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Creation and destruction felt impossibly heavy in Hawk Moth’s hands. The cool metal of the Cat Miraculous and the sharp glint of the Ladybug Miraculous knocked the breath from his lungs. He had exactly what he wanted. He had it all.
He had done it.
Mayura was right in front of him, but it was as if she didn’t even see him. Her magenta eyes were focused on the jewellery. Her gentle blue hands, hands that had guided him to comfort many times, shook at her sides.
Without a moment of hesitation, he switched the ring and earrings into one hand, using the other to grab one of Mayura’s trembling hands. She was cold, Hawk Moth noted, and distant in an unfamiliar way.
“Mayura? Are you alright, what’s wrong?”
Hawk Moth heard himself speak, but the growing dread in his stomach displaced him. There was something in his partner’s eyes that he could not shake. He didn’t feel like the all-powerful Hawk Moth, right now he felt like Gabriel Agreste. A man clinging to any sense of stability he could find.
Mayura seemed to be brought back momentarily when she met his gaze. She looked at him like he was a stranger, then let her eyes fall to her hand in his. Her rigid posture relaxed slightly. She slowly entwined their fingers. He gave their joined hands a gentle squeeze in return. The skin-to-skin contact grounded them both.
Her blue lips formed the ghosts of words but no sound ever made it out alive. Every syllable got swallowed by doubt and all Mayura could do is silently plead for Hawk Moth to do something. Anything.
Hawk Moth shoved both of the most powerful miraculous into a hidden pocket like they were nothing more than cheap trinkets. His hands ghosted over Mayura’s chest before he removed her Miraculous.
In a flash of blue light, Hawk Moth was reintroduced to his Nathalie. Before his eyes could even adjust to the change, he felt small arms wrap around his torso. Nathalie clung to the taller man with the desperation of someone who was afraid everything they love will leave. Like Hawk Moth would disappear as soon as she let go, or even loosened her grip.
No sooner had Nathalie entwined herself with Hawk Moth had the villain brought her impossibly closer to his chest. A sob erupted from the woman. This scared Hawk Moth more than anything ever had.
“Nathalie?”
She cried into his chest, the trails of misery rolling down her flushed cheeks. For once in her life, Nathalie Sancoeur allowed herself to be selfish.
“Don’t do it.”
“What?”
“Don’t do it, Gabriel, please.”
Her head tilted to look up at him, forcing him to make eye contact. Her ocean blue eyes had never seemed more like a sea of despair than right then. It broke Hawk Moth’s heart.
“Don’t do what, my dear Nathalie?”
A ball of anxiety nestled snugly between his rib cage, his heart thumping a mile a minute. He was sure Nathalie could hear the way it slammed against his chest.
“Don’t make The Wish.”
The whole world stopped spinning. The noises around them drowned out, the air was heavy, only Hawk Moth and Nathalie occupied the Earth now. Their breathing grew heavier with each millisecond that passed.
“What?”
Hawk Moth couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe the words he heard. Couldn’t believe her.
“Don’t make The Wish, Gabriel,” Nathalie choked out, her bottom lip trembling. “I thought I’d be okay. I thought that when this day arrived I’d be ready. I thought I could let you go, but I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t let you go.”
“What are you talking about? Nathalie, this is what we’ve been working towards this entire time. This was always the goal. I’m not going anywhere, you’re not losing me.”
Her hands balled into pathetic fists as she hit his chest. Nathalie could do damage if she wanted, but this wasn’t with malicious intent. This was a release of emotions and Hawk Moth was happy to be the target of the soft blows if it helped her. He would endure much worse for her, if given the chance. I don’t want to die, the hits said. Don’t let me die.
“You’re not going anywhere, but I’ll lose you. I’ll lose my Gabriel. I’ll lose the man that brings me coffee. I’ll lose the man that picks me up when I fall. I’ll lose the man I’ve grown to love!” she shouts. “Hell, I might even lose everything, including my life! We don’t know how this thing works!”
The adrenaline was poison in her veins, pushing her to say things she never had the will to say before. Hawk Moth’s heart dropped. He stilled completely in Nathalie’s arms. A rigid statue.
Nathalie expected anger, confusion, betrayal. Not this. Not the vulnerability in her unrequited love’s eyes. Not the way his voice could barely travel above a whisper.
“Don’t,” he whispered, his breath coming out in short bursts as his throat threatened to close. “Please God, Nathalie. Don’t do this. Don’t say that.”
His eyes squeezed shut, Hawk Moth hoped Nathalie didn’t notice the tears he was holding back.
If this were any other circumstance, Nathalie would stop. She would shut up and pull his head to her chest, running her fingers through his hair in the way only she knew could calm him. But this wasn’t any other circumstance. This was life or death.
“I thought by helping you get Emilie back, I could make you happy and bury my feelings for you along the way. I thought I could love you quietly from a distance because I wanted you to be happy! I still want you to be happy Gabriel but,” her voice broke. “I want you to be happy with me.”
She couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Why now?” he growled, he threw his arms in the air in frustration. “God, Nathalie, why now?”
“What—“ but Hawk Moth interrupted her inquiry.
“I finally have the Miraculous. I finally have everything I need to bring Emilie back, and now you tell me you love me.”
Despite the anger, Nathalie didn’t back down. She never backed down from a fight, one of the traits Gabriel admired about her. Although now it wasn’t working in his favour.
“I thought I’d be okay with this!”
“SO DID I!” he screamed back, his jaw strained and tense.
Both parties recoiled, stepping away from each other. Hawk Moth had reached the zenith of his anger, sadness quickly taking over.
“So did I,” he said, sinking to his knees.
He put his head in his hands, letting every overwhelming emotion hit him at once. A broken man with the composure of a young boy. Each new feeling felt like a blow to his body, hidden bruises that anyone could push. His shoulders shook under the weight of a silent sob.
“I thought I’d be okay with this, Nathalie. I thought that when those Miraculous were in my hands I’d feel hopeful, excited. I should have been overjoyed. I thought everything would fall into place once I had what I needed but…”
But I don’t think she’s what I need anymore, he wanted to say but didn’t.
Nathalie didn’t respond, instead settling for joining him on the floor. Their legs brushed. Even though they were hurt and tired, they still found a way to touch each other. A silent plea.
He took her in; her expression, her posture, her lips. He realised his favourite colour was blue now, not green. He realised it had been his favourite colour for quite some time now. Nathalie’s blue eyes were wide with intrigue.
“You’ve given me another option and I hate you for it, Nathalie. I finally have the opportunity to get my wife back, my son’s mother, and I can’t bring myself to do it. I could have swallowed my feelings for you, I could have pretended everything was fine. We could have pretended. It would have worked.”
Nathalie shook her head ruefully, fresh tears welling in her eyes. “You have feelings for me?”
Her jaw practically dropped. He had feelings for her? For Nathalie?
“Wait, don’t answer,” she said.
Hawk Moth’s mouth opened to reply but a sudden action made him gasp. Nathalie’s delicate hand snatched his Miraculous from around his neck. He hadn’t even noticed her crawl over to him.
“I need to hear this from you. The real you.”
She briefly admired the way the purple butterfly jewel refracted the light, making little rainbows paint her pale skin. Purple was her favourite colour.
The vibrant glow of his detransformation made her squint her eyes. If it was possible, the man before her looked more vulnerable than a few seconds ago. Considerably smaller, more exposed. His whole face on display, she could now see the secret emotions only expressions could tell.
“Gabriel, look at me.”
He looked at her.
“Did you say you have feelings for me?”
“Did you say you have feelings for me?”
“I asked you first.”
Gabriel huffed angrily.
“Goddamnit Nathalie, have you always been this stubborn?”
It was almost humorous the way they sounded like little kids bickering over nonsense.
Nathalie’s unspoken thoughts pleaded with him and the look on her face was enough for Gabriel.
He pulled her in, holding her face in both of his hands. Her warmth, it chilled him to the bone. He hadn’t felt this way in years.
Her breath ghosted over his lips. Nathalie refused to blink, fearing that even a second with her eyes closed would wake her up from this dream. His eyes flickered from her lips to her eyes and back again, miraculous long forgotten.
Surprisingly, it was Nathalie that closed the distance. Her lips melted against his. Years of built up tension burst in their stomachs, the desperation of the moment and the need for more fuelled them both. She snaked a hand to his neck, tangling her fingers with the hair at the nape of his neck. This new depth to their kiss made Gabriel gasp softly.
When breath ran out, they pulled back. Their foreheads rested against each other’s.
“Does that answer your question?”
She pondered this for a moment.
“Then choose me.”
“Nathalie-“
“Pick me, Gabriel. You have me. You have Adrien. We may not be the family you had before, but we’re enough. We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to try. Can we try? Can we let ourselves be happy?”
Gabriel was torn.
He could reap the fruits of his labour, he could make a wish that could fix everything. He could save a life.
But he could take a life too.
An eye for an eye, the Wish may take Nathalie, or even Adrien, from him in return for Emilie. The very notion sickened him. He loved his wife but he loved Nathalie and he loved his son. He can’t have all three.
He had survived without Emilie for two years. His son had survived without his mother for two years. Gabriel had done things he never thought possible in that time. He became someone Emilie never knew, simultaneously becoming someone Nathalie knew and loved.
Nathalie saw him. She saw him at his worst, at his best, at his angriest, at his saddest. She hadn’t judged him for any of it, instead opting to support him in any way she could. He was a flawed man and she saw good in him the way no one else ever had.
She risked her life for his happiness. She didn’t have to. She wanted to.
She could walk out right now and turn him in if she wanted to, but she would never want to. He trusted her. She trusted him.
He had survived without Emilie for two years already, but could he survive without Nathalie?
All at once, the answer seemed so clear. The uncertainty that had wrapped itself around his bones over the years melted away. Gabriel saw the world for the first time, for the second time in his life.
Nathalie was irreplaceable to him. The pain of losing two women he loved would kill him, losing one was enough. He’d be damned if he sacrificed Nathalie for Emilie. It nauseated him that at some point in time he wouldn’t have stopped her sacrifice. He would have let her go.
He would have never seen her messy morning hair again, the way her red streak brought out her blushed cheeks.
Or the way her blue irises lit up in the sun like drops from the sky.
Or heard how her voice softened considerably when speaking to Adrien.
Or how her touch calmed him instantly no matter the circumstances.
He had made up his mind.
Gabriel couldn’t change the past, but he could change the future.
“Nathalie…”
Her heart thrummed in her ears, already preparing for a vicious rejection. It would kill her. She didn’t know how to deal with his rejection. In a toss up between Nathalie and Emilie, Nathalie knew Emilie would always come first and suddenly the very prospect of expecting Gabriel to give her up became ridiculous. She began to panic.
Gabriel chose his next words carefully.
For the upteenth time that day, he grabbed her hand with the tenderness of a lover.
“… I think it’s time we start caring for ourselves the way we care for other people.”
A tooth-achingly sweet grin lit up Nathalie’s face. He had never seen Nathalie smiling so big. He doesn’t think he’d even seen her teeth before, he humorously remarked. He wanted to see that smile again, making a mental note of it.
“Yeah?” she grinned.
“Yeah.”
“We’re going to try?”
“We’re going to try.”
She grabbed him by the collar and kissed him again, a sweet peck on the lips that left him wanting more.
They were exhausted, emotionally and physically, but they had something now that they didn’t have before. Hope. Hope for the future rather than disdain for the past.
He brushed a strand of scarlet red hair out of her face, affectionately.
The weight of the miraculous burned a hole in his pocket. He was reminded of the events of today, the bitter defeat of the heroes and the triumph of evil.
His Nathalie didn’t look at him like he was evil. Quite the opposite. She looked at him like he put the stars in the sky and, in fear of disappointing her, he really would have if he could.
He grabbed the jewellery from his pocket and brandished them like a weapon.
“I think we have some unfinished business, my dear Nathalie.”
She tensed at his words, unsure of their meaning. Subconsciously she leaned back.
“After we drop these off at the Guardian’s place, we can go home.”
Nathalie’s eyes twinkled and Gabriel’s once cold heart felt a beat of love.
“Home?” she said.
“Home,” he said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Our home.”
“Our home,” she nodded in agreement.
“Everything else can be sorted out later but for now” — he glanced at the miraculous of destruction and creation— “we can start righting our wrongs.”