Work Text:
All the beauty that my eyes have seen
Had some pain to barter
Blot it out till it becomes a blurry thing
And I forget that
(Blurry Wisdom - Cloudeater)
--
To say things on the ship have been rough would really be an understatement. Of course, things have been rocky before, but at least he could have been angry, could have tortured his way to acceptance while crying himself to sleep every night when the ship was silent and his sobs would be devoured by the hum of the ocean. But ever since Stede, followed by his band of dimwits, joined aboard The Revenge, he felt shame chew through his insides.
The crew avoided him like the plague, conversations seemed to die out the moment he entered the room, and there was no news on Lucius; though his absence was filed under missing rather than violently drowned . On top of that there was Izzy with his constant nagging to return to his old devious self. He wasn't even sure he knew who that was anymore.
Stede was ever so gentle with him, patient and understanding, always around with that kind, caring smile plastered on his face. That’s what made it even worse if Ed were to be honest. He could work with angry, he would maybe even appreciate a punch in the jaw. He, however, had no idea how to deal with whatever this was.
“We can fix this,” said Stede. He’s been saying it an awful lot recently. We can fix this. Those words were among the first to leave Stede’s mouth after boarding the ship and witnessing the state of things, and the state of Ed himself. He’d seen him with that stupid painted on beard, he’d seen the way his clothes hung on him and smelled the way he reeked of alcohol. Hello, Edward. I…I’m so sorry, I have so much to tell you, so much to explain. Ed, hey, we can fix this. And yet, he was still wearing his grimy clothes, black paint still stained his face and felt like every soft smile he received punched him in the gut.
Then there was the other thing; the one other substantial change in Stede’s behavior. If he was caring and attentive before, he was now walking around as if Ed was the most delicate thing in the world, spewing declarations of love at every given opportunity.
“I’ve brought you breakfast,” he placed a plate on the traffrail of the ship, the plate generously topped with a fine selection of pastries accompanied by a tiny jar of marmalade. A light touch to Edward’s shoulder and he was gone; he knew Ed preferred to be left alone these days. “Love you, see you around.”
“We are stopping for supplies. You know, you can come with us.” Silence. “We shall be back soon then. I love you, take care.”
“Jim is teaching the crew to throw knives if you’d want to stick around. It’s okay though, love you, Ed.”
“I’ve drawn you a bath.” Edward’s thoughts scattered the moment he heard Stede from behind, his mind blanking and leaving him at a loss for words. “I left clean clothes for you in there as well if you feel like changing, maybe-. Maybe we could give your old ones a wash…” Stede trails off, falling silent for a short moment that still leaves Ed’s brain racking for an answer, for anything to say. How does one talk to someone that doesn’t expect anything from him? How does he talk to him, well aware of the fact that Stede knows what he’s done and what he tried to do. He knows and yet, instead of hating him he comes setting up a bath for him as if he deserved it. “There’s a new bar of soap, the lavender one you used to adore, and also a fresh towel for you. Let me know if you’d like anything else.” He can hear Stede shuffle away, each step audible further and further away on the wooden floorboards.
“Stay?”
More shuffling as Stede promptly stops and turns around. “Pardon, what was that?”
“Would you stay with me?”
Stede’s face lit up in a way that would be more appropriate for a winner of a large bounty rather than one accompanying a smelly, depressed pirate to the bathroom.
They moved to the makeshift bathroom, Stede taking the lead but turning around every couple of steps to make sure Ed was actually following him. Silly, as he wouldn’t follow him to the edge of the world.
The bathtub was filled with luke-warm water, the best they could do at the ship, and a bar of lavender coloured soap was sitting on the edge of it alongside a bundle of clean clothes. Just looking at the fine fabrics made Ed’s leather clad body itch in its grubby clothes.
“I’ll just…I’m just going to turn around and look at the… I am just going to look away.” Stede tumbled over his words, turning around to face the wall to offer Ed some impression of privacy. Ed did not have to look at him to be sure The Gentleman Pirate himself was now blushing like a dame.
He kicked off his boots, wiggled out of his pants and breeches, followed by the jacket and his shirt, all kicked to the side before he climbed into the bathtub. The water immediately changed colors, turning from transparent to white, if not light gray. He scrubbed himself with the soap, and scrubbed and scrubbed even after there was nothing else to scrub away. His face was harder to wash, no matter how many times he tried, his hands still came away stained black.
“You know, you can fuckin’ turn around, right?” He sighed towards the figure of Stede still staring straight ahead at the wall.
“I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Stede turned around with an apologetic smile.
“You wouldn’t,” Ed said softly against his palms in another attempt to get the paint off his face.
“Let me help you with that,” Stede crept closer, taking a piece of cloth in his hand before kneeling beside the tub. He slowly lifted his hand to Ed’s face as if he half-expected him to duck away from his touch. He didn’t. He let Stede slowly wash off the paint that was ingrained into his stubble of a beard, feeling the damp cloth rub calming circles into his skin. Stede’s hand later abandoned the cloth, setting it aside the bathtub; Ed could see him raise his hand towards his face once again, this time without any hesitation. Stede gently tucked a stray hair behind Edward’s ear and Ed almost expected him to say ‘ It’s okay, we can fix this. ‘.
“Can I wash your hair?”
“I know how to wash me fuckin’ hair,” Ed snapped back.
“Oh, of course, yeah. Thought it might be comfortable though,” Stede arched an eyebrow back at him.
Edward simply slouched forward in the bathtub, allowing Stede to access his hair. “Fine,” he sighed.
Stede’s breath hitched in his throat, being exposed to the sight of Edward’s entire back with its muscles flexing under the tattoo-covered skin. He managed to recover quite quickly and slowly reached his hand for Ed’s hair, running his fingers through the curls and detangling ones that got stuck in knots.
“Careful,” Stede lightly tilted Ed’s head back so he could pour water he gathered in a cup over his hair. After that, he lathered the soap in his hands. Ed let out a tiny content sigh when Stede’s fingers massaged his scalp, and soon he was leaning into the touch. He could not hold a single thought in his brain; all he could focus on were the soft tugs on his hair, the way Stede’s fingertips brushed against his scalp and how sometimes, when Stede leaned closer, his elbows would lightly graze against Ed’s bare shoulders. A pouty whine escaped Ed’s mouth when Stede’s hands pulled away, the sensation replaced by water once again being poured down his hair. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the smell of fresh soap, and a moment later the feeling of a soft towel squeezing out the excess water from his locks.
Once his hair was dry and it was time to get out of the bathtub, Ed simply stood up, unbothered to do anything about his own nudity. Stede, on the other hand, seemed very much bothered.
“Oh! Oh. Uhm, I shall leave you to it then?” Stede babbled, his face turning a deep shade of crimson. He managed to knock over the cup they used as he backed out of the room, trying to look anywhere but at Ed, even though it was apparent to both of them that he was pretty much fond of the view.
Ed couldn’t stop a small smile from creeping onto his face as he dried and dressed himself. Maybe he could join next time Stede comes telling him about plans for the day. Maybe they could fix this.