Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Five hadn’t expected the jump to go perfect. It was rushed and bound to be messy, and was an absolute last minute kind of plan. God, it was so risky. He was quite literally falling into the void without a parachute here. Though he hadn’t even landed yet-

Ah- spoke too soon.

The first thing Five felt was the ground, of course. Next it was the empty space around him, which shouldn’t have been. He should’ve felt his siblings, they were right beside him when they jumped.

But they weren’t in Five’s immediate field of somewhat blurry vision, and a drop of unwanted, irrational fears started to slip. The portal was still above him in the muddy alley he landed in. Blinding and blue, it sat for a second as Five watched, waiting for anyone to fall out.

No one did.

As the blue light faded, the static it brought left Five’s hair sticking up. His hands felt slightly numb and tingly.

“Viktor?”

He wasn’t going to get a response there, he should be unconscious.

“Allison?”

Orrrr there. Her throats still injured.

As Five quickly got up, the blood pressure went to his head a bit. His heart was beating faster than he would’ve liked. He was so unsure of anything. Instantly more vulnerable than he would’ve liked to be.

Just find them just find them they can’t be far-

The third (really the first) thing Five felt was the warm air; there was a slight breeze. And yelling- His brain started to catch up, and he heard it. Lots of screaming.

That’s not good.

Five stumbled on his feet, and frantically started to look around. In the alley, he finally glanced up-

…oh.

Most parts of him were trying to make sense of it and some trying to deny it.

Shit.

That stupid sense of dread increased tenfold, despite Five’s wishes. He wanted to quell the feeling. Rip out his useless heart and rid himself of the stupid fucking ache because-

Apocalypse.

Five was here again- he recognized it. That taste of ash and dust already started to stab his throat. How could he not? It was the same familiar feeling that he first felt as an unfortunate, stubborn thirteen year old who had too much to prove. The same feeling that kept his mind awake at night, desperately clutching a bottle of whiskey or whatever he could find, and holding Dolores tight.

Oh, sweet Dolores, the only positive thing to ever come out of his time in hell. She was too good for him. Surely she knew that.

Five stepped out of the alley examining up ahead. All the buildings (despite some being on fire) were unfamiliar. But people, actual people, were running around. Looking to the sky again, it looked like watercolor, reds and oranges painting everything over. And right in the middle was an X.

Wait what.

The colors were warping what he could see inside of the X, and it was like a tear in the sky. Creatures were coming out of it. Creatures straight out of some bad sci-fi movie, scattered everywhere.

Suddenly there was a yell, and a lady shoved him to the ground. Five was about to whip back but there was a flash of red behind him and the sound of wings flapping. He looked up and there was a literal eyeball with bat wings. The lady was frozen in stone, and her face twisted in a scream as the monster telepathically lifted her away into the air. More bat-eye-monsters were carrying people. Monsters of all kinds were twisting through the air, destroying the buildings. Chaos.

Five got to his feet and teleported (with much strain) into another alley just further up the street.

What the fuck.

A grimace painted his face and he was coughing up dust before he could process it. His throat burned like hell. His knees were slightly scraped, and all his joints were aching with exhaustion from the time travel-

Christ. Time travel.

If Five had ended up with some other power, would his family have been better off? Was this even the result of his jump? He probably accidentally killed himself and got sent to hell. Five’s not a religious man, but so far, he hadn’t yet consciously had the time to figure out other answers. This was some sick revenge from a god that decided it was time for Five to have his due.

Suddenly there was yelling up ahead. Screaming was virtually everywhere but this voice was booming, laughing, and extremely distinct.

Five brought his head around the corner, and peered out into the street. Way up ahead there was a huge… floating triangle. Like the illuminati. One eye and everything. And yellow. Vividly yellow. There was a man, maybe Five’s age, jumping, holding a large gun aimed toward the triangle.

Five was about to jump closer when a huge roar rattled him and a bright blue monster suddenly swooped down towards him. He teleported away into the street, but the monster is fast and Five’s nerves were absolutely shot. It wacked Five into the comfy brick wall of a building behind him, and the only thing he could do was brace his arms around his head. Ouch. The monster threw it’s clawed hand but Five rolled away just in time. He got up attempting to teleport, but felt the blue glow on his hands weaken.

Shit. He didn’t realize just how tired he was.

Five barely dodged out of the next swipe, and picked up a broken pipe from the side of the street. The monster lunged and Five quickly shifted to the side and stuck the sharp pipe into the monster, scraping it along its back as it moved. Fingers sweaty, he lost grip on the pipe but the monster was disoriented now. While it was roaring, clawing at its back, Five was already booking it towards the nearest building. He was weak, and in no condition to fight it off any more.

A cafe with an upside down sign of a cup that was somehow pouring actual, steaming coffee, was the closest choice. A man right next to him was caught by an eye-bat and he’s taken away. Five slammed the door open and ran in before the eye-bat could take notice of him. The blue monster however, still in its rage, did for him.

Five slid over tables and made it to the kitchen, but could hear the front of the cafe being destroyed, and felt the building shake. The monster was furious. Can’t blame it.

Sets of knives splayed over counters in the back of the kitchen looked very welcoming but there was no time. The monster was literally breaking through the walls.

“C’mon, c’mon, shit!”

Instead, Five braced himself, and he was teleporting somewhere.

Doubling over in pain, his insides were lava. Burnt out and overused. He tripped over tree roots and sticks, and he could tell he was in the woods. Five’s ears were ringing, and everything hurt but he had to ignore it and make sense of all this. Actually be useful. First place to start would be to figure out when and where he was. Maybe somewhere up North. Maybe somewhere in hell.

Where were his siblings, dammit.

“W-woah- what did- did you just do?”

Five tried not to flinch at the screechy, stuttering voice. Lifting his head, he was now aware of a sweaty, semi-bald man in a grey tracksuit a few meters away. Five unconsciously sized him up and decided he could easily take him if need be. He absolutely needed any information at the moment so this guy would have to do.

“What’s-” Five caught his breath. “The date? I need the date-”

“Oh man, are you- are you a t-time traveler too?? Is that what that surge was?? I couldn’t tell if it was one of those weird things-“

Too? No way this guy could time travel-

“DATE, I need the EXACT DATE.”

“OK-ok, u-um, August 13, 2012!”

Five’s face creased. That wasn’t possible. He was in the past, but the apocalypse wouldn’t have been until April 1, 2019. If there were another apocalypse he’d know about it.

“Time baby’s d-dead, and most of the time police, I-I don’t think they’re coming back- oh man- WE'RE DOOMED!”

Five snapped his fingers in front of his face and suppressed a scoff when the sweaty man flinched.

“Hey, HEY! Calm down! Time police; you mean the commission?”

“W-what? No, I-I don’t k-know- I don’t know what that i-is- Is that your thing? I d-don’t think anyone can do- anything right now, he killed Time Baby!!”

“The commission is capable of anything, they “correct” the timeline and anything they see fit. Bunch of pretentious monkeys in suits; tried to- to carry out the apocalypse. Somehow they might’ve had something to do with this one.”

The man shook his head vigorously, his shoulders hunched in on himself, as if remembering something that disturbed him. Which was probably a lot of things.

“No no no, you don’t- no you don’t understand!! No human was c-capable of what he- he did!! No o-one else is! Please!! Understand!!”

Five wanted to argue and probe more, but the man, now more like the equivalent of a banshee, was screeching and losing his mind.

“PLEASE! WE NEED TO RUN!! TIME BABY IS GONE THERE'S NOTHING- NOTHING WE CAN DO!! KID- KID PLEASE!!” He kept yelling, breaking down infront of Five, shaking so badly.

He would’ve felt pity, but there was simply no time. If this man wouldn’t give Five clear information he would have to move on. But any question or retort fell short on his tongue as he whipped his head around to the sound of wings flapping.

Eye-bat.

“ONE OF THEM!! NONO!! MOVE!!”

Though his nerves were on fire, Five jumped to a tree, immediately spotting a large and pointy stick below it with several sharp branches attached to it.

“Ah! W-wait- NO!” The man fumbled with something in his hands- a tape measure?? Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to help him.

The eyeball hit him with a ray and he dropped it.

“NO WAIT- KID!!”

Five was already on it, teleported to the top of the eye and stabbed it right in the pupil. Despite the lack of a mouth it somehow screeched, and immediately fell to the ground. He stumbled off of the disgusting, bloodied creature and ran to the other time traveler. The man was already turning to stone.

“I can’t help you-“

“Oh g-god, no!! I mean yes! My-my time machine!! Just h-hit the button, s-stop this- from- from happening!!”

Stop what from happening?? Amid the chaos, Five hadn’t been able to find what the hell would have caused this. This was probably one of his only chances.

“What causes the apocalypse?!”

“Just- j-ust find- f-find the-”

The stone’s up to the man’s face now.

“Watchthe-PINES-” The man gasped for breath and then he was gone. Turned to stone with nothing more Five could do.

He stood there for a second, and then reached for the little device, eyes refusing to meet the now-stone man's face. Five ran his mind over everything he knew. Landed in a past that never happened, there’s possibly another time agency and they managed to downsize briefcases into…tape measures, there’s a time baby, and to keep an eye out for “pines”… and there were floaty monsters.

Suddenly, a possible explanation in Five’s head became clear, and wasn’t sure where to even go with it. A new apocalypse from the past, and a new time agency. Did he- was it even possible to- did he land him and his siblings in another universe?? He couldn’t even find them- ah. Shit. Five’s head was surely going to explode.

A huge crackling noise startled him and he turned to see trees falling in the distance, being knocked over by something- The blue monster again.

How lovely Five forgot where he was for a second. Best chance was to keep moving, but there wasn’t much he could do here. Siblings, nowhere to be found, and probably wouldn’t be found in this hell, would have to wait a little longer.

Taking a deep breath and standing up straight would only provide false comfort, so Five didn’t. Felt better to hunch in on himself. He would, however, apologize.

To whom specifically, he wasn’t sure.

But he pressed the button on the little device, and closed his eyes as sparks encased him.

…

Five’s face felt the immediate warmth of the sun, and heard birds chirping again. Although he couldn’t see anyone (Five was in the forest again) he could hear the distant rumble of cars and whatever other sounds one would hear near a town. Five was back before the new apocalypse.

Still no siblings however. That’s definitely a big problem. Stomach churning, he leaned against a tree.

And promptly threw up.

A crumpled napkin sat in his pocket so he used it to shakily wipe his mouth. Throwing the paper away, Five fumbled with the little device in his hands. It served its purpose, brought him back to…sometime. The sun was shining and the air felt crisp. Beginning of summer? How far could the device take him? Maybe he should tinker with it later, or if he needed a quick escape or something. It was also starting to feel hot. Briefcases never did that.

Well, Five would do it later, but didn’t know how long “later” would last. Best to start looking for some basic info. Or at least regain energy to be any kinds of useful. Following the sound of cars, he walked through the forest until he neared the road. Or one big one. A parking lot for a…cafe? It was in the theme of a huge log, and held the name “Greasy’s Diner”. There was also a sign detailing “FRESH COFFEE”.

Alright. That’s one thing.

…

Five immediately sighed as he sat on the red, plush bar stool. It was probably the most comfortable thing he’d felt in the last few hours. He was given the gift of being physically young again, but the higher beings decided to let him keep his old, achy bones. How considerate.

While rubbing his eyes, a waitress with a beehive hairstyle and a pink dress came up to the counter with a notepad and pen in hand. One of her eyes was closed and she looked thoughtful, until she looked at Five up and down and immediately became concerned.

“Oh honey, what happened to you!? You need anything? A plate of extra pancakes?”

Looking down at himself, Five realized he was a mess. He still had the bowling shoes, and was painted in dust all over.

“Just coffee. Black...please.”

“Make it two! Though add just a bit of sugar on mine. And I’m not paying for him, to be clear.” The door had chimed, and a man, maybe his age, came in.

“Alright…holler if you need anything, ok?”

“Actually, a notepad, and a pencil.”

Nodding, she gave Five the paper, and he started to scribble things down.

“Little young for coffee, aren’t ya kid?”

Five sighed, and the man, of course, sat right next to him.

“Could say you’re a little old for coffee, grandpa.”

He turned to narrow his eyes at the man but stopped- It was the same man that was with the floating triangle!

“Hey! My niece has fed me way worse- bless her heart- and I’m only 58! I’m young!”

“Oh, you’re my age then.”

“Are you mocking me?!”

Fives laughed a little, but shook his head. The man opened his mouth to argue but the waitress came back with both of their coffees.

“Ah, thank you!” The man turned to Five. “I am an adult, so I can do whatever I want! Laws or not, Stan Pines fears no man!”

Five choked on his coffee.

PINES.

Chapter Text

“Geez, kid! Careful with the coffee. You needa slow down! I mean, look at you! You blow up someone’s basement or somethin’? Got dust all over ya.”

Narrowing his eyes, Five wipes his mouth with his sleeve. “You really want to know?”

Stan looked at him suspiciously, and almost hesitated a little. In the back of his mind, he hoped this kid wouldn’t link him to arson or something. He had enough on his plate. And record-

“Alright. What’d you do?”

What matters right now is what YOU did, Five thought.
Would it be more convenient to just kill the man right now? Maybe that would stop the incoming doomsday. He mulled over it, but somewhere in the back of his mind, a certain past conversation with Luther nagged at him. “Don’t kill innocent people Five, find another way Five”. A man’s hardly innocent if he caused the end of the world. Also he was annoying as he was wrinkly.

Five sighed. Endure, he’ll just have to endure. This might be an opening to find out what this guy’s true nature is. Just stay around long enough to figure shit out. And find…his siblings. If they were truly gone, Five was a dead man.

Five sat up and looked Stan straight in the eyes.

“I ran away from my summer camp, and promptly ended up here, in…”

“Gravity falls, Oregon!”

“Gravity falls.”

“Well kid, there’s certainly better towns you coulda ended up in, hah!”

Five sips his coffee. Endure.

“Don’t call me kid.”

“Yeah I’m young at heart too…” Stan swirls the coffee in his mug around. “Hey uh, do your parents know? I don’t want anyone suin’ me for talking to a runaway.”

“They don’t. Probably wouldn’t care too, truth be told. Also, they’re dead.”

“Oh…sorry. That means you’re a runaway orphan?”

“Sure. And it’s fine, my old man was a bastard anyway. Treated my siblings like dirt.”

“Hm. I like you kid.” Five rolled his eyes, while Stan leaned back in his stool and crossed his arms. “You remind me of myself. Independent at youth! Though, I got kicked out, but that’s besides the point.”

Sighing, Five couldn’t tell if his face was scrunching in annoyance or his eyes were just droopy. He was too tired to deal with this, he thought, as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands.

“So uh, you got somewhere to stay? If you’re deciding this is where you’re gonna hideout. Looks like you could use about 20 aspirins and a week's nap!”

Five looked up from his hands and gave the man a glare.

“Gee, thanks. If I did, I would’ve taken it. I’m uh- currently looking for my siblings. Haven’t seen them in a while, but they should’ve been near here.” They really should have. Five mentally kicked himself.

“Siblings huh?”

Five nodded. “Five of them. They’re…all I’ve got left.”

Fiddling with his tie, Stan leaned forward on his arms, suddenly a bit quiet. Five noticed this and tilted his head in question.

“You got any siblings?”

“Me? Oh, no, but, my niece and nephew, they’re twins actually! They’re with me for the summer and I’ve noticed how they’re so similar yet different! Sometimes I wonder how they do it. How even after all these fights they have, disagreements, y’know, kid stuff; they still work together. They’re the best duo I’ve ever seen. Unstoppable, really. Good kids…”

Adoration filled the man’s eyes, and he chuckled a bit while sipping his coffee, as if reminiscing over memories. Five almost felt regret over something he hadn’t done yet; over something that he might have to do to Stan to stop the apocalypse.

“Yeah, my siblings and I…well, we’re not exactly %100 functional, but they were- are all I have. They deserve so much better, and as reckless, stubborn, and infuriating as they are…they’re family. I need to find them, and…”

Five fidgets with his hands, loathing the sudden vulnerability.

“…I know they would do the same for me.”

“Yeah, that’s family for you. Especially the stubborn part!” Stan laughs, and Five grins a little, grateful for the change in mood.

“Y’know, now I’m feeling particularly enlightened; I recently discovered a spare room in my cabin, if ya wanna stay? No mooching though! You gotta help out around the Shack!”

“Shack?”

“The Mystery Shack! The one and only; Gravity Falls’ place of wonder if ya ask me!”

“Sounds like a tourist trap.”

Stan gasped, and put his hand on his chest, as if offended.

“I’ll have you know it’s filled with only the most sophisticated and authentic mysteries, folklore, and anomalies of the town! Besides, even if it was, the people in this town are too stupid and gullible to notice, hah!”

The waitress came back around, and Stan quickly nodded and smiled at her.

Five took back his regret. This man was probably a cheapskate too.

“Oh! Another thing! I hope you don’t mind other kids. See, my nephew, he’s a bit of a- well- wimp, to put it gently. I think he could use a friend or two; an example. You got guts!”

“Right, so, I can stay at your cabin, in exchange for helping at a not-tourist trap, and looking after your nephew?”

“Yep!”

For now, this would seem like the best course of action. Somewhere to stay, while getting info on Stan as to how he could possibly be linked to the apocalypse. Maybe a shower too. Five would normally deem it unnecessary, especially now, but it might be better to have a clearer head if he’s going to find his vanished siblings. They need him. And that’s all Five needs.

“Alright then, I’ll accept your offer.”

“Cool! Well, uh, actually- what’s your name, kid?”

“It’s Five. And before you say anything, let me reiterate, my father was a strange man.”

Stan nodded while chuckling, and waved the waitress over for the check. Five’s eyes wandered over the old-timey log cafe, to a stack of newspapers in a little plastic bin. Standing to pick one up, Five scans for the date.

Teens disrupt abandoned grocery mart, disturbed man wins lottery, local man marries woodpecker- what? Anyways- aha! July 6, 2012, so about, maybe, 50-56 days time to prevent the apocalypse? Almost two months! Five folded the paper for later. Perfect.

“Alright, Five!”

Oh. Perfect. Five sighed for the umpteenth time that day.

“Hm?”

“I’m good to go!”

“Alright, then let’s-”

“Ah, dear?” The waitress pitched in, tapping the receipt for the coffee with her hot pink nails.

Five raised his eyebrow at Stan.

“Hey, I’m already giving you a place to stay!”

Rolling his eyes and grumbling, Five reached for what little change he had in his pocket. This was going to be a very long summer.