Chapter Text
Satine’s whole pregnancy she had been craving one thing. That one thing was gingerbread man cookies. No matter how much she ate, she couldn’t get enough, especially now that Life Day was getting nearer and nearer and people were talking about them all the time. Before she had been pregnant, she hadn’t cared that much about them, but now she loved them. Or maybe it was her child who loved them. Perhaps, when she delivered the child, she wouldn’t care for them anymore. And perhaps the child would.
But right now, she craved them more than anything in the Galaxy, so she was baking some, even though she was normally a dreadful baker. This was one of the few things that she was capable of baking. And of course, this was when her water broke.
At first, Satine was confused. It hadn’t been like she imagined. She thought it would be a significant amount of liquid, but it wasn’t. And after she was grateful that she had been staying with her mother when pregnant, even though she had loved her freedom so much when it had just been Satine and Obi-Wan.
And Qui-Gon, often times it seemed like he wasn’t even there.
Now even though she was the ruler of Mandalore, at times it felt like she was still under her mother’s thumb. Just like she always had been. As a child and a teen, she had always striven to gain her approval.
And she would have thought that ruling Mandalore would have earned her that, but no. Her mother was disappointed in her getting pregnant. She had been infuriated when she found out the father was a Jedi.
But when she came over to her now, she smiled.
“Oh, Satine,” her mother said. “You’re going to have the baby soon. This is so wonderful. He or she is going to be so precious. They’ll be a wonderful Mandalorian and you’re making the right choice.”
He or she. Satine just knew that it would be a boy. She might not be Force Sensitive, but she could tell this. She had dreams about her child all the time. She already loved her little boy, even if he hadn’t been born.
She told herself all the time that giving him to up to be raised by her family was the right thing to do. Not just for her and her son, but also for Mandalore.
Her mother took her to the doctor after that. Satine even took the gingerbread man cookies, even though she wasn’t sure that she would be able to eat them there. It probably wouldn’t be allowed in case she had to go into surgery. She just took them because she had to grab something and it felt right. It felt right to have them as well as her night bag.
When she got to the hospital, she wasn’t worried about what people would think. Satine and her mother had made sure the people there wouldn’t report why or that she had even been there. Satine’s mother had done most of it.
At times, Satine had wanted to tell Obi-Wan about their child. She knew that he would love their baby. She even wanted to believe that he would marry her and then the two of them could rule Mandalore together and their son could be their heir.
But she hadn’t done it. She had let her mother convince her that it was best not to tell him. That she would be ruining everything for Obi-Wan. She knew this was right. Obi-Wan’s whole life he had dreamed of being a Jedi. It was all he had ever known. And Satine couldn’t ruin that for him.
And her mother would go on and on about how she should think about Mandalore. About how Mandalore had just gotten out of a Civil War and how it could cause unrest if they found out their leader had had… relations with a Jedi, especially if it resulted in a child. Satine didn’t want to hurt Mandalore.
She also couldn’t put her little boy in danger.
So she had agreed.
And when she was giving birth to her child, she did her best not to even think about that. Even with the pain medicine, the pain was more than she had imagined. Maybe the medicine wasn’t working how it was supposed to. Maybe something was wrong. She had tried so hard to make sure that her little boy would be okay. She had made sure she ate what she needed to and took the vitamins that were required. She listened to everything her doctor said.
And when he kicked, Stars, that had been such an amazing feeling. He was so strong and a fighter. Just like his father.
Even if she was giving him up, he was everything to her. Everything and more. Even when she felt like she was going to die and that the pain would never end, she loved him more than anything.
And then finally she pushed again and then she heard a cry. She had never heard a sound as beautiful as that. Tears filled her eyes right away. Her baby. He was really here. Satine started to cry. Tears of joy.
“You did good, ad’ika,” her mother said. She kissed her cheek.
“Are you ready to know the sex?” the doctor asked who was cleaning the baby. Satine was lucky that she was Mandalorian. In some worlds, they just had droids deliver the babies. She wouldn’t have liked that.
“I know it’s a boy,” Satine said. He would be a good man just like his father was. Obi-Wan would be so proud of him. She had already picked the perfect name for her son, even if she knew that she wasn’t going to get to raise him. She wanted to name him after her father who had passed during the war.
“It’s actually a girl,” the doctor said. “A perfect little girl. She’s just over nine pounds. Nine pounds one ounce.”
For a moment, Satine couldn’t breathe. It couldn’t be a girl. She had just always known that she would have a boy. She had dreams about her son. She had never imagined the baby was a girl.
But there was nothing wrong with a girl. A girl was just as wonderful. She imagined that Obi-Wan would have been a good girl dad.
If he had known about their daughter.
“A perfect little girl,” the doctor said and then she handed the baby to Satine.
Satine was instantly in love. She thought that she had felt love before, but it had been nothing like this. This love could be stretched across the whole Galaxy and it would still not break. The baby was beautiful. So perfect. She had blue eyes, which might not stay that way given babies often had blue eyes which changed colors later. Maybe she would have green eyes later. She had a full head of the most beautiful red hair. She made eye contact with Satine and even though her baby couldn’t smile yet, Satine knew that she loved her.
Satine never thought that she could love someone this much.
But this child…
“She’s beautiful, Satine,” her mother said. “So beautiful. She looks sort of like you did when you were born.”
But Satine doubted that she could ever be this perfect. The baby balled her fists up as if she was preparing for a fight, even though she looked content. She was such a little Mandalorian. So perfect. Satine kissed her little face which caused the baby to scrunch it up and let out a small wail.
“She’s feisty,” Mother said as she reached and touched the baby’s ginger hair. The ginger hair reminded her so much of Obi-Wan’s. Obi-Wan would love this little girl. He probably would have preferred to have a daughter.
And now he had one.
They both did.
And this baby… Satine couldn’t give her away. Yes, her mother had told her it was better for Mandalore, but Satine would make it work. Mandalore would learn to love the baby. She would be the heir after all. And it wasn’t like she was a Jedi.
Satine could already tell that she was all Mandalorian.
“Her name… It’s Bo-Katan,” Satine said, even though her mother hadn’t asked. She hadn’t thought too much about girl name. Bo-Katan was just perfect. It reminded her of Obi-Wan’s name in a way since they both had hyphens. He had mentioned how he had a family member with a name like Katana once too. Not that Obi-Wan had known her well. Still Katan was similar. And Satine just liked Bo. It was cute.
“Satine…” her mother said with a sigh. “Don’t act this way.”
“I love her,” Satine said. She had the baby already on her stomach, skin to skin, but she should try and feed her. The baby would like that. The baby needed that. She needed to be fed so she would grow big and strong. So Satine would let her do that.
But before the baby could even try and latch, her mother pulled her away from Satine. The doctor’s eyes widened and she hurried out even though Satine wasn’t even sure that she was supposed to. And Satine wanted her to stay. She might rule Mandalore, but her mother… she always got what she wanted, even now.
Bo let out a whimper. Her eyes widened, confused.
“Don’t be foolish, Satine,” her mother said. “The baby doesn’t need you. Not after—”
“She does need me,” Satine said, trying to sit up but she was in pain. Childbirth was harder than she imagined and she knew it wouldn’t be easy. “And I love her. I made a mistake. I want to keep her. I’m going to keep her. She is everything.”
Her mother sighed and then shook her head. “Don’t be selfish. Think about Mandalore and—”
“I want my baby!” Satine said, almost yelling. No, she was yelling and she was crying. She needed her little girl. Bo was everything. The whole Galaxy and more. She wasn’t just part of her and Obi-Wan but she was her own self. And Satine had to be there for her.
“Satine, I know that it’s hard, but later you’ll realize this is for the best. You’ll realize that it’s selfish of you to keep… Bo-Katan…”
Selfish? Selfish? But she was her child!
“Maybe, we can change how the adoption will be. Maybe we can make it so people think she’s your sister instead of just your niece,” Mother said. She reached out to touch Satine, but Satine pushed her away.
“No, that’s not—” Satine cried, but she didn’t get a chance to finish.
“Okay, so you want to be selfish, Satine? You want your baby to have assassins come after her before she even speaks her first word. You want the “True” Mandalorians to try to kidnap and brainwash her and do who knows what else with her?” Her mother spat all of this out and Satine felt like she had been hit hard. Because all of it were things that could happen. “You’re the ruler of Mandalore. Grow up. Stop being so selfish.”
Satine didn’t know what to say. All she knew was that she loved Bo more than anyone in the Galaxy. Even more than Obi-Wan, who she had been in love with. She had wanted to marry him, but her love for him was nothing and completely different than the one she felt for their beautiful little girl.
“I… I… Obi-Wan… I can tell Obi-Wan and then he’ll want to be here for our baby,” Satine said this, but it came out like a whisper and not strong like she wanted.
Her mother actually laughed. “You probably just think that. Jedi don’t get attached, Ad’ika. Don’t act like a child. He just used you for sex. He took advantage of you when you were going through more than anyone should.”
But he hadn’t done that. Obi-Wan had cared about her. Satine had told him that she wouldn’t have meaningless sex. Obi-Wan said it wasn’t meaningless. That he cared about her way more than he should. Satine thought that he even loved her, despite what her mother had said. She hadn’t been there when she had been with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan wasn’t like most Jedi. He wasn’t the kind of person who had flings.
Right?
“It’s irrelevant,” Satine said. “My baby—”
“Think about Bo-Katan,” her mother said. “You might think taking her is the right thing to do, but you’re causing her a world of pain. She deserves better. And you know what, Satine. She deserves better than you. Better than a mother who would have sexual intercourse with a Jedi.”
It was as if Satine had been slapped.
“It wasn’t—”
“You should know better than that,” her mother said, holding Bo close to herself. Bo let out whimpers and coos. She couldn’t do anything to help herself. She was too tiny. Satine was the one who was supposed to protect her. “I raised you better than that. I’m not going to let you hurt this little one.”
“I would never hurt—”
“You’ve already hurt her. She’s part Jedi. That isn’t our way as Mandalorians,” Mother shot off. “But maybe Bo doesn’t need to know it. Maybe she can think she’s a proper Mandalorian. A real Mandalorian.”
And with that, her mother walked off, with Satine’s baby. Satine let out a cry. She yelled for her mother to come back. She needed her to bring her little girl back. Bo needed her. She was so small.
But Bo and Mother didn’t come back.
The doctor eventually came back. Satine was in so much pain. Some of it was physical, but she didn’t care about that. What she cared about was her little girl.
And she was gone.
“Your Grace, is there anything I can do to help you. Maybe you want—”
“Just leave me alone,” Satine sniffled. She was going to lose it. The most important part of her had been pulled away, but what made it worse was that her mother was probably right. Her daughter would be better off without her.
“I could give you something that would help with the pain—”
“Leave me alone!” Satine’s voice broke, even though she usually tried to hide pain usually. Right now, she didn’t care who heard. The most important person in the world had been taken from her. Her child was more important than her mother, Obi-Wan, her father, or anyone. And she was gone.
And maybe it was for the best.
The doctor’s eyes widened but she hurried out.
Satine paused and then she grabbed the gingerbread cookies and threw them against the wall. They broke into dozens of pieces.
Just like Satine’s heart. And just like her heart, the damage was impossible to fix.