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"Admit it, I'm right." Tim puffed up his chest like a cliché cartoon character. Steph broke out into little giggles and Cass let out a fond smile. Damian scoffed but didn't argue.
"I mean… It does make sense." Steph agreed.
"I suppose Todd is an acceptable mate for Fath-Grayson." Damian's flush betrayed him. Of course he thought of Dick as his father much more than Bruce.
Steph cooed at the slip up and Damian turned even deeper red.
"But.." Cass butted in, "family?" She asked and Tim pursed his lips.
"I don't think it would bother them… Right? I don't think they see each other as brothers, but rather allies or partners or?" Tim spit balled and Steph nodded.
"They don't spend much time around each other in the Manor and when they do it always looks more like friends hanging out than siblings." Steph added.
"Todd is an admirable warrior and will serve Grayson well as a companion. I am for the plan, even if you're typically an imbecile, Drake." Damian tutted and Tim took it as a compliment.. Sort of?
"I am too, sounds fun!" Steph beamed. Cass looked hesitant before slowly nodding.
"Awesome, Operation Jaydick is a go." Tim grinned.
And that was the start of the chaos.
"What do you mean we have to share a bed?" Jason asked.
"Sorry, there must have been a booking error, I swear I clicked three rooms of twins." Tim mumbled.
"Steph and I share." Cass smiled and Steph leaned in towards her to give her a hug.
"YES! Girls squad!" She beamed.
"Then I'll share with the brat." Jason spoke, Dick made a protesting noise. "You and Dickwing can have the double."
"Unlikely. I want to share with Drake and there is no way I'm getting in a double with him." Damian scoffed, earning three looks of surprise, from Dick, Jason and Tim.
"Y-You want to share with me?" Tim asked, voice a little breathless in awe and surprise.
"Yes. I wish to discuss a matter with you in privacy."
"Oh… Okay." Tim smiled slightly, a little surprised but not protesting, it worked with their plan. Damian nodded and turned back to Jason and Dick.
"I'm afraid you must share. Please try not to maim Grayson, Todd. Grayson please be lenient on Todd, he snores."
"Oh come on!" Jason growled angrily.
"Lil' Wing. It's fine. I don't mind."
"Why do I have to share with Goldie, he's got something so far up his ass he chokes on it." Jason snarled. Dick blinked in surprise and then flushed. Nobody was paying him any attention though, directed to Jason and his anger.
"It is unanimous, Todd." Damian snapped, "you wouldn't deny my request would you, Alhami." Damian narrowed his eyes and Jason's growl filtered off into silence before he slowly nodded.
"Of course not Amir." Jason spoke, low and compliant. Damian mostly concealed his smug look. Tim and Steph only watched in surprise. Dick slipped away, face masked and blank.
"How will sharing a bed help prove their worth to each other?" Damian asked once the two were in their room. Tim had chosen the bed closest to the door.
"Y… You don't-" Tim started, confused, he'd assumed Damian's input in helping Jason and Dick end up with the double bed was because he understood what Tim's plan was.
"Sure the best way for them to see each other in a desirable manner is to witness their proficiency in combat? It was how Mother originally intended to find me a wife." Damian spoke and Tim flinched.
"Dami.. You were only ten when you left the League."
"Yes, Mother waited longer than typical because she wanted to best possible companion for me. The League was to be my own one day after all."
Damian sounded confused. Tim resisted the urge to hug the stabby child.
"Well, I'm coming back to that later but no, most people don't pick their partner based on fighting ability but rather appearance or personality, how well they connect or…" Tim trailed. Damian scowled.
"Or um, so they can cuddle." Tim added quickly. Damian huffed and glared at the older boy.
"I'm 13 Drake, I know what intercourse is, you imbecile." Damian retorted. Tim let out a relieved sound.
"Oh thank God I was not mentally prepared for that conversation, that's totally Dick's job not mine." Tim looked so relieved.
"So you only want them to share a bed so they could potentially engage with one another in a sexual manner?" Damian asked, pulling his bed sheet down to get into the bed. Tim flushed but nodded.
"Is it a dumb idea? I.. It works in Movies." Tim floundered, because okay he had absolutely no dating experience and he was nearing 20, so sue him for relying on movie tropes.
"It… Might work but how are we to know if it was successful? They would hardly divulge the details."
"Oh shit you're right- fuck" Tim audibly facepalmed. Damian rolled his eyes and snuggled under the quilts.
"Exactly." Damian smirked, because he was smarter than Drake, clearly.
“Soooo, how did you sleep?” Tim asked the next morning at the hotel's breakfast.
“Like a log, Timmy, I was so tired. I forgot how taxing travelling was.” Dick sighed into his glass of fresh orange juice. Jason scowled and hunched over a tea.
“Lucky you, I was kept awake all night.” Jason snapped. Dick snorted. Tim missed the joke while wallowing in his disappointment that nothing clearly happened. Damian rolled his eyes.
“Well I slept great.” Steph beamed, Cass nodded alongside her, nibbling on a slice of toast.
“Me too. Despite his inadequate tendencies, Drake is a surprisingly subpar roommate.” Damian admitted. Dick cooed as Tim flushed at the compliment, or at least it was a compliment coming from Damian.
“Adorable.” Dick smiled. Jason only rolled his eyes and continued to nurse his Tea while Tim inhaled his third coffee of the morning. Cass just remained silent yet all-knowing.
“What do you mean we have to pretend to be a couple?” Jason yelped when Tim dropped the bombshell.
“Honestly Todd, it’s hardly a big deal.”
“Ha? Then you do it.” Jason spat, Damian only clicked his tongue.
“Todd I’m 13. I can’t.” Damian responded as though the elder was stupid. Jason pressed his lips together, either in anger or to stop from saying something stupid.
“Then have Dick do it with Tim.”
“Jay, I am way too well known, I can’t go anywhere without being flocked as the CEO of Wayne Enterprise.” Tim explained carefully, “plus my relationship with Kon isn’t a secret, I think I’d look suspicious claiming Dick was my boyfriend…?” Tim explained.
“Then Steph-” Jason argued, turning to Steph.
“Yeah no, did you forget the part where I was gay?” Steph seemed disinterested. Jason’s eyes turned to Cass. Cass stared back silent. Jason wisely didn’t open his mouth to suggest her. Cass smiled.
“Fine. Fucks sake.” Jason seethed and Dick beamed.
“Aw, Lil’ Wing it’ll be fun!” Dick spoke as though they weren’t being forced to pretend to be a married couple for a mission.
It wasn’t fun.
Jason almost lost his nerve several times, Tim on the comms had to keep reminding him to be more affectionate with Dick to sell the story. Steph was surprised how easily Dick fell into the role.
“But honeyboo.” Dick cooed and leaned in towards Jason. Jason flinched but tried not to move away.
“Shut up Dickie.” Jason spoke low and under his breath as they moved further into the club, trailing their mark.
“Make me, Baby.” Dick purred. Tim choked and Cass reached to speedily cover Damian’s ears. Steph only laughed as they watched through the bugs planted on the pair.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Dickwing.” Jason retorted angrily. Dick only laughed.
“You’re so precious, Baby Boy. We both know I’m the one in charge.” Dick smirked. Damian wriggled in Cass’ hold.
“I’m not a baby! Let go.” He hissed out. Cass didn’t let go.
“Oh my God this is beautiful.” Steph chortled as Dick continued to attempt to protect their cover while Jason squirmed and flushed at the words.
Tim counted it mostly as a success even if nothing else happened, not even a kiss.
The final straw, Tim couldn’t take it anymore, was truth or dare. Maybe it was cliché but Tim’s plans had mostly fallen flat and if this was what it took then so be it.
“This is stupid.” Damian hissed, Steph kicked him, making Damian glare at the blonde.
“Hey. Cut it out. It’ll be fun.” Dick beamed. Jason looked like he wanted to be anywhere else, which probably made sense considering he’d been forced to join in the silly game, wedged between Damian and Tim.
“Okay, I’ll go first.” Steph smiled and turned to Cass on her other side.
“Truth or Dare?” Cass asked carefully, Steph paused to think and then nodded.
“Dare.” Because of course.
“Uh…” Tim trailed as Cass stared at him, clearly wanting him to pick for her.
“I dare you to try on the Batsuit.” Dick grinned. Tim looked beyond pleased while Steph turned drip white.
“Oh no c’mon Dick don’t be mean, I’ll die if he finds out-” Steph whined but Dick didn’t let up.
“I help.” Cass offered, Steph seemed a little more relieved but also terrified.
“Off you go, Brown.” Damian smirked.
So the two departed.
“Truth or Dare, Dami?” Dick asked, Damian pondered his choices a little.
“Truth, I suppose.” The game was rather dull, he didn’t want to play, but Tim had picked the game as part of his plan, so Damian was stuck going along with it.
“Got any crushes, Dami?” Dick teased, because his brother was a teenager so what else would he ask. Plus his crush was so obvious to the rest of the family.Jason grinned, embarrassing Dami sounded like fun.
“Tt. What a ridiculous question.” Damian flushed.
“Ohhh? That’s not a no.” Dick sung, and Tim snickered.
“I don’t have a pathetic crush on anyone!” Damian hissed and absolutely nobody believed him when the tips of his ears flushed red.
“Wow that’s bullshit, brat.” Jason teased, Tim continued to laugh.
“Quiet! Grayson it is your turn.” Damian tried to distract everyone and draw the attention away from his not so secret crush on Jon Kent.
“Dare.” Dick answered, rather quickly and Damian turned to Tim, it was all going as planned.
“I dare you to sit on Jason’s lap and kiss him.” Tim pointed out. Damian choked on air because wait a minute that wasn’t the plan. Jason wheezed out a laugh as Dick looked mortified.
“I-” Damian mumbled and then stood up. “I’m going to see what's taking Brown and Cain so long.” Damian finished and scurried off before anything could happen.
Tim watched on, refusing to back down as Dick shot Jason a look. Jason sighed and moved his hands away.
“Get on with it, Dickwing.” Jason relented and Dick eagerly shuffled forward to straddle Jason’s thighs. Jason waited, hands flat on the floor beside him as Dick shuffled until he was seated properly, both his hands reaching to rest on Jason’s cheeks, angling his head up a little. Jason waited, didn’t move until Dick closed the gap, still awkwardly aware Tim was watching. Dick didn’t seem to care or maybe he’d forgotten in the moment because the kiss was neither short nor chaste. Dick took to it like a starving man, instantly nibbling onto Jason’s bottom lip, sucking on it slowly and teasingly. Jason wasn't sure when his hands moved onto Dick’s hips, nor when Dick very slowly began to rock against him, Jason allowing Dick to worm his tongue forward and into his mouth. They weren’t remotely aware of their situation anymore, Jason hungrily sucking onto Dick’s tongue, wet noises mixed between little pants and groans and-
“Holy fuck Tim I leave you for two minutes-” Steph screeched. Dick pulled back rapidly, Jason flushed red, spit trailing between them until it broke.
“Ha.” Tim looked pleased, not remotely awkward. Damian tutted and Cass smiled. Steph looked hilarious in the oversized Batsuit, cowl and all. Dick would have probably laughed at the sight if he wasn’t burying his head into Jason’s chest, embarrassed and red. Jason snorted.
“Well that was something, Dickie.” Jason spoke, lowly as Dick continued to curl up on his lap.
“Are you two gonna date yet or what?” Steph asked. Jason frowned and then laughed, loud.
“Blondie we’ve been together nearly a year, for a family of detectives you’re all pretty blind.” Jason smirked. Tim gaped and Damian’s eyes widened, Cass only continued her knowing smile, because she’d known the whole time of course.
“Y-You-” Tim struggled to get his words out, pointing an accusing finger. “You played us!”
“Thanks for the double bed, Tim, we put it to good use.” Jason smirked, Dick whined in embarrassment, still not facing the rest of the Batclan. Damian clicked his tongue.
“We don’t need details, Todd.” He mumbled.
“Uh, yeah we do?” Steph retorted quickly.
“Wait, wait, stop. You’re dating then?” Tim asked.
“Yeah…?” Jason trailed because he had already confirmed that.
“But you always fight and argue-” Tim continued. Jason only laughed more.
“Dickie finds it fun to pretend. It was partly why we didn’t tell you, but it’s been fun watching you flounder and try and get us together so…”
“You knew?!” Tim shrieked. Dick finally turned, still flushed and nodded.
“Of course, you guys aren’t subtle. You were literally using fanfiction tropes for most of it.” Dick wheezed out, smiling a little despite his mortification at losing himself briefly.
“But-” Tim went to argue except…
“Stephanie Brown! What exactly do you think you’re wearing?!”
Oh shit, Bruce.
“Fuck- run.” Jason gritted out, practically shoving Dick off his lap to dive away. Damian scurried so quickly into the shadows and Dick was quick on his heels. Steph floundered and panicked and Cass only smiled to herself. Her family were all so funny.
Tim had run off too, but god he was 100% revisiting the conversation later, how had he not noticed for so long…?