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It was a normal day for Oguri Mushitarou...
"No no Mushi-kun, the window of time is too small. It wouldn't make sense for the killer to-"
"SHUT UP AND LET ME WRITE GODDAMNIT!"
...Or at least as normal as it can get since people don't usually have the ghosts of their dead (boy)friends floating around critiquing their literature. Yokomizo was rudely cut off but just as Oguri finished shutting up the apparition, he heard his doorbell ring. The ghost quickly vanishes into the air as the other man opens the door.
"Hi Mushitarou-kun!"
'Great, it's these two' Oguri thought to himself. On the other side of the door were Edogawa Ranpo and Edgar Allan Poe respectively, but more known to Oguri as two insufferable pieces of shit.
"Why are you here?" He asked
"I was bored today and since you haven't been doing anything productive either, I've decided we can all just hangout at your place."
'Haven't been doing anything productive?' The suited man wanted to say something defensive before promptly realizing arguing against the detective is never a good idea. So he instead begrudgingly let the two in.
"Thank you Oguri-san." Poe said politely
"Sure no problem, just don't break anything."
The brunette nodded his head and seated himself next to Ranpo. They were on the couch and the detective immediately cuddled up to his boyfriend, not like it bothered Oguri or anything (he's definitely not jealous) but he does wish they would refrain from PDA around him.
Ranpo then gave Poe a quick peck on the cheek before walking to the kitchen, helping himself to the refrigerator. Oguri leaned on the couch to talk to the writer.
"Did he come here cause he was bored or cause you ran out of food?"
"Hehe, I'll just pay back anything he took from the fridge."
Poe nervously chuckled and Oguri was about to leave until he noticed something underneath the timid one's coat. It could've been one of his books but it looked bigger. Poe was obviously trying to hide it, so it piqued the suited man’s interest.
"What's that under your-"
"MUSHITAROU-KUUUUUUUUN!"
The detective's cries were heard from the other side of the room. The yelling peeved Oguri and made him yell back.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
"You ran out of milk."
"And?"
"You should buy more milk."
"Get your own."
Ranpo closed the fridge and glared at the other raven-haired man before pulling out a very familiar looking envelope.
Honestly, Oguri felt more confused than threatened. He turned to Poe and he just gave him a nervous shrug.
"Fine." The suited man groaned before leaving for the store.
...
"Fucking slacker." Oguri muttered to himself. He still didn't understand where Ranpo's random desire for milk came from but after a quick ten minute walk to the store, he finally had some.
Once the raven-haired man arrived at his residence, he realized neither Ranpo nor Poe were in the living room. He was about to call for them until he heard faint whispers coming from his bedroom. He rested his ear against the door and heard the following conversation,
"D-don't you think Oguri will get mad if he catches us doing this? What if we’re too loud o-or make a mess."
"Don’t be shy, Poe-kun. Just make sure no one will hear us. Pluss we’ll clean everything up so Mushitarou-kun won't know a thing."
Oh no...oh god no. This wasn't the first time something like this happened. He remembered the night he allowed the two to crash in his place after they all went out for drinks, only to be woken up by loud creaking and constant moaning. He still gets nightmares about the event and can never listen to Ranpo calling Poe “Edgar” without shivers running down his spine.
But in his own room? While they're both perfectly sober? Oguri recalled buying brand new silk bed sheets and he's not going to let them be ruined. He kicks open and shrieks at the two perverts.
"NOT ON MY SILK SHEETS YO-"
However the scene before him wasn't any better. Sure they might've been fully clothed but Oguri would argue that it's so much worse.
"This was all Ranpo's idea!"
"Really throwing me under the bus Poe-kun?"
They were sitting on the floor with an odd looking board placed on a small table. As someone who's vastly interested in the occult and other paranormal practices, Oguri knew exactly what it was.
It was an Ouija board.
"The fuck are you two trying to do?"
Ranpo replied, "I bought an Ouija board online and needed to use it."
Oguri paused for a bit, trying to process the detective's mindset.
"So you decided to do it in my house?"
"Yeah, it'd be cool to contact your dead ex-boyfriend wouldn't it?"
'I'm sorry, my dead ex WHAT?' Oguri really shouldn't be surprised anymore.
Ignoring the suited man's face of displeasure, Ranpo asked the ghost his first question, "Yokomizo-san, are you with us?"
Of course this would happen. Why wouldn't it fucking happen? But hey, it's not like Yokomizo would actually move the heart shaped centerpiece to entertain them right?...RIGHT?
In Oguri's horror, the planchette slowly glided from the middle to the upper left hand corner:
YES
Shit
Oguri could see a very faint but still visible Yokomizo floating in between Poe and Ranpo with his fingers on the planchette and the same wide grin he always has.
"Cool!" Ranpo cheered, "We don't even have to put our hands on it."
"Wait, should we call him Yokomizo?" Poe cautiously wondered, "Maybe it's too casual, should we call him Kindaichi instead?"
Poe's ponder seemingly pushed Oguri's distress aside as he goes back to acting like a snarky bitch. He turned to the writer and rolled his eyes at him. "He won't care."
Even with that, the brunette asked the ghost for confirmation.
"Are you ok with us calling you 'Yokomizo'?"
The planchette moved to the top left corner:
YES
"Told you." Oguri scoffed. With these idiots, maybe it won't be as bad as he thought.
Ranpo looked ecstatic, like a child on Christmas day.
"Ask him something else, Poe-kun!"
"Oh alright" Poe blurted out the first question he could come up with. "So uhh- how're you doing?"
"...Really?"
Oguri could see Yokomizo chuckle at the question as he slid the planchette across the board.
O-K
Also adding:
T-Y
B-T-W
"TYBTW? Poe looked puzzled, "Could that perhaps be a code?"
Oguri snarky corrected the writer, "He's saying 'Thank you by the way' you dumbass." By saying that, he got a sharp glare from the detective. But before anything else happens, the planchette moves again:
D-O-N-T
B-E
M-E-A-N
M-U-S-H-I-K-U-N
"Mushi-kun?" Ranpo's expression turned from ticked to intrigued very quickly. The usually well kempt man was now slightly red with embarrassment.
"D-Don't call me that in front of them!"
Poe commented with a heartwarming smile on his face, "That's actually really sweet."
As mild as the situation was, Oguri already felt like he was entering the gates of Hell. But if he was Dante, his little Inferno would only continue to spiral downwards from here. The suited man stood up, trying to assert authority while also trying to suppress his internal humiliating agony.
"This is my house and my room, I will not allow any further que-"
"Hey Yokomizo, is Oguri a top or bottom?"
"Ranpo...THE FUCK!?"
Even with Oguri's unpleasant reaction, the ghost spelt out:
B-O-T-
Oguri swiped the planchette off the board, preventing the ghost from finishing his very obvious answer. The detective snickered like an immature child and assured his friend.
"It's fine Mushi-kun~"
"Don't call me that."
"I said it's fine, super deduction already gave me the answer ages ago."
Oguri shook his fist, very tempted to punch the detective square in the face, but got distracted by snarky comment by Poe,
"I mean...I don't think anyone would need super deduction to know the answer."
The suited man pulled his face close to the writer, placing his finger on the other's chest, wearing a crossed expression.
"When did you get all cheeky?"
Poe would guess Oguri was trying to act intimidating, but to the brunette it was akin to an alley cat with a butter knife. Ranpo then yoinked the planchette out of Oguri's hand and quickly placed it back on the board.
"Hey Yokomizo, tell us something embarrassing Mushi did."
Ranpo's request made Oguri's already blushing face into an even brighter shade of red. Knowing his dead friend's playful nature, there is no way the situation will not go well for him.
"Nononono, Yokomizo DO NOT answer that!"
Against the suited man's wishes, the ghost playfully glided the planchette across the board, spelling that following:
H-E
O-N-C-E
C-A-L-L-E-D
A
T-E-A-C-H-E-R
D-A-D-D-Y
"..."
Oguri wanted to die.
"WAIT WHAT?!"
The room was filled with loud laughter from the detective. Poe on the other hand looked more uncomfortable if anything.
"I understand calling a teacher mom or dad..." The writer then turned to face Oguri "but...daddy?"
Yokomizo snickered and gave the two his explanation:
H-E
T-H-O-U-G-H-T
T-H-E
T-E-A-C-H-E-R
W-A-S
H-O-T
"WHAT!?" Ranpo was clutching his stomach and rolling on the floor in tears, in contrast to his boyfriend who stayed silent due to second hand embarrassment.
"I CAN'T BREATH, I CAN'T!" The detective tries his best to formulate a full sentence but fails due to his constant wheezing.
All the suited man could do was cover his face in shame.
"I fucking hate you guys."
"Ranpo, maybe we should st-"
Poe gets cut off once again, but this time by Yokomizo attempting to share more mortifying secrets about Oguri:
W-A-I-T
T-I-L-L
Y-O-U
H-E-A-R
A-B-O-U-T
T-H-E
T-I-M-E
H-
"THAT'S IT" Oguri snapped, he had enough and threw the entire board out the window, probably giving some poor pedestrian a concussion in the process. He turns to his guests and points at the door.
"OUT NOW!"
“Wait bu-”
Before being able to say goodbye, Poe and Ranpo were already out the door, receiving a loud door slam to the face. The writer turned to the other looking rather guilty.
"Do you think we went too far?"
Ranpo shrugs and unwraps a piece of candy he got from his pocket.
"Nah, it's fine."
...
Once closing the door, Oguri falls on his couch and curses the couple under his breath. While doing so, Yokomizo floats next to his friend with his grin wide as ever.
"I really like your friends. You should invite them more often."
Oguri turned to face the ghost with a deadpan expression.
"Go fuck yourself."
Yokomizo chuckles at his reply, "Awww, I love you too Mushi-kun~"