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So, Kate knows about the Red Room.
(Sort of.
She’s heard a bit about it anyway.)
It’s come up a few times with varying degrees of detail over the last year as she’s become better acquainted with Clint and Yelena. She’s heard about some of the training (yikes) and the mind control (super yikes) and a few scattered anecdotes thrown around after someone’s had just one drink too many (those are usually the ones that a word like ‘yikes’ can’t handle). So, Kate knows enough to grasp that Yelena doesn’t have much experience with life outside the – surprisingly unglamorous – espionage scene.
(And really, who would have thought that James Bond’s really been laying it on so thick with the lies all these years? Yelena says she prefers Austin Powers, but Kate’s sure that has nothing to do with real-life accuracy… at least, she hopes so. Sometimes it’s hard to tell with Yelena. There was the whole cryogenic-freezing-thing with Steve Rogers, but that was an accident, so… yeah, can’t be. Probably not. Messing with Kate is, like, Yelena’s favourite pastime after playing with Lucky and raiding Kate’s cupboards, so it’s probably not true.)
Beyond that, all Kate really knows is that Yelena spent some time in Ohio as a child with Natasha and their fake-parents-turned-complicated-somewhat-real-parental-figures before getting turned over to the Red Room and becoming the ‘greatest child assassin the world has ever known’. It’s not enough to fill a book, but it’s enough (more than enough) to let Kate’s imagination fill-in some of the horrifying blanks.
It’s all a little hard to relate to, but she’s still glad to listen whenever Yelena grants her a new piece from her puzzle. Kate’s been greedily safe-guarding each piece she collects (even if the image it builds is pretty terrifying). Privately, she hopes she might be able to help Yelena paint over them a little (maybe make a few new pieces that are a little more vibrant than black and red), though Yelena has so many pieces that Kate knows it might take her a while to make a difference. While patience is not something that comes naturally to Kate, she’s been making a concerted effort not to try to force things when she gets impatient.
(She doesn’t always succeed. Sometimes, if she were to think about this analogy way too hard, then she’d say that her own puzzle feels a bit more like those chunky, large format jigsaws for kids… the transition to something more advanced takes some getting used to. There’s a learning curve.)
Kate’s own childhood was… unconventional. She grew up privileged beyond most people’s wildest dreams, but the loss of her father still haunts her. His loss has touched every part of her life since it happened. She’s learned to grow around it, but the thing about grief is that it never really goes away. At least, it doesn’t lessen in the way that people like to tell you that it will. Grief doesn’t shrink. It’s just that, with time, you build-up enough strength to be able to stand under its weight.
So, point being – Kate’s never seen anyone with shoulders like Yelena’s.
(Shut up – she hears it– that’s true too, but she’s trying to be poetic, here.)
Kate knows Yelena must be so incredibly strong to be able to carry the weight of Natasha’s loss and the life of a black widow assassin on her shoulders and keep moving forward. Honestly, it’s incredible that she’s retained the ability to laugh at Kate’s awful jokes, to poke fun at the characters in the movies they watch at 3 AM on a Sunday or to save Kate’s life without batting an eye whenever a bust goes sideways.
Yelena’s seen, done, and lived through more than her fair share of trauma.
And yet, of the two of them, Yelena has always been so much more adept at blending in and adapting to any situation Kate’s awkward fumbling pulls them into (international super spies, am I right?). The woman is so good at playing the part of a confident, self-assured person that Kate just can’t help but forget sometimes just how much Yelena’s missed out on. Even though Kate knows about the Red Room, everything Yelena does seems so effortless and smooth that reminders to the contrary never fail to catch her a little off-guard.
“I…”
Yelena’s looking at her with a pinched expression and the archer has to take a mental walk backwards to figure out what it was that about Kate’s last comment that caused it.
(They were talking about making plans for Christmas in a few weeks. Kate had asked Yelena what she wanted for Christmas and if she wanted Kate to book her plane ticket to Clint’s farm at the same time so that they could be seated beside each other on the plane and… aw, crap, did Clint not her ask her yet? He said he was going to!)
“You’re coming right?” Kate asks, suddenly worried. They’ve stopped moving on the sideway, causing several annoyed New Yorkers to shout at them for impeding traffic. Kate takes Yelena by the wrist (slowly and carefully – she learned her lesson the hard way very early on that it is not wise to surprise Yelena with physical contact) and pulls them out of the way into an alley. “Clint said he was going to see if you wanted to come. I just assumed-”
“It’s not that,” Yelena says. The blonde woman looks uncomfortable in a way Kate doesn’t get to see very often, if ever. “He asked. I am still deciding if it’s appropriate. His family – I did try to kill him. Also…”
She trails off and eyes fixed on the sea of people flowing past the mouth of the alley. Kate waits patiently for her to continue – she does – but when it’s clear Yelena’s not going to, the archer steps sideways into her line of sight so she can look her in the eyes.
“Okay, one – it’s totally appropriate. No offence, but literally no one else cares about that anymore. Clint and Natasha were supposed to kill each other when they first met too and then the Barton's named her godmother to their kids. You didn’t kill him. You chose not to. That’s all that matters,” Kate says, doing her best to maintain eye contact while still giving Yelena enough space to breathe. “You’re family now – to them and to me. It’d mean a lot to have you there with everyone.”
She knows that she’s totally treading a very fine line bringing up Natasha by name, but it feels worth saying. It seems to be paying off too (well, for the moment… all her bones are still in place and Yelena doesn’t seem to be thinking about changing the status of them in the next few seconds, at least).
Yelena releases a shaky breath through her nose and turns her head to look over at the rooftop on their left. Her eyes look a little misty and she seems to be biting the inside of her cheek. Kate can see her mind working, so Kate waits – really waits this time – because it’s clear that Yelena needs the space to let it sink in. The archer can pinpoint the moment Yelena makes her decision, but it’s a few long seconds further before the widow irons out the creases that she isn’t ready for Kate to see and meets her eyes.
“Okay,” Yelena’s voice cracks only a little on the world, but sounds normal as she carries on, “I’ll come.”
“Cool,” Kate responds, internally grimacing at how inadequate and awkward the word feels, especially after she so confidently just stared down an actual assassin and declared that she cares about them (but, whatever, can’t win ‘em all, right?). “So… how about the other thing?”
Never one to make things easy, the blonde flatly repeats, “The other thing.”
“Yeah, the other thing. The second thing. You said coming to the farm wasn’t what upset you.”
“I did not say that.”
“Well… not in those words, but it seemed like you had more to say.”
“I’m not upset,” Yelena sighs. There’s a hint of a flush on her cheeks and if she were anyone else, then Kate might say the widow looked slightly embarrassed (but balls don’t exist that are made of steel strong enough for that). “I’ve just… never done this before - the gift-exchanging.”
“Really?” Kate can feel her eyebrows shooting up into her hairline and makes a conscious effort to drag them back down. “You love American Christmas. You’ve talked about having Christmas in Ohio when you were a kid, so I thought… at least then?”
Yelena’s shaking her head, “the boxes under the tree were all empty – display only.”
And, damn, if that doesn’t make Kate feel so incredibly sad. It’s not pity (Yelena would have Kate’s ass on a platter, if she thought the archer was pitying her), but Kate can’t help feeling awash with sorrow at the thought of Yelena missing out on anything… real. It’s not really about the holidays. Suddenly, she’s also feeling very guilty with the realization that Yelena spent her Christmas last year completely alone after that fight with Clint. The feeling sparks in her chest and catches her next thought alight.
Kate’s going to make this year the best damn Christmas that’s ever been.
Seriously, it’s going to be so extra.
She tells Yelena as much and, while the brief flicker of hesitance still appears, it’s snuffed out much faster than before. The blonde widow smiles at Kate like she’s precious (and not in the way Yelena enjoys sarcastically telling Kate that she’s precious when Kate’s been caught doing something dumb). Yelena looks at her softly like she’s fond of her - like she’s having trouble believing Kate’s actually real.
Honestly, Kate’s always thought that Yelena was the most beautiful person in any room (even when Yelena’s kicking her ass… maybe especially when Yelena’s kicking her ass?) and she’s always had a bit of a crush on her, but… holy cow, man, she doesn’t know what to do with these feelings swirling around in her chest when Yelena looks at her like that. It only really gets more intense when Yelena reaches out and takes Kate’s hand, twining their fingers together.
Yelena’s never done that before.
They spend a lot of time together these days and she’s caught Yelena staring at her lips or at the sliver of skin that shows around Kate’s midriff when she stretches in her PJs, but Yelena’s never really initiated much in the way of touch - even friendly touch (which is likely is due to, you know, all the… murdering and almost getting murdered that has to happen when you’re a career assassin. It's probably written somewhere in the fine-print of the employment package near the line about the lack of life insurance).
And that’s fine.
Kate has always been fine with it.
Just because Kate likes Yelena that way (and because the nagging little voice in her head’s been whispering that Yelena might also like her that way), it doesn’t mean that she’d push her into anything that she wasn’t comfortable with or ready for. Kate’s kind of made peace with the idea that they might not ever run down that particular road. Right now, though, the look in Yelena’s eyes and the warmth of her hand makes Kate feel hopeful that they might be able to walk down that road instead (and if they still never do, then that’s still okay because Kate really, really meant it when she said Yelena was family now).
Kate blinks.
Yelena’s still staring at her softly, but her eyes have started to dance with amusement as if she knows what Kate’s thinking (maybe she does – Yelena always seems to know way too much about her. Kate’s not embarrassed to admit that she’s wondered once or twice – or four or more – if Yelena could actually read her mind and has just been keeping quiet about it this entire time to indulge her by letting her keep some false sense of privacy… or, you know, maybe Kate is really is just that open of a book and a horrendous liar. And maybe… oh, wait… is Yelena talking?).
“Kate Bishop,” Yelena says with a gentle squeeze of her hand (that stands in sharp contrast to the playful jab Kate also receives to the ribs). “Are you still home?”
“Oh, yes – I – what? Sorry, can you say that again?”
“I said that if it is to be the ‘best damn Christmas’ then there will need to be a tree,” Yelena says, and it’s the nonchalant tone that sets off warning bells in Kate’s head even before the smirk slides onto the widow’s face. “I know that you have a complicated relationship with holiday trees.”
While that may be true (at least, now it is– like, seriously, the entire city was mad at her after the Rockefeller-thing), Kate’s pretty sure they’re still off to a great start. Kate makes a show of groaning, but Yelena’s leading Kate out of the alley by the hand she still hasn't dropped, so Kate's brain’s still working on a blue screen. She probably does a poorer job defending herself than usual (Kate doesn’t always do the best job anyway, so… yeah, it’s pretty sad), but Yelena’s laughing loud and warm, so Kate still kind of feels like she’s won.