Chapter Text
Techno would consider the current predicament to be a perfect, shining example of why one should never place faith in the machinations of Wilbur Soot Minecraft. Were it not for his brother’s “genius” idea, Technoblade could be doing normal things right now. Like starting work on that essay that’s due tomorrow. Or gardening. Staring at whatever was happening in front of them with terror and fascination in equal measures, he only had one thought. Were this a cheesy 80’s film, this would be the precise moment where the screen froze, followed by a record scratch and a “Yeah, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got here.”
It all started about a week ago. His dearly detested older brother had approached him with a wide grin, bouncing with an excess of energy. All the warning signs that something incredibly ill-advised was about to take place. The next words from his mouth would be the ones that set the pair down this treacherous path in the first place.
“Hey Techno! Wanna summon a demon?”
Reflecting on the moment, Techno realized that all those days ago he had been naught but a naive young fool. Blissfully unaware of the dire consequences of his actions, he had agreed. A simple yes passed his lips, effectively sealing their fates. Oh how he longed to travel back to that critical moment, to undo their shared mistake.
See, Technoblade was not one to believe in magic or the occult. He was a man of logic, and there was absolutely no scientific evidence of such things. Also, he wasn’t some nerd who was gonna get eaten by ghosts. He would die in a far more noble or glorious manner. Eaten by bears. When he’d gone along with Wilbur’s idea, he really hadn’t expected it to work. Neither had Wilbur. Yet, here they were.
The entire process of setting up the ritual had been fun, honestly. Full of goofs, neither of them taking it seriously. After all, the mere notion was ridiculous. The carefree air with which they had treated something that would forever alter their lives served to prove that hubris was truly humanity’s greatest folly. No, Technoblade was absolutely not being dramatic. Given the current situation, he’d say his reactions were pretty justified.
The main reason they had even done this in the first place was so that when Phil got home and asked what they’d done while he was away, they could say ritualistic magic. Give the old man a little heart attack. It was going to be hilarious. They probably could have come up with a more creative thing to say to shock their father, but he never left the two home alone for longer than a day so it wasn’t really like they had time for a more intricate or well thought out scheme.
The summoning ritual was something Wilbur found in the darkest and most obscure of places, the second page of google’s search results. Seeing as neither of them were all too keen on slicing themselves open, they used ketchup from a couple leftover McDonalds packets in place of ‘Freshly-spilled blood of the summoner.’ The candles were apple scented, having been purchased from Target a few hours previous. Wilbur may or may not have tossed a couple swear words into the chant at complete random, messing up several words as he struggled to speak through his laughter.
That brought the two back to the present. The candles had abruptly extinguished all at once with no apparent cause, and the room was now illuminated solely by an ominous red glow rising from the smeared-ketchup runes on the uneven wooden floor. The light shifted and writhed like a living thing, coalescing into a mostly humanoid shape before the room was finally plunged in near total darkness. The sunshine that had been filtering through the attic’s blinds was gone, seemingly no longer able to reach them. Those lines of pale golden light conspicuously absent despite the fact they were still hours from sundown. The dark in the room felt solid and stifling. This may have just been solely psychological, but Techno could’ve sworn the air was heavier. It felt ever so slightly harder to breathe.
The only thing visible through the inky darkness was a pair of eyes, glowing an unnatural shade of electric blue.
"Why have you summoned me?” A deep, distorted voice with a distinct British accent filled the room, bouncing off the aged wooden walls in a way that created an unsettling echo.
Wilbur made a small, terrified noise. He stood stock still, locked in place by his own fear. Taking initiative, Techno stood and stumbled around, grasping desperately for the lightswitch. He didn’t know what was going on, but standing around being afraid wouldn’t solve anything. As the attic lights finally clicked on, the two were able to see the demon’s form with perfect clarity.
It looked… young. A bit younger than Wilbur, even. It had the shiny red horns of a stereotypical devil though the tips were jagged rather than ending in a neat point. It had a spaded tail that matched the teen-on-deviantart-drawing-a-demon aesthetic. Unlike your average satan stock photo, however, were the giant black and crimson feathered wings. They had the structure of a hummingbird’s wings, although their staggering size made up for any intimidation factor lost by their resemblance to such a fragile animal. Its ears were pointed like an anime elf, and pierced with small black triangular studs. It was really a bit strange. If one disregarded the obviously inhuman features, the demon really just looked like an average teenage white boy. Given what Technoblade knew about white teenage boys, this honestly checked out.
Seeing as this entire situation was very much Wilbur’s fault, Techno decided his older brother should have to be the one to deal with it. Techno was merely an innocent child, having fallen victim to an older teen corrupting him with the wicked darkness and evils of the occult. Having come to this conclusion, he harshly shoved Wilbur forward. Given that the older teen had still been kneeling on the floor from where he was performing the ritual, it caused him to faceplant. Like a loser. His nose made direct contact with the hardwood floor, and Wilbur let out an abrupt yelp of pain.
The demon burst into a fit of cackling laughter, its voice losing the ominous depth and distortion about halfway through. It currently sounded like just some guy. Maybe the real demon was just some guy we met along the way. Wilbur’s offense at being bullied and ridiculed seeming to momentarily outweigh his fear of the demon, as he stood up and flipped it off. A truly noble act of bravery.
“Ay, I don’t drag you into my house without warning and flip you off for no reason, do I?” The demon asked, placing a hand over its chest like an offended old lady.
Wilbur spluttered. “I- You laughed at me!”
“I mean, you did kinda deserve it Wilbur. You did fall down like a nerd.” Techno chimed in helpfully.
“YOU FUCKING PUSHED ME!”
“I don’t recall doin’ that.” Techno turned to the demon. “Did you see me push him?”
“No, he simply fell on his own like a dumb little balance boy!” The demon agreed cheerfully and without hesitation.
Wilbur was visibly suffering. Good. This is what he gets for getting his beloved baby brother involved in dark magics, disrupting what could’ve been a perfectly normal saturday. Technoblade would be suing, make no mistake. On what grounds? The battleground. Don’t question him again or you’re next. (This is a threat, in case you hadn’t noticed.)
“Anyways, you still haven’t answered my fuckin’ question. Why am I here?”
Techno glanced awkwardly to the side. “Uhhhhhhh… we perhaps may have… Summoned you by accident?” He gave the creature a painfully artificial smile.
The demon cocked an eyebrow, tail lashing back and forth like an irritated cat. This comparison was only strengthened in Techno’s mind by the way the demon’s left ear flicked occasionally. While its body language broadcasted nothing but annoyance, its expression was mostly just judgemental. Its eyes seemed to say “are you fucking stupid?” with its mouth repeating this exact question only a few seconds afterwards. This demon was making a pretty bad first impression, to be honest. Not very polite at all.
“I- we didn’t think it would work. We were just in a silly goofy mood, my demonic friend!” Wilbur defended himself, having recovered from the fall and gotten to his feet. Techno squinted, absolutely not missing the fact that Wilbur had just tried to make him share the blame equally.
The demon considered these words, nodding slightly. “Alright, I guess I can forgive you this one time. I still don’t appreciate being brought to earth, with all the fuckin’ humans. Pathetic, dumb, ugly little creatures.” Its face scrunched in distaste.
“Alright, well that felt a bit discriminatory.” Techno commented.
The demon pointed at Wilbur. “You look at him and tell me I’m wrong.”
“Well, dang. Can’t really argue with that…” Techno replied with a small smile.
“Yes you fucking can!” His older brother shouted, aiming a particularly furious glare in Techno’s direction.
“Well, this has been fun fellas- Or, actually, no it hasn’t. Fuckin’- Regardless, I think I’ll be going now!” The demon waved, as a perfect circle of bright crimson flames surrounded it.
Techno had a brief moment of panic, before realizing the magical flames didn’t seem to actually be spreading or consuming the wood around them. Good. A house fire would not inspire their Dad’s trust, and he would definitely follow through on his threat to give the two of them a babysitter. He watched the demonic magic with faint amazement, trying his best to fully commit the moment to memory. The three stood there, in the cluttered attic, surrounded by dusty boxes and half-melted candles, waiting in tense silence. The arcane fire burned brighter, turning almost entirely white before fizzling out abruptly. Notably, the demon was still there. Techno blinked in confusion.
The demon jerked forwards towards Wilbur, as though tugged by some invisible force around its midsection. It made a slight grimace of discomfort. Backing up, Wilbur let out an undignified squeak of fear at the demon’s sudden movement. His terror was not at all lessened by the downright murderous expression that made its way onto the creature’s face. Its lip pulled back, revealing large, knife-like teeth. It let out a low, animalistic snarl that set off numerous alarm bells in the most primitive parts of Techno’s brain. The demon stalked forward, each movement holding the deadly precision of a predator hunting its prey.
“What the fuck kind of ritual was that?” It hissed out, small wisps of fire igniting and curling around its clawed hands.
Unlike the magical flames from before, Techno could feel actual heat radiating off of them. He took an involuntary step backwards as the pure venom radiating from the demon’s tone combined with the display of power made him incredibly uneasy. Being a naturally anxious person, it wasn’t all too surprising that Wilbur was fully trembling. Understandable, seeing as he seemed to be the sole focus of the demon’s ire. Something that hadn’t fully registered before was just how dangerous the creature before them was. In its anger, whether intentionally or not, it seemed to radiate an otherworldly sort of power. Its massive wings rose and extended outwards, making it appear so much larger. The demon gave off an aura of raw strength that overwhelmed Techno’s senses, making his heart beat at double its natural speed.
Techno felt… small
“I- I don’t know! It was just-” He inhaled shakily. “Just something I found online! I didn’t- I didn’t even mean for it to work, I swear!” Wilbur stuttered out as quickly as he could, voice a full octave higher than normal.
“You fucking bound me, you stupid, pathetic, human bitch!” The demon gritted out, the previously dim glow of its eyes blazing brightly in its fury.
Wilbur flinched. “I- I don’t even know what that means-”
Techno stood frozen in place, watching the scene unfold. He felt guilty for not doing anything to assist his older brother. Yet at the same time, this whole situation was kind of Wilbur’s fault. ..It wasn’t even like there was much Techno could do to help. What, was he supposed to 1v1 a literal demon from hell? He may be decent at hand to hand combat, but this thing had literal magic! Techno was wise enough to know the odds in a fight would not be in his favor. Plus, he may possibly currently be far too overwhelmed with unfiltered terror to actually move or interfere.
The demon took a couple deep breaths. Do demons even need to breathe? Techno wondered, trying to distract himself from the overwhelming fear coursing through his veins. The fire on the demon’s hands extinguished, and its massive wings returned to their idle position, resting snugly against its back. Techno let out an involuntary sigh of relief as it relaxed, aggression visibly lessening. Wilbur, however, was just as pale and terrified as he had been before.
“How old even are you?” The demon asked, a slight grimace on its face.
“S-seventeen?” Wilbur’s nerves caused him to phrase it like a question, pitch raising at the end of the word.
“Ugh, I don’t remember how mortal ages work, but you’re an actual fucking baby, aren’t you. Fuck.” It huffed. The demon crossed its arms, looking away. All of the previous hostility was gone from its voice, which had lowered from a shout to an irritated mutter. “I guess I’m sorry for yelling at you or whatever. Not your fault that humans are so intellectually inferior. You didn’t fuckin’ know what you were doing.”
Wilbur was still far too afraid to rise to the bait of that blatant insult, but his breathing had at least slowed enough that Techno probably didn’t have to worry about his brother collapsing. Progress. He could put his energy into the far more pressing task of trying to make peace with the demon. His heart was still racing, but the demon returning to a more neutral stance had weakened the fear’s stranglehold on him. He managed to regain enough composure to actually move and speak, trying his best to seem as though he himself hadn’t been moments from passing out.
“So, uh, you’re not gonna… kill us? Or anything?” He asked hesitantly, eyeing the demon with appropriate caution.
“While it would be WAY more convenient for me-” Wilbur was full on hyperventilating again. Fantastic. “-Ranboo would bitch at me for a fucking decade for ‘Not having morals.’” The demon said the last part in a mocking high pitched voice, its air quotes a bit threatening considering they served to highlight its serrated golden claws, which were razor sharp. Techno could only imagine how much it would hurt to get torn open with those, even disregarding the very good possibility of some kind of infernal magic coming into play.
“Why-” Wilbur choked out in a small voice, curled in on himself and shaking in a truly pitiful display. Not that Techno could judge, he had probably looked the same just a few moments previous. “Why were you so mad?”
The demon bit its lip in what looked like contemplation, tapping a foot against the floor. The loud thunking noise prompted Techno to look down, noticing that the demon’s boots seemed to be made of solid gold. He winced a bit at the small dent it left in the attic’s wooden floor. C’mon, demon. Threatening our lives is one thing, but now you’re lowering our property value? Too far. Techno had to stifle a slightly hysterical laugh at the thought. He was in the room with a very dangerous demon who had literally said that murdering them would be convenient, who seemed to somewhat hate his older brother, and Techno was stressing about the property value. A shining example of his extreme competence in high stress situations.
“How do I explain this in a way your dumb little fleshy brain will understand?” The demon’s voice was thoughtful, the insult spoken so casually it hardly registered as such. “Whatever you did to summon me, was not a normal summoning ritual. A normal summoning is like, just a simple teleportation spell but you’re doing it to someone else and it’s against their will. Still rude and shitty, but, like, no real consequences. You still following?” The tone in which it uttered that last sentence was nothing short of condescending.
Wilbur nodded hurriedly, not wanting to give the demon a reason to regret allowing them to live. Techno was a lot less frantic about it, but still gave a slight dip of his head to indicate his understanding. He may not be the best with social situations, but he knew that to ignore the question would just be rude. Wasn’t politeness a big thing with demons? …Wait, no, that was fae. Techno wasn’t the expert on that sort of folklore, Greek mythology far better able to hold his precious attention. Regardless, this demon may not seem to be huge on manners, but it wasn’t worth the risk. Techno wouldn’t soon forget the paralyzing fear that had permeated his entire body and stolen away his breath when the demon had been yelling at his brother.
“Good! Maybe you’re slightly less idiotic than I thought-”
Okay, maybe he really shouldn’t be rude to the very powerful entity that could definitely kill them both with a snap of its fingers, but this was just getting ridiculous. “Bruhhhh, what’s your problem with humans? We are literally just standing here.”
“They’re fucking cringe. Anyways,”
Wilbur muttered a soft but high pitched “what the fuck ,” under his breath, which went ignored.
“As I was saying. A normal summoning ritual? Minor inconvenience. All I would have to do is use some of my super pog magic to teleport back to my little home and then I could be spending time with my beloved eeeevil cow Henry. But what you fuckers” -The demon jabbed a finger forwards accusingly, some of the earlier anger slipping into its voice- “did to me was a binding summon. That means that I have a- basically a stupid fucking magic leash that keeps me tied to brown hair bitch. I can’t go too far from him before it tugs me back. Whatever magic you used was strong too, or I would just break it. But no, I’m stuck with you now. Until the binding spell breaks or you fucking die.”
It paused for a moment, letting the weight of its words sink in. To process that what was supposed to be a silly little thing they did just for the virtue of being able to truthfully say they had done it had had severe consequences. Techno had a sinking feeling in his stomach, wishing he hadn’t just cheerfully gone along with his older brother’s little plan. He hadn’t believed in the supernatural before this moment, and had never considered that a ritual they found on google could actually have a significant impact on their lives. From what the demon had told them, Wilbur would possibly be stuck with this thing looming over his shoulder for the rest of his life. Wasn’t that just a truly terrifying sentiment?
The demon sighed. “I will not kill you, because it honestly won’t be that long before you die naturally with your sad little human lifespan, but make no mistake. I will be causing problems on purpose.”
The tone was playful, but both Wilbur and Techno winced at the implication of that final statement. A demon intentionally screwing things up was not something they particularly needed. Neither of them knew the extent to which it would be messing with them. The “problems” could range anywhere from hiding the matches to all their socks and destroying their tupperware lids, to gravely injuring them or their friends. They had no way of knowing what they were in for, given it seemed their fates were now in the hands of an incredibly powerful demon with an obvious prejudice against all of humankind. How absolutely lovely.
“Seeing as I’ll be hanging around for a while, I might as well introduce myself.” The demon grinned widely, sending a shiver down Techno’s spine. Man, those teeth were sharp. “I’m Tomiel Careful Danger Kraken Innit, biggest demon in all of hell, lover of women, the Infernal King’s royal advisor and second in command. You can call me ‘Tomiel,’ ‘Your Grace,’ or, my personal favorite, ‘Wife Haver.’” It leaned forward slightly, tilting its head to the side. “It is absolutely not a fucking pleasure to meet you.”
Wilbur gulped, and Techno understood the reaction. If what he was saying was true, and they had no way to disprove it, this wasn’t just some random demon. It was the second in command to the actual king of hell. Isn’t that just fantastic. What’s next, its gonna tell them that it and god are secretly best buds and that god now hates the two of them specifically? From the current luck they seemed to be having, Techno would hardly be surprised. He hadn’t believed in any god before this, but if demons were real, gods might be too. His entire worldview had already been flipped on its head, he was ready to believe just about anything at this current point in time.
Once again taking initiative since his older brother had far more cowardice running through his veins, he decided to introduce the both of them as calmly as he could. Someone had to do it, or the demon might get annoyed. He did not want to see what it would do if that happened. They had already made one mistake of life-altering proportion today. Techno was not looking to double that. If someone asked double or nothing, he would absolutely love to choose nothing. To have never let any of this happen in the first place.
“I’m Techno, and the scared guy who had the bright idea” his monotone voice was thick with sarcasm on those last two words, “-to summon a demon in the first place is my older brother Wilbur. It’s not too great to meet you either, considerin’ half the words out of your mouth have been insults to our entire species. Kinda problematic of you, really. You’re gonna get canceled.“ He snarked, fighting to shove down any fear he still felt towards the creature.
“Yeah, yeah. You’re a baby compared to me, therefore I do not have to acknowledge your opinion. Get rekt.” The de- Tomiel replied in a plain, conversational tone, though Techno was pretty sure he could hear an underlying hint of amusement.
At least it- they? Oh dang, Techno really had to ask the demon’s pronouns. Tomiel may be a creature from hell, but they were obviously sentient enough to be considered a person. It’d just make Techno a bad dude to not show them that basic decency. Especially considering they were being incredibly gracious, letting the two live at their own personal inconvenience. Techno wondered if Wilbur was having the same thought, but a quick glance made it clear that he wasn’t. His older brother’s face held an expression that could only be described as ‘no thoughts, head fear.’ Honestly, was he just gonna sit there being panicky forever? Tomiel had been there for at least five minutes, Wilbur should be over it by now. It was old news, practically ancient history. Apparently Techno would have to continue to carry this conversation, despite the fact that Wilbur was supposed to be the socialization guy. The burden of interacting with another burden was a heavy one, and something Techno felt he was ill-suited to bear. He didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter, though. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself to speak.
“So uh, Tomiel? What’re your pronouns?”
The demon’s face flashed with surprise, but by the slight quirk of their lips they seemed to appreciate the question. “He slash him, thanks for asking. Quite thoughtful for a human, most of ‘em are absolute wrong’uns. How ‘bout you two?”
“Both of us use he and him too.”
“Pog, thanks big man. I may think that humans are dumb, but I’m not gonna misgender anyone. That would be bitchboy behavior and I am not a bitchboy.” He paused for a moment, appearing thoughtful. “Actually, Ranboo is a little bitchboy but he still wouldn’t misgender anybody. Misgendering is something worse than bitchboy behavior.”
Seeing as they would be stuck together, Techno figured he should probably try to stay on Tomiel’s good side by engaging in -and he shuddered at the very thought- small talk. “So uh… Who’s this… ‘Ranboo’ you keep mentionin’?”
Tomiel rolled his eyes, and even though Techno had just met the guy and could barely pick up on social queues, he could tell the disgust in Tomiel’s voice was completely feigned. “He’s my awesome best friend’s loser husband. Not good enough for him at all. Stupid tall bitch. Someone needs to take his height away, I do not think he deserves it.”
Techno nodded. “I feel the same about Wilbur. He should be shorter. What has he even done to earn the right to be six foot three? Absolutely nothin’.”
Finally breaking out from the panic filled daze he’d been trapped in, Wilbur’s head snapped to glare at his little brother. “Oh fuck off, Technoblade. You’re just jealous that I’m winning at size.”
“Height? Sure. But in terms of muscle mass…” Techno trailed off, a victorious smirk on his lips. Wilbur’s scrawny frame more than spoke for itself.
Tomiel pointed at Techno, smiling brightly. “You’re so much cooler! Why couldn’t you be the human I was fuckin’ stuck to?”
Wilbur let out an affronted noise, dramatically placing the back of his hand over his chest like the little theater kid he was. Techno and the demon both laughed, and he came to the conclusion that having the demon around may not actually be too bad. He might even be… somewhat tolerable. They had a common interest to bond over, with that ‘common interest’ being bullying Techno’s lame older brother. He was actually bonding with a brand new person for once in his life, Dad would be so proud!
…Wait.
Oh god.
Techno froze, coming to a horrible realization. The dread he felt in this moment was far stronger than it had been even when Tomiel was at his angriest and most threatening. He struggled not to give into despair immediately, clinging to the fragile hope that his older brother would be able to spin a solution as he so often did. It was unlikely, but the outcome of today had proven to Techno that nothing was truly impossible. Face a shade paler and all traces of his previous amusement wiped from his expression, he turned to Wilbur. His older brother quickly dropped the offended act, genuine concern overtaking his features. Though as Techno spoke the terrible thing that had just occurred to him, Wilbur soon mirrored his all-consuming horror.
“Wilbur... what are we gonna tell dad?”