Work Text:
“Do you think dreams really have meanings?” Beomgyu spoke softly, his voice coming out so small, so fragile, almost lost in the vastness of the room.
Almost, because Soobin never misses anything when it comes to Beomgyu. Whether it’s a word he says or something as simple as a change of expression, not even a slight twitch of his fingers as they’re holding hands. Soobin knows he could recognize that voice from miles away, probably even in his sleep.
He knows that between the two of them there is no need for many words, in fact sometimes even a mere locking of eyes is enough. It would’ve been enough now, but the room is far too dark for it, so Soobin is left with a question mark swimming around in his head at the sudden question.
Looking at the other for an answer, he can only faintly see the outline of his— of Beomgyu, splashed out under the soft moonlight coming in through the window. The boy seems to glow a faint yellow all around, spilling over the sheets like melted honey, almost as if the light itself was worshiping his beauty.
Soobin thinks he looks like something straight out of a painting, laid on his stomach with only his legs covered by crumbled up sheets that were hastily thrown over them a few minutes ago. He’s pretty sure Beomgyu is still shivering a bit from the cold breeze, but knows he’s way too stubborn to admit it.
For some reason the thought of Beomgyu fighting his own body just to seem tough is oddly endearing, and in a sudden burst of affection Soobin laughs and picks up the smaller man, laying him on top of his own body in a warm embrace.
The proximity is familiar, normal, and Beomgyu doesn’t even blink at the change of positions, simply burying his face in the other’s neck like it’s an instinct.
Feeling ready to continue their conversation, Soobin lets out a small “what?”. To any other person the short question probably would’ve sounded rude, but Soobin knows Beomgyu won’t care. They match well even in the way they communicate, being a listener and a speaker. Soobin knows how to ask the right questions to explore the other’s thoughts, and Beomgyu knows how to read behind his soft words and body language.
“I always had weird dreams, since I was a little kid. Every once in a while they get… weirder. More intense, and more frequent. It’s not bad, or good, I guess.” Beomgyu shuffles in Soobin’s arms, their bare skin sticking together (sweetly, because it’s them, almost like it’s sad to part from each other’s even for a second) and sits up as well as he can. He looks right into Soobin’s eyes, so vulnerable and mellow it almost hurts.
Beomgyu seems to do that a lot, look at Soobin with his entire soul spread behind his eyes, bare and inviting like light behind an open door, pulling him into a trance. Soobin could say his eyes are like black holes, but nothing about Beomgyu could ever be dark or menacing. So he opts for comparing them to the lull of sleep, spreading over one’s body slowly yet strongly, like a promise of safeness and warmth.
That’s what Beomgyu feels like to Soobin: the embrace of a sweet dreamland that takes over his entire self and warps him over to a reality made only of good things. To Soobin, Beomgyu is the safest place he’s even known, more than “home” or “love”, way beyond what words could ever explain.
Usually Soobin isn’t a big fan of the dark, he loves being able to watch Beomgyu’s expressions as he talks, but right then he feels thankful for the dark, since it certainly hid his wandering expression as he got lost in thought before Beomgyu spoke again.
“Sometimes I wonder if it means anything. I’ve heard that dreams represent our desires, or what we really believe. Both of those options are so scary to me. I don’t like the idea that I don’t actually know what’s going on in my head. I like things the way they are, I really wouldn’t be happy if I found out that all my thoughts are secretly something completely different.”
Beomgyu bites his lip as he looks at Soobin, silently asking if it’s ok to keep talking. As if Soobin would ever want to stop hearing his voice.
“The dreams feel so real sometimes, I hate it because then I wake up not knowing what’s real or not. I’ll talk to people and think of this memory, but I’m not sure if it happened in real life or in a dream. Sometimes it’s mundane things, like fighting with someone or being yelled at. Other times it’s… impossible, really. I dream of monsters, people transforming into things that don’t exist. But they still seem real in my head, it’s scary how real they seem.”
He takes a deep breath, sighs for a long time before continuing.
“But the worst part is that I get scared that it’ll become true. After I dream of bad things involving someone, I’ll avoid them like the plague. Most of the time it doesn’t even make sense, you know? Like, it’s not a situation that would ever happen. Sometimes the fights are about food or even… nothing. But it affects my life anyway. It makes me want to hit my head against the wall, like maybe it’ll go away if I do that.”
To Soobin, who is tall and broad, Beomgyu is always small, but he seems even more so when he’s pouting and mumbling like this. Usually Beomgyu is soothing and charming, enchanting like a blooming daisy and simultaneously energetic like a star. At this very moment however, Beomgyu looks fragile, like his entire being is restless and begging for attention, for someone to help him navigate the racing thoughts in his head. Soobin desperately wants to calm him down.
“People are weird. I don’t think it means too much, have you ever dreamt of being outside doing something and suddenly you realize you forgot to wear pants?” He knows he’s bringing nothing to the table, that he probably should dive into Beomgyu’s reflection instead of pulling him away from it, but dealing with feelings doesn’t come as easily to him as it does to the other. “That happens to me all the time, I don’t think there’s any way it could mean something important. Except maybe that I should check if I’m wearing pants before leaving the house.”
Beomgyu’s laughter always, always sounds like pure happiness, like a breath of fresh air. It’s like everything he touches turns into something ten times better.
“I guess you’re right.” He says softly, slowly. He smiles, smirks even, but his hands cling to Soobin’s shoulders tightly. “But you really are the type of person to forget your pants, Soobin.”
“Shut up.” He would’ve fought back, bickered playfully like they usually do, but Soobin knows how to handle Beomgyu when he gets like this. Emotional and completely lost in his thoughts, in need of someone to hold his hand as he walks the bumpy paths of his mind. He’s not good at it, but Soobin hopes that his company is enough to bring some comfort.
“Even if your dreams mean something, you’ll figure it out eventually, yeah? You always do. And you’re not alone anymore, so even if your dreams are bad, I’ll be here to remind you that it’s not real. It’s just you and me, no weird monsters or scary people. You can trust me, even when you can’t trust your mind.”
He squeezes Beomgyu in his arms strongly and softly at the same time, like he’s a priceless work of art (he is), like he’s able to scare away any bad things hiding in the dark corners of his mind.
“Thank you, Soobin.” It comes out as less than a whisper, like a precious secret between the two. His eyes are full of tears, his hands are shaky on Soobin’s shoulders and he feels a stab of guilt for joking earlier, worried that he may have come across as uncaring even if for a quick second.
Soobin knows his lover has a lot more stories to tell than he ever imagined, knows he’s been through a lot more than meets the eye. Through the months they’ve known each other Soobin has seen Beomgyu transform from a handsome and shy boy into a complex and mature man. When they’d first met his first thought was obviously that he’d like to kiss Beomgyu, maybe do some other things, go on a couple dates. But he never imagined how intertwined their lives could get, how Beomgyu could come to be the happiest part of his days, the comfort he needs in his lonely days, the reassurance required when facing his doubts.
Likewise, Beomgyu hadn’t realized that walking into a random bakery would change his life so drastically. Always prone to sadness, he appreciates Soobin’s light nature endlessly, the way the older knows how to tone down his overflowing feelings until they’re bearable to hold. On regular days, Beomgyu loves how his energy rubs off on Soobin, loves running around tugging at his hand until he’s panting and out of breath, loves how loud his laugh is when they do something silly together.
From waking up to random texts, going through his day and feeling excited to tell Soobin about it, even finding strands of his hair on the floor of his apartment, all the way to kissing until his mouth feel numb and tingly, washing each other’s hair in the shower, wiping tears and holding hands like their lives depend on it, Beomgyu simply loves Soobin in the most genuine way the universe has even witnessed. And he knows Soobin loves him the same.
Sometimes receiving that kind of love feels overwhelming, it washes over Beomgyu’s heart in such a gentle and kind way that it makes him panic, unsure of how to react when the only love he’s known from a partner is rough and filled with expectations. Soobin’s love is nothing like what he’s experienced before, it’s understanding and curious, it earns for every inch of Beomgyu like he’s the best book ever written and Soobin is eager to read it all.
Sometimes Beomgyu worries that he’s not able to handle it, that Soobin’s love is too good for him and his heart will shatter at the touch of it. But every time he feels weak, Soobin holds him and does something he never knew he needed: Soobin takes his love, welcomes his touches and kisses and says thank you, thank you for loving me too. And turns out that’s all Beomgyu needs to feel safe.
Right now, lying in bed on the verge of tears over nothing, with Soobin looking at him like he pushes the sun up into the sky every morning, Beomgyu feels overwhelmed by his own love towards the other, like his feelings managed to take physical form and are pumping through his veins so fast he might explode.
He knows he wants Soobin to feel it too, to understand what it’s like, knows he has to do something to show it.
So Beomgyu leans up slowly, carefully, like any movement slightly off course could ruin everything (even though nothing could ever ruin what they have), and presses his lips against Soobin’s softly, so, so softly he can barely feel it. He lingers for a few seconds, then pulls away and kisses Soobin again and again, over and over and over.
Their kisses always feel like home, like finally lying in your bed at the end of the day. Tonight though, they feel warmer, almost like fireworks, but maybe that’s because Soobin’s heart can’t seem to calm down despite him knowing the taste of Beomgyu’s kisses better than that of air. He doesn’t mind it though, not when it means he gets to hold Beomgyu like this and feel how his heart is beating just as fast.
“You’re right, I’m not alone anymore.” Beomgyu’s smile isnt visible but it is very much splattered all over his voice. “I have you now.”
“You always have me.” Soobin can’t resist kissing him again, and his smile tastes like stars.
Beomgyu feels a tear slide down his cheek, but he keeps on smiling. Slightly brighter, slightly bigger each second that passes. “And you have me, Soobin. I’m yours. I want to be yours forever.”
Soobin is sure he feels his heart explode in his chest, doesn’t know how he’s still alive when his feelings are so strong. There’s so much he wants to say but his words are jumbled beyond repair.
So he just kisses Beomgyu again, his Beomgyu. Just like he is Beomgyu’s.
Soobin kisses him slowly, passionately, lovingly. Kisses him like his lips are the best thing he’s ever tasted (they are), like he was born to do it (he was), like a silent promise that he never wants to break (he won’t).
“I’ve always been yours, Beomgyu. From the moment we met.” It’s true, as silly as it sounds. Soobin thinks he’s been Beomgyu’s since way before then, but maybe that’s a bit too cheesy to be said out loud. “And I’ll always be.”
It’s been written in between the lines from the very first day, and they both knew it though they didn’t acknowledge it. Even in the scariest moments, their hearts knew it. Even before they got used to waking up next to each other, before their hands stopped shaking when undressing the other.
“I’ll ask you properly, though.” Soobin says, suddenly serious and firm. He sits up, pulls Beomgyu around until they’re sitting in front of each other. “You deserve to be hear it clearly, and I’ll tell you again whenever you want. Will you be mine, Beomgyu? My boyfriend?”
Beomgyu was definitely crying now, red cheeks and wet eyes still clouded by the darkness of nighttime, but not hidden from Soobin, who felt tears fall onto his fingers and heard his soft sniffles.
It wasn’t long ago that Soobin learnt that Beomgyu is a crier, he feels things strongly and isn’t afraid to show it. The first time he shed happy tears in front of Soobin it was chaotic, the older panicked, thinking something had happened suddenly, and started coddling Beomgyu like a baby. In turn, Beomgyu burst into laughter, much to Soobin’s horror, and explained that he was actually overflowing with happiness. Since then, Soobin has found it incredibly endearing, even though his heart still clenches at the sight of his lover’s tears.
“I could never want to be anyone else’s, Soobin. I always want to be only yours.” Beomgyu’s smile shines brightly despite the lack of light. Maybe because Soobin has memorized exactly what it looks like, but he still believes it’s because his boyfriend carries a piece of the sun inside of him.
Feeling like they need to be closer, Beomgyu scooted over to Soobin as best as he could without getting up and straddled his hips. The touch of their bare skin sent shivers down their spines, a reminder of how intimidate they truly are despite being freshly into an official commitment.
“I’m happy that I can finally tell people you’re my boyfriend when they ask about us. I’m happy that I can tell my mom we’re finally dating.” Beomgyu leans in and nuzzles against Soobin’s nose, giggling at the feeling of his boyfriend’s fringe tickling his skin.
“You’re gonna go around telling everyone that we’re dating? Like, hey I’m Beomgyu, Soobin’s boyfriend!” It’s silly, but the thought of Beomgyu being excited to brag about their relationship brings butterflies to Soobin’s stomach. And the only way he knows to cope is by being silly.
“You’re so not funny, maybe I won’t tell anyone then, huh?” Beomgyu likes to act like Soobin’s teasing is too silly to get to him, but he still reacts adorably every time, like a little puppy trying to glare at someone.
Soobin cups his face, laughing softly. “I am a bit funny, you laugh at my jokes sometimes. But I wouldn’t mind if you tell everyone, I do want everyone to know you’re mine.” His thumb traced Beomgyu’s bottom lift softly.
As Soobin looked at his boyfriend he felt his body grow warmer, taken over by the excitement of being able to call the one he loves “his”. Hs his eyes trailed down, soon joined by free other hand, fingers running over Beomgyu’s neck so faintly that it earned him a shaky gasp.
Beomgyu’s whole body is beautiful, every inch of it. He was born perfect, and Soobin almost feels bad for wanting to mark him. Almost, because Beomgyu clings to him so sweetly every time, whines so prettily and kisses him so strongly afterwards.
“Even though you’ll be telling everyone, I still want them to see. I want to show everyone that you’re mine, and you can show them I’m yours too, hm?” Soobin phrased it as a question, but he already knew the answer, had no doubt of it as he felt Beomgyu lean into his face.
“Sounds perfect to me.”