Work Text:
XXX
It was so very like Gon to randomly get Killua a cactus, of all things. Of course he’d show up at Killua’s doorstep at one in the morning, bright-eyed and grinning, hauling said cactus along in its small pot - like it was a normal thing to do. Of course he wouldn’t think twice about whether Killua might be sleeping or otherwise engaged at that hour (not like the white-haired boy fell into either one of those categories, but still…).
“Isn’t it neat? This cactus has a naturally occurring anticoagulant, so if you accidentally poke yourself, you’ll keep bleeding. But the guy at the store said that it’ll have the most beautiful flowers you’ve ever seen in the winter. I liked it, so I thought you would too!”
Gon was… simplistic and spontaneous. If he liked something, he wouldn’t think twice about buying it for a friend. He wasn’t the kind of person to stop and overthink about it. Unlike Killua, he somehow managed to consistently avoid being bogged down by structure or rules. He just… was.
And Killua didn’t know what to say.
He vehemently refused to mention the fact that his stomach erupted in a flurry of angry butterflies - or to talk about why his cheeks were stained bright crimson. His tongue tangled uselessly in the dry cavern of his mouth when he thought about thanking him or, heaven forbid, telling him how very warm it made him feel knowing that Gon had been thinking about him. That he’d decided to just come on over at one in the morning because he simply couldn’t wait to share his new interest until the following day.
In lieu of any other semblance of an appropriate response, Killua relied on his trademark eye roll followed by a fond “Idiot.”
Killua put the cactus on his desk in a spot where it would catch the light streaming in from the window. All the while, Gon trailed after him spouting out facts about the species of cacti like a walking encyclopedia. If it were any other person, Killua would've been annoyed at having his schedule disrupted so profoundly. But he didn’t mind, as long as he could keep on listening to his friend’s voice.
Maybe it also said something about Killua that he felt an incessant urge to touch the needles of the cactus.
Each day that it sat in his room, he found his fingers itching to feel the pinprick against his skin. When he finally did brush the pads of his fingertips over the needles, the slight sting didn’t compare to the rush of crimson that erupted from them.
“What happened?” Gon asked later, cutting off his own train of thought when his big hazel eyes drifted down to the bandages wrapped around Killua’s fingers. With gentle hands, he reached out to touch them.
“Just a little accident. No big deal.” Killua brushed it off, briskly shoving his hands in his pockets. His traitorous face flushed warmly again.
It was stupid. Of course it was. A toddler would know better. And yet, Killua had never been able to resist sharp and beautiful things.
###
“Retz said that she loves Asian food, which is great! Especially since I’ve got this really cool restaurant I was planning on taking her to. And then after that, I-…“
Retz wasn’t the first person Gon had gone on a date with in his 19 years on earth (or for the 7 that they’d been friends, for that matter), so Killua was familiar with the typical buzz of excitement that emanated from him. Still, it didn’t make it any less gut-wrenching to listen to. But listen, he did. To a degree…
At some points, as Gon droned on, Killua lost track of the words coming out of his friend’s mouth and focused more on the shape of his lips as they formed them. Then, his eyes wandered over to the spiky, dark hair, fingers itching to know how soft it would feel to touch. Then, with his gaze, he traced the freckles that spelled out a thousand constellations across the contours of his face
Sometimes he also nodded, contributing random, helpful grunts of affirmation so that he didn’t look like a completely love struck idiot.
In a clumsy and half-hearted attempt at self-distraction, Killua reached back and sectioned off his slightly-overgrown hair into three parts. Of course, he should’ve known better than to try and multitask. The white tresses of his own hair he began attempting (sloppily) to braid, slipped out of his grasp. With an involuntary curse, he made to start over.
“Hey - do you want me to get that for you?” Gon asked.
“You want to do my hair?” Killua replied incredulously. He found himself caught completely off-guard by the suggestion.
“Sure! My Aunt Mito taught me how to braid hair when I was a boy. I might not be the best at it, but I’ll give it a shot.” The other smiled, charming as he ever was.
A normal, sane, not-masochistic person would say no... But Killua was a sucker for poison in pretty packaging.
Killua pretended to consider it for a moment, before he sighed and nodded.
“Fine. Do your worst.”
Gon smiled widely. He grabbed a nearby brush and slid beside Killua on the bed, warmth emanating from him in waves. With a soft touch, he slowly began to run the bristles through his hair. Sparks of pleasure erupted across his scalp with each gentle pull. Gon’s face screwed up in concentration as he worked, his tongue poking out the side of his lips subconsciously.
Taking advantage of his moment of distraction, Killua let his gaze linger a little bit longer. Gon’s eyes were beautiful - the color of melted caramel, or rum, or earth, or sunflowers in shadow. His face was beautiful, every curve perfect, like they’d been carved by angels themselves.
Killua felt himself die a little.
“Sorry, Killua, I didn’t mean to tug.” Gon said, obviously misreading the change in his expression.
“It’s fine.” Killua brushed it off. If Gon had accidentally tugged on his hair, he didn’t notice… Nor would he mind, really.
“Mm,” Gon sounded with a nod, before he got back to work. After setting down the brush, he worked on braiding Killua’s hair with a soft touch. The white-haired boy sighed, letting his eyelids fall shut.
“Do you think I should get flowers?”
“What?” Killua asked, blinking. The words stirred him out of the melted buttery pleasure he’d lost himself in.
“For Retz! Do you think she’d like flowers on our date?”
Oh.
The sharp twist in his stomach was, he supposed, one more consequence of standing too close to someone so… breathtakingly wonderful and completely unavailable. Green and prickly and… so very beautiful.
“How should I know?” Killua snapped, turning away.
“Killuuuaaa…” Gon said, drawing out the sounds of his name in the way that only he could do. He pushed out his bottom lip, soft and pink. The pout was theatrical in nature, but at that moment, all Killua could think about was how he wanted more than anything to know how the soft skin would feel between his teeth.
It was then that Killua realized he was completely and utterly screwed.
“I’m sure she’d love them, Gon. It’s a thoughtful gesture.” Killua muttered reluctantly, pushing out a breath and refusing to look his friend in the eyes. Gon beamed at him and slipped the hair tie onto the end of Killua’s braid.
After Gon left, Killua groaned and dropped his head into his hands. What kind of an idiot was he?
Killua shouldn’t be counting the freckles on Gon’s face. He shouldn’t be dwelling on how warm his friend’s sun-kissed skin would feel under his fingertips. Nor should he be thinking of how many different analogies he could conjure for the warm, buttery color of his eyes.
Because Gon wasn’t his. He never could be.
###
While lying face down in his bed and thoroughly regretting every one of his life choices, Killua found himself thinking.
If he ever went into the writing business, for whatever reason, he decided it would be prudent to start by penning a moderate sized self-help book on all the things you shouldn’t do when you have a massive crush on your best friend - who is also entirely unavailable. Just on the off-chance that Killua’s words of wisdom might prevent some other love struck idiot with a penchant for making terrible decisions from doing exactly what he did.
“Why don’t you guys hang out at my place?” Killua had suggested…. Like a maniac.
He would definitely dedicate a chapter to this alone. Who the hell invites their best friend (who they’re incidentally in love with) and said friend’s girlfriend for a date night at their own house? The last thing he wanted was to watch them cling to each other the way new couples do (which he’d already seen more than enough of!). Knowing that, he still secured himself a front row ticket to the show. And it was a terrible idea in every single way.
But he’d caught wind of Gon talking to Retz about Star Wars - which she’d somehow never seen - and Killua had decided to pipe up and smartly declare that he had the whole-box set in his apartment. In a moment of blind panic, he’d made the suggestion.
Sometimes Killua’s masochism surprised even himself.
And so it was, that the three of them ended up wedged on Killua’s small couch (which was really more of a glorified loveseat) while A New Hope played in the background. Gon sat in the middle, while Retz was curled under his right arm and Killua was on his left.
Even though it was one of his all-time favorite movies, the white-haired boy wasn’t paying any attention to the action on the screen. All Killua could think about were two things: 1. How Retz had the audacity to look bored, even nuzzled up against Gon and 2. How Gon’s leg was pressed firmly against his as they shared the cramped space of the sofa.
It wasn’t long before gentle snores came from the other side of the sofa. Killua craned his neck to ascertain that Retz had, in fact, fallen asleep in the middle of the movie.
“Already?” Killua mouthed, thoroughly unimpressed, and pointed at the snoring girl. Gon shrugged.
Killua gritted his teeth.
The first time he and Gon had watched the movie together, they’d both been on the edge of their seats until the screen went completely black. Then, mutually starstruck, they ended up binge-watching the rest of the movies in quick succession. Nobody else they knew had quite understood their mutual obsession (not to mention the lightsaber battles they’d had numerous times with sticks they’d found on the ground - or their proclivity for pacing through hallways in black capes), but it didn’t matter, because they shared it.
Come to think of it, Killua didn’t think Retz had anything like that with Gon. So what did she have to offer him?
After the credits rolled, Gon carefully maneuvered his arm out from behind Retz and slowly eased himself off the sofa. The blonde girl proceeded to curl up on the couch, still fast asleep. After making sure she was still sound asleep, Gon gave Killua a lopsided smile and crept towards the kitchen to dig for some snacks. Killua trailed after him.
“It’s such a good movie though.” Killua grumbled, popping open a pint of Rocky Road ice cream he grabbed from the freezer and shoving a spoon into it. “And she just fell asleep and missed it.”
“That’s alright.” Gon said, shrugging again. He grabbed another spoon and deftly stole a bite of ice cream before Killua could snatch the container away. The white-haired boy thwacked Gon’s shoulder with his own utensil while Gon just grinned cheekily around a mouthful of Rocky Road.
“So it doesn’t bother you that your own girlfriend didn’t even bother to stay conscious during one of your favorite movies?” Killua asked, folding his arms across his chest. “Or that she seemed really bored?”
“Not really. We have our own interests. We don’t have to like all the same things. Besides…” Gon started, grinning. “You and I can still enjoy it together, Killua!”
“But, Gon, it’s not…!” Killua started, incredulously, an inordinate amount of frustration simmering under the surface. But he found himself unsure of where to go with his sentence. The only words popping into his head were ‘fair’ or ‘enough’. Chewing his lip and biting his tongue, the white-haired boy turned to the side.
“Hey, it’s okay. Really. That’s pretty common in relationships. Besides, Retz and I have other things that we can bond over.” Gon, as always, picked the wrong thing to reassure him about. Killua didn’t want to think about the other types of things they could bond over and was starting to feel regret that he’d invited the two of them into his house, when he could instead be listening to music or wallowing by his lonesome.
“Sounds awful.” Killua muttered under his breath. Gon laughed.
“I’m sure it’ll be the same way for you when you start dating, Killua!”
At that, Killua decided to turn around and firmly ignore Gon. He walled his spiky-haired friend off from the dessert that he was attempting to monopolize. At that moment, he took a gigantic, ambitious bite of ice cream. That, however, was not a smart choice because the overwhelming cold gave him an awful brain freeze.
Gon laughed, and Killua should’ve hated him for it… But he didn’t.
“Besides, I’m happy that I get to spend some extra time with you! I feel like we haven’t seen each other all that much lately, so I’m glad.” Gon said, beaming and warm. He reached out to touch Killua’s arm. It was a casual touch, of course, but one that Killua’s brain wasn’t mentally prepared for.
Which, of course, led to Killua jumping backwards and choking on his own ice cream. He coughed and sputtered helplessly as Gon patted him heavily on the back.
“Dummy.” Killua wheezed. “You’re so embarrassing.”
Gon grinned at him, sneaking another bite as his friend recovered.
“Is this where you tell me that you’re just using me for my ice cream?”
“Well… You do have really good ice cream!” Gon said, eyeing up the pint again.
“You could buy some yourself instead of stealing all of mine. Idiot.”
“It’s less fun that way.” Gon replied with a shrug, diving in with his spoon again.
With a series of lightning quick, barely coordinated movements, Killua snatched the container. Looking back at Gon, he could see the challenge alight in his eyes. The white-haired boy ran, weaving around the counter, circling the table, and racing down the hall. All the while Gon chased after him, laughing breathlessly.
“C’mon, Killua! Just one more taste!”
“Never!” Killua grinned. Adrenaline pumping, heart racing, and completely caught up in the moment. It was easy to forget that there was anyone else inside the apartment, let alone anyone else on the planet.
Gon cornered Killua, as he strained to reach the pint. But Killua’s arms were long enough that he was able to hold it just out of his reach.
“Don’t be… selfish… Kiluuuuuuaaaa.” Gon said breathlessly, words tickling Killua’s ear.
“Not a chance in he-“
Killua lost his balance and they both fell, crashing to the floor in a heap of haphazardly placed limbs and body parts. The container was forgotten as soon as it slipped out of his hands. Killua’s lungs were heaving for breath in the confusion and he realized that Gon’s weight was crushing him. Before he could shove him off, he also noticed that Gon’s face was only inches from his own.
He stopped breathing.
Killua’s heart was pounding rapid-fire in his chest, the sound drowning out everything. Damn… it was like a whole freaking orchestra in his chest. ‘I’m home’ it said as it thundered next to Gon’s. Right then and there, he knew that he never wanted to leave. This was who his soul called for, feverishly, achingly. There could never be anyone else.
“Gon?”
Shit.
Retz was standing in the doorway, looking rather like a grumpy cat. Her blond hair stuck up all over the place haphazardly and her aquamarine eyes narrowed on them. Killua’s heart sank as Gon leapt up, quick as lightning, and offered her that beautiful, gut-wrenching smile.
“Gon, it’s late. We should be getting back.” Retz said in a clipped tone.
“Sorry, Retz. I’m ready whenever.” Gon grinned sheepishly. Quickly, he bounded over to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips. The motion was meant to be innocuous and innocent, but it was enough to gut Killua like a helpless animal.
Pushing himself into a sitting position, Killua realized the ice cream had spilled across the floor, leaving a sticky mess of a trail.
“But I should probably help Killua clean up this mess first really quick-…” Gon trailed off. He didn’t miss the sharp look Retz gave him. He couldn’t have, because even Killua received the blinding clear signal from across the room.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Killua said quietly, to which Gon looked immensely relieved.
After they left, it took him several long minutes to motivate himself to clean everything up and drag himself back to his room. As he closed the door, a message beeped through on his phone
Gon
‘Thx for earlier! Ur the best friend I could ask 4! Can’t wait to see u again soon!’
10:29 pm
Killua groaned, eyes flicking over to the cactus on his desk before he fell onto the bed and buried his face in the pillow.
###
“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Kurapika asked, helpful as always. All the while his eyes darted back and forth across the page of the latest historical fiction novel he’d started reading.
“I couldn’t do that!” Killua sputtered, his face burning. “And if you tell him, so help me, I’ll… I’ll…”
“I’m not going to tell him.” The blond sighed and proceeded to shake his head “However, I won’t pretend to understand what you hope to accomplish by avoiding any semblance of real communication. It’s clear that you’re miserable.”
“I couldn’t do that to him.” Killua said, wrapping his arms around his legs. “I don’t want him to feel like he has to… you know… I don’t want to lose him.”
“For all you know, he could feel the same way.”
“He doesn’t.”
“And you know this, how?”
“Because I know him!” Killua groaned, tugging at his hair. “Not to mention, he’s with Retz, so there’s that.”
“Did you know that they’ve been fighting?” Kurapika asked innocently.
“I kind of gathered that, but… Gon doesn’t really talk about it all that much when I see him, which rarely happens at all these days. I don’t see what that has to do with anything though. They’re still together. If I could get rid of these feelings, I would. Then everything would be fine. But I just can’t stop thinking about his stupid face and his smile and his voice, and... Ugh…”
Kurapika smirked, flipping the page of his book.
“What?”
“You are adorable.”
“Don’t be condescending.” Killua snapped back, glaring and immensely annoyed. Kurapika sighed.
“I just think you have a penchant for drama… and a proclivity to misjudge anything that involves Gon. You should talk to him.”
“I won’t.”
“But you should.” Kurapika said curtly. Caving into his desire to always snatch the last word, he closed his book, slipped off his chair, and walked out of the door.
###
Sitting next to Gon when he was crying was… a strangely conflicting event (Especially when the reason for his friend’s tears had to do with his break up). On the one hand, Killua had never really been good with other people’s emotional outbursts - even when he cared about them. So in that sense, he would normally find a way to either mitigate the damage or slip away at the first opportunity.
On the other hand… There was something fiercely protective stirring in Killua’s chest - a foreign creature that he didn’t have much prior experience with. He found himself experiencing overwhelming urges to wrap his arms around Gon, pepper kisses into his hair, and whisper reassurances until he stopped crying. But that was… obnoxious, stupidly mushy, and absolutely, completely inappropriate given the circumstances.
In the deep underbelly of his mind, Killua also found himself feeling relieved. Relieved that Retz was out of the picture. Relieved that it didn’t work out. Relieved that there was one less person stealing his best friend away from him. But he would never say so. He hated himself for even thinking it.
So, Killua just sat there next to Gon, helplessly. The only comfort he knew how to offer was his presence, so he did.
###
Gon was never the kind of person to remain idle for long. After spending some time grieving the end of the relationship, he threw himself back into life fully and full-heartedly (dragging Killua along with him, of course). The next few months consisted of adventure after adventure - sometimes hiking, or bird-watching, or fishing, or gaming, or road-tripping.
And every day, Killua would feel the bubble of happiness swell, always dangerously close to popping. Kurapika would more-than-subtly hint that Killua should say something on a regular basis... But he couldn’t.
Every day, he would fall asleep facing the desk that cradled his cactus, the needles enticingly soft in appearance and the flowers bursting open. Every day his mind would cling to the new memories, golden-tinted and beautiful, accepting the sting that came as a consequence. Even if he wanted more, what right did he have to ask for it?
He really should’ve seen it coming.
“Hey, Killua! You know how I found my dad earlier this year? Well, I found out that he’s going on a road trip all over the country. I’m thinking that I might go with him and take the next semester off.”
Pop.
And with that, Killua didn’t know what to do but retreat, turning himself into a cathedral of deadbolts as he’d learned to do throughout his life.
“I know you’re in there, Killua!” Gon called, fist thundering against Killua’s front door at one in the morning. “I can see your car in the parking lot!”
Killua groaned, rolling over and shoving his face even further into the cushions of his couch. So much for avoiding his friend as much as possible to mitigate the internal damage.
“C’mon Killuaaaa! It’s freezing out here!”
That wasn’t a lie. Killua could hear Gon’s teeth chattering incessantly even through the front door. Granted, it wasn’t a thick door, but still… Sighing and resigning himself to his fate, Killua shoved himself off the couch and dragged his feet all the way over.
“Did you stop to think I might be sleeping, dummy?” Killua grouched, narrowing his eyes at the boy in front of him. Cheeks pink from the cold and spiky hair more mussed than normal, Gon had the decency to look slightly ashamed.
“I had to see you.”
“Hmph.” Killua sounded, turning and walking away.
“Are you mad at me?” Gon asked, eyes wide with worry. “Kurapika said-“
“Wait, what did Kurapika say?!” Killua interjected quickly, visibly startling Gon.
“He just said that… that I needed to talk to you, before deciding whether or not to leave. Killua… do you want me to stay?”
“I…” His voice felt thick and viscous, trapped in his throat by a forming lump. “Why the hell are you asking me that anyways? Just do whatever you want.” He turned and stormed back over to the couch, dropping onto it and burying his face into the cushions.
“Please talk to me. I’m… confused and I don’t want to do something that’s gonna hurt our friendship.”
Killua muttered a few unintelligible words into the fabric, refusing to turn his head.
“Killua, just… just listen, okay? You’re really, really important to me - more than anybody, and… I know that I’m an idiot. I can jump around a lot without thinking. But… I can’t read your mind, so I need you to tell me what you want.”
I want you to choose me. But I don’t want to have to tell you to choose me, I want you to do it of your own volition.
“Killua?” Gon whispered, voice trembling with an uncertainty that was rare for him - for the person who would bring a cactus to his door at one in the morning, without any kind of warning, and not second guess himself. Killua reluctantly turned his head to see Gon kneeling next to him. “What do you want me to do?”
“I… I won’t…” Killua breathed, his voice evading him. “I can’t tell you what to do.”
Gon’s eyes flickered back and forth across Killua’s face. His expression was… strangely soft. After a moment’s deliberation, he reached out, brushing a stray drop of moisture that had somehow traveled from the corner of Killua’s eye down onto his cheek. With a small, trembling breath, Gon leaned in and gently touched his lips to Killua’s.
Killua froze.
Every synapse in his brain short-wired and every sensation narrowed in on that singular point of connection. Each train of thought in his head evaporated, as if he were an etch-a-sketch shaken voraciously. It was everything and nothing all compressed into one pinprick of time.
Gon reached to cradle Killua’s face gently between two sun-kissed hands. Breaking apart, he leaned back just enough that he could meet Killua’s eyes. Killua… whose face was probably ridiculously scarlet, whose eyes were more than likely as wide as saucers, whose own hands were trembling something awful.
“Was that okay?” He asked quietly, thumb brushing along Killua’s cheek.
Killua didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to wade through the thick of the embarrassment and relief and worry and panic to string a coherent sentence together. He didn’t know how to communicate the fact that his chest had been ripped open and that his heart was exposed, stuttering and nervous, a wide-eyed deer in the headlights.
So instead of speaking, Killua answered by surrendering to the gravity that had been tugging at him for longer than he cared to admit. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Gon’s, heart pounding and cheeks burning fiercely.
“You’re embarrassing.” The white-haired boy muttered simply, closing his eyes and letting his forehead rest against Gon’s.
“Do you want me to stay, Killua?” Gon asked again.
“I…” Killua eventually started, pushing himself up. A million and one thoughts racing through his head, overwhelming him. It was too much all at once. “I think you should go... I think you should go because you want to and... you need it.”
“Would you come with me if I asked you?”
“Gon, you can’t just… I’ve got school and work. I can’t just drop all of my responsibilities to meander around the country with you and your dad.”
"Killu-“
“But then come back to me after, okay? And I’ll come back to you.” Killua blurted out.
To that, Gon conjured a smile that was so dazzling and bright that it could light up the entire city, but he was offering it to him and to him alone.
“I’ll always come back to you, Killua.” He promised with a fierce conviction in his tone, before diving in and kissing him again and again, until everything else faded away.
###
“You told him, didn’t you?” Killua asked, suspicions simmering under the surface after catching a glimpse of the ever-so-slightly smug hint of a smile that tugged at the corners of Kurapika’s lips.
“I gave you my word I wouldn’t tell him, so I didn’t… Even though it would’ve saved a substantial amount of trouble.” Kurapika answered with a sniff.
“You said something to him, don’t even try to deny it.”
“I didn’t tell him and I didnt have to. However, do you honestly believe you’re the only one who would come crying to me about your feelings?” Kurapika said, sighing “I listened to the both of you go on about the matter for years. If you two had simply talked to each other instead of me, then…”
“Wait! What?” Killua burst out, dumbstruck.
“Neither of you could comprehend that the other had any interest - even though it was extremely obvious to anyone with eyes.” Kurapika said. He shook his head, folding his arms across his chest. “Gon tried to deal with it by dating other people and you tried to deal with it by fetishisizing your own misery. Somehow, in all the mess, I ended up being the therapist.”
“Oh my God…” Killua groaned, letting his head thunk against the table. “I’m an idiot.”
###
Bone-tired and wrapped in a thick cocoon of blankets, Killua heard the text notification sound erupt from his phone. A thrill of excited nerves shot through him. With trembling fingers, Killua clicked the screen on.
Gon
‘I miss you’
1:13 am
Killua
‘We were just talking on the phone, like, 30 mins ago. Idiot. :P’
1:13 am
‘I miss you too…’
1:17 am
Gon
‘:D’
1:17 am
‘Guess what??’
1:25 am
Killua
‘What?’
1:29 am
Gon
'I saw something that made me think of u 2day’
1:29 am
Killua
‘Just one thing? ;P’
1:30 am
The next message came through and Killua’s heart leapt when he was greeted by a picture of Gon in the desert standing beside a tall cactus. The smile on his face was tired, but genuine, and he was bathed in thick beams of sunlight. Killua ached, just a little, with the longing to be there basking in that warmth with him.
Gon
‘Well… lots of things! But this was my favorite. Night Killua! <3’
1:31 am
Privately, Killua thought it might be his favorite too. After he clicked off his phone, he buried his flaming red cheeks and the hint of a smile in his pillow, heart fluttering with hummingbird wings in the cage of his chest.
Over the years, he’d learned the hard way that beautiful things were often sharp. However, he was also beginning to understand that their potential for sharpness didn’t mean he had to tear his flesh on their spikes to feel them. There were other ways in which he could experience them - through their gentleness, their softness, their overwhelming propensity to love and love and love. And that could be just as powerful in its own way.