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The night after the Fuckery, Blackbeard ended up staying the night in the Captain’s quarters. He seemed full of a new sense of urgency. It was a good thing he offered his help in cleaning his wounds and bandaging him up, because Stede had no clue how he would have asked for such a thing.
He winced as Ed first applied pressure to the wound with a towel. This pain escalated into a roaring scream that rattled his insides and left his mouth in another strained groan.
Ed probably thought he was pathetic.
“Hold on,” said Ed. “You’re doing great. Breathe.”
He obeyed, and his entire torso shuttered and quaked like his bones were coming lose. His wound was on fire. Tears streamed down his face. The other man lead them through deep breaths, which eventually did help with the pain.
“Fantastic,” Ed told him. That bit of encouragement was exactly what Stede needed to get through it. “Thirty more seconds.”
He let up, and they both caught their breath. He was no longer bleeding profusely like before. That was a small victory.
“Time for step two,” Ed unceremoniously took the rag soaked in once-boiled ocean water and place it on his inflamed abdomen.
“I know, I know,” Ed murmured as Stede’s breath hissed through his teeth. The salt water bit through his flesh. “It’s best to do this all in one go. I’ll finish quick.”
After the rag was soaked through with blood, Ed dried his hands and turned to the bin of still drinking water from under the bed. He took a clean cloth and soaked it, then returned his gaze to Stede: “Relax your mouth a bit. May I?”
Stede’s blood fired hot through his veins. He nodded.
Ed’s hands were clean and bare. His fingers were nimble and light as he laid the cloth over his mouth and squeezed gently. They were quiet for a moment as Ed did this, his fingertips warm against Stede’s lips. He was surprised by how the smallest hint of fresh water reminded him of how parched he was.
Blackbeard took the same cloth, rinsed it, and let it lay on top of Stede’s burning forehead. A cold sensation ran down his spine, causing him to shiver.
“S’okay, s’okay,” he said, almost like he was convincing the both of him as he turned back to the salt water. He prepared the cloth. Stede groaned, his breath picking up speed.
“Breathe deeply. And slowly,” he instructed him. “You’re doing fantastic. You’re doing great.”
He rinsed the bloody cloth for the salt water with a little more of the clean water and placed it back on his abdomen. The cool temperature of the rag caught him off guard.
“We’re almost done. After this we’re gonna get you warm.”
He watched Ed as he put away the supplies. He told him to sit up so he could bandage his wound. He took out a long roll of bandages and helped him straighten his back and sit upright. Stede let out another groan of pain and collapsed forward onto Ed’s chest. Ed held him with his free arm for a moment, letting him catch his breath so he would be able to stay upright. He made quick work of bandaging Stede up, and was tucking in the ends before he knew it.
Then he did something that made him stop breathing for a moment: he wrapped his arms around him. One arm around his neck, and another around his upper back, Ed laid him gently out on the bed. Stede caught his breath as Ed stayed close to him, his body huddled protectively over his. He tucked in the blankets on top of him.
“Alright. Best way to beat this quick is rest up and stay warm.”
“Thanks for taking me off the skewer.”
Ed’s eyes clouded over. “I’ll help you get back on your feet,” he said, looking everywhere but at the man across from him. “If you’re alright with that. I’ve got experience with wounds.”
“Sure.”
Ed’s lips pressed together firmly. He rubbed the back of his head and wiped his sweating palms on the back of his pants.
“Um... G’night.” Stupid. That was a stupid thing to say.
Stede moved to turn down the comforter on the other side of the bed. He looked directly at Edward, who blushed so much he had to turn away so his hair covered his face. He bit his lip in an attempt to school his expression and cleared his throat.
“Maybe, uh…I’ll just get a chair…” he stammered, before making a beeline to the middle of the room. After inspecting a couple spots, he settled on the couch and shucked his jacket off.
“Night,” Stede said.
Ed grunted, settling into the cushions. He draped his jacket over himself like a blanket and fell silent.
Ed exhaled deeply when he heard Stede utter his first tiny snore.
Meanwhile, Ed’s heart raced, making his body clench and his skin feel tight. He wondered why Stede had invited him on the bed with him, other than maybe deliriousness caused by loss of blood.
He heard a faint, pained noise and remembered why waiting at Stede’s bedside the first time had been so difficult. He was so careful not to complain of pain too much when he was awake. But when he was asleep, he wasn’t hiding anything.
Ed swallowed, trying to ease the knot in his throat. He abandoned his jacket on the couch and approached the Captain’s sleeping figure.
He turned back and walked toward the front door in hopes some fresh drinking water had been delivered. He opened the door and grabbed a clay pitcher of water that Lucius had left for them last night. He took it over to the bed and began soaking another clean rag.
He approached from the other side of the bed, where there was more space. He stepped out of his boots and laid down next to Stede. His whole body went tense the moment after his head fell onto the pillow. He placed the rag on his forehead, his other arm curled under his head so he could watch him easier. Stede turned his head towards him and a warm shudder flooded his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He said it as quietly as possible, “I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you like that ever again.”
Stede let out a little sigh and lifted his arm upward. His fingers tangled in Ed’s hair. The man froze completely, holding his breath inside of him like a precious commodity he needed to save.
People just didn’t touch him like that anymore. He’d actually forgotten what it felt like to have someone’s hand in his hair like that.
Stede inhaled deeply, his eyes opening a little in the dark. “Edward?” He murmured.
Ed’s stomach churned with nerves. This couldn’t be happening.
Before saying anything else, Stede tugged on the nape of his neck and pulled his face even closer to his.
Ed could cry. Or die. Perhaps both.
“Stay?” He asked, his voice clouded with sleep.
Ed’s heart softened like butter in the sunlight. He nodded, and carefully placed his arm over him. Stede was just conscious enough to reach out for Ed’s hand and take hold of it. He had no clue why his brain was forsaking him, but he couldn’t stop holding his hand even if he wanted to. Getting to hold his hand was a greater honor than he could have ever asked for. When he held his hand he didn’t want to think about anything else except him. He tentatively buried his head in his chest hair and exhaled through every muscle in his body.
He felt dizzy. His heart felt too big and too soft for his own ribcage. All he could do was breathe and run his thumb over the soft skin of the Captain’s hand.
He wanted to tell him everything: about how he grew up, his biggest fears, his greatest desires. He wanted him to know about every dream he gave up on and every dream he wanted to share with him. Instead, he steadied his breathing and inhaled the scent of lavender and salt water wafting off of Stede’s skin.
He closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sea, clinging to the life raft that was Stede’s chest. Eventually his eyes grew heavy and the earth slipped underneath him, plunging him into a deep sleep.
*
When morning came, Ed woke up in the exact same spot he’d fallen asleep in. Sunlight spilled onto the bed, gilding everything in its path.
Ed and Stede’s hands were still clasped together.
“Oh, you’re awake,” said the Captain. “Did you sleep well?”
Ed’s stomach plunged through the bottom of the ship and into the sea beneath them. Fuck. He did not mean to fall asleep. Honestly, he hadn’t even meant to curl up next to Stede like that. But he was in pain and it was all his fault for letting Izzy lose control like that. He was hurt because of him.
Yet if he stayed, he might get hurt because of Stede himself.
“Islept fine.”
Ed moved his limbs away from the Captain and started to crawl out of the bed. His feet hit the ground clumsily. He yanked his boots back on.
“I gotta, uh…take a piss. See ya.”
Stede made a confused noise. It sounded something like “huh.”
Ed was out the door to the secret exit in moments. His head was spinning. He needed a moment in the dark to catch his breath. He stopped and panted, his head spinning as memories from the previous night drifted through his mind like a beautiful dream.
But that was all he could do. Dream. He couldn’t really tell this man how he felt about him. He would never understand, much less reciprocate.
Or would he?
He couldn’t think about that now. Ed cleared his throat and stepped out into the bright light on the ship’s deck. The sun blinded him for a moment. Ed threw an arm over his brow to aid his eyes as they got used to the sunlight.
When his vision cleared, he could very clearly see a person standing on deck not too far away, their eyes fixed on him.
It was Lucius. He stood there with one hip cocked to the side, his head tilted as he tried to figure exactly what he was looking at.
Blackbeard shot him a look. “Piss off”
“I didn’t say anything!”
“Yes you did.”
He sighed as he passed Lucius and made his way to the kitchen to pick up breakfast for him and the Captain.
Figuring out how to handle himself around these people was going to prove harder than he thought.