Chapter Text
Parenting is hard. It always is, Jon has reason to believe that it is a cross cultural universal truth for all parents. But it’s hard for him and Martin sometimes. They don’t have role models, just their library cards and YouTube tutorials. Melanie and Georgie are some help of course, but largely just in reassurances to do their best, be kind, be patient, tag team and help each other out. But the twins are three, so the experience of parenting them is really they’re only helpful for Nieve, leaving Jon and Martin with no advice to prepare them for Maisie too, for sibling dynamics, or for the trauma they came with.
They try to be gentle. They have a plan. What they've agreed are the important, their values, and the red button strategies. Martin is trying now with Nieve as she moves from playing with his hair, to pulling it, to hitting him around the head with the flat of her chubby hand.
‘Nieve, honey, we don't hit, okay? No. No. Don't hit me.’
Jon looks up briefly from his book. They try not to nag each other; a key part of the plan is that they’re a team, which means trusting, not undermining each other. Still, it's good to act as a reminder sometimes. Martin clocks him looking as he tries to catch Nieve’s wrist.
‘Nieve, I won't let you hit me, okay. I won’t let you. If you keep hitting, I’ll have to put you down wont I? Then we won’t be able to play anymore.’
Maisie’s head jerks up at that, and her eyes blow wide as Nieve starts crying. She runs over to intervene with shocking speed, already at a hundred before either of her parent’s attention has shifted from Nieve. Maisie cries, scrabbling on her sister's leg, Martin's knee. She tries to grab Nieve’s hands far too roughly as Martin hoists the toddler out of harm’s way.
‘Jon-’ he says, ‘Jon? Could you-?’
Jon swoops down to grab Maisie, but draws his hands back. Don’t panic. Get on her level. He kneels down beside her and touches her shoulder, usually a safe zone.
‘Come on Maisie, let's let them figure it out, alright? Come on sweetpea-’
It doesn't work though, and the situation quickly escalates. Martin stands, Nieve now agitated in his arms as Maisie pulls on his trousers. Jon ends up having to haul Maisie out of the room with his hands under her arms despite their efforts. She's screaming now, which has helpfully set Nieve crying as well. It’s clear this has gone past a talking teaching moment and into a welfare one.
Jon takes Maisie to her bedroom, so that she’ll hopefully believe him when he puts her down and promises, ‘It’s alright, Maisie, you’re safe, I’m here with you-’
She might not believe him. She continues to scream and squirm in his arms, trying to run for the door. It hurts. Jon digs deep as he tries as softly as he can to keep her from hitting him or herself with her flailing arms.
‘I can’t let you go out there, darling. I'm sorry, I know you want to but I'm not going to let you until you calm down.’ Maisie screams and he tries again, digging deeper and getting desperate. ‘Can you tell me what’s wrong? Please, Maisie. What do you need?’
She stops screaming but continues to struggle weakly in his hold. A whine breaks through her teeth and Jon realises it sounds like frustration. Clearly, he’s attacking it too literally. She can’t tell him. She doesn’t know.
‘Okay,’ he says, pivoting as best he can to tackle this as a shared problem. ‘Let’s take deep breaths.’
He begins to model the slow inhales and exhales to her, the same ones she’s seen before, the same ones he and Martin had been impressed by in parenting advice videos and have always worked for them in times of stress. In, out. It takes a while and a lot more agitated noise and whining, but eventually Maisie joins in. After a few good, deep breaths, Jon can let his hold relax, stroking up and down her arms and eventually letting her stand mostly on her own, just holding her fingers in his.
‘That’s good,’ he praises, ‘that’s better, isn’t it? I feel better.’ Maisie says nothing. ‘Are you angry with me?’ Jon tries. ‘Or with Martin?’ She says nothing. ‘Are you angry with your sister?’
Maisie’s expression darkens. She mutters to the carpet, ‘She knows, she knows. Stupid. Made everyone upset.’
Relieved that he’s got something to go on, Jon quickly reassures her. ‘That's okay, Maisie. We’re allowed to be upset; so is Nieve. We just can’t hit people.’
Maisie shakes her head stubbornly. ‘She gets in trouble. Now I'm in trouble.’
‘You’re not, darling,’ Jon promises, heart strings yanked hard. ‘You’re not in trouble, I just wanted to help you calm down. You won’t ever be in trouble for being upset, or scared, alright? We are never going to not want you because of that. Do you want a hug-?’
He’s barely finished the sentence when she throws herself at him. His breath catches, painful, right in the ventricles, as he realises he must have hit the nail on the head there. It’s nightmarish to think. After growing up how they did, one of his and Martin's worst fears was that the children they fostered would feel unwanted. Jon tries not to join in with Maisie's crying.
He clings to her and buries his face in her big hair. ‘We want you to stay here as long as you want to. We love you, I love you so much. I promise if me or Martin ever seem cross, we still love you very much and we want you to stay, okay?’
To his intense relief, her hair tickles him as she nods. He cradles her head close, and keeps his palm on her wet cheek as she pulls away. ‘Now do you feel better?’
Maisie keeps nodding. She rubs her eyes and Jon helps her with a gentle thumb.
‘That’s good.’ Like a refrain to both of them he repeats, ‘You’re alright, sweetheart. It’s alright.’
‘Nieve always hits,’ Maisie mumbles. Her voice is so small. Jon has to bite back saying that’s okay . ‘She’s just stupid.’
He tuts. ‘Hey... You’re frustrated with her, that’s alright, but I won't let you call your sister names. She’s still very young, isn't she? She doesn’t know as much as you do. And she doesn’t mean to hurt anyone.’
‘No,’ Maisie says, ‘no.’
‘We know that.’
Maisie nods. She raises her eyes to Jon’s and looks almost determined now. ‘I won’t let her hit.’
Jon nods slowly, buying time as he thinks how best to answer that one. ‘You can help us teach her,’ he opts cautiously, ‘but- but you don’t have to, darling. Martin and I are teaching her, yeah?’
Maisie frowns. ‘I always teach her. So we don’t get in trouble.’
That one hurts too. Imagining the pressure on her to keep previous carers sweet. Such a young girl aggressively curtailing an even younger one, a baby she shouldn’t have been responsible for.
‘It must be scary,’ Jon says, ‘and frustrating, to be in charge of keeping both of you out of trouble, I understand that. But-’ he tries to find the words, ‘if you are worried, I want you to remember that we will be there for you both, and you will always be safe with us. Nieve will be safe, okay. I promise.’
Maisie doesn’t exactly look sceptical, but Jon can see she doesn’t completely trust the idea of letting go of this long held, essential responsibility.
‘But you can help if you are safe and gentle too, is that alright?’
She nods.
Nearly crumpling with relief, Jon hugs her again. ‘Well done, darling,’ he sighs and strokes her back. ‘You were really brave. Do you want to go and get a drink first, or go and see Nieve and Martin now?’
‘See them,’ Maisie says.
Jon stands and offers her his hand. ‘Okay, let’s go.’
They’re fine now, thank god. Cuddled chest to chest. Nieve is shaking around a small, soft toy instead of Martin’s hair while he watches and encourages. ‘See?’ Jon says. He gently pushes Maisie’s shoulder, guiding her to assess the situation for herself. ‘Everything’s okay.’
She cautiously steps towards the sofa, where Martin greets her and helps her sit up beside him. ‘Hi, Maisie, are you alright?’ She nods. ‘Would you like a hug?’ She grabs him and he chuckles, smiling, bringing Nieve into the middle. Jon joins them and gathers as much of them all as he can into his arms.
‘Shall I make us some drinks?’ Martin asks the girls. He leans against Jon’s temple. ‘Want tea, love?’
‘I’ll get it,’ Jon says. He whispers close, ‘you should stay with them.’
When he comes back with tea, they’re all playing castle together on the floor, and though Maisie seems a little more shy than normal, perhaps sheepish after her outburst, or maybe keeping an eye on Martin and Nieve, she doesn’t look outwardly worried.