Work Text:
Buck POV
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Normally that sound– the sound of hospitals and machines keeping someone alive– would only spark anxiety and fear deep in Buck’s bones, but with the soft weight on his chest, it was almost relaxing.
Buck had been volunteering in the NICU for about a year, in their cuddle program. He had managed to get into the program after he rescued a baby from a pipe. Once things had settled down at the firehouse, he had gone to the NICU to check on her. It was apparent that he was wanted and needed in the NICU and very quickly he was able to get approved for the program. It helped the babies as much as it helped him. For these tiny little lives, where so much of their time was spent in incubators and surrounded by plastic, he was able to be that touch of human contact, a heartbeat to fall in line with. For him-- it was a time to forget about the world, for those few hours there wasn’t any politics and the people to impress, he was just able to be.
Most of the time these babies had someone to love them, they just weren’t always able to make the trip to the hospital. That’s where Buck came in. He would show these children love when their parents couldn’t, something he wished for in his own childhood. Every now and then though, there would be a baby without anyone to call their own.
That’s how he ended up sat with this beautiful baby girl on his chest, talking with her nurse, asking what the plan was with her. She had no one but the staff at the hospital-- and now him. She had grown so much from the one pound, five ounce bundle who was born fifteen weeks early to the five pound fighter he had in his arms now.
“I’m guessing she’s going to be discharged soon?” Buck asked, rubbing her back as she slept soundly on his chest.
“Realistically, we are talking with social work now,” Olivia, her nurse, stated, “it’s complicated because while she could technically be discharged in a few weeks, it’s difficult for them to find a foster home that will accommodate her medical needs.”
Oh, Buck thought to himself. He couldn’t imagine anyone not doing anything in their power to accommodate her. His heart threatened to break as he sat in the rocking chair for another hour while the flurry of nurses and doctors passed by him.
Even once he got home, he could not get her out of his mind. The poor girl didn’t even have a name, the mom leaving before filling out her birth registration. So one of the first times he sat and held her he named her himself; Chloe. She was a little miracle.
He didn’t even remember researching the requirements to foster, but by 3:00 a.m. that night, Buck was filling out an application form. He figured it was unlikely that he would even get approved in the first place, let alone quick enough to be approved for Chloe.
Buck didn’t think about it again until his next cuddle shift in the NICU, when there was a social worker, the nurse, and neonatologist standing around her cot even though she wasn’t in it. They were at a crossroads, there were no foster families in the greater Los Angeles area who were prepared to take her and Buck couldn’t help but speak up.
“Um, I know this isn’t my place,” Buck adjusted the way he was holding Chloe so that she settled a little, “but I applied about a month ago to be a foster parent. I knew it was a long shot and it still is, but I have been here for over a year and everyone here knows the kind of person I am. I am a firefighter with the LAFD and, well, I have always loved kids.”
Olivia was there again today and she smiled hopefully, but the social worker’s lips were pursed. “What’s your full name?” she asked.
“Uh, Evan Buckley, B-U-C-K-L-E-Y.”
“I will do what I can to quicken the process, but I make no promises. I wouldn’t get your hopes up, but well, we are getting desperate. She can’t stay here forever.”
At that moment, he looked down at Chloe and made her a promise that he would never stop fighting for her. He needed to make sure she knew that she was loved in any way that he could.
Buck was cleaning up his dinner, thankful that he was actually able to be productive when his phone rang. He picked it up and didn’t recognize the number,
“Hello?” He answered cautiously.
“Hi, is this Evan Buckley?” The woman on the other line answered.
“Yes, it is.”
“Hi Evan, my name is Robin Winchester and I am with DCFS here in Los Angeles County.” She said very matter-of-factly. Buck had put the application at the back of his mind, not wanting to get his hopes up if it wasn’t going to happen.
“Oh--kay,” He answered nervously.
“We just wanted to let you know that we did get your application and we received word from Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles that there was interest in a direct placement. We are hoping to be able to expedite your application so that we can place this infant with you. It is still quite extensive and there are quite a few things we need to go over. Do you have a little while so I can go over them with you?”
“Yes, of course,” Buck said, getting up to grab a pad of paper and pen from his junk drawer.
They were on the phone for a full hour and a half, going over all of the requirements and checks as well as answering any questions that Buck had. He would still need a background check, an interview, a home visit as well as a handful of references. They went over schedules for them to get all of this done in the shortest amount of time.
It all happens in a whirlwind. That first week, he gets his police record check and he approaches a few select people; Bobby, Carla and Olivia. He told Carla and Bobby what it was for, but swore them to secrecy, mostly just because he didn’t want to get his hopes up if it didn't work out.
Two weeks later he got a call while he’s at work, but thankfully they were at the station, lounging around after lunch.
“Hello?” Buck asked, hesitantly.
“Hi Evan, it’s Robin at DCFS.” Buck quickly scanned the area and makes a speedy exit down the stairs in the loft.
“Hi Robin, let me just get to an area with a little less people.” He resumed the conversation once he was outside, sitting against the building. “Sorry about that, I’m just at work right now. Any updates.”
“No worries.” Robin took a breath, pausing just long enough for Buck to feel the nerves thrumming through his veins. “Your foster application has been considered and I am delighted to tell you that you have been approved to be a foster parent.” Buck let out a breath that he hadn’t even realized he had been holding. “And with the case of the infant in the care of the NICU right now--”
“Chloe, her name is Chloe,” Buck emphasizes because she deserves to be seen too.
“You have been approved to be Chloe’s foster parent.” Buck froze at those words, like he couldn’t believe that it actually happened. He had told himself that there was no way he would be able to be approved in time to be there for her and he had come to terms with that, but this was everything he could have hoped for. “Now of course there are still things that need to be done, and the plan is for her to be discharged at the end of next week but I will send you an email with everything left for you to do, as I know you probably don’t have a lot of time right now.”
“Thank you, Robin,” Buck said quietly, his voice shocked.
“You are very welcome, Evan. I am very excited for both you and Chloe. I’ll let you go now though.”
“I look forward to hearing from you soon,” Buck said before the line was dropped.
Buck just sat there, the breeze blowing softly on him. He rubbed his hands down his face, taking in the amazing news he was just given. Then his mind started to race at all of the things he needed to do and get to get ready.
The first thing he needed to do was talk to Bobby.
Buck raced up the stairs to Bobby’s office, thankful that he was sitting there, surrounded by paperwork. He closed the door quietly before sitting across from him.
“Buck,” Bobby said looking up from his paper. “What brings you here?”
“Uhh,” Buck looks around making sure no one is around. “You know what we talked about before, with DCFS and all that?” Bobby put down the papers he was holding.
“Yes, of course, I received a call from them just last week, I think it went well.”
“So I just got a call from my caseworker.” Buck paused, taking a deep breath because this was the first time he would be saying it out loud. “I got approved, I’m going to be Chloe’s foster dad.” He couldn’t help the smile that erupted on his face, and Bobby’s demeanor changed in an instant too, a soft paternal smile gracing his face before Bobby stood up, walking around the desk to pull Buck up into a warm hug.
“Buck, that’s amazing news,” Bobby said, pulling back from the hug. “When does she come home?”
“They are looking at a possible discharge late next week,” Buck said, both of them sitting down, “and that’s actually what I came to talk to you about. I know I have two weeks of vacation starting this Friday, and the timing couldn’t work any better, but I would like to apply for three months leave. I know it’s late notice but--”
“Don’t worry about it, Buck, it will be done. I can tell the team about your leave in a couple weeks, after you are settled in with her.” Buck went to say something but Bobby continued before he could speak, “ Don’t worry, I won’t tell them anything beyond you taking leave, that is up to you. Take as much time as you need, we will make it happen.”
“I’m not sure if I can afford much more than three months, but at least then we can get a routine down.”
“Buck,” Bobby said earnestly, “you have a village around you, never forget that.”
“Thanks Bobby, I’m terrified but honestly just excited more than anything.”
After a week and a half chock full of seminars and plenty of trips to Target and BuyBuyBaby, Buck was standing at the front of the hospital. He had an envelope of paperwork in one hand, a diaper bag slung over his shoulder and a carseat --that he chose after hours and hours of research-- in the other.
Buck made his way up to the NICU, a route his body knew without thinking. This time, though, he would be leaving with much more than a full heart; he would be leaving with the most beautiful life.
Robin was at the NICU to meet him and the hospital social worker, Angela, to get the last bit of paperwork all signed off. That side went relatively smoothly, and before he knew it, Olivia was giving him a quick rundown on her meds and oxygen he would be taking home with them. Her face had a permanent smile on it during her whole spiel.
There were even more nurses and even her Neonatologist there to see them off, and Buck couldn’t help the tears of happiness that threatened to fall as he crossed the threshold of the unit, Chloe safely bundled next to him.
Buck was sitting at his kitchen table early the next week, getting ready to feed Chloe when he heard his door unlock, at first he immediately went to protect Chloe, but then he remembered that Bobby was planning on telling the team today, so the logical conclusion is it’s probably Eddie.
His assumptions were right when Eddie opens the door and freezes, his face scrunched in confusion.
Eddie POV
“Okay everyone,” Bobby said after the crew had finished eating dinner. It was the first time they’d had a long enough stretch to actually sit down all day and even though it was a shorter shift for most of them at only eight hours, it was still nice. It felt a bit incomplete, though, for no one more so than Eddie. He looked next to him as Bobby launched into his speech and missed the comforting presence of his partner.
“I know we are all missing Buck and he is still on vacation until the end of the week, but I just wanted to let everyone know that he will be going straight into three months of leave after his vacation is done.” It felt like Eddie was being doused with ice cold water.
Three months without Buck? Why was he taking leave? What is this even about that he didn’t tell him on their movie night a couple weeks ago. His mind was racing a million miles a minute.
“Why is he on leave?” Chim asked the question they were all wondering.
“You will have to ask him about that, Chim,” Bobby said matter-of-factly.
“Do you know anything about this?” Chim turned and asked Eddie, because if anyone would know besides the boss it would be his best friend. Eddie shook his head silently because he didn’t know and he’s not sure which is bothering him more; the fact that he would have to work without Buck by his side for three months, or that his best friend didn’t give him a heads up.
The conversation died off after that, and everyone else slowly started to leave the table. Richardson and Garcia took dish duty, which Eddie was thankful for, and Hen and Chim went down to stock the ambulance while Cap went back to his office. Eddie was left there sitting at the table staring into space, running over all of his and Buck’s interactions the last few weeks.
Eddie’s grateful that the last two hours of the shift went by without any calls. He was too off in his own world to be of much use anyway.
Eddie didn’t even remember changing or much of the drive, but he does remember pulling up in front of Buck’s house. He sent Abuela a quick message that said he would be a bit late picking Chris up tonight, to which she replied that he was just about to go to bed, so Eddie could just pick him up the next morning. Eddie sighed happily, because Abuela was just too good for them.
He took a deep breath, unsure of what he was about to walk into. His mind went back to Buck when he was recovering from the truck bombing and his heart hurt to think that his friend might be going through that again, without anyone to help.
Eddie got out of his car, grabbing his wallet and phone to put in his pockets and locked the truck, keeping the keys in his hands so he could fiddle with the fob. It was a slow walk since he was trying to figure out what he would even say to Buck if he refused to get out of his bed yet again. He didn’t have Chris with him this time so he couldn’t even use him as leverage.
First he thought about knocking, and he probably should , but they had been beyond knocking for months now. In the end, he used the key Buck gave him to unlock the door.
Eddie wasn’t prepared for the picture that he was met with. Buck was in a t-shirt that was much too small for him and sweats, but that wasn’t the part that was tripping him up. Buck was sitting at his table, with a baby cradled in his arms. Eddie was frozen in his spot, his mind racing trying to catch up with how Buck could be sitting here with a baby.
He could feel his heartbeat in his ears, and his keys dropped to the floor.
“Oh, Eddie, sweet. Can you pass me the bottle in the warmer?” Buck asked, puling him out of his daze like this bomb wasn’t just dropped between them, like his best friend who he last saw a week and a half ago wasn’t holding a baby with no one else in sight.
“Uh, sure.” Eddie just did it, grabbing the keys that had dropped to the ground and heading to the kitchen counter where the bottle warmer was sitting. He surveyed the kitchen and noticed sprinkles of baby supplies and dirty bottles in the sink. He wordlessly walked it over to Buck, passing the bottle to him.
Buck took the bottle, maneuvering the small little baby in his arms so that they were resting on his forearm that was in turn resting on his knees. Fuck , he was such a natural at this, which Eddie always knew he would be. He had taken to everything with Christopher with such ease and he saw Buck the moment he held Jee for the first time. Eddie’s chest constricted at the sight. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get this image out of his mind.
Buck was always meant to be a father, that much was fact.
“I bet you have some questions,” Buck laughed, after settling the bottle in their mouth.
“A few,” Eddie replied, like it wasn’t the understatement of the year.
“So it’s a bit of a long story so if you want a beer or water or something, there’s some in the fridge.”
“Yeah, a beer, that’s a good idea. Do you want one?” Eddie asked, walking over to the fridge.
“Uh, if you could just grab me water that would be perfect.”
“Yeah, of course.” Eddie answered, traversing Buck’s cupboards like they were his own.
Once Eddie settled into the seat at the head of the table, Buck started. “So actually, this story started before you came to LA. We had this call, I was already on thin ice with Bobby, prime Buck 1.0, and there was this baby, this completely defenseless newborn that we found in a sewer pipe in a wall. The whole situation was awful. Athena ripped me a new one when I tried to leave the mom– who was this teenager, still just a kid herself– at the hospital. I digress.” Buck was rambling again, it was one of Eddie’s favourite things, because it meant that Buck really cared about what he was talking about. “We got this baby to the NICU and I could not get her off my mind. When I was free for an afternoon, I would go, just for an update on her. I know we aren’t supposed to, that we leave them at the hospital and that’s it–
I couldn’t abandon her though, not with how her life started,” Buck sighed sadly, “and one day the charge nurse suggested I sign up for the Kangaroo Care Project. It’s a project where volunteers come and cuddle babies in the NICU when their parents can’t be there, or there are no parents to come .”
Buck took a second to reposition the baby so that they started taking the bottle again. Eddie thought about it, about Buck volunteering to cuddle babies, and it just made sense. Not only was he amazing with children, but he also had the biggest heart of anyone he knew.
“Anyway, I signed up and was approved almost immediately. Honestly Eddie, I love it there. I don’t do it for the recognition, which is why I don’t tell anyone I go. I do it because I get to help these small tiny humans that have already had to fight more than any one should at their age. It honestly fills my heart with so much joy.” Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “That brings us to this sweet little nugget,” Buck said, scrunching his nose when he mentioned them. “She was born fifteen weeks premature by a mom who didn’t know she was pregnant and didn’t want her. I fell in love with her, Eddie.” Buck looked up at him with warm glassy eyes.
“She’s adorable,” Eddie smiled, breaking the silence he had since he sat down.
“She really is,” Buck matched his smile before putting the bottle on the table and manouvering her until he had her in almost a seated position. He adjusted her nasal cannula before rubbing circles on her back. “Anyway, no one ever came for her and DCFS was having a hard time placing her because of her medical needs. So I thought– why not try ? The worst they could do was say no. So I applied to be a foster parent and the hospital social worker put in a good word with me so that they could do a direct placement.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” The words fell out of Eddie’s mouth without him even thinking about it.
“I– there were so many times, Eddie, that I wanted to say something,” Buck sighed, “so many times when we were sitting on the couch where I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up just in case it didn’t happen.” Buck froze in his spot and looked up, his eyes full of emotion. “As soon as I said something to you, Eddie, it would become real and I just couldn’t get my hopes up in case it didn’t go through.”
Eddie sat there and thought for a long moment. It sucked that Buck didn’t say anything to him, but he couldn’t fault him. He couldn’t look at this man who was carrying his heart in his hands and tell him he did something wrong by protecting himself. Eddie couldn’t be that selfish, not with someone so selfless.
“What’s her name?” Eddie asked, earning an awed smile from Buck.
“Chloe.”
“It’s a beautiful name,” Eddie remarked.
“It was what I started calling her when I found out she didn’t have one and it stuck. It’s what the hospital social worker ended up putting on the birth registration.”
“That sounds like something you’d do.” Eddie huffed out a laugh.
“You’re not wrong,” Buck joined him, looking down at Chloe. “You want to hold her?” Eddie froze, it had been a while since he held something so fragile. And while he knew that they weren’t nearly as breakable as society made them seem, it was still a little overwhelming.
“Are you sure?”
“You were always the first one I wanted to hold her.” Eddie put his beer down and stood up.
“Let me just wash my hands.”
Once Eddie was back sitting down at the table, Buck passed him Chloe, cradling her in his arms. He couldn’t help but notice how her eyes tracked all of Buck’s movements or how his smile never faltered as he placed this tiny bundle in his arms. There was so much love in the room, it was electric.
“So three months,” Eddie said, breaking the comfortable silence after a few minutes.
“Yeah, I figured it would give us time to really figure things out. Right my sweet girl,” Buck tickled and squished her cheeks while Eddie had to will his heart not to burst.
“If you ever need any help–”
“I know,” Buck smiled, “and Carla already offered.”
“Carla knew?” Eddie exclaimed, just a little too loud if Chloe fussing in his arms was anything to go by.
“Yeah,” Buck scratched the back of his neck, “I needed references to get my foster license approved, so I used her, Bobby, and one of the nurses from the NICU.”
“I guess that’s acceptable,” Eddie smirked.
“Damn right it is.” Buck finally relaxed, the tension in his shoulders dissipating before his eyes. “Do you mind holding her for a little? I just need to get some dishes done and she spent so long in the NICU just laying in her cot that I just– I want her to make sure she’s loved.”
“Of course, Buck.” Eddie said, adjusting her so that he had her resting on his forearms in front of him. “Whatever you need, Abuela has Chris until tomorrow.”
Buck and Eddie spent the rest of the night talking, holding Chloe, and tidying up Buck’s loft. It was good , and it made him feel so much closer to his best friend than he thought possible. If it made Eddie’s heart flutter to move so seamlessly and domestically with his best friend, well then nobody had to know.
Buck POV
The next couple weeks went by in a blur. Buck knew that he needed to tell everyone he loved about Chloe, but it was a process, one that would take time more than anything.
Maddie and Chim were the first people he told, apart from Eddie, of course. Just a couple days after his late night talk with Eddie, the 118 A shift had a couple days off where Buck was able to invite Chim and Maddie over. It was during the day, so Eddie was able to come and help with Chloe in his room while Buck sat the other two down to talk in the living room. He and Eddie had formulated a fool proof plan for telling people that involved a fair bit of tidying to hide all of the baby essentials that he had accumulated over the past couple of weeks.
“So, I know this is more formal than I normally go for, but–” Buck started, only to be interrupted by his very sweet, concerned sister.
“Does this have something to do with the leave you took?” Maddie asked, the furrow in her brows more pronounced than he’d seen in a while. “Howie was telling me about it, and Evan, if you need–”
“I’m okay, Maddie, I promise. The reason I took the leave– the reason I asked you to come here was for a good reason, I promise.” The tension seemed to leave both her and Chim’s shoulders in that moment. “Okay, Eddie, we’re ready,” Buck called up.
“Eddie’s here?” Chim asked.
“You’ll see why.”
Buck couldn’t help but smile as he heard the tell tale signs of Eddie coming down the stairs. He held his breath until he saw Eddie rounding the corner, the bag carrying the oxygen tank slung over his shoulder, and Chloe tucked into his arms. The sigh that he let out could have been heard from miles away. Just the image of Eddie holding his daughter, this tiny precious little human, made Buck’s heart beat at a wild pace.
When Buck looked back toward Maddie and Chim, their expressions couldn’t be more wildly different; Chim’s chin looked like it could touch the floor while Maddie had her hand over her mouth, tears forming in her eyes as she looked between him and Eddie.
“I thought you said you didn’t know why he was taking leave?” Chim asked Eddie as he was passing Chloe to Buck.
“I didn’t,” Eddie stated, putting the oxygen tank on the ground and adjusting her cannula. “Until two days ago when I came here to find Buck holding her.”
“Oh.”
“So, I’m sure you have questions,” Buck started, distracted by the little girl settling into his embrace, “and I will answer all of them I promise, just let me introduce you to Chloe.”
Buck jumped into the same story he told Eddie when he had come over. The farther he got through the story, the more Maddie and Chim’s face softened.
The reaction he got from them was confirmation of everything he had been hoping for. He could only dream that above all else, his friends and family believed in him, believed in what he was doing. He had been so prepared to have an onslaught of, ‘ Oh Buck are you sure you can do that’ , or, ‘Buck, a baby is a lot of responsibility you still act like a child yourself.’ He wasn’t quite prepared for the village that was starting to build him up.
Bobby and Athena were next, stopping by only an hour after Chim and Maddie left. Normally Buck would expect Bobby to share things with his wife, but when they had talked prior to him being approved, Buck had told him how important it was to him that when and if the time came, he would like to be the one to tell her.
The hug and motherly encouragement he received from Athena was all he ever needed. It had been so long since he had such a steadfast maternal figure. Sure, he had Maddie growing up, but she was still just a kid herself. Although she all but raised him, she was still just his big sister and that was all he wanted her to be. Once she decided he was part of the family, though, he had found the mother he had always craved in Athena.
“Buck, sweetheart,” she said once he finished his story and Eddie was handing him Chloe, “I have never met a man so selfless, patient, and thoughtful. Little Miss Chloe is so darn lucky to have you on her side.” She stood up to sit on the coffee table in front of Buck and brought her hand up to his jaw. “Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that you are anything less than the most wonderful father for this precious baby girl.”
The tears that threatened to fall were hanging on by a thread. He passed Chloe to Athena’s outstretched arms and looked up to see Bobby’s face sharing the same fond, proud expression as Athena’s and he knew he had hit the jackpot. Everyone always said that it took a village to raise a child, and he was starting to realize over the course of the day just how large his village was.
When Hen and Karen got a chance to visit with Denny in tow, their reaction was heartwarmingly similar to everyone else’s. They had a wealth of knowledge that no one else in their circle possessed. Buck hadn’t realized how isolating it was, facing this new challenge with no one in your corner who knew what it was like. Eddie was there every step of the way, but he hadn’t lived through being a foster parent. He hadn’t developed the soul crushing love for a child, knowing that at any moment they could be reunited with their birth family.
Hen, Karen, and Buck sat on the couch for hours, trading off holding or feeding Chloe and talking while Eddie brought Denny to the Diaz home. It was a weekend, so they were able to have a sleepover while Buck picked the Wilson’s brains. Buck hadn’t realized how much he craved that sense of belonging until the timer on Buck’s phone went off, signifying that it was time for Chloe’s next feed. He looked at the time and realized it was almost 8:00 p.m. As he said goodbye to Hen and Karen with a promise to call them at any point if he had questions, he felt lighter than he had in days.
It was a few days later that one of the most important people in Buck’s life came by. He hadn’t seen Christopher in weeks, other than a few Facetime conversations while Chloe was napping. He missed his little man. He heard the crutches hit the hardwood as soon as the door was unlocked and Buck couldn’t contain his excitement.
“My little man!” Buck exclaimed, scooping him up and causing the boy to giggle.
“Buck!” Christopher laughed, “I’m too big for you to pick me up like that.”
“You’ll never be too big, buddy,” Buck said as he placed him on the ground, “but if you don’t want me to, I will absolutely stop.”
“That’s not what I mean. Dad just keeps saying I’m getting too big for him to carry. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself, Bucky.”
“Awe, well thanks, superman, but I am much stronger than your dad.” Buck looked up at Eddie who was currently trying to get his eyes all the way to the back of his head. “Okay, Christopher. I uh– I have something I want to tell you about.”
Once Eddie finished getting in and putting his wallet and keys in the spot reserved by the door, he sent Buck a head nod. He pointed to Buck’s loft where Chloe was as if asking whether he should get her. Buck shook his head. He was planning on telling Chris in a different way.
Buck knelt until he was at the same level as Chris, always cognizant of making sure Chris knew he saw them as equals in their relationship.
“So, Chris,” Buck started, suddenly more nervous than he had been telling anyone else about Chloe. “I know I haven’t been around as much lately, and I promise that it’s not forever, I just– I have something really big I want to tell you about, or rather show you.”
Buck had brought Chloe’s bassinet to the living room, giving him the chance to tidy the apartment, but also to make it easier for Chris to see her and understand.
“Can you follow me to the living room? I have something special waiting there for you.”
Buck walked slowly behind Chris, letting him lead the way as he felt comfortable. Once they were in the dining room, Chris stopped and looked back at Buck.
“Is that a crib?” Chris asked.
“Kind of. It’s called a bassinet, but it works similarly to one.”
“When did you have a baby?” Chris was obviously trying to figure out how the whole baby thing worked and how Buck all of sudden had one. They both continued walking.
“Well I didn’t have a baby. You see, Chloe here,” Buck said as he and Chris came up to the edge of the bassinet. “She was born a few months ago, but she was born really early so she spent a lot of time in what’s called the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It’s at the hospital and it’s where babies go when they just need a bit of extra help living in the outside world.”
“Where’s her mom and dad?” Buck tried desperately to think of how to tell Chris that not every child had the parental love that was so present in the Diaz household, but his mind came up short. Buck briefly looked up to Eddie for support, but the other man was currently unloading the dishwasher like it was his own home. Buck realized that it was up to him to explain this to Chris.
“Uh, not every mom or dad is ready to be a parent. It is a lot to take on, raising another person. So sometimes, when parents aren’t able to care for their children, they get put in what is called foster care. From there, the children whose parents weren’t quite ready to be a parent yet, are placed with families who are willing to give them love and shelter and everything they need.”
“Like Auntie Hen and Auntie Karen with Nia?” Buck was constantly impressed by how intuitive Chris was, not only with the questions he asked, but the vast knowledge he portrayed.
“Exactly. So Chloe’s mom and dad weren’t able to care for her so I applied and was chosen to be her foster dad.”
“Is she going to go back to her mom and dad like Nia?” The reminder of the heartbreak the Wilson family went through was a punch in the gut.
“We don’t know right now, buddy. She could be reunified at some point, but she might also be adopted.”
“Are you going to adopt her?” Chris looked up at Buck with the biggest eyes that– even after all of the horrors he’s seen and experienced– still see the world as something worth it.
“Maybe. Right now I’m just going to focus on giving her the most love and the best care I can.”
“What are those?” Chris pointed at her nasal cannula. “I’ve seen them on me in pictures before, but don’t quite know what they are for.”
“So that’s a nasal cannula. Since she was born so early, her lungs still have a tough time getting oxygen in them, so this blows oxygen into her nose so that it reaches her lungs.” Buck hopes it makes sense.
“So kind of like how I use my crutches when I need a little bit of support?”
“Exactly.”
“She’s had a hard life for such a young baby,” Christopher noted sadly.
“Yeah, but do you wanna know something, Chris? She’s a fighter, just like another kid I know.” Buck couldn’t help but draw parallels between the two most important children in his life. Christopher was the first child that really showed him that he could be a dad. He’s not even sure there was a moment where he realized it was an option for him. He just remembers watching Eddie and Christopher interact and thinking, I want that .
“Can I hold her?” Christopher asked, his expression hopeful.
“Of course, my man, just go wash your hands and then we will set you up on the couch with some pillows around you. Does that sound good?” Christopher looked up at him like he’d just won the lottery and Buck couldn’t help feeling the same. His stomach was finally getting over the anxiety that had ridden him for days leading up to this meeting. When Buck looked up, he saw Eddie standing back while his son washed his hands excitedly. Eddie’s eyes were soft as they met Buck’s and his stomach was a flutter again for an entirely different reason.
Christopher was the final piece of the puzzle. Buck was starting to come out of the haze that a new baby brought to one's life. He and Chloe were able to settle into a routine, and more times than not, the Diaz boys were a part of that routine. Eventually they started to leave the loft more; to the store or the library, to the Grant-Nash’s or Wilson’s. Most of the time, though, the Diaz household included the Buckley’s, just as it always had– but this time with a new addition.
Eddie POV
Eddie wasn’t sure how it happened, but suddenly his life revolved around an infant. Well, an infant and his son. He hadn’t ever really thought about the possibility of having another baby, not after Shannon at least. That didn’t mean that he thought Chloe was his– it was just that his and Christopher’s lives revolved around Chloe which they loved. They adored having Chloe and Buck there all the time, but having Buck so close and the feeling of such domesticity seeping into everything they did –even more than before– had lines crossing in Eddie’s mind that he didn’t even realize existed.
He had been in a spiral because of it for weeks. Buck was sinking into the couch after putting Chloe down into her bassinet while Chris was playing quietly in his room. This gave Eddie the opportunity to talk to Buck about it. Before he could, though, Buck had already filled the silence..
“I need to sign my lease renewal. It’s up in a few months and the problem is, I don’t know what I’m going to do about the loft,” Buck groaned. “Like I love it and it’s great, but it’s not necessarily the place I want Chloe to grow up in.”
“I have the spare room,” Eddie said before realizing what he was insinuating. “I mean, if you needed a place until you found the perfect home. You two are always here and the spare room has pretty much become her nursery anyway. You’d just need a bed in there.” Eddie kept digging himself deeper with no sense of self preservation to get him out.
“Uh,” Buck was taken aback, although his expression read as confused more than anything. “Are- are you sure?”
“Buck, it takes a village to raise a baby. Whatever paperwork or interviews I have to go through, I’ll do it. You have been such a huge part in not only mine, but Chris’ lives here. Just think about it.”
“Okay, I will. I’ll talk to Robin to see what checks you would need, if any.”
The conversation that night naturally moved on. Buck had finally figured out the perfect present for Jee-Yun’s birthday and Eddie was just mentally preparing himself for when Buck started to plan Chloe’s.
It wasn’t until two weeks later, when Eddie was running errands, that Buck called him. They rarely talked on the phone, so this was definitely peculiar.
“Hey man, what’s going on? Chloe okay? You okay?” Eddie answered, the worry evident in his tone.
“Oh yeah, we’re fine,” Buck huffed out, like it was the last thing on his mind. “I thought about what we talked about a couple weeks ago, and I figured there was no harm in seeing what Robin thought, so I did and she sent me some paperwork you would need to fill out. If you're serious, though, you would need a home visit,” Eddie quickly searched through his glove compartment for a pen and paper to write this down. In the end he settled for a napkin. “You will need a background check and an interview with Robin as well as a couple character references.”
“Would they like my first born as well?” Eddie joked before he realized how morbid it sounded. “I’m kidding, this sounds fine. I can swing by the police station today and get the background check started since I’m out already. If you are coming by later and can bring the paperwork, just let me know.”
Okay, so they were really doing this. His best friend and his foster daughter were really moving into his home. This could only go well right?
“We’re really doing this, I guess.” Buck chuckled.
“That we are.” Eddie paused for a moment before it hit him. “I guess I should tell Chris that you and Chloe are moving in.” This pulled a laugh from Buck that burrowed itself deep into Eddie’s core. He’s not sure when it happened; when he got to a point that all he wanted to do was make Buck laugh like that for the rest of time.
“I explained what foster care is to him, this is all on you, Diaz.”
“Ha ha, you’re a big help, Buckley.” As soon as the call disconnected, Eddie was left to ruminate in what he just agreed to. It was a good thing, he knew it was. He and Buck had basically been in each other’s pockets for years, this just cut out the middle man, cut out the need for them to ‘go back home’. He would be okay, they would be okay.
Telling Chris– as it turned out– was the easy part. He could not be more ecstatic that his Bucky was living with him full time, because, how he put it, ‘we will actually have good food to eat.’ He stayed strong in his excitement even when Eddie reminded him that it meant Chloe would be coming as well and she may be crying at any time, day or night. He said he would make sure Chloe felt safe and wouldn’t have to cry. Eddie had known for a while that his heart laid outside his body, but that comment only confirmed it.
It was a slow process once Buck and Eddie agreed that they would move the majority of Buck’s things over the following month. Buck would be back to work before the end of the month and then they were going to have to figure out child care. In the end, Carla agreed to take more hours, and was going to be paid through DCFS to watch Chloe while they were both at work.
The week before Buck was scheduled to go back to work was hectic. The interview and home visit were thankfully done relatively quickly, so they were just waiting on the approval of Eddie’s home as a place of residence, including a fire inspection of the home. They had moved a lot of the extra things that they could do without for a few weeks earlier in the month, but they were waiting to move Buck and Chloe and all the supplies that came with them until they got the green light.
It wasn’t until two days before Buck was due back at work that Eddie got the call.
“Eddie!” Buck shrieked in his ear.
“Ouch, Buck, I’d like to keep my ear drum.” Eddie chuckled.
“I just got off the phone with Robin, Chloe and I are able to move in any time!”
“Finally,” Eddie huffed from where he was sitting on his couch while Chris read on the floor. “Okay, let me see if Karen and Hen can watch the two for us so we can move the last of what you both need here tonight.”
“Awesome. Yeah, that works. I’ll pick up some lunch for us on the way. What does Christopher like from Panera?”
Once Eddie hung up, he shot a quick text to Hen, who thankfully replied right away that Denny had been dying for a play date soon and she was in the market for some baby cuddles.
“Okay, Chris, Buck is going to come over, we are going to eat, and then I will be driving you and Chloe to Hen and Karen’s so you can hang out with Denny. How does that sound?”
“Does that mean Buck and Chloe finally get to move in today?” Chris asked hopefully.
“Yes it does, little man.” Eddie pulled him into a tight hug. As excited as he knew Chris was, Eddie still realized that his son was giving up some of his space because of a decision that he had no part in making. Eddie wasn’t sure how he turned out so kind and empathetic, but Eddie was eternally grateful.
“Why don’t you go pack a couple things and get ready for when Buck gets here.”
Eddie tidied up and changed into a pair of gray sweats. Did he know they made his ass look amazing? Sure , but they also allowed him to move around easily so any other benefits were just added.
Before Eddie knew it, he and Buck were moving the last of the boxes into the spare bedroom. Buck was unloading the medical supplies that Chloe would need in the upcoming days instead of the boxes of clothes they had somehow accumulated.
“Should we go get our kids?” Eddie asked from where he was leaning against the door frame. The look of adoration that Buck gave him sent flutters through his heart. He wasn’t even completely sure why he insinuated that he and Buck were together, but he was hard pressed to find the urge to correct any assumption that said the opposite.
“Yeah, let’s go get them.” Buck’s smile was warm; it was all things good-- it was home .
By the time they got home from the Wilson’s, both kids were knocked out and went to bed easily. It was a long day and there were still things at Buck’s loft, but most of it was going into storage until he could find a place or figure out what to do with it.
“Is it awful that all I can think about is the three loads of laundry I meant to fold this morning before you called?” Eddie said as Buck opened the fridge to grab them each a beer.
“Ugh, why does no one tell you how much more laundry you do with a baby?” Buck comisserated. “I guess I can help you though, since you helped me today.”
They made their way to Eddie’s room quietly and managed to get through the pile of laundry fairly quickly. After they were done, they just sat on the bed and talked. They talked about their dreams, for themselves and their kids. Buck told him how nervous he was to go back to work, how nervous he was that he was going to screw up this whole parent thing. What Buck didn’t know was how built he was for it; how much it was ingrained in him to be the best possible father he could.
Eddie’s eyes started to droop and the conversation tapered off.
It wasn’t until a couple of hours later that Eddie stirred, hearing a faint cry. When he came to a bit more, he realized that he had a weight on his chest, one that felt an awful lot like an arm. When he opened his eyes, he realized that he and Buck had fallen asleep with the light on and were now cuddled up against one another.
Eddie wasn’t sure what it meant, them just naturally finding their way to each other. He wasn’t sure why he had a lump in his throat that he just couldn’t swallow. Most of all though, he wasn’t sure why his body craved to stay that close.
He rolled over to look at his phone clock that read 1:36 a.m. Buck hadn’t been woken by Chloe’s cries through the baby monitor, so he figured he’d let his friend sleep.
Eddie turned the light off before throwing a blanket over Buck’s sleeping figure. He couldn’t help but admire him for a moment. The strong fierce man looked soft, no worry in his brow or a masked smile on his face. Eddie was blown away that he was the man who got to see Buck like this and he promised himself he wouldn’t take it for granted. Eddie was taken out of his stupor by the sounds of Chloe’s cries getting louder through the monitor.
Thankfully, Chloe was just down the hall and Eddie was able to get to her before either of the other two woke up. He picked her up gently, making sure not to disturb her oxygen line, and took off her pulse oximeter. He let her rest on his chest as he rocked her for a few moments. He changed her, taking the time while she was content to put the oxygen tank into its carrier so he could easily move to the kitchen.
The tasks were mindless, which meant that while Eddie was feeding Chloe, he had all the time in the world to overthink everything with Buck.
“How did I end up like this, little one?” Eddie murmured, getting nothing more than inquisitive blue eyes looking back at him. “I don’t know what to do? I think I might– l think I love your daddy.” Eddie brushed his pinky along her cheek as she finished her bottle, cooing. “That’s crazy though, right? Human sexuality is so complicated. I’ve never loved a man before, not like Buck. He’s my best friend, we’ve been through so much in the last couple years, and now we– he has you and I don’t want to lose either of you.”
Eddie vowed, as he brought Chloe up to his shoulder, that he wouldn’t say anything to Buck. Everything could go right with them, but there was so damn much on the line that if they went wrong, only devastation would be left in its wake. Eddie couldn’t take that risk, especially not with Christopher and Chloe to think about. Eddie swayed with Chloe until his eyes started to feel heavy again and his mind slowed.
Buck POV
Buck groaned as he shifted, rubbing his eyes, trying to rid them of the sleep that plagued them. He was still fully clothed with a blanket overtop him. Shit, what time is it? I feel way too well rested not to have woken up during the night , Buck thought to himself. Before he even had a chance to take in his surroundings, he reached around for his phone– 5:43 a.m. Shit , he kicked off the blankets, finally taking a moment to realize he was in Eddie’s room.
The race to the spare room was thankfully very quick, and he almost barged in loudly before thinking at the last minute that he didn’t want to wake Chloe too aggressively if she was sleeping. Buck had to stop himself from audibly cooing when he opened the door. The sight before him was much more precious than he could have anticipated. Eddie was sleeping in the bed with the bassinet pulled right up to the edge of it and his hand laying across Chloe’s chest, feeling the rise and fall of her rhythmic breathing.
Buck didn’t want to break up the sight before him, but he needed to figure out when she ate last.
“Hey, Eddie,” Buck murmured as softly as he could.
“Hmm?” The sounds of Eddie so sleep fogged did something to Buck’s brain. Fuck , he really needed to reign in his growing crush on the other man.
“When was the last time she was fed?” Buck asked, hoping Eddie was awake just enough to let him know.
“Around 5:00 a.m.” Shit, that meant that Eddie must have just gotten back to sleep. “What time is it?”
“Go back to bed,” was all Buck whispered back before leaving the room as quietly as he could, although he did turn back briefly to take one last look at the serene picture behind him.
Buck decided to use the full nights rest to clean the kitchen, giving it a deep clean as it was obvious that it had been put on the back burner for a while. It felt good to be doing a task that made this house feel even more like his home than before. He hadn’t been a guest at the Diaz’s for years, but now the carefully balanced scales of guest and family had tipped to the latter.
The time went by quickly as Buck switched from cleaning to starting breakfast; the first real breakfast before he would be going back to work the next day. This would be their first meal as a ‘family’ and Buck needed to make it great.
At around 8:30 a. m. Eddie came padding into the kitchen, his hair sticking out in all directions. He still somehow looked gorgeous, even as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes.
“What’s all this?” he asked, as he walked to the half full coffee pot.
“It’s the last day before I go back to work,” Buck noted, a little embarrassed. “You were also up with Chloe last night, and it’s not your job and I don’t expect you to do that, so I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it. I appreciate you.”
Buck could feel the flush growing, but he did his best to pretend it was from the bacon that was currently being cooked on the stove.
“We are partners. Of course I have your back.” Eddie sent him a sad smile that confused Buck. It was like, although he knew Eddie meant what he said, that there was something Eddie wasn’t telling him. Buck just hoped he wouldn’t pull away.
Over the next few weeks, things very much stayed the same, at least at work. He and Eddie were back to working side by side, having each others’ backs. It was good, it was normal .
What wasn’t normal was that each time they got home, it seemed as though Eddie was starting to pull away. They had built a routine with the kids; Eddie would take care of homework with Christopher while Buck got dinner ready and they would tag team Chloe’s needs. But the casual touches and the sense of domesticity had changed from what it was before Buck moved in. And he hated how much he craved Eddie the more he pulled away.
Everything came to a head when they were hanging out one night while Christopher was at a sleepover with Denny. Buck was looking at storage units for the furniture that he had yet to move from his loft.
“I don’t know about that one,” Eddie said, countering the third storage unit company Buck had looked at. “It’s just really far from here, and not in a great neighbourhood.”
The arguments against each unit kept getting thinner and thinner, like Buck’s patience.
“I don’t know what your problem is right now, Eddie. I have looked at the best reviewed companies and you have shot all of them down.” There was a bite to Buck’s tone and he knew it.
“I just don’t think they are right for you!”
“I don’t think that’s what’s going on. You have been distant for three fucking weeks and I have no idea what I did.”
“It’s nothing,” Eddie spat out.
“It’s obviously not nothing, we are best friends and you won’t even talk to me! Is it because I fell asleep in your bed that first night?”
Eddie’s mouth went to open, but then he took a moment to think over his response. Buck couldn’t help but ramble on before Eddie even had a chance to reply though.
“If you’re uncomfortable with the fact that I’m bi, you can just say it. I know it could be different because--”
“Buck--”
“I’m living in your home now and I need to respect those boundaries.”
Buck was spiralling, everything came out like word vomit. All of the insecurities that he had pushed down, all of the hurt from prior emotional wounds that never quite had a chance to heal, were all tumbling out of him like a snowball down a hill. Soon that snowball would cause an avalanche and Buck wasn’t sure he could deal with the devastation that it would leave in its wake.
“Buck!” Eddie raised his voice just enough to get Buck out of the spiral he was falling down. His face softened once he saw Buck take a deep breath. “Evan, it’s-- it’s none of that. You have always been and will forever be my favourite person in the world.”
Eddie took his own deep breath before he continued. Buck could see him fiddling with his fingers like he was just as anxious as him.
“That night, when I woke up after we both fell asleep on my bed, your arm was wrapped around me.” Eddie sighed and Buck didn’t quite know what to make of it. “I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt that content . You and I have always been close, but I have never craved the touch of someone else, the feeling of another person to be wrapped up in. It terrified me to realize that not only could another person hold such a concrete place in my heart, but to realize how much was at stake if I let myself feel everything I wanted to.”
“Eddie,” Buck breathed out, the word barely a whisper. Eddie shifted in his seat on the couch so that he was facing Buck completely, inching closer.
“Evan, I have never felt about anyone else the way I feel about you, let alone a man. This is all new and it’s absolutely terrifying.”
Buck could hear the blood pumping in his ears, anticipating what Eddie could possibly mean, what he couldn’t possibly hope for.
“I have never felt a love like I have with you, one built on a solid foundation of friendship and partnership. And I know you could get anyone you could possibly want, Buck, but I don’t want you to. I know it’s selfish to say, but I want another parent for Christopher and I want to be that for Chloe. I have never wanted anything like I want you.”
Buck couldn’t take it anymore. He closed the small distance between them and waited there, letting the ghost of Eddie’s breath take hold and give Eddie one last chance to decide that this was what he wanted. It was Eddie that captured Buck’s lips in his. All the love shared between them was poured into this kiss, as though they both had been holding it in for so long and now they could let themselves truly feel.
Buck ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of Eddie’s neck, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth at the same time. The groan Eddie let out was worth all the nights wondering if they would be the same. It was worth all the times he wouldn’t let himself think that they could actually work.
The only thing that broke them apart was the need for oxygen. They were both panting as they separated, Buck’s hand still resting on the nape of Eddie’s neck. Eddie brought his own hand up to brush his thumb along Buck’s jaw as they rested their foreheads together. Buck couldn’t help but lean into the touch–into Eddie –more than he had ever been able to.
“Just in case it wasn’t obvious, I have never loved anyone like I love you.” The words were no more than a whisper, but they echoed in Buck’s mind like a siren. He couldn’t help but pull Eddie back in, showing him just how much he felt the same.
When Chloe’s cries echoed through the baby monitor a moment later, Buck let out a sigh.
“I guess duty calls,” Buck laughed after regretfully separating himself from Eddie. “And for the record,” Buck placed one last kiss on Eddie’s lips before getting up, “I love you too, life changing, mind blowing love.”
“I’ll show you mind blowing,” Eddie muttered as Buck was almost out of ear shot.
“I look forward to it!” Buck yelled from the hallway, unable to contain his happiness or his sarcastic remarks.
A few weeks later, Buck had moved into Eddie’s room, deciding that Chloe deserved her own space. The two had told Chris a few days after the kiss about the new change to their relationship and he had taken it in stride. Christopher was telling everyone that he had two dads now and it made Buck’s heart warm.
They shifted things around, including the bed that was in the spare room (which was the one Buck had brought from his loft) because his bed was much more comfortable than Eddie’s.
They also started to decorate the spare room so it looked less like a spare room and more like a nursery combo. They wanted the spare room to be available to Carla if she ever needed it, or if Chloe was ever having a difficult night, it would be easy for either of them to stay in that room. The new decor also meant going shopping for a crib which made not only Buck, but also Chris, giddy.
Buck had put Chloe down in her crib, smiling down at his foster daughter like the proud dad he felt he finally was. When he walked into the hallway, he saw Eddie smiling back at him with the same look of elation he felt like he had been in for weeks. They stood side by side, Eddie’s head resting on Buck’s shoulder, and looked at the closed doors in front of them.
“How is this our life?” Buck whispered, placing a kiss on the top of Eddie’s head.
“I have no idea, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
“Neither would I.”
It felt so good, after the whirlwind month they had, to have finally settled into this life together. It was one that had a million possibilities ahead of them and Buck couldn’t wait to face them head on with his family by his side.
Epilogue
One Year Later
Buck and Eddie were standing in front of the courthouse. Chris was smiling at their side in a dress shirt and khakis, while Buck was holding Chloe who was wearing a cute pink tulle dress with a bow on the top of her head. She was now twenty-one months, although her corrected age put her at fifteen months, and was now breathing completely on her own.
It was one of the happiest days of Buck’s life. He knew that there would be times in the future that will be just as exciting, if not more. But today wasn’t that day, today was the beginning of so much more.
Chloe was now Chloe Elizabeth Madison Buckley.
From today on, he had infinite tomorrows; he had her first day of school, her first boyfriend or girlfriend, he would get to see her as she crossed the stage at her high school graduation, and most importantly, he would get to see her and Christopher as they grew up together. That was what Buck was looking forward to the most.
When Buck started volunteering in the NICU– which was still something he tried to do at least once a month if the time allowed it– he couldn’t have imagined that this was how his life would turn out. Eddie, Christopher, Chloe– they each brought something special into his life and he would spend the rest of forever being thankful for life’s little miracles.