Chapter Text
Kyle didn't wake up with a scream; he didn't shout like he'd just experienced a nightmare, even if it felt like it. He simply opened his eyes and looked at his bedroom ceiling to know it was there, to know it was real. He turned his head to look around his room, lifting his hand in the relative darkness to know who he was - that he too, was real.
Those dreams had felt just as real. How it all came back around to the fight they'd had last week. He'd not talked to any of them since, he didn't think he should be the one to apologize. It wasn't his fault. It was their fault, he'd just been doing what he thought he had to do.
Or, at least, that's how he'd felt until remembering the expression of sad acceptance on an old Rabbi Cartman's face - or the pain and confusion on Cartman's face as he sat along the street side, alone, drinking in more toxicity and hurt as the people he used to know watched on.
The version of himself that Kyle saw, it felt... wrong. It felt stagnant to him. It sort of felt like he was seeing a shadow of his father, and mother both. Their refusal to admit their wrongs, but with none of the soul, none of their character. He'd had children at the end of the dream, kids his own age. But, they looked like blank copies of Cartman's family from another life. That version had no wife, no one who seemed to love him like Cartman's family loved him.
He'd not really changed at all, had he?
Regardless of it just being a dream, Kyle sat up in bed, and rubbed at his eyes that felt like they were stinging, but he didn't want to cry. He wanted to be angry, at himself, at everything. He needed to do something.
It was a warning to him, but also a message. That's what it felt like.
That Rabbi Cartman had trusted in G-d, and now it was Kyle's turn.
"Fuck you, uncle Kyle." Kyle mumbled to himself, catching a glimpse of himself in his bedroom mirror.
He needed to talk to Stan, to Kenny, then to Cartman.
Whatever future was made from this, he just didn't want to sit in the back seat of life. He wasn't going to accept that he couldn't save everyone. He had to do more, he had to try.
"What do you want?" Stan asked flatly behind his mask, on the porch of the Tegridy farm house. It was still Saturday yet, even though they were back in school, it didn't seem right to do this there, around other kids. Not because he was embarrassed, but because he didn't want to make Stan feel put on spot, or embarrassed.
Kyle bunched up his fists inside his gloves, taking a breath.
"Look...I'm sorry, dude. I was wrong. To lie to you, to try to steal the vaccines, to act like I always know better than everyone. You're right. I don't, I didn't. I haven't been handling the pandemic as well as I want to pretend I have been. I'm scared, I don't know what's happening, and I was being stupid and trying to control what little I thought I could. I'm sorry, Stan. You're my best friend, and I don't want to lose you, or Kenny, or ... Cartman."
Stan looked instantly shocked, shaken out of the emotionless state he too was forcing on himself to hide how he really felt. He seemed a bit guilty, the hint of fear Kyle had seen before reappearing.
"... Dude, that, um... Thanks...I guess." Stan got out awkwardly, looking back over his shoulder into the house to make sure no one was watching or overhearing. "I'm...I..."
"You don't have to say anything, Stan." Kyle told him. "You can still be pissed at me for however long it takes. But, I hope you forgive me someday. I know your dad has been a lot to deal with recently, and with the move... So, I talked to my mom this morning, and she said if you want to spend the weekends at my house, you can. We can just play games, go see the other guys. I can invite them to stay the night too." Kyle said quickly, watching as Stan glanced towards the car in the driveway where Sheila Broflovski was idling the car. He didn't quite call it a slumber party, that felt weird.
"Anyway, I'll see you in school." Kyle said, taking a step off the porch, hoping he'd made the right call - that he'd said the right things.
"... Hey, Kyle?" Stan called out as Kyle got to the door of his mom's car. "...I guess it would be cool to play something next weekend."
Kyle beamed back at him as he got in he car.
But Stan was just the first.
Kyle knocked on the door of the McCormick's house and waited, ignoring the thuds of sound coming from inside, and the smell of cat piss from the strays that hung around waiting for rats. Karen answered the door and immediately called for her brother.
Kenny came to the door, looking still pretty depressed like he had last week.
"Hey dude..." Kenny said, clearly looking around to see if Stan and Cartman were hanging around behind Kyle somewhere. His expression fell more when he realized they weren't.
"Kenny. Hi. I just wanted to talk to you." Kyle said, but watched as Kenny grimaced, knowing Kyle well enough to expect a speech.
"... I'm sorry Kenny, I've been a shitty friend recently, and I lied to you guys, and I hurt you. We all hurt you, but I want to tell you sorry for the role I played in it. I'm trying to fix it." Kyle felt like the words were starting to come easier now, he felt relief getting them out, like he'd found the first part of the puzzle.
Kenny looked mildly hopeful as Kyle spoke, but he didn't say anything in response yet.
"I think you probably deserve better than the way we treat you, Kenny. But I want to be better. I think you're right, the way we get through this thing is with each other. I already talked to Stan, I apologized to him, and... Well, next weekend if you want to stay over, Stan will be at my house. I'm going to talk to Cartman too. We can play games and-"
Kenny lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Kyle's shoulders. Kyle froze, but eventually reached up to hug his friend back. One day, he was certain his dreams were true, that Kenny would be a genius inventor, and he couldn't wait to see it happen.
"You guys suck so much," Kenny mumbled into Kyle's coat. "Stop it."
"I'm trying." Kyle said with a laugh.
"Don't tell anyone I hugged you."
"Okay."
Cartman wasn't next, there was someone else Kyle felt guilty over, someone he wanted to help that hadn't gotten it in the first future he'd witnessed. Someone right next door.
Kyle knocked on the front door and waited until Steven Stotch opened it and looked down.
"Hi, Mr. Stotch, can I talk to Butters? I wanted to invite him over to stay next weekend at my house." Kyle asked, but he already knew the answer.
"No, I'm sorry, but Butters is grounded. Indefinitely. He knows what he did." Steven Stotch said, crossing his arms, and looking back at the staircase with a glower. Kyle got the impression that he didn't even remember what Butters had done.
"But..." Kyle started. "Couldn't he come to my house and... be grounded there? With us? Over the weekend?"
Steven Stotch blinked slowly, the idea turning in his head. ".... Like a...slumber grounding?"
"Yeah!" Kyle said, encouraged, nodding his head repeatedly. "It must be stressful on you and Butters mom, to have to watch over Butters being grounded all the time at your house. It seems like you deserve a break too."
Steven Stotch was clearly faltering, shoulders dropping a bit as he thought about the offer.
"I suppose...I suppose that wouldn't be so bad, as long as he's definitely grounded."
"Of course!" Kyle agreed. "Just at my house, with my friends there. To watch over him being grounded."
Steven Stotch ended up agreeing eventually, and Kyle waved up at Butters in the window of his bedroom.
No one was forgetting Butters again.
On the way to Cartman's house, Kyle passed by Craig and Tweek walking along the sidewalk. He paused briefly, thinking back on his memories of the futures he'd witnessed.
"I think you guys are fine no matter what I do. Who could have guessed." Kyle said, shrugging, and passing them. They looked confused, but Kyle had a job to do.
Probably the most important one of his life.
Before he could even knock on Cartman's door, it slammed opened, with one Eric Cartman glaring at him in some annoyance.
"What do you want, Kyle?" Cartman didn't look happy to see him, but then again, he generally didn't unless Kyle was in some way in pain or at a disadvantage - which is what made all of this harder. Cartman was probably legitimately willing to kill him, if he had to. Even Rabbi Cartman initially wanted him dead.
But he was willing to kill for him too. That part that existed in Cartman, that's the part he wanted to find and protect.
"Can I come in and talk to you? I think it's going to take a minute." Kyle said, getting a large over dramatic huff from the other boy, who just walked inside. He didn't hold the door for Kyle, but also didn't slam it in his face.
"So, what? Are you going to give another gay little speech, or just try to destroy our broship even worse? Steal some more vaccines, you sneaky Jew r-"
"I'm here to apologize to you, Cartman." Kyle said as evenly as possible. He was trying to keep his emotions level; if he had a tendency to bring out the worst in Cartman, the same was true in reverse, Cartman brought out the worst in him too.
Cartman froze, eyes big, but he waved a hand with a little, "go on."
"I'm... not a good friend to you, Cartman. Maybe not to you, Stan, or Kenny." Kyle started. "I'm a hypocrite. I tell you not to rag on me, but then I call you names. I don't believe you when you're telling the truth. I've never given you the benefit of the doubt. I'm overly judgemental on a normal day. I got your electronics broken, I tried to end your relationship with Heidi because I didn't think it was possible you could ever honestly like someone." Kyle said, trying to keep his eyes directly off of Cartman's face.
"You've supported me at times, and you've even saved my life before. I'm not a good friend, and I think I'm starting understand why I must piss you off so much. I'm sorry."
The room was quiet for awhile, which made Kyle glance over, to see Cartman's reaction. It was a complicated series of emotions running across his features.
"... Why.... Are you saying this right now?" Cartman got out eventually, no doubt thinking Kyle was trying to trick him. His eyes were clearly full of suspicion.
"Because it's 2021, dude. We could die at any moment, the world is burning. I don't want to be an asshole anymore." Kyle said, finally meeting his eyes. It was odd, seeing the older, Rabbi Cartman for so long, Kyle felt like this Cartman looked different to him now. "I just wanted to tell you I have faith in you Cartman. That you can be a good person, that you could be a leader that helps people."
Cartman bit his lip, eyes narrowed as he looked Kyle up and down, even going to far as to circle around him - trying to find some sign of clear deceit from him.
"So... You don't care if I call you a filthy fucking Jew?" Cartman asked slowly, testing the waters.
"Of course I care, I'm not saying you've done nothing wrong." Kyle retorted, feeling a hint of bite coming into his tone and trying to tamper it down. Cartman was just trying to get a reaction. "I don't like it when you say that shit, but I'm going to control my reaction better and... And try to show you why it's hurtful. Maybe one day you'll find out you actually like Judaism."
Even if you hate me, Kyle added in his head.
Cartman hummed out loud to himself, suspicion turning to curiosity and slowly to something like excitement in his eyes.
"So if I say, just theoretically...Hey, Kyle - your mom is a huge fucking fat bitch, who ruined everything good in this world by bringing you into it... You would respond... How?"
Kyle's fingers balled up into fists, which Cartman clearly noticed.
"If I said you're the ugliest hook nose kike I've ever seen who is somehow an even bigger bitch than your mom... You'd do what? Just let me?" Cartman's eyes were lit up like it was Christmas morning.
"I'd... I'm..." Kyle took a few breaths, really fighting the natural urge he had to just crack Cartman's face in. "I'd tell you I don't like it when you-"
"When I say your family belongs in a gas chamber?" Cartman was grinning from ear to ear.
Kyle snapped, just not in the way Cartman was expecting it seemed like. Lower lip quivering, a few tears dripped down his cheek. Kyle swallowed hard, hands shaking.
"I don't know, I don't know, okay?! It pisses me off, it hurts, it hurts my feelings, but you're my friend and I don't want to lose you! Okay?! I'm trying- ...I don't know what to do." Kyle's voice rose into a more familiar tone, caught between crying and anger.
Cartman was entirely frozen, the grin having slowly diminished into barely a smile. Kyle didn't cry in front of him. On principle, Kyle never wanted to give that to him, to let him see that level of weakness.
"Okay, Kyle. Thank you for saying that." Cartman said slowly. "I believe you."
Kyle was certain he didn't. But it was a step towards something.
"... Stan, Kenny, and Butters are staying over at my house next weekend. Do you want to come?" Kyle said quietly after a moment.
"At your house? With your mom there?" Cartman asked immediately, before holding up his hands when Kyle glowered, his eyes still teary. "Joking. Yeah, of course, if you got the broship... And Butters, back together, I want to come."
Kyle let out a breath, nodding his head to acknowledge what he'd said. "Okay.... Okay... I'll... I'll see you in school then."
"Okay, Kyle." Cartman sounded so fake, his reassuring tone was clearly bullshit.
Still. Kyle turned stiffly to him and walked up to him. He didn't want to meet his eyes for this. It was so weird. It felt wrong. Like his body was saying, don't you know who this is?
"Kyle?-"
Kyle hugged him. He hugged Eric Cartman.
Cartman was taller than him right now, by about an inch, but he knew they wouldn't stay that way, but he'd always seem larger than life.
"Thanks. I'm glad you're my friend, Eric." Kyle mumbled, before stepping back and moving to the front door quickly, face flushed in embarrassment. Cartman was undoubtedly going to rip on him for that for... Years, possibly.
Kyle looked back one last time before shutting the door behind him. Cartman just looked a bit confused, watching him leave.
Kyle didn't want to walk back to his house immediately, too many thoughts going through his mind. He knew it was going to take a long time, it was going to take constant work to try and repair the toxic air between him and Cartman. He knew it wasn't going to be easy either. He might end up actually snapping at Cartman, hitting him, which would just set them back again.
He had to wonder if he was just poison to Cartman no matter what, that it wouldn't matter what he did as long as they knew eachother. Rabbi Cartman in the first reality seemed to get worse the longer he was in South Park, the longer he knew Kyle. But, Kyle didn't want to believe the situation was hopeless. He didn't want to believe that he was the common denominator in destroying Cartman's life, his family.
He found himself sitting on a bench in the park for awhile. It was too much, it felt like. Two lives and the fates of many stuck into his 9 year old mind. He'd had a headache since he'd woken up.
"Something bothering you, Broflovski?" A voice said, a figure sitting down beside him on the bench. Kyle thought it was Father Maxi at first, not looking up.
"I don't think I'm a bad person," Kyle said softly. "But I've hurt people I care about. I'm trying to make it up to them, to do the right thing, but... Is it possible that some people are just inherently toxic to eachother?" Kyle wondered out loud, echoing his thoughts.
"Why do you ask?"
"I had a dream last night," Kyle started. "I felt like...I felt like it was sent to me by a higher power. I saw our future. I saw my future. One of my friends, Eric Cartman, was happier not knowing me. He was a better person not knowing me. He had a wife, and kids. But, he sacrificed it to save me. And the future changed. I saw that future too. Everything was better... Except him. He had no one anymore. He was angry and alone. All because he stayed my friend longer."
Kyle clenched his eyes closed, taking a deep breath. He'd already cried once today. That was enough.
"I know they were just dreams, but they felt so real-"
"What the actual shit, Kyle?!"
Kyle snapped his head up, to look at the older figure next to him, staring at him in shock.
"...r... Rabbi Cartman?"