Chapter Text
Dread. Dread, dread, dread, dread, dread-- so much fucking dread. The feeling was overwhelming, like it was filling Vi’s lungs and drowning her in it. Pulling her deeper and deeper down into its depths, sinking her all the way to the bottom.
But it’s endless. It just keeps going. You think it can’t get any worse, but then it does. It gets stronger, more intense, more violent, and it never stops. Not completely, at least. It’s always there, always tugging at her. Eating her alive.
As much as she hated to admit it, she felt powerless against it. Fight it as much as you want, it won’t go away. It never does. No matter how hard she tries to block it out with distractions upon distractions upon punching it out.
She wishes she could go back in time to kill Silco herself.
“Are you okay?” Caitlyn’s soft, comforting voice pulled Vi out of her head. She squeezed her bruised hand lightly.
Vi gently squeezed her hand back, managing to push out a little smile. “Yeah, I’m fine, cupcake.”
Cait didn’t look like she believed that response, but she didn’t press it. Sparkling blue eyes glanced away, looking off into the distance. A sigh slipped from her mouth.
Dread. It’s always in the air, always lingering around them. There’s no permanent escape, even when they somehow manage to find a temporary one with each other. It’s got a hold on both of them.
“Were you thinking about her again?” It was a question she already knew the answer to. Regardless, she asked.
Vi shifted her own gaze as well. “I…” She thought about deflecting, but knew it was useless. It’s obvious what’s wrong, and she isn’t about to make it a habit to lie. “Yeah... I’m worried about her.”
Powder, Jinx, whatever-- she was always on Vi’s mind. It’d been months since she last saw her sister, and just as long since she’d even heard anything about her from anyone in the undercity. Vi had gone back into Zaun on multiple occasions to seek her out, but her efforts were to no avail. Her sister was nowhere to be found. It made her feel sick.
Where could she have gone? There was no one left for her to confide in. No place left for her to run to, not for long. Jinx was alone. She’s been alone for months. Vi knew she was alone, and she felt like she was to blame for it. She hated it.
When Vi was in Stillwater, she went years without seeing Powder. Years went by without her even knowing anything about what happened to her, where she was, or if she was even still alive. All she was left to do was replay their last moments together on repeat in her mind and wonder. It was torture. Miserable torture.
And it was happening for a second time. Once again, she was clueless, left to assume. The dread of it all had been consuming her. Not even Ekko had any information to give on Jinx’s activities or whereabouts, and he had Firelights searching everywhere. It was like she had just vanished into thin air. Or, well, into thick and toxic air.
Caitlyn scooted closer, resting her head against her girlfriend’s. “It’s not your fault, you know. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We’ll find her.”
It was her fault though. She hadn’t been strong enough, good enough, trusting enough. She messed it all up again. She couldn’t get through to Jinx because she was only looking for Powder. She was an idiot.
“Come on…” The taller girl spoke in a quiet, warm voice as she nudged Vi’s arm, “Let's get some rest. We can visit the Firelights in the morning and see if there’s anything new.” She stood up and leaned over, placing a kiss atop the tattoo on Vi’s cheek, so delicate and sweet. Like a butterfly. It made the world feel a little less bleak.
Blood was on her hands. Powder’s blood was on her hands. It burned. It felt like acid searing through her skin, melting into her bones. It was a mistake. She didn’t mean to hit her.
But that didn’t matter. Powder was on the ground, motionless. Blood pooled all around her.
How many times did Vi hit her? No, it was just once. So where was all the blood coming from? Why wasn’t Powder moving? What was happening?!
“No… No, no, NO!” Vi fell to her knees, trembling arms reaching out trying desperately to shake her sister awake. “Powder, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it! Please look at me. Please open your eyes. Please…”
No response.
An influx of tears blurred her vision, a choked sob coming out of her mouth, “I-I can’t lose you… Not you...” She aggressively wiped away the overflowing tears as her breath hitched in her throat, looking all around like there was something or someone that could help her. Such a miracle was nowhere to be found though.
This was a bad dream. It had to be. Just her fears taking over her mind and playing another nightmare to trick her. It’s not real. This is not real. Powder was okay. She’s okay, she’s still alive, and--
“She’s dead.”
“Huh?” Vi immediately turned around to see who the voice belonged to, brows furrowing. Her glassy eyes widened when they landed on their target and her lips parted, speechless.
Jinx stood there behind her, smiling like always. Her nose was bloodied just like Powder’s. The red liquid streaked all the way down her face and neck and stained her clothes. “You killed her. Said ‘bye bye, Pow-Pow!’”
Her heart felt like it was shattering in her chest and stabbing her. It was incomparable to the pang of guilt that struck through her. “I didn’t mean to… It was--”
“A mistake?” Jinx’s smile only grew bigger as she laughed, “Don’t worry about it, it happens!” She took a step forward, crouching down to be at eye level with the pink-haired girl who sat on the wet, dirty ground. Her voice had suddenly become so quiet, it was almost lost amongst the air, “Are you going to kill me too?”
Vi...
“If you don’t do it, she will.”
Vi followed her gaze down the pavement. She squinted, unable to see very well with how dark it was and all the rain pouring down.
Vi, I’m right here. I’m with you.
It was a mistake.
“Caitlyn?”
The enforcer was standing just down the alley. Fingers curled around the trigger of her rifle that was pointed directly at the pair of them, just itching to be pulled. “Vi, get out of the way.” Her voice was cold and callous. It sent a chill down the girl’s spine.
Why? Why was this happening?
You need to wake up.
Jinx clutched the sleeve of Vi’s jacket. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Vi understood what it meant. It filled her with dread.
Her little sister let go of her and stood up. A clear shot.
Helpless. Vi was completely helpless. She just sat there, frozen in place and forced to watch the consequence of her weakness play out in front of her.
“I really wished we could still be sisters.” Was the last thing she heard before the sound of gunfire rang in her ears. And then, silence.
No, no, no, NO, NO, NO NO!!!
Wake up!
Her body jolted forward as she gasped for air, beads of sweat rolling down the sides of her face. It didn’t matter how badly she tried to breathe, she just couldn’t.
Careful hands cupped her face. “You’re okay, I’ve got you. It was just a nightmare.” Caitlyn brought their faces closer to each other, eyes interlocked. “Take a deep breath.”
She tried. She tried to steady her breathing, but it kept coming out so shaky. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her head was spinning, her ears were ringing-- everything was too much all at once. It was disorienting, suffocating, sickening. Too much.
Their foreheads were pressed together. “Vi, breathe with me. In, out. In and out. In and out.” Her girlfriend guided her through it, not daring to look away or blink for even a second.
It helped. It was working. She could feel the air in her lungs, she could feel her racing heart gradually calming down.
Once she had established a stable rhythm, Caitlyn pulled her into a tight hug. Caressing Vi’s back, occasionally drawing little swirls and shapes against the fabric of her shirt. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Can we just… sit here like this? For a minute... Please.” Vulnerability was weakness. Vi hated appearing weak. She’d take the details of her nightmares to the grave with her before she ever even considered sharing them with someone else. Sorry, cupcake.
It was fine. Caitlyn didn’t expect her to say yes anyways. She was just letting her know the offer was out there, just in case she ever felt inclined.
“Of course. Whatever you need.” She held Vi closer, nuzzling her head in the crook of her neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”