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Yelena and Nat sat in quiet contemplation at a rickety table while watching young children play in the background, reflecting on their robbed childhoods thanks to Dreykov and the red rooms. Natasha had hoped to forget that part of her life, no matter how much it gnawed away at the back of her mind. The nightmares that plagued her that she tried to forget. Despite making a new name for herself, a new life, Nick believing that she was worthy of a second chance. She would always be seen as a double agent, untrustworthy, the enemy. Having to make new roots after her history was revealed to the world upon taking down Hydra. But Yelena had been working from the shadows, under the control of Dreykov using mind control, robbing of her free will and conscience. Yelena never had the choice of a second chance because it was robbed from her. They both needed to unwind, have some fun and enjoy the feeling of making their own choices, though Yelena still struggled with having her mind back, whether this was real or if she was dreaming. She felt comfort in having her sister around to support her, having ordered more beers to get them through the night, discussing their newfound freedoms and changed lives.
"Do you remember the winter soldier programme? The side project of Hydra? He was used in training your generation of widows" Yelena pressed. She knew there were matters Natasha would never feel comfortable taking about, or tried to move past, but she couldn't help her curiosity. Questions about Natasha's life she never had the opportunity to learn about. But even she had glimpses of their past, memories of the soldier with the metal arm and the cold gaze. Yelena had only caught glimpses of him a few times, but when Natasha reached her teens, he was already involved in her training first-hand. She knew of his strength, fighting abilities and more. Yelena had heard numerous stories of how cold, ruthless and dangerous he was, that he was someone she tried to avoid unless she had no choice. But for whatever reason, he developed a closeness to Natasha, he was the only person he cared about more than anything. Their lives had become intertwined and could never be reversed. Their genuine affection for each other broke his brainwashing and brought James to the surface, forming a bond, he protected her, loved her, tried to help her escape. Yelena knew the risk of escaping, that they would be hunted down, such as when she cut out her tracking chip to get off the radar. Due to Natasha's generation never having chips, it had been easier for her. But after she escaped they cracked down and made it even harder.
Back when Hydra infiltrated Shield under the pretense of being allies, the Winter Soldier had worked from the shadows to ensure their mission, doing all the dirty work Hydra didn't wish to get their hands in. He was efficient, merciless, followed orders and protected his handlers. Used to intimidate the widows to keep them in line, assure they followed training and never held themselves back. Many grew to fear the soldier, even when working alongside him, terrified they would be the focus of his training and punishments if they slipped up or made a mistake. Having racked up over a hundred kills and more, only proving his efficiency, earning praise from his handlers. The only thing more prized than Alexei was the winter soldier, Dreykov took a close interest in him, Alexander pierce being his main handler would share discussions with Dreykov about his progress. For a while, Alexei had seen the winter soldier as an ally and enjoyed fighting with him, but over time became embittered that he was locked away while the winter soldier remained free to fight. Realising that the Winter soldier had higher priority than them and was a better tool than their previous soviet super soldier.
Natasha shivered, her skin turning pale and gripping her bottle softly, Natasha never got close to people for a reason. She knew how to use her sexuality as a weapon, it was what she was trained to do, but truly opening her heart to someone, to love them was a different matter entirely. Memories she had attempted to repress surfacing all at once, drowning her mind. The fiercest weapon Hydra ever made, using cruel tactics to ensure he would never turn against them and wouldn't remember his true self. Breaking his mind and spirit to ensure his soul remained broken, remembering the sounds of his screams when they repressed his memories over and over. The tears and guilt she felt, listening to him, forced to watch it happen as punishment, knowing it was because she loved him, that he was her weakness as a widow. That he would remain out of reach to her so long as she was in the red rooms, she wasn't allowed to feel love. Trapping James within his mind so the soldier would remain obedient, that he would forget her, but somehow, he always broke free and fell in love with her again. Fate led them to finding each other over and over, much to the frustration of their handlers.
The only known people who could match Bucky in Winter soldier mode were herself and Steve rogers, the only one capable of matching him in a fight and holding their own. He had trained her after all, she recognised his fighting style and knew how to beat him, but more so she knew how to hit his head to deactivate the soldier and bring James back to the surface. She hated hurting him, she hated how familiar a feeling it was, but it was instinct, her body remembered. She knew he would never hurt her intentionally, when the soldier was in control, his conscience was repressed.
"Yeah, he shot me in the stomach during a mission, then when Hydra attacked us on the bridge he shot me through the shoulder" she reflected, she still had the wounds to prove it. The mark on her stomach and shoulder that would never go away, memories of their past. He was in the hands of Wakanda now, T'challa had realised Bucky was merely a tool by Hydra and Zemo, trapped in his mind and manipulated to fulfill their role. His previous grudge towards Bucky dissipated and formed into empathy, friendship and trust, helping Bucky regain his mind and memories, to get his life back. Natasha couldn't deny the conflict within herself of the promise that James would return to her. The guilt he would have, remembering all of their encounters when Hydra still had their claws in him. She would never forget her encounters with the soldier, but more so the intense love she felt for him, both reminded the other they weren't monsters. She could only imagine the reaction Steve would have when he learned the truth.
Yelena raised her eyebrow, but her features softened, her previous teasing manner vanished into empathy. She knew that Bucky meant a great deal to Natasha, he was the most important person in her life next to her. She'd heard the stories where Nat attempted escapes and was dragged back and punished; as was the winter soldier, as a Widow, love was not a necessity, love was for children.
Yelena had lost count the amount of times she had laid awake on her bed listening in on any passerby, trying to hide her excitement. Every time hoping that Natasha would take her with her, so they could escape as a family. But she was always met with disappointment, knowing Natasha had been caught and she was never going to come. But she had to admit, being shot like that did sound like a cool way to die, hoping that someday Natasha would show her the scars. But she knew Natasha was hiding something, she was trained to find out the secrets of others, she had that look in her eye. "Melina told me, I heard stories circulating the red rooms, before you got out. He trained you, mentored you, took a personal interest in you" Yelena hummed. Melina had known about The Winter Soldier from her younger years as a widow, due to being a student around the time he was first created. However, she had not the same familiarity as Natasha. He'd fallen in love with her older sister, a widow and a super soldier in a relationship, how poetic. Killers in love.
Natasha shifted, she could sense that Yelena was teasing her a little, but was also genuinely curious of their past. She and Bucky had been drawn to each other from the start, but she tried to hide her feelings for him. The guilt of knowing she had left him behind to suffer while she escaped was something she would never forgive herself for. Avoiding Yelena's gaze, a sadness formed in her eyes, looking as though she wanted to cry. "I was young, lonely; we needed each other" she lied, no, it was more than that. Of course she needed love, she was a teenager and she was scared. But over time that love blossomed as she grew older, from a childish crush into the devotion of a woman. Even through all the torture and brainwashing that Hydra put her through, he was gentle with her. Treated her like something precious, whenever she was roughed up from training he made sure she wasn't in too much pain. Making sure she recovered and was prepared to fight, he protected her, took care of her. He would sit by her bedside and keep her company, talked to her, albeit in Russian. His eyes had been even more intense in the moonlight, despite being hardened and empty, they seemed so conflicted, like an oncoming storm. Sometimes he would unbind her and let her sit up in bed, stroking the rope marks around her wrists tenderly. But would always refasten her binds before leaving so nobody suspected a thing. He saw her tears, he saw her wounds, he saw her suffering, he hated seeing her cry, sparking something within himself. He felt anger, rage and hatred that he was responsible for them, that he wanted her to be happy. He tried to protect her, he fell in love with her.
Yelena smiled, she had never seen her sister like this before, though she tried to conceal her feelings using excuses and lies, she saw past it. She knew that Natasha had been deeply in love with him, Bucky was her first love, someone she trusted more than anyone, which to a widow was a serious thing. They were trained to see everyone as the enemy, trained fighters, killers, mercenaries. She let her guard down around him, she trusted that he wouldn't hurt her, that he wasn't her enemy. "He's cute, you make a good couple" she teased, they knew each other, they understood each other. They shared an emotional bond, their souls connected and healed. They remembered each other, their bodies remembered each other. Even after all this time, Natasha still longed for him. Natasha scoffed, taking a sip of her beer, but there was no bitterness or tension behind her actions.
"Madame B, Dreykov, they wanted no distractions in our training, so they tried to keep you apart. But you still found a way right? Isn't he in Wakanda right now?" Yelena pressed. She could only imagine how awful that must have felt, your tormentors, captors, ripping your happiness from you over and over. The heartbreaking loss of your love being wiped from your mind. They were free now to make their own choices, their binds to the red room was broken, Hydra had been destroyed. Bucky was no longer under Hydra's thrall, his memories would never be robbed from him again, Natasha wouldn't remain a ghost to him. He had his mind back, his memories back, though fragile and fractured, they would slowly piece together and make sense. Surely she would be one of them, their history was intertwined and forged. Wouldn't he be happy to see her?
Natasha raised an eyebrow suspiciously, she was supposed to be on the run, after the Sokovia accords and going against Tony in order to clear Barnes name, she was in hiding and her being here was already a risk. Though she wanted to see James, check on him and be around the people she loved, she had a responsibility here that she couldn't ignore. People who needed her here that had been wronged. On top of that General Ross was still hunting her and she couldn't risk her capture. "You want me to run off and leave you after all this?" she protested, after sending her the compound, their pictures, dragged her into all of this? She wanted her to leave?
Yelena smiled in amusement, laughing dryly, though the idea was tempting, she couldn't abandon the other widows, neither could Natasha. She had to have something to look forward to after this. Buying her vest, dreaming of what she would do with her life once the fear of Dreykov hunting her down was destroyed, she needed plans. "Nyet, I want to meet my brother-in-law, see if I approve of him taking away my big sister" she teased. Yes, she was a little jealous, knowing someone loved Natasha as much as she did. Bucky meant the world to Natasha, she meant everything to him, but Natasha was Yelena's big sister, someone she loved more than anyone, they were family. Their memories of playing together, their memories of peace before she was sent to the red rooms. Despite it being fake, it felt real to her. She wanted to meet Bucky for herself during their reunion, to finally see the face behind the stories of the Winter soldier. To finally acknowledge each other and form a friendship or alliance. She would have to tolerate him for the rest of her life after all.
Natasha laughed, she could tell from Yelena's smile that she already liked the sound of him which meant there was little chance of them attempting to kill each other. But being a protective sister she wanted to know Natasha would never be hurt. Natasha's hardened features formed into a genuine smile, a bashful smile formed on her face, humming to herself as the memories of James filled her mind. It felt so real, as if he would appear out of nowhere and surprise them, joining them on their mission to take down their captors. His piercing blue eyes, so intense and so beautiful, his soft black hair, the way it fell in his eyes like a boyish daydream, the way he said her name. James was capable of killing her in a million different ways, and yet she trusted him with her life and her heart. "He's kinda cute, a little nerdy, a huge dork but… he's sensitive" she teased. Bucky was a looker, he had been since the 40s but the serum only amplified that, all the good in him had merely become greater, just like Steve. It took Hydra's control to attempt to break that out of him. He still loved books, he always had diaries now to help him remember but she loved that, knowing she may be hidden in those pages. He wore his heart on his sleeve, a loyal puppy dog but capable, dangerous and efficient. She need merely look in his eyes and it was as if only the two of them were in the room.
Yelena laughed, the look on her face and the tender way she described him told her everything she needed to know. Her sister had become a blushing schoolgirl merely by mentioning his name, talking about the simplest of things had become a blushing mess. She could see her getting lost in her memories of him, if that wasn't love, she didn't know what was. Though she didn't understand people's obsession with romance or sex, due to neither feeling romantic feelings for anyone, nor did she feel an attraction to anyone sexually. However, that didn't mean she was incapable of love, incapable of caring about someone in other ways. She respected that he meant something to her sister, that she had found happiness after escaping the red rooms and met someone who loved her despite her past. The same way Natasha meant something to her "He's just your type" she teased.
"Shut up" Natasha huffed, even Nick knew her past was dark, that she was involved in the winter soldier but never asked questions. Trusting her completely and knowing she would never betray him. However, he empathised that Natasha had fallen in love during her days as a widow, but the person she loved was ripped from her repeatedly. But she knew they would cross paths again, somehow fate would bring them together after all they had been through. Hydra couldn't hurt them anymore, they could be free to live their own lives. She wanted to see him again when this was all over and she could reunite with Steve in Wakanda. When Bucky was out of the cryogenics and his mind was his own again, when he knew the words wouldn't activate him, when he knew the demons in his head would settle. To see her friends.
But she still had her reservations, she knew Bucky would have amnesia after all the times his memories had been forcefully repressed, his mind would be foggy. The trauma inflicted upon him would surface and he would never truly recover from them. What he would remember, what would be lost. That she could stand in front of him and be seen as a stranger, that would break her heart after finding him after all this time. If he would recognise her and remember their shared past, all the memories she held dear to her heart. What they meant to each other, what he meant to her, how far she would go to protect him. To finally have her life back, to have her lover back, to have that normality back in her life.
"So it was bullshit, he doesn't fix houses" Yelena chuckled, the whole story she created for Natasha when she was undercover or in hiding, had been far from the truth. She was involved with an assassin/mercenary with a dark past, but he was still Natasha's type. But he made Natasha happy and that was what mattered.
Natasha groaned in embarrassment, but she couldn't help but laugh too, Yelena's assumption of her ideal guy was far from the truth. This was going to be a long stay.