Work Text:
Branch
/bran(t)SH/ noun
a part of a tree which grows out from the trunk or from a bough.
“I told you it was a bad idea to take the shortcut” Ian looked down at their car.
Their brand new -slightly used - car. The car that they had signed the lease to together at a slimy dealership. Their first legitimate legal car that they bought together was now on the side of the road, hood caved in by a massive tree branch.
“Wow Ian, yes, thank you, it's really helpful that you’re remindin’ me again”
“Just saying this wouldn’t have happened if you would have just listened to the-” Ian trailed off noticing the straight murderous look developing in his husband's stare. Ian just sighed, letting it go. He didn’t want to deal with a -more than normally- bitchy Mickey.
The two had both finally gotten off of probation, cut short because the judge decided they had come to be ‘well adjusted’ ‘upstanding’ citizens of the law. The first place they planned on going to was Wisconsin, to God Damn, always exciting, Milwaukee. Tami and Lip had welcomed their second child to the world a few months predating the boy's probation being lifted. Ian was beyond excited to meet his new nephew, Mickey was along for the ride knowing how important the trip was to Ian.
An hour into their two and a half hour drive they’d managed to eat all the snacks. Their tummies were both feeling the repercussions of that choice. They were both tired and crabby. They spend the whole night before trying to solidify the new pick up schedule with their vendors. They were only going to be gone for three days, missing work for one. They thought it was going to be simple enough just pawning off the work duties on Carl and Sandy. They were wrong. When they finally managed to hash out the details it was already the early morning hours. They managed to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep before Ian’s alarm went blaring for his morning run. Mickey begged him to stay in bed and sleep in some more with him before they had to take off on their mini road trip. Ian obliged, however, they did not sleep. Late-night phone calls, morning sex, an early departure and all the shitty gas station food ingested all seemed to cultivate in the two of them being crabby.
The maps app Mickey used -He didn’t trust those Apple motherfuckers because the time always seemed to be higher on theirs versus his beloved trusted app- had dinged alerting him there was a short cut off on a sideroad that would shave almost twenty whole minutes off their time. Mickey didn’t even think twice about taking it. The sooner he was at Lip’s the sooner he could get some shut-eye.
As it seemed, that was a massive mistake. The sideroad was fine at first. There were a few cars in front of them, everything seemed fine. That was until the pavement completely disappeared and the road became dirt. The pathway was narrow, barely large enough for their vehicle. Large oak trees were looming over the path, blocking most of the sunlight from coming down on them.
That was around the point where Ian started vocalising his concern that the entire situation seemed a little shady. “Shut the fuck up and let me concentrate, man” Mickey grumbled back trying to swerve and avoid the massive crater-like holes in the dirt. Ian was ready to accept that Mickey knew how to deal with the whole shitty situation when he heard a tussling from above him followed by a crash
The men were lucky that they didn’t take any damage other than bruised arm from trying to push back the deployed airbags. Their beautiful car, however, wasn’t as fortunate. Totally wrecked. They tried to lift the branch off of the hood, figuring they could repair their damage after the trip, but alas their attempts were in vain against the enormous piece of wood.
“Fuck” Mickey hissed once more, looking at their car. His phone was pressed to his ear. He was about to throw his phone in the dirt if he had to be on hold for another second. Luckily, the universe or God or whatever chose to pity him just a little. “Hello, this is Lizzy with AAA roadside assistance. How may I help you?”
Ian stepped away watching as Mickey pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes, good fuck finally”. The redheaded man couldn’t help but wander off slightly. He looked at the tree whose branch had wrecked their car. Then back down at their beautiful destroyed car with a familiar sadness. He dug his shoes into the dirt a little more, kicking the fallen leaves around him out of his way. He heard Mickey sigh, a slight curse under his breath as he resorted to tucking his phone in his pocket.
Mickey was tense, shoulders sunken as he looked around the car, spotting Ian near the backdoor. “They said they aren’t gonna be able to get someone out here until like 8” Mickey scratched the arch of his brow, annoyed. It was ten a.m.
“Fuck what are we supposed to do till then?” Ian threw his head back. It was hot out. There wasn’t any sign of life anywhere near them, spotty service and worst of all no more food or water.
“Fuck if I know” Mickey huffed, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck!”
He kicked angrily at the car's tire. “We can’t stay out here” he composed himself slightly more, slinking over to Ian. “You’re already red man, if we stay out here any longer you’re gonna burn like a motherfucker” Mickey’s hand caressed Ian’s slightly rosy cheek for a tender second before he placed two hard pats in place of his soft touch. Ian thought the sentiment was sweet. That his husband cared about despite any attempts to suppress that fact with a jab at the ginger. Mickey was also right, despite all the trees they lent no help in aiding the boys against the blistering sun.
“Do you have service?” Ian nodded towards the phone hanging in Mickey's back pocket.
“Barely. Call went through but kept cutting out”
Ian pulled his phone out, holding it up towards the sky as if that was going to help with his cell service. He squinted as the sun overtook his screen. “One bar! No shit, it went away”
“Fuck, figured as much. Keep trying”. The two stood there like idiots. Holding their phones above their heads as if that was to help their service. They both got a little jumpy as the bars moved from one to two before immediately deflating as they lost service again.
Mickey was beginning to give up, he dragged himself to the side of the car, ready to sit down and let the Earth consume him whole. That sounded a lot easier than dealing with all the troubles the branch accident was causing them.
Eventually, they both slumped over, sitting against the hot metal of the car's side door. The pile of leaves offered no cushion against the sticks that poked up to get them. “I think I’m finally getting some service, should we call someone?”
Mickey scoffed, his hand to the side of him picked at the leaves subconsciously. “Yeah, who genius? We already called the only people that can help us and they’re doing fuck all. Can you call an Uber?”
They tried that, Ian didn’t have the app and the signal didn’t stay long enough for him to download it. Mickey’s phone on the other hand was a glamorised camera as it lent itself no aid in their desperate state.
Mickey’s arm reached out to hit Ian’s arm. They were originally sitting knee to knee but as midday started to roll around the corner, the heat became unbearable and they were drifting away. “I give up, try seein’ if there's somewhere we can walk to”
Ian typed away some more at his phone with a deep sigh he ran a hand across his forehead to collect the sweat. “Closest thing is a motel. It’s seven miles up the road”
“Fuck, seven?”
“That’s not too bad, used to run that some times”
Mickey rolled his eyes at this but nodded with a heavy sigh. “Fuck, nothin' closer?”
“Nothing. We could try your map app though, it seems to yield fuckin fantastic results”
“Oh my fucking god, are you ever gonna shut the fuck up about that?” Mickey scoffed, he shuffled up, dusting off the dry leaves that stuck to the back of his pants. “Fuck, well guess we’re going to the motel” Mickey squinted down at Ian, the sun obstructing his vision slightly. “At least we’ll have somewhere to sleep tonight”
“Yeah, well we better start moving if we want to get ahead of the sun” Ian stuck his phone into his pocket once more. “Let me try to see if there’s any snacks I can salvage from the car” Ian dug around in his pocket trying to find the key.
“Don’t bother I ate them all” Mickey waved his hand completely disrupting his husband's movement. Ian stood completely still, a judging gaze as he stared up at his husband dumbfounded. “Really?”
“Yeah fucking really” Mickey mocked back. “Don’t look at me like that. You're the one who drank like four drinks every thirty minutes. We wouldn’t have even needed to take this detour to be on time if you didn’t have to pee every three fuckin minutes. Just hold in your piss like a normal person, fuck you very much”
“Cool! So we don’t have any food or water for the hours we’re going to be walking” Ian rolled his eyes. “Should we bring the bag?”
“Why would we need our bag?” Mickey raised an eyebrow at him. “Really wanna be lugging that heavy shit with us? Not like we’re gonna be in the motel for a while. We just need a place to rest and try to figure out what’s happening to our car”
“What about clothes, do you wanna have to sleep in your jeans?”
“Yeah man because we don’t sleep naked every night”
Ian shrugged. He hated when Mickey had a point. His eyes averted to the tree beside him, watching the leaves fall. “What about Tami and Lip? We should probably also let them know we’re not gonna be there for lunch”
Mickey gave him a simple shrug. Like visiting his brother-in-law wasn’t even an afterthought in his mind. “Yeah sure, do what you gotta do man”
“Ok, so we should just grab the essentials out of the bag and leave the rest of our clothes in the car, right?”
“Jesus Christ you and all the fucking questions. Weren’t you a fuckin wilderness scout, army? Figure it out” Mickey took off in the opposite direction of his husband, squeezing himself past the car and branches that littered the front of it to keep walking down the dirt path. Ian tried to stutter something to Mickey but the dark-haired man was already on the move. Ian looked back at the trunk, contemplating whether or not to grab the bag. He looked up seeing Mickey start to disappear at the bend in the road.
“Fuck, Mick, wait up!” He yelled out. The very real fear that Mickey was going to leave them and that they could get separated hit Ian. He eyed the trunk once more before jogging past the car to catch up with Mickey.
They followed the dirt road for a quarter of a mile before it led onto the main road, which from Ian’s great deduction skills -Mickey muttered sarcastically- was gathered to be just off a highway.
Once they got to the side of the road, Mickey’s hand immediately flagged out, thumb raising up.
“What, we're hitchhiking? Thought the plan was to walk”
“Pff, fuck that” Mickey stopped his movement altogether, edging closer and closer to the road in an attempt to get someone's attention.
Ian wasn’t really against hitchhiking. Had done it multiple times in his lifetime, especially scarring results. Debbie rolled her eyes at that before saying that it was a male privilege to be able to get into the car of a complete stranger and not fear for your life. Maybe she was right, Ian thought. Or maybe we’re just dumb was a soon to be travelling thought. Regardless, his jeans were starting to stick to his pants with sweat. His hair felt damp and his skin burned. He was willing to risk a lot just to be able to sit in a car with air conditioning.
Ian shrugged it off, sticking out his own hand.
“I don’t think anyone is gonna stop for us Mick,” Ian said after a good five-minute effort. His hands were back at his side, Mickey on the other hand remained concentrated.
“Stop nagging and let me do my thing here” Mickey barked back, hand still sticking up. They stood in awkward silence, grunting and swatting the collecting bugs out of their way until a car finally slowed down, merging in the lane closest to them.
“Ha, told ya bitch” Mickey gave him a smug smirk, taking the opportunity of getting his hand back to wipe it across his forehead. Beads of sweat still dripped down his face, regardless of his efforts.
The car slowed down, next to the two boys. For just it stopped. The college-age looking students tossed a few bar cans next to the men’s shoes before erupting in cackles. The car sped up once more, driving away. Leaving Mickey and Ian back at square one.
“For fuck sakes! Fucking assholes!’ Mickey yelled out at the car that was long gone already. He kicked the few discarded cans back into the road.
“Ha, told you bitch” Ian mocked Mickey’s previous statement. Mickey crushed the can under his shoe one last time before angrily glaring up at Ian. “One more fucking comment and I’m gonna push you into the road”
Mickey continued to storm off, leaving Ian in his dust once more.
“Fuckin hell, Mick” Ian muttered under his breath, once again jogging to catch up with him.
They walked another mile and a half in painstakingly tense silence. Any time Ian tried to create some sort of peace, Mickey would just give him this incredulous look that started to get under Ian’s burned skin. He felt that he was the one in the right here. It was Mickey’s fault they were even in this situation after all. So Ian decided that it was his right to be more angry at Mickey than Mickey was at him.
As that usually entailed, he went for the cold shoulder route. Sticking his chin in the air whenever Mickey would try to mutter something at him. This naturally pissed Mickey off even more. They walked another quarter mile before the radio silence started to eat at the boys. Problem was, they were both too stubborn to give in. Ian distracted himself by pulling out his phone. Signal was still incredibly spotty -they needed a better cell service when they got home, Ian made sure to note that- but miraculously he still managed to send a few texts to Lip, detailing what had happened.
A few more minutes of silence as Ian’s walking slowed, focused intently on his phone. Mickey sucked his cheeks in, finally caving. “The fuck are you doing?”
Ian gave him a side-eye, a small smirk of victory followed. “Texting Lip, he’s trying to figure out what we can do here”
Mickey rolled his eyes, made sure Ian saw it before his attention went back to his screen. “Ah yeah great, maybe your smartass brother can finally be useful. How's it working out so far?”
Ian chose to ignore Mickey’s mocking tone. He continued to text, typing out a reply to Lip’s question. “He sent us a car rental service since you know ours is kinda completely totalled?”
Mickey went quiet, that was actually kinda helpful.
Ian stuck his tongue out. It swiped against his bottom lip in pure concentration. “I’m trying to open the link but the website won’t load, here I’ll text it to you maybe- fuck, no shit!” Ian stared down at his phone in disbelief. He stopped walking.
“Oh, great! What now?”
Ian looked up in horror. “My phone died”.
At that point, Mickey couldn't do anything but yet a cynical laugh out. He wondered if more awful things were destined to happen to them, he didn’t dare speak that thought into existence. “Aw fuckin fantastic. We’re stranded on the side of the road with no food, no water and one piece of shit phone now. Want me to see my leg off next with whatever discarded beer bottle I can find? Does that sound helpful?”
“Alright fuck you!” Ian stuck his phone back into his pocket, his face got redder -which Mickey didn't think was possible- he was getting genuinely angry. “It's your fucking fault we’re in this situation anyway. You don’t get to be mad at me right now I’m mad at you! And you’re not fucking helping at all with anything. So either man up or shut the fuck up” Ian let out a long huff, pushing Mickey out of the way as he gained some speed in front of his husband.
Mickey bit the inside of his cheek. He knew there was no use in even trying to argue. His throat was dry. He was definitely dehydrated. He really didn’t feel like getting into the huge fight this was destined to be. So he just bit his tongue, trailed a few feet behind his husband and let them stay separated for another half mile.
Eventually, Ian began to gradually slow down to no coincidence. Mickey was back at his side once more. The initial tenseness had gone but Ian remained with a long face. Mickey sighed, finally speaking up, voice raspy. “Why are you all long-faced and mopey now?”
“I’m not fucking moping?” Ian pushed his arm into Mickey’s side making him fall into the margin slightly as he lost his footing on the gravel.
“Shit sorry” Ian grabbed onto Mickey’s shirt’s sleeve as he teetered closer to a car passing by. “I’m not trying to be an asshole. Don’t look at me like that, I’m really not” Mickey’s hands shot up in surrender, beckoning Ian to keep going. “I'm just fucking tired of this whole situation, obvious but also” He sucked his teeth “A little sad… I really wanted to see Fred and the baby”
Mickey got his balance back, looking up at his husband. His lips pressed together in some sympathy. “I’m sure we’ll get to-”
“By the time AAA comes and we get a car it's gonna be late evening tomorrow. Then we need to get a rental car, hash it out with insurance. Plus, we have to be back at work Monday so what’s the point of going all the way to Milwaukee if we’re gonna be there for what? Fuckin dinner? Then we have to head back”
Mickey’s gaze softened. Ian looked genuinely disappointed, Mickey knew that he was really looking forward to the trip. “Hey, E, it's okay we can plan another trip” his hand reached up to Ian’s shoulder. He pressed his palm soothingly against his flesh. “We’ll hire some real employees like we talked about. Leave them in charge so we don’t have to deal with our dumbfuck familes” his hand gave Ian one last reassuring pat before falling back to his side.
“Yeah, I guess” Ian gave a sad shrug.
“We need to go on a real fuckin vacation man” Mickey sighed. “Not to go see your family or in the surrounding states, like a real fucking vacation with those ugly ass Hawaiian shirts and beaches and those hotels that have mirrors on the ceiling”
“And Pina Coladas out of coconuts” Ian’s head swung back, eyes closed tightly. He would do short of anything for a drink, especially one that was cold. He could practically taste the rum and pineapple on his tongue as he swallowed hard. He let out a little moan as he pushed his head back forward.
“Jesus man don’t fuckin cum in your pants here”
The two burst into laughter. There was a small moment of tenderness. Ian took Mickey’s hand in his own, bringing their joined hands up to his lips for a sweet kiss. The movement was over as it started. Ian could see the smile Mickey was trying to repress. Mickey swung his hand out of Ian’s. “Love ya and I’m glad we had this kumbaya moment but I’m fuckin hot as hell. Keep your giant sweaty furnace hand away from me Gallagher” He wiped his hand against his jeans to emphasise the point.
They made it another mile. That meant only four more to go. The sense of mutual peace their making up brought was gone almost a minute after it happened. They went back into their old ways of bitching at one another the second Ian complained about being hungry. Another bickering match broke out as he blamed Mickey for eating everything. More moments of turbulence came when Ian stopped walking again. “Mick stop, I need to pee” Ian reached forward, grabbing his husband’s shoulder to stop him from moving farther ahead.
“Okay and?” Mickey just stared at him, undeterred. “Just whip your dick out”
“Mickey, we're on the side of the road. What if a cop drives by or something? We just got off probation, I’m not getting written back up for indecent exposure”
“Oh, my fuckin gooooddd” Mickey’s head leaned down as he whined. “Fine, go down to the trees”. Ian didn’t move, opened his mouth to say something but Mickey beat him to the chase. “What do you want me to go with you? Want me to fashion you some toilet paper out of leaves and wipe your ass too?”
Ian just rolled his eyes, flipping his husband off, immediately getting the same gesture back in a fraction of a second. He skirted off of the road’s shoulder turning around. He quickly spotted some bushes down the small hill that separated the road from a forestry area. “I was gonna say stay here and try to get a ride again, asshole”
He drugged down, less than enthusiastic at this entire situation they managed to find themselves in. When he came back up a minute later Mickey stood next to a grey truck. The man inside gave Ian a small wave. There was another man and a dog in the backseat, they didn’t move at all.
Ian wanted to comment on how quick Mickey was able to flag someone down this time but then remembered he was supposed to be mad at him. “At least you're good for something” Ian settled on a passive-aggressive comment instead.
“Uh-huh sure, this is Juan-Carlos and Roman” Mickey turned to the man once more. He told him something in horrifically pronounced broken Spanish.
Ian understood the plain shrug of “Si” Juan-Carlos gave.
Mickey turned back to Ian.“Well they’re either gonna gangbang us, murder us or take us to the motel. I am good with two out of three of those so I say we take our odds”
Ian continued to stare at his husband incredulously. “Fuck, if ya keep looking at me like that I’m down for all three” Mickey grabbed Ian’s wrist dragging him forward. “C’mon move your ass”
Mickey immediately went for the passenger seat forcing Ian to sit in the backseat with the other man. The dog separated the two. The car ride was awkward. Ian was squished in the corner next to a hundred-pound great Dane slobbering on his lap. They didn’t get murdered or gangbanged so Ian chopped off their hitchhiking up to moderate success.
They eventually pulled into the motel. It was shady to say the very least. Ian was pretty sure he spotted more stains than people in the check-in lobby. Both windows that lead into the building were cracked and graffitied. The carpet was a sickly pale yellow and the entire room smelled of wet towels and cigarette smoke.
“What do you need?” The front desk attendant didn’t look older than fifteen. A messy jagged appearance paired with a cigarette dangling from her overlined lips and a scoff made Ian feel like he was back in high school for just a minute.
“Hey, we need a room” he stuck his hands into his jean pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels slightly as he felt the carpet was mushy under his toes. “And do you guys have a phone I could use?”
She looked Ian up and down, tapping her cigarette into an ashtray sticking off the corner of the desk near where the mouse sat. She smacked her lips “um no” her attention went back to her cigarette than her screen as she typed away with her giant fake nails. “Two beds” The front desk attendant nodded at Ian.
“Um no, we’re together” Ian’s arm wrapped around Mickey’s shoulder pulling the shorter man up closer to the desk like Ian was. At the same time, almost as it was rehearsed the two of them lifted their hands, rings shiny despite the awful lightning.
“Yeah, um no, I mean we don’t have any rooms with a queen or king available. We have one room left right now and it has two twins”
Ian looked over at his husband, a slight eyebrow raised. He distinctly remembered seeing several vacant rooms with the doors swung open. He then thought for another second about the quality of those rooms and how they were probably gross enough to be rendered useless. Ian just sighed, hand sticking out to hand her the cash. It wasn’t like they had many options for where they could go. He forced a smile, lips curling inward. “Yeah, sure, that’s fine, thanks”
She took the bills not bothering to give them change back, instead, she dropped the rusty key in Ian’s open palm.
“Wonder how many people got murdered here” Mickey casually asked as he twisted the key into the door for the eighth time. Finally, after slamming the side of his body into the greenwood, the door opened with a creak.
Not even a full inch into the room Ian pulled Mickey into a sweaty, passionate kiss. All the anger and amount of discontent they felt for one another boiled deep in them. Fucking it out was the only way they knew to resolve all those lingering feelings and honestly, they wouldn’t have had it any other way.
They separated just enough for Mickey to call out.“Real classy place we got here Mr Milkovich” his eyes got that mischievous glint Ian yearned for. His hand traced up and down Ian’s chest as he pulled him to the centre of the room. Ian kicked the door closed behind the two as they clumsily walked inward, bodies intertwined with one another.
Lips crashed into one another, hungrily. As if the two hadn’t spent the entire day together and instead were meeting up after a long period separated. Ian’s hands roamed up to the nape of Mickey’s neck, holding his head in place as he pushed Mickey onto the tiny twin bed behind him. “Mmm, a fine establishment Mr Gallagher” his lips left Mickey’s, attaching onto his lower jaw. Hot trails of nibbles and lacklustre kisses trailed down Mickey’s neck.
“Mhm, what do you wanna do?” He finally detached himself for just a moment to stare up at Mickey. He took the opportunity to try to find himself a better position. He wanted to try to straddle Mickey’s hips but the bed was incredibly narrow beneath him. The frame seemed to creak with every small movement, a small part of Ian was afraid the bed was going to collapse under him. Luckily, an even larger part of him was incredibly horny.
He settled on the edge of the bed, deciding he wasn’t ready to test the strength of the bed just yet.
“We have a lot of time” Mickey’s eyes darkened with lust, his hand travelling down to Ian’s pants to feel his growing anticipation. “We can roleplay like you always want to do. Prostitute and CEO? Seedy motel kinda works out in our favour for that one”
“If he’s a CEO, wouldn’t he be meeting his prostitute somewhere nicer than this shit hole?”
“Fuckin hell, Ian-”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry but I’m down, sounds fun” he gave Mickey a sweet kiss “But you’re the prostitute whore” Mickey rolled his eyes but gave a nod. Another tender kiss was shared between them before Ian remembered he was supposed to be a man with money and power. He wiped his hand across his lips in faux disgust. “Don’t kiss me you stupid slut. Don’t know where that mouth had been”.
Mickey tried to suppress his smile and get into the mood but Ian couldn’t help but feel fond of the upturned curve of his lips. “Sorry sir,” Mickey said, more the right headspace now.
“Good” Ian pushed Mickey further into the middle of the bed. “Strip” his voice was deeper, more hollow than the stern he tried to go for. Mickey obeyed, discarding his pants and underwear somewhere under the bed. Ian shuttered slightly at the thought of having to look under the bed to get the right clothes but he tried to admire his husband's figure.
Mickey sat in the middle of the bed, Ian was soon to follow, crawling to the centre. He pushed Mickey down so that he was lying flat on his back.
‘Wait pause-” Ian shuffled off of him, pants halfway down his thighs. Ian pushed his hands to Mickey’s chest trying to support himself as he got to the pockets of his lowered pants.
“Ain’t you supposed to say a safe word if you get out of roleplay?” Mickey’s hands joined Ian’s interlocking for just a second.
“Did we have a safeword?”
“Oh shit, yeah, I guess you’re right” Mickey watched Ian fumbling with his pants, taking a moment to get off the bed again and rifle through all four pockets. “Fuck” he muttered under his breath. Ian had resorted to turning all the pockets inside out.
“What’s wrong now?” Mickey tried to sit up straighter to get a better view of his husband, partly because he looked concerned, partly because he looked hot as hell standing there half-naked skin glistering from the sweat.
“We left the lube in the car”
“What happened to the one you carry with you?”
“We used it ‘member”
Mickey’s eyes glanced upwards as he thought back to the last time they had an impromptu quickie. It was less than a week ago in the back of their new car. Had to christen the thing. “Fuck… yeah”
“I told you we should have brought our bag,” Ian said after a considerable amount of silence passed between the two.
“I’m gonna fuckin divorce and murder you right fucking now if you mention that fuckin bag one more time” Mickey stared daggers into Ian, watching him shuffle around in the foreground. Ian’s hands just shot up in mock defence.
“Sorry, your right I should have known better than to listen to you. This is all my fuckin fault isn’t it?”
Mickey really wasn’t in the mood to get into another fight with his husband. He ran a finger against the skin in between his brows. “I don’t need your shit, Fuck you”
“Yeah well that was the plan and well it's not going great” Ian trailed off. Mickey grabbed the folded towels behind him, throwing all four at Ian’s head.
“I’m gonna take a piss” Mickey suddenly declared as he stood up, huffing. He nodded at the minibar in the corner. He might have still been mad at Ian but he was even hornier. “Drink some water, you’re gonna need to start salivating like a bitch”
Ian switched places with him, now stationed on the bed farthest from the door. His eyes were shifty. "Why?"
"We're fucking with or without lube. Told ya, I'm good with spit. Be back."
Not even a minute later Mickey’s voice sounded. “Ian!” Mickey practically jumped his bones getting out of the bathroom.
“Did you wash your hands I didn't hear the water running-”
“Shut up, there's lube in there!”
“Huh?”
“I was shuffling through all the drawers, wanted to find some shit to steal and there in the bottom one was a bottle of fuckin lube”
Ian blinked at him once then twice before grimacing. “Fuckin gross that's someone else's abandoned lube”
“And?? Do you think there's fuckin backwash or somethin in it?” Mickey crossed his arms over his chest. “Lubes gotta be like one of the most cleanly things to share man”
Ian’s borderline horrified look didn’t relent any. Mickey shook his head, returning the lost look Ian had just given him. “C’mon we have hours to kill, and it's still better than fuckin mayo”
Ian thought about it for a second, then shrugged, reaching down to push his boxers down past his ass. “Fuck it you’re right, go get it”
The second he returned they were back at it. For a second everything seemed to be working out in their favour. They could definitely squeeze a few rounds in before they had to worry about renting a car and dealing with AAA. Then for what felt like the millionth time that day the little hope gathered was ripped away.
“Pffpfff” Mickey suddenly triedied to spit something out of his mouth. His hand retreated from Ian’s thigh up to his mouth as he tried to get something off the tip of his tongue. Ian stopped to investigate what Mickey was doing. His husband finally got it out of his mouth, staring down at it with abject horror. “Fuckin’ christ it's a pube!”
Ian shuffled off of him, looking down at it himself. “Not mine…”
“Yeah, no fuckin shit, it’s blonde” Mickey wiped his mouth, hand flailing off to the side as he tried to get rid of the lingering hair.
Mickey just sighed. “Not in the mood anymore” he grumbled, pushing Ian’s bare chest off of him. The two just sat on the confined bed when Mickey heard vibrating.
It was his phone, still in his jeans that were discarded on the floor. Both of them scrambled up quickly to grab the phone. He answered, pulling the sheets up onto his lap before putting the call on speaker. “Hey, this is Lizzy from AAA calling you back, Mickey” she cleared her throat. “Our crew might be a little late coming to help with your car. A branch seems to have broken our truck’s window”.