Chapter Text
The car is filled with a silence that’s too loud to ignore. Mother and son, both with so much to say but can’t bring themselves to say anything at all. Knowing this standoff isn’t going to break anytime soon, Percy turns his attention to the window. It snowed the previous night but the city has never let it stay pretty for more than a few minutes after the skies clear. The slush is a broken back waiting to happen and he is just grateful the temperature barely made it above freezing so ice wouldn’t be an issue on top of everything else.
He doesn’t know what time it is, but based on the way his whole body aches and his eyes are drooping, he can guess it’s sometime after midnight. He got to Annabeth’s place around eleven and it’s been a while since everything happened and he got in his mother’s car, so he might not be too far off. The car isn’t running so he can’t check the time there and his phone has lost power long ago. There’s hardly anyone on the street now, even the homeless have sought shelter on an ugly night like tonight. Percy doesn’t even remember much from leaving home till now. It’s a wonder how he hasn’t gotten robbed yet.
He hears his mom clear her throat and Percy turns to her, heartbeat spiking. He doesn’t know what Annabeth told her about what happened. He doesn’t even remember much about what he did, and the things he does recall he wished he didn’t. His mother is staring down at her lap, fingers tangled up together and squeezed tight. He doesn’t realize he’s sitting the same way till he looks back down at his own and tucks his hands in his hoodie pockets instead. She looks sad, and that’s an expression that he hasn’t seen in years. He hasn’t seen this look on her face since—well he doesn’t want to talk about that right now.
He watches as she exhales, her shoulders moving with the breath and she turns to face him. His mother is a warm soul, and you know the expression about the eyes being the window to them, but Sally could be intense when she wants to be and she has it turned up to eleven right now.
“Habibi.” She starts, the same way she does when Percy got expelled from his fifth school, the same way she does when he comes home with a black eye and bloodied fists, the same way she does when he attempted to run away from home because it didn’t feel safe anymore.
The same way she does when she’s disappointed in him.
It makes him tense up, curl in on himself like he’s twelve again and forced to live in a group home for the summer because he failed like he always does. It makes him feel like a terrible son, which is accurate because he is.
He doesn’t say anything and he knows Sally doesn’t expect him too; another thing to add to the list of why she doesn’t deserve a burden like him.
“Percy, baby, can you please look at me?” Her voice is impossibly soft and like a charm, it compels him to listen and when he faces her, he’s surprised to find tears welling up in her eyes. “Please be honest with me.”
He notices she says please too much and it makes him sad that she expects him to lie if she doesn’t ask nicely enough. It just goes to show how much he’s damaged his trust with her enough that she automatically expects him to hide the truth when talking to her. It hurts.
He nods and she holds his hand, two being impossibly smaller than his one. “You—I…if—” she runs a frustrated hand down her face, running her fingers through her hair and tugs lightly on the curls. It’s a very Percy thing to do and now he knows where he gets it from. He’s never seen her at a loss for words before.
“Percy, I love you. I love you with all my heart. Estelle loves you, Paul loves you, Annabeth, Piper, Grover, Jason, your father, your siblings, everyone in your life, baby.” She starts to rub the back of his hand with her thumb in small circles. “I noticed you were struggling and…I pushed you too far and cut off too fast. I used to be better at being there for when you need me and, this time I just. I don’t know, honey. You’re growing up so fast and hurting so much and I wasn’t able to help you. I’m sorry, habibi.”
She’s full on crying now and Percy doesn’t know what to do. His mind is still fuzzy from everything and he’s never seen his mom cry before. The only time he’s seen her shed a tear was with laughter or at the wedding getting married to Paul. Those times were out of joy. This is pure heartbreak and gut wrenching sadness and Percy is frozen because how does one react to their mother, their protector, their guardian, their best friend, rip themselves to pieces like this?
Salt lands on his lips and with a sharp inhale, he realizes he’s joined her crying. The tears come faster now and suddenly he can’t breathe, his chest restricting and feeling like it’s squeezing his lungs in its hands. His face grows hot and his head is pounding on death’s door. In the back of his mind, he feels selfish; how dare he suffocate like this when his mother is obviously the one hurting more than him right now. For the first time in his life his mother needs comfort from him and he’s responding like a child would.
He feels soft hands touch his cheeks and he flinches away from them, covering his face with his own. He presses them hard into his eyes and digs; forcing himself to calm down and will the tears away. He doesn’t know how long it takes, but by the time the shakiness of his breath reaches a pace that he's comfortable with, he realizes he’s the only one making noise in the car now.
He peeks out from behind his fingers and finds Sally watching him with a solemn expression. He sits up straight and for the first time tonight meets her eyes without being asked too.
“I’m sorry.” His voice is rough and he clears it as quietly as he can without startling the peace between them. He has to swallow a few times because his mouth is drier than the first time he smoked weed.
His mother shakes his head “You have nothing to apologize for, baby.”
Something about that word sends a heat flash through him and he’s tense again, his fingers tapping unrhythmically on his thighs.
A few moments pass before someone speaks again.
“ I need you to tell me what happened.”
Percy frowns, looking at his mother with confusion.
“Can you tell me what happened at Annabeth’s house, please?”
“I thought she told you everything already.” It’s the most he’s spoken all night and all he has the energy for. He doesn’t think he’s up to tell that story right now.
Sally nods “She did, but only from her perspective. I want to hear it from you.”
The car is too restricting right now, too small and this tiny space is closing in on him. He begins to unbuckle his seatbelt “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“No.” Sally says and this stops him. She’s never said no to him before “I’m not doing this with you right now.”
They’ve been fighting all week, a sentence he never thought he’d say. It’s been nothing but a back and forth of Percy wanting his space and Sally trying to invade it. She’s been wanting him to talk about what’s been bothering him for a while now but he just doesn’t want to. She’s always respected that before but something changed between them recently and he’s too scared to admit why.
“I’m really tired, mom.” It’s the closest he’ll get to confessing, and he forces his eyes to look pathetic enough that she’ll let it go this time.
Spoiler alert; she doesn’t.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out, habibi.” She takes off her seatbelt and leans towards him, hesitantly resting a fist on his knee “I can’t help you if you don’t let me in.”
Percy avoided her gaze, sighing heavily. He shrugs, “It's nothing.”
“‘It’s’” has never been nothing.”
“Can’t you just believe me this once so we could just go to bed and deal with this in the morning please?” It comes out harsher than he means it, and he sees his mother flinch back, stubbornly setting her jaw as she nods to herself.
He makes to apologize, but she holds up a hand, silencing him immediately. She doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, just keeps nodding to herself from time to time like she's trying to find the right words to say. The longer she does this, the more her eyes well up again and Percy knows he has to brace himself for what she is about to say.
“You tried to—you hurt yourself today, Percy.” Her voice cracks on the word ‘hurt’ and he can’t breathe again.
“I—I wasn’t trying to. I didn’t want to. It’s..” He lets out a frustrated breath and squeezes his eyes shut, fiddling with the bandage on his right arm.
“You we’re passed out for fifteen minutes Percy. It didn’t matter if you were trying to or not. You were saying all these things and you almost left us tonight.”
His head is feeling hotter and he rests it against the window, the glass under it fogging up immediately “It was an accident.”
“How honey?” A few beats pass “I'm not accusing you, I just want to know what you mean.”
“I don’t remember much. I just, I was in the kitchen at home and I don’t know, I just zoned out and when I came back, my arm was bleeding. I didn’t even feel it. I don’t remember getting to Annabeth’s place. I don’t even know how I got here if I’m being honest.”
Out of the corner of his eyes, she sees her rub her temples. He’s not sure whether that makes him feel angrier or not, but that means confronting demons he isn’t ready to face right now.
“Annabeth told me you didn’t say anything to her. That you seemed fine until she turned on her lights. She said you wouldn’t have said anything to her at all.”
“I guess.”
“Why didn’t you tell her?”
“ I told you, ma, that I don’t remember anything. I was too dazed to show her, maybe, alright?” He snaps, hands outstretched in front of him. He realizes too late that he’s being too defensive and he turns to find Sally giving him that ‘I know you’re lying to me right now and I think I just figured out why’ look.
“ You’re mad at me.” It isn’t a question.
He stares at her with disbelief “What?”
“You’ve been angry at me.”
There are things that just don’t belong together. Tuna and peanut butter? No way. Plaid and polka dots? Hell no. Being angry and Sally Jackson? That’s just illegal, breaking the natural law kind of illegal. It doesn’t even sound real when she speaks it out loud.
“Why would I be angry at you?” All the pain and irritation he felt from earlier is gone now and is replaced with confusion.
“Percy I have seen how you are when you’re upset at someone. I can tel I’m one of those people right now.”
“But you aren’t yet “one of the people”, ma. You’re my mom. I could never be mad at you.”
“I think that’s what the problem is, Percy.” She unfurls her fingers and squeezes his knee gently. “It’s okay to be mad a someone you live. You denying these feelings is eating you up inside.”
“But I’m not angry.” It sounds like a lie even to himself “I’m not angry.” It doesn’t sound any different the second time.
“Why are you trying so hard right now, baby.” She goes back to rubbing his knee and the touch feels so nice, so comforting that he feels like even more of a dick right now cause how could someone ever be mad at a person who’s given nothing but their whole heart to you?
“I don’t want to be like him.” It slips out before he could stop it, but there’s nothing that he could do now that it’s out there.
The hand on his knee stops moving and he studies his mother’s blank expression.
“What?” She sounds horrified.
“I—I can’t be like him, mom.” It comes out as a sob and he tries to swallow it back down, but it makes it come out that much harsher.
“Percy, what are you talking about?”
“Last week I almost hurt you.”
Percy was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around the age of fourteen when Paul was around long enough to notice the symptoms and had him tested by a psychologist. It’s like sitting at the back at one of those pirate ship rides they have at those amusement parks his school used to take trips to on the rare occasion that they could afford it. It’s experiencing extreme highs and lows of emotions that could have him in either a manic episode or depressed episode. Last week, Percy was experiencing a very bad manic episode after days of no sleep, being off his medication, and stress from school all caught up with him and left him feeling stretched out. He doesn’t remember much, but what he does know was that he was angry and exhausted and snapped at Sally when she tried to get him to calm down and almost pushed her away when she tried to get close.
He saw her flinch, and that was all he needed to see before he started to spiral again. One doesn’t flinch away like that unless they’ve been hit before. That’s no saying people who haven’t never flinch. He once did the same thing to Piper before when she made a joke and he smacked her lightly on the arm. She flinched because she wasn’t expecting it and laughed afterwards. Sally however, flinched with her whole body; eyes going wide and looking through him like she was seeing something else.
Someone else.
“I don’t want to hurt you like he did!”
If she looked horrified before, she looks down right petrified now.
“Percy who…who told you Ga—he hurt me?”
“I figured it out!” He cries, the hiccups stilling his speech.
Percy had never really believed much in ghosts. Not even Hazel does, the most spiritual and superstitious person he knows as well as Rachel. He was naïve to think someone as vile as him could die with his death; a stench as evil as his could haunt you three lifetimes over. Ghosts like him are definitely real.
Arms reach out and pull him close and he lets them, the dents of vanilla and cinnamon spice taking over his senses. His mother is the safest place in the world. (Somewhere in the back of his mind, he is not sure if that’s true either.)
It takes a while for him to get his breathing back and he’s tired of losing track of time. Suddenly, hands pull him back and holds his face, angling him to look Sally directly in the eyes which are as red as his are.
“Perseus” Her voice is solid as steel and she looks more serious than he’s ever seen her. The change from her being scared to stern gives him whiplash “I need you to be the most honest you’ve ever been in your entire life right now, do you understand me?”
He nods, his cheeks staying in place from when she presses them between her palms.
“Has Gabe ever hit you?”
Dread is a nuclear bomb that has landed in the bottom of his gut and has detonated, sending a waves of fear throughout his entire nervous system. He flinched on reflex and it isn’t the answer he wants to give, but it’s the one she was looking for and she absolutely breaks in front of him again.
How does one person hold so much water?
“He wasn’t supposed to.” She cries, leaning forward and eating her lips on his forehead. “He wasn’t supposed to.”
“He promised me.” Percy starts, feeling the nuclear waste eating away at him as he realizes the sick game he played with both of them “He promised he wouldn’t hurt you if he hurt me.”
Sally breathing slows and he feels her nod, her lips warm as they speak against his skin “He told me the same thing too, habibi. He told me the same thing too.”
They stay like that for a while, wrapped up in each other’s arms and sharing the same breath. He feels himself calming down and a lightness washing over his body. To his surprise, there’s this sense of relief, letting go of this secret he’s kept for years, knowing his mother had the same one too. On one hand, he’s beyond nauseated at the fact that sick fuck got his way with both of them, knowing mother and son were too loyal to the other enough where they would lie about getting hurt in order to protect the other, even though their abuse was all in vain. On the other hand, he feels angry that she kept this from him, but that would just make him a hypocrite because he did the exact same thing.
One the other, other hand if he was like, a three armed monster or something, he feels vindicated and supported that there is someone else who is feeling the exact emotions he’s feeling right now, someone who finally understands what he’s been through and is going through. It sounds fucked up, like he’s happy someone is suffering the same way he is, but that isn’t the case at all.
Percy has been alone his entire life. He was always the outcast, always the oddball thrown into the mix and was always labeled as ‘less than’ to everyone else. He always felt like his mother only loved him because she felt obligated too and that everything bad that happened in her life was because of him.
He knows she was right about him being angry at her and it’s something he still isn’t ready to admit, or even fathom right now. But right now, as his mother rocks him gently back and forth in the comfort of Paul’s car, he realizes that maybe she has loved him all along. She hugs him like only the two of them are on this planet and right now, it feels like they are, especially with what they just admitted to each other tonight.
“We should go to therapy together. A family therapist.”
He peeks up at her “A family therapist?”
She nods “Just the two of us. I think this has been weighing on our hearts long enough.”
Percy hums an agreement, snuggling into her more “I’m sorry with how I’ve been acting. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
“I know, honey.” She kisses him again and pulls back, both of them fixing themselves by wiping their eyes dry and stretching out their arms. “I think we should go inside before Paul thinks we’ve gone on vacation without him.”
Percy laughs, a foreign but welcome sound to his ears after weeks of it being silent “I don’t think we’ll make it five minutes before he teleports into the car.”
Sally laughs then to, and Percy joins her, mother and son with the same smile.
He looks at her for real this time, grin, not big, but glows just the same “Thank you, mom.”
“Of course, habibi.”
They then exit the car, locking it behind them as well as the secrets they held with a vice grip, and head upstairs, walking close together.