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It wasn’t supposed to end in heartbreak.
Just as everyone thought Nico DiAngelo was in love with Annabeth Chase, everyone thought Jason Grace was in love with Piper Mclean. They kept looking at the picture from the wrong angle.
When Jason met Leo he was wonderstruck . He fell in love faster than he fell after Piper at the Grand Canyon. He shot down so hard and fast that the only thing keeping him from hitting rock bottom were his wind powers.
Jason genuinely tried to like Piper . He told himself he liked her, he thought each and every one of his actions over to make sure they showed his supposed love. He kissed Piper and even screamed his love to the world.
His affection was never meant to be public knowledge. Jason knew that if he ever dared talk about his desire for Leo Valdez it would only end up in heartbreak. But, in the brick of a ghastly revelation, a moment of truth seemed only fair.
For all it was worth, Jason never intended to become a professional heartbreaker. As Jason’s fervor grew, Piper’s suspicions did too. As worry clouded his every word, and his actions became sloppy, Piper shattered and mangled. And as Leo attached his affection to a flower trapped in winter, Jason fractured.
The son of Zeus was no son of Aphrodite. No matter Jason’s attempts to shove his feelings to the depths of his heart, it was only a matter of time before Piper caught up. After all Piper Mclean was a daughter of the goddess of Love, if there was something she understood, those were feelings. (A look into Piper’s POV)
A couple made of broken pieces finally clashed away when freed from war. When the war ended and tranquility took over, Piper’s and Jason’s relationship hit rock bottom and their sanctuary was torn apart from its very core.
Grief can be very comical. Jason Grace grieved for Leo Valdez even before he died, and was the only one prohibited from reuniting with his friend. Leo Valdez, woozy from grief, swore to avenge Jason Grace, oblivious to the pain he had caused to his friend six feet under.
When Jason met Leo he was wonderstruck ;
Jason didn’t believe in love at first sight, but when he woke up in a random bus next to a boy he would come to know as Leo Valdez, his heart skipped a beat.
The situation was very much comical; He was supposedly dating Piper Mclean, objectively the most beautiful woman Jason had ever laid eye on, yet he found his eyes stuck on the boy next seat. The boy, who claimed to be his best friend and later on would actually become his best friend, was the man from Jason’s dreams.
Leo almost looked too much like an elf. His ears were pointy and drawn-out, his eyes, hazel-like, stormed with sparks of fire, his hair short and curly, and his lips, never still for two seconds. He was rather short and dressed like an elegant manual working elf– maybe not, but Jason liked to tease Leo with it. Valdez wasn’t exactly the impersonification of beauty itself, but to Jason, he couldn’t have been prettier.
Right there on that bus and for a long time after, Jason didn’t comprehend his feelings as what they were. At first, because it was all too much; in the midst of chaos he let himself believe he liked Piper, walking through the easy path, for meddling with emotions didn’t seem to be the right course of action to take when he couldn’t even remember his own identity. And then, because living in denial and constant self-hatred was just easier than accepting the identity he had fought so hard to recover.
On that bus Jason wondered if his admiration for Leo was only physical, a product of jealousy brewed in the deepest parts of his soul, a kind of jealousy so well-hidden that it almost passed over as admiration. But then, Jason would hear Leo talk and would fall in love all over again. He would listen to his jokes, constant ramblings, crazy ideas, and even his greatest fears. And his admiration towards the son of Hepethefumus would only grow.
The first time Jason heard Leo talk he was all too confused. Leo’s words made no sense, Jason’s head would not stop spinning, trying to grab to memories that were not there, and slipping to grab memories that shouldn’t be there but were. It made his head spin. Yet, even when his head was pure havoc, a part of Jason wished he had a recorder in order to always have a way of reminding himself of the angelical voice of Leo Valdez.
Deprived of any memories Jason was thrown into the Greek world of myths. He was thrown fast and strongly and from there on he would be knocked out with surprises that flew his way too rapidly.
Jason was not only set to learn about the Greek world but also to relearn about the Roman one and mess both of them all up. And he had to do it at full tilt, which meant he had to lean hurriedly and with no distractions.
Leo Valdez would become a distraction.
If there was one thing he was good at, that was adapting. When Piper fell into the Grand Canyon and Jason jumped after her he thanked the gods above for his wind powers. And when Jason found himself too distracted by Leo Valdez he thanked the gods for Piper Mclean, a woman he could and was supposed to love.
Jason genuinely tried to like Piper ;
Jason had the perfect solution to all of his problems; Piper McL ean.
He didn’t like to think of her as a solution, he thought it dehumanized her, but, if he was being honest with himself, she was a solution.
It made him feel awful, the knowledge of what he was deliberately doing. It was, from right to left, manipulation. Jason was using Piper and he knew it.
The plan he was following ripped every ounce of self-respect Jason carried, it tore his heart inside out and made his head ache in ways only a screaming conscience could. It honestly made him feel miserable.
But he couldn’t quite let her go, she was, after all, a great solution. And so Jason had to compromise:
Leo Valdez was being too much of a distraction. Whenever he walked into a room, Jason’s eyes glued to him and so did his attention, following his every move, studying them. Admiring the way he seemed to glow in that way only Leo could, taking in his mesmerizing curls and storming eyes. Memorizing the way he felt and the scent he left behind.
And even if Jason was raised to be a Roman soldier, a Roman leader,– raised to think with the head and not the heart, to be ruthless to others and himself, to be emotionless. Raised to be perfect, in all of its Roman meaning– Annabeth Chase was a daughter of Athena, she was wise and very much not oblivious. If Jason continued to act as in love as he was, without something radical changing, whether it being his emotions towards the boy or his platonic romantic life, Annabeth would realize his true nature.
Piper McLean was too easy to love. Jason even thought that if Leo wasn’t part of the equation he would be head over heels for the daughter of Aphrodite. She was beautifully charming and fearless in ways only a few people were. She was caring and patient. And, above all and before all, she was his best friend. Surely he could love his best friend, it shouldn’t be that hard.
If he managed to love her, then, his manipulation would become everything but.
Jason convinced himself that he liked Piper. He convinced everyone around him that he liked her. At least for a while.
He snuck out of his cabin, late at night, to meet with the beautiful girl and stare at the stars that painted the night sky. He stayed awake, nights after nights, thinking about the things he’d say to the son of Hephaestus and pretended all the poems of compliments were for Piper McLean. He stared at the constellations, for hours and hours, admiring them and imagining he gifted them to her. He muffled his screams as the intrusive thought of him stole his dream. He pleaded the gods for her presence in his dreams instead. He closed his eyes and tied his heart short to believe she was enough for his pleading heart.
Overall, it stole many nights of sleep.
Jason deliberately snuck glances Piper’s way. He took her hand, carefully and lovingly, taking comfort in the growing warmth of his heart. He kissed her; alone in the privacy of their rooms or publicly in the eye of the curious. He prattled with her trustingly and happily, soothing his screaming conscience. He touched her and allowed her to touch him, ignoring that little part of him that wished it was Leo there by his side.
For a second, Jason thought he had actually fallen in love with the daughter of Aphrodite. For a second, Jason actually believed he had managed to escape his inadequate thoughts.
His affection was never meant to be public knowledge
To escape from his feelings, to escape from love had not been an easy road. Jason walked through a path filled with rage and lies. Everywhere he turned, everywhere he looked, overwhelming senses of crippling anxiety tried to take him over. It led to a tiny little room, limited of light and colors and ruled by dullness.
A tiny little room where he settled to live in.
To live, to believe the lie became easier and easier, to the point where Jason reckoned he could live the part forever.
But Jason was a demigod and nothing could ever be that easy:
The trip to look for the scepter was supposed to be easy. Facing Eros– or Cupid– was meant to be easy. And his secret was supposed to stay secret.
“Your master? Please tell me your master isn’t Aeolus”
“That airhead? Favonius snorted. “No, of course not”
“He means Eros” Nico’s voice turned edgy. “Cupid, in Latin”
When Jason met Cupid the crippling anxiety constantly knocking on his door took over, the little room he settled in became too claustrophobic to bear, and the lie became too heavy to continue carrying.
“Nothing?” Favonius cried. “The one you care for most… plunged into Tartarus, and still you will not allow the truth?”
“We’ve only come for Diocletian’s scepter,” Nico said, clearly anxious to change the subject. “Where is it?”
“Ah…”Favonius nodded sadly. “You thought it would be as easy as facing Diocletian’s ghost? I’m afraid not, Nico. Your trials will be much more difficult. You know, long before this was Diocletian’s Palace, it was the gateway to master’s court. I’ve dwelt here aeons, bringing those who thought love into the presence of cupid”
“You took the scepter” Jason guessed.
“For safekeeping” Favonius agreed. “It is one of Cupid’s many treasures, a reminder of better times. If you want it…: Favonius turned to Nico. “You must face the god of love”
Jason wasn’t sure what Favonius wanted. but if facing the god of love meant forcing Nico into some sort of confession about which girl he liked, that didn’t seem so bad.
‘Nico, you can do this” Jason said, “It might be embarrassing, but it’s for the scepter”
The wind god turned to Jason, an unsettling smile on his face. “Don’t clean your hands just yet young son of Jupiter”
Jason’s chest shrank into a knot.
Jason had faced various gods, titans, and monsters. All mighty and intimidating. They attacked with their claws and struck for the kill, yet none had scared Jason more than the god of love. Even when he carried weapons of war and the strength and agility of Heracles himself, what hurt the most, what left a scar that wouldn’t leave was his knowledge over love and his obsession over it.
“Cupid,” Jason called. “Where are you?”
The voice laughed. It definitely didn’t sound like a cute baby angel’s. It sounded deep and rich, but also threatening– like a tremor before a major earthquake.
“Where you least expect me” Cupid answered. “As love always is”
Something slammed into Jason and hurled him across the street. He topped down a set of steps and sprawled on the floor of an excavated Roman basement.
‘I would think you’d know better, Jason Grace” Cupid’s voice whirled around him. “You’ve found true love, after all. Or do you still doubt yourself?”
Those words struck Jason like lightning. His eyes darted around in hopes of seeing the god’s expression. In hopes of taking a glimpse of a goofy smile on his face. Eros was the god of love, if there was someone– something– who would know, that would be him. But the idea of anyone knowing all the emotions that hid in his head, made Jason want to curl up and weep.
“Stop it!” Nico yelled. “It’s me you want. Leave him alone!”
“Poor Nico di Angelo” the god’s voice was tinged with disappointment. “Do you know what you want, much less what I want? My beloved Psyche risked everything in the name of love. It was the only way to atone for her lack of faith. And you – what have you risked in my name?”
“I’ve been to Tartarus and back,” Nico snarled. “You don’t scare me”
“I scare you very, very much. Face me. Be honest”
If asked before Jason would have never admitted to being scared of the god of love. The tails tell him to be childish and immature, with a desire to spread love. But seeing Cupid’s eyes glued to Nico, burning with a morbid desire for a confession, Jason was very, very much scared.
“Nico,” Jason called. “What does this guy want from you?”
“Tell him, Nico di Angelo,” Cupid said. “Tell him you are a coward, afraid of yourself and your feelings. Tell him the real reason you ran from Camp Half-Blood, and why you are always alone”
And suddenly, it downed him. Just as everyone thought Jason Grace was in love with Piper Mclean, everyone thought Nico di Angelo was in love with Annabeth Chase, but everyone just kept looking at it from the wrong angle.
“Will you hide among the dead, as you always do?” Cupid taunted.
Waves of darkness rolled off the son of Hades. When they hit Jason, he almost lost consciousness– overwhelmed by hatred and fear and shame …
“I left Camp Half-Blood because of love,” Nico said. “Annabeth… she”
“Still hiding,” Cupid said, smashing another skeleton to pieces. “You do not have the strength.”
“Nico,” Jason managed to say. “It’s okay. I get it”
Nico glanced over, pain and misery washing across his face.
“No you don’t,” he said. “There’s no way you can understand”
Cupid laughed and for a terrifying second, Jason thought that he would make him confess his sins. But instead, he settled his attention back at Nico.
“And so you run away again” Cupid chided. “From your friends, from yourself.”
“I don’t have friends!” Nico yelled. “I left Camp Half-Blood because I don’t belong! I’ll never belong!”
The skeletons had Cupid pinned now, but the invisible god laughed so cruelly that Jason wanted to summon another bolt of lightning. Unfortunately, he doubted he had the strength.
“Leave him alone, Cupid” Jason croaked. “This isn’t-”
His words died in his throat. Not only was it exactly Eros' business, but Jason found himself frozen in fear with the possibility that next, it would be him the subject of interest of the god of love.
“I hated myself, ” Nico said. “I hated Percy Jackson”
Paralyzed in place, Jason looked away, ashamed.
“I had a crush on Percy” Nico spat. “That’s the truth. That’s the big secret”
He glared at Cupid, “Happy now?”
For the first time, Cupid’s gaze seemed sympathetic. “Oh, I wouldn’t say Love always makes you happy” His voice sounded smaller, much more human. “Sometimes it makes you incredibly sad. But at least you’ve faced it now. That’s the only way to conquer me”
Cupid moved his gaze towards the son of Zeus, “That’s the only way to conquer me” he repeated before dissolving into the wind.
Jason’s knees threatened to give in. His heart beating fast and strong inside his chest, his blood pumping with the rush of a trapped mosquito.
One glance at Nico was enough for him to know that the son of Hades understood the meaning behind the parting word of the god of love.
“You- you understand” Nico whispered. “You are like me, aren’t you?”
Jason could have lied, could have denied it all, and keep living a life of lies. His screaming head, desperate and terrified, definitely begged him to lie. But, in the aftermath of a confession of love so deeply seeded in soils of hatred as his, Jason found himself spilling out his deepest secret,
“I like Leo,” Jason admitted. “I’ve liked him ever since I met him”
For all it was worth, Jason never intended to become a professional heartbreaker.
Something about Leo’s absence felt terminal. Jason knew nothing would be the same once he came back.
When Leo Valdez disappeared, Jason hit rock bottom.
Ever since the grand confession, the ground the son of Zeus had settled to hide in, shifted. The door he had worked so hard to keep locked, burst open. And time seemed to have gone backward.
Leo’s presence was driving Jason insane.
His eyes, childishly and desperately, followed the boy like a magnet does its opposite. His heart stubbornly clenched to an impossible love. And his head, messier than ever, flooded with the intrusive thoughts of him.
But it was his absence that pushed him to insanity.
When Leo Valdez disappeared, Jason went mad.
His eyes searched for the boy whenever he entered a room and fell disappointed each time, his heart agonized with distress, and his head buzzed in a chorus of grief.
Sometimes, at night, in the loneliness of his room under the covers, Jason swore he could hear Leo. Those nights Jason wept and wailed until his head felt numb. Other times, while the sun could still be seen, Jason believed he had seen Leo, he stared blankly ahead until the ghost of light flickered out of existence. Those days Jason snapped and bitterly walked through the passing hours.
When Leo Valdez disappeared, Piper shattered.
Jason, trapped in his own mind, forgot all about the character he was supposed to be. His words harshed and rushed. His actions, sloppy. And his thoughts, invasive and ungodly.
The persona he had so carefully taken the time to craft, falling apart.
“Jason, we need to talk”
His heart, numbed, didn’t shrink with guilt at the memory of Piper Mclean. His mind, clouded, failed to love her. And his body didn't even remember her.
“I didn’t want to believe it. I choose to ignore it. But right now, you are making it awfully hard to do so. If you are going to use me, Jason Grace, at least have the decency to do a good job. Take a deep breath and pull your act together, and if you can’t, pretend, just like the rest of us are doing. We are all having hard times Jason, but you don’t see any of us moping around and treating everyone else like pieces of garbage. Pull yourself together before you do something you’ll regret”
“Piper, I-”
“Do not dare apologize. You choose to use me, you broke my heart and now you get to carry that guilt. And also, if you apologize, I’d have to do so too. If you get to hide behind us, why can’t I do the same?”
When Leo Valdez disappeared, Jason broke his first heart.
With bleeding hearts and bewildered heads, the couple born from lies turned into one of truths and camouflage.
And when Leo Valdez returned, Jason broke his second heart.
Jason fell in love and, this time, his wind powers did nothing to ease the forced landing.
With melancholic and sweet-filled words Leo spoke of a lover trapped in time and space. He spoke of her beauty, delicate and tender like that of a blooming flower. Of her elderly wisdom and her pitless desire for knowledge. He spoke of her wrath, powerful and uncontrolled but limited to the shores of her island.
He spoke of his heart from his heart.
He talked for hours, lying in Jason’s bed, with a fire for closure so intense that it incinerated the air and turned Jason’s core to ashes.
And with every spark that flew from the tide of flames that Leo Valde’s words were, Jason Grace, like paper, burnt.
The son of Zeus was no son of Aphrodite
(A look into Piper’s POV)
As a daughter of Aphrodite, Piper became prone to understanding others' feelings. It was almost unintentional. Crashing waves of emotions rushed through her veins, taking over. They traveled as a chill or a warmth through her body, settling in, communicating what others felt.
Before learning she was a demigod Piper was oblivious to the effect others' emotions had on her. They infected like a plague, contaminating any spark of her own emotions and taking over; controlling her. It happened a lot, so often that even when alone Piper had difficulties understanding her own mood.
And maybe if Jason’s hurricane of emotions had been happening back when Piper was in the dark to the capabilities of her powers, she would have never realized it. Maybe, even, she would have thought she had feelings for the fire bender.
When Piper learned she was a demigod, when she learned she was a daughter of Aphrodite, when she learned the power she carried, she was all too scared of herself. The memories of everyone she manipulated with sweet and dangerous words traveling back to haunt her. The memories of the foreign emotions that settled in her gut, crashing down every sense of identity Piper had.
What would be of her if she couldn’t control the powers she was cursed to have?
Terrified of the powers she held, Piper made it her personal goal to learn how to control them.
And maybe if she hadn’t become so outstanding at regulating the curse she was born with, Piper would have never seen right through Jason.
Jason’s emotions were hard to read. They were so inconsistent that they unsettled her. Sometimes they whizzed past as a warmth, delicately and tenderly. Other times, they leisurely traveled through her heart, like a storm with the purpose of destroying everything on its path, bitter and seethed.
And maybe if Jason hadn’t spent so much time next to Piper, she would have never cared so much to want to understand him. Maybe if Piper hadn’t been so worried about the rush of dark waves that radiated from the son of Zeus, she would have never understood.
Piper knew that Jason’s love was not all hers. Piper knew Jason’s love was not hers at all. Piper knew that no matter how hard she tried, how hard he tried, Jason’s heart would never truly belong to her.
At first, the thought infuriated her. She screamed and lashed out, cursing the name of her lover in dead languages. Her heart burnt with rage.
But then, as endless questions settled in her gut, Piper realized she was oddly relieved by it; she was certain that she and Jason were not meant to be but played along because to fight a war with a lost identity was nothing sought for.
A couple made of broken pieces finally clashed away when freed from war.
They were soldiers hiding from the flying bullets. Their relationship, camouflage uniforms. Their bodies, hiding identities. The bullets, panic-stricken reality.
It was war, there wasn’t time to think, to panic. Everything was rushed and sloppy. There wasn’t time to talk and understand. Everyone was on high alert, trying not to die themselves. They bent, run, and ignored.
They were perfect soldiers. Not a single bullet left a scar and no blood was shed.
But then, the war ended.
The bullets stopped and time slowed down.
Wearing their uniforms became harder to ignore. It was unnatural. People turned and stared; the city was no place for grieving soldiers. It was as if they knew Piper and Jason weren't supposed to be together.
Their bodies begged to be stripped from those suffocating costumes. It wanted to be free, to sing and dance. It wanted to be seen and heard.
The cicatrize bullets, like crying babies, screamed from within: “notice me, see me. I want something”. They demanded to be hastily opened and properly cured.
They were kids, they were no perfect soldiers.
Holding hands became a punishment for their overthinking heads. Kissing torture for their disgusting hearts. ‘I love you’, a sonata of poisonous lies.
They tore themselves apart. Piece by piece, berly still standing. With each passing day, they fell a little more. There was nothing– no one– to force them to stay up. No pressure or distraction. So they fell apart until they met underground, with broken bodies and shattered souls, and together Jason and Piper built a ladder, made of truths and acceptance.
With bittersweet words, hungry desires, and resented souls, the relationship constructed for and by lies, ended.
It started with a drunken confession.
Jason didn’t like to drink, or, at least, he used to not like it. Drinking made his head buzz, it made him untrustworthy. When he drank Jason talked without thinking, he acted without thinking, in fact, he didn’t think at all. It was like being in space, there was an eternity of nothingness.
It scared Jason. He was supposed to lead a camp, he was supposed to be perfect, he was supposed to lead wars, he was supposed to fight monsters.
He was supposed. He was supposed. He was supposed…
He couldn’t keep up to his image, to his responsibilities when he was drunk.
But Piper knew him. She knew the messy side of Jason. She saw him fall apart, she saw his manipulations and darkened heart. There was no point in pretending.
So Jason drank and allowed himself to be free if just for some hours.
That night, in the heavens of Piper’s room, they drank until their heads spun and it didn’t measure any consequences.
That night, they talked naked.
“I am gay” Jason whispered after his third beer.
“Me too” Piper confessed.
They let the heavy words settle in the room, between them. They allowed them to dig deep into the soil of their souls and plant a little seed in there. And then, they laughed hysterically.
It continued with a decision taken with pounding heads.
The couple sat on Piper’s bathroom floor, heads threatening to set on fire, ambrosia in hand.
“Did you really mean it? What you said yesterday”
Jason blinked trying to make his head stop spinning. In a second of clarity, he thought of denying it, but instead, he said:
“Yea. Did you?”
Piper nodded.
Silence settled like the peace that comes right before– or after– bloodshed. It took over the room. It was heavy and demanding. And then, whispers of war spread like wildfire.
“I think we should break up” Piper sat up straight, her voice strong, almost as if she was trying to convince herself of that. “We, I, can't keep hiding. I can only assume that is what ‘us’ has been to you too, a shelter.”
“We can’t live in shelters forever, can we? There is a part of me that wishes we could do that, but, also, I’d really, really like to build a house”
“Yea, me too”
Jason holds up his ambrosia, “To building homes”
“To building homes”
It ended with a dead body.
Grief can be very comical
Jason knew all along that he was dead. He’d embraced death with open arms. Called upon him. Maybe, even, begged for him.
He’d learned to be in terms with death from a very young age:
The first time death ripped someone from him, Jason was nine. At least, that was the first time it stuck to him, like the plague. Pietra, a young unclaimed demigod, had abruptly shaken him awake in the middle of the night, sobbing. She told him of Thomas, who as they talked, was swimming in his own blood, fighting against commanding waves. That night, with red hands, an aching soul, and desperate ears, Jason became terrified of silence, of the kind of silence that invades the atmosphere after a heart stops beating. He remembers it vividly, to the day, the pounding, irruptive noise of Thoma’s dying heart in his ears, and then, the utter, terrifying silence that came after.
He lost his best friend at the hands of the monsters that hunt for their flesh and bone. And that night, at nine, deprived of emotions, Jason truly comprehended death was the key ingredient of his life, and, like an unbaked cake, before that night, Jason was raw.
From then on he seemed to see it everywhere he looked. He attended more funerals than he ever did birthday parties.
And then, when he became praetor, death was part of the job slip. It was right there in between, getting a new room and finding your new partner, right hand. The only difference was that now those deaths were his fault. They lay in his conscience. He sent those warriors to battle and then buried their bodies and stood alongside their wrecked families.
He thought the pain would stop once he gave up the position. He taught the deaths would stop trailing after him, running to catch him. He thought he had finally outrun it.
But then Leo Valdez died. And it was still his fault.
His heart had never ached so hard. It threatened to burn, to poison itself. To rot. It was terror-stricking trying to escape his feeling, that clenched to the insides of his skin and left scars that would never heal. The boy died and the closing wounds from a war fought with and against love, burst open and left him limped and consumed.
Yet, this was a twisted game, the one Jason was born to play. It was rather comical, Jason thought, grief, it was the worst kind of pain and yet not always fundamental; Leo Valdez was alive.
He had outrun death.
Two weeks later, Jason died. Willingly. He handed himself to death, walked backward, and allowed him to catch up and take his soul.
It only made sense. His hands were covered in blood, they’ve always been, it was only a matter of time before the rest of him showered in the metallic fluid too.
. . .
Leo Valdes flew to his friend, quite literally. He saw her standing there, stunning and imposing as ever and his melancholic memory, as ever impatient, jumped out of the landing dragon, leaving on board a freed bird, a woman, who finally got back her wings. Leo dashed to Piper McLean, throwing himself onto her and embracing her in a bone-cracking hug.
They landed on the floor, laughing and crying. Holding onto each other for dear life. And, at last, Leo felt safe, at home. They were his family.
And when they parted he searched for Jason Grace. He knew the two were attached by the hip. His eyes, calculating as ever, scanned his surroundings and understood what his absence meant. His smiles faded, and his eyes said more than words could ever express. They were a solo of prayers and denial.
The boy met his best friend’s eyes: “No” he muttered, “No”
“I am sorry”
And again they hugged, sharing tears for the future their friend was stripped from. Leo thinks he wailed at some point. He can’t be sure. His head spiraled, memories flooding his thoughts, taking over, and clouding his visions. The ‘what if’ crashing him down all over again. Reality, like a heavy rock, settled in his chest, disrupting the whimpering air that searched for an escape route and a spreading vent.
When he could finally breathe. And he was back in the arms of his friend and not in the depths of his pitless, dark, head:
“He is on the plane if you want to say goodbye” Piper whispered, pushing herself away from the son of Hephaestus. A sad smile made its way to her face.
Leo believed he could combust. He was never one to feel much. He couldn’t, it was a matter of survival. If he allowed the gasoil that were his emotions to drench him, he would turn to ashes. He had seen his mother die before his eyes, slipping away from life because of the fire he started. He stared in shock as she screamed in pain and scrimmaged. For years he tussled to not incinerate in grief.
Now, he was one spark away from blasting.
It was sickening. The boy was no tourist to demise. He’d lived it, seen it, caused it. But seeing the lifeless body of his best friend, pale and deprived of expressions, was more than what he could stomach. At first, he’d hoped it was a joke, revenge of kinds. He had shaken Jason’s body, heavily laughing: “Come on Jason… this isn’t funny. Wake up”
The son of Zeus didn’t move.
Now, Leo knelt before his best friend, voice quivering, hands juddering, eyes heavy and burning.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. This should be me, not… not you. I was foolish enough to believe I could outwit faith and now here you are, taking my place. You had so much to live for, so much potential, You had so much good in you. You had a heart of gold, an endless source of love to give and you never denied it to anyone. You were so good. So, so good. The world would be so much better if only we were all like you.
And… we didn’t even get to say goodbye. If only I had come back earlier… If I hadn’t been that selfish. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you these past months. I tried calling, Irish messaging even tried to hunt your dreams… I was never successful and now, now I don’t remember your voice. It's become a low whistle in the back of my brain and it will never get louder… I will never hear your sweet voice, your caring advice, and your addicting laugh.
This isn’t fair. I can’t live without you… I need you. How could you be this stupid? How could you leave me behind? Do I not matter anything to you? COME BACK! COME BACK! COME BACK!” Leo rested his forehead onto Jason’s cold chest, “Please…”
Later he would realize how hypocritical he sounded. He would lay in the darkness of his room, wide awake, thoughts hunting, and would replay that monologue in his head and flinch at his choice of words.
“ You didn’t deserve this… I will avenge you, Jason, I will hurt those that hurt you, burn down their templates, make sure they rot and make sure their lives are infected with misery…and I will love those that love you, take care of them for you and fulfill your plans… I promise… I promise on the river of the stick”
Thunder echoed in the sky, bounding Leo to his promise… a promise he would never quite fulfill, for he will never truly know the sting he had caused Jason Grace.