with bright smiles on the other line. The camera shook as they waved at him, his niece and nephew jumping behind Lisa as they tried to get into the shot.
‘ How are things at the Garrison?’ His mama asked, pushing in front of Marco to get into frame. ‘ No trouble, I hope. I know you are such a smart boy, you’re probably up in the stars already.’
‘Padrastro paid her to say that!’ His twin sister, Rachel, called from behind Luis.
‘ Ay! No, why would I lie about such a thing?’ His mama turned to Rachel, no doubt flashing one of her signature glares. Rachel jumped behind Veronica for protection.
‘ We’re just sending this out to tell you not to pressure yourself too much, Lance,’ Veronica said, patting Rachel on the head. ‘ You know you’re gonna get that exam. And you still have those plane tickets if you have any second thoughts about staying at the Garrison to study. There’s even extra for Hunk if he’s up to it!’
‘Yeah, and call us yourself for once!’ Luis complained. Lance felt a chuckle tear out of him as the entire family erupted into laughter.
‘ Adios, Lance, call us soon, okay?’ Veronica said, a warm look in her eyes.
‘ Bye!’
The family’s voices cut out on the last word. Lance watched their frozen faces, blurred and smiling. The open window behind their heads showing the rolling waves and the fluffy clouds in the sky. Pidge had restored some of his deleted files a few phoebs ago. Long before Shiro disappeared. Long before the battle with Zarkon. This was one of the videos he remembered deleting to make room for study selfies. He was happy she was able to restore it now.
Eversince the video was brought forth, he made it a routine for himself. Sneaking onto the bridge, surrounded by both real and holographic stars. The blinking Milkyway tracking the faint light of Earth as he watched the last video his family ever sent him. Veronica had gone back home to visit their family and Lance chose to stay at the Garrison. He wished he’d gone now. He’d considered it but he was just too pumped for the exam to really care. And now he was lightyears away from them all. ‘ Hola, Lance!’ They called again as he replayed the video.
‘ How are things at the Garrison? No trouble, I hope. I know you are such a smart boy, you’re probably up in the stars already.’
‘Padrastro paid her to say that!’
‘ Ay! No, why would I lie about such a thing?’
He was in a very bad slump that day. He was lounging in bed, surrounded by dirty heaps of clothes and study books. Hunk was snoring on the top bunk. All he wanted was to go home. He wondered what would’ve happened if he did. He sighed, leaning back and losing grip on his phone. He fumbled a moment before it clattered to the ground. He growled in annoyance, reaching down to go back to his sulking routine. ‘ -ance! I said no!’
His hand froze as a familiar voice called from over the phone. ‘ Aww, come on, don’t be such a buzzkill, Mullet – hey, you’re getting dough all over it!’
‘Don’t disrespect technology like that, you buffoon!’
‘Baking is peaceful! Don’t choose violence!’
He picked the phone up off the floor, turning it over to see the screen. Just in time to see the camera shake a bit before raising to stop on a very pouty Keith, the tips of his hair dusted with flour and Hunk Ramsey glaring at him over his shoulder. A bowl lay clattered on the floor from the battle to retrieve the phone. He wondered if this was a message from the Universe. A ‘yes’ to his unspoken question.
He sighed and tucked the phone back into his hoodie pocket. That felt like years ago. He stared up at the holographic Milkyway once again before shutting off the display. He got to his feet and left the bridge. Walking down the darkened halls with that recurring guilt stirring up in his stomach. As he turned the corner to his bedroom he saw Pidge and Hunk. The smaller Paladin was sitting on Hunk’s shoulders, leaned against the wall above Keith’s door. Curiosity peaked, he walked over to the two of them.
“Heya, guys, whatcha up to?” Lance asked, looking up at the two of them.
“AH! Oh, it’s just you,” Pidge sighed, turning back to the wall. She had some sort of scraping tool in her hand, the red Voltron ‘v’ above Keith’s door almost all the way off. “Shiro suggested that since all the Paladins have changed Lions and ‘gained a new order’, it’s probably best we take this down and replace yours with it.” Pidge turned back to him, cupping her mouth. “Between you and me, I think he just gets feels when he passes this room.”
“Uh-huh,” Lance said, watching the sticker dangle loosely above Keith’s room. Or former room. “Change is… good.”
Pidge tapped Hunk on the shoulder and he turned so she could look down at him, “You don’t like it. Do you?”
“What? That’s ridiculous, why’s that any of my business?” Lance scoffed.
Hunk patted him on the shoulder, “It’s okay to say you care, Lance.”
Lance swatted Hunk’s hand from his shoulder, “I have no reason to care what happens to Keith’s room after he leaves. He’s with the Blade now, obviously things are gonna be different.”
Hunk nodded, “You miss him.”
“We all do,” Pidge continued.
“It’s gonna take time.”
“Don’t be ashamed.”
“I don’t miss him, he wanted to leave and he did, scrap the entire room if you so want to, he’s never coming back anyway, he’s gone for good,” Lance pushed past the two of them before he could look at their stunned faces. He walked into his room, the door slamming shut behind him. Staring into the dark void, not really wanting to go to bed. He let out a sigh, sliding down his door and falling to the floor.
He hugged his knees to his chest and stared at the floor. The remnants of Keith’s white-tipped hair and angry voice in the back of his mind. He groaned, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. Because that question was still weighing heavy on his mind and he wasn’t sure whether he wanted an answer for it or not. He wasn’t sure how he would respond to it anymore. He didn’t know what to think anymore.
Because after the tearful goodbyes and the strained smile as he held back. The longing and the final goodbye wave.
What if it was his fault Keith left?