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It was quite a strange sight that spread out in front of the few crew members. Though snow covered the mountains around them, they couldn't wrap their heads around just how much time has passed since everything that'd went down.
"Christmas already?!" Stede exclaimed, and Izzy tilted his head to the side in confusion. He knew what Christmas was, it's just... He never really celebrated it, or knew what sort of festivities come with that. But he didn't have too much time to ponder, as he was grabbed by the sleeves of his shirt and yanked— It was Oluwande and Jim pulling him into the crowd of posh people dressed in fancy coats and frilly jackets to keep themselves warm. Izzy didn't have that luxury, not really. Stede offered him some underclothing, and he accepted it, but... It wasn't enough to battle this weather.
He didn't know the destination of Jim and Olu's confident strut, him wedged between the two, but they quickly arrived at a vendor, Frenchie following them shortly. There were some beautiful clothes, fluffy coats and warm vests, and Izzy tugged his arms out of his crew mates' grasp to be able to run his fingers through the materials. He only ever knew leather. He'd been on Blackbeard's crew for so long, he forgot what real, regular clothes felt like. Not like he had too many of them before, but... The experience was nice for a change.
Frenchie nudged his hip with his own, and regardless of how long Izzy had known him, he could already make out the mischievous glint in his eyes. The man nodded towards one of the huge, sheep skin lined jackets, and then towards the ever gathering crowd. The seller didn't seem to be paying much attention to them, rather entertaining some rich guests with telling tales of where all the fine fabrics had been imported from.
"Israel, would you be a dear and help me try this on?" Frenchie asked in a mockingly elegant tone, and though the man rolled his eyes, he took the sought after dark green coat and draped it across his companion, who observed it in the mirror hung from the side of the vendor's table. "Well that is quite lovely, isn't it, Iz?"
And oh, Izzy should've really stopped all the wheels turning in Frenchie's head. But he had to admit life was boring abroad and... The stupid bastard seemed entirely too happy with it.
"I suppose it's nice, yes" Izzy responded in a neutral voice, and soon enough Frenchie was shucking off the jacket and handing it to the first hand, and with a nod as a cue, Iz slowly backed into the crowd, clutching the clothing tightly. As he made it to a safe distance from the vendor, he waited for Frenchie. He couldn't have been that hard to spot, hopefully, so he needn't look for the man. It'd be enough if only one of them was searching for the other. Until then, Izzy took a closer look at the item in his hand, and he'd only now noticed Frenchie grabbed two of the poor merchant's products. The clothes looked similar in style, however the other one was relatively smaller in size and... Black? That's interesting. Nobody really wore black anymore in the crew besides... Him. That fact, he couldn't overthink much, as Frenchie came sprinting into Izzy, grabbing him and spinning the both of them around.
"That. Was. Fucking. Fun! Izzy, I didn't know you had that in ya!" And of course, the man in question rolled his eyes. He was just about to grumble out some witty retort, but Frenchie grabbed the black coat and wrapped it around Izzy. It was with so much care that the first hand almost...felt loved. But of course that couldn't have been true. He's Israel Basilica Hands and not somebody to associate with the word 'loveable'.
He got so deep in these thoughts, he only snapped out of it when he felt a slap to his upper arm. It was Jim, with a huge grin. Well, he didn't see that one directed at him much...
"Aye, looking sharp hombrecito! Almost makes me believe I'm talkin' to a royal!" Olu and Frenchie laughed, and Izzy wanted to, too, but instead he felt tears gather. He quickly blinked them away. How was everybody suddenly so nice to him? What was in this 'Christmas' thing that made people treat him like this? Was the sweet scent of cinnamon a drug of some sort that only didn't have an effect on him? Sure, they'd been coming to Izzy when somebody was desperate enough to be expressing some affection and coddle the first hand, who let them because... What else could he do? But in no way was he prepared for it to become unconditional! And especially not to find that out in a place like a stupid market for stupid rich people.
"Come on now, they didn't mean the shit kinda royals, no need to get all upset, mate!" Olu poked his face and gosh, Izzy hated this. He hated how kind everyone was. He hated how welcomed he felt, how they were treating him like family, or even just a close friend. He wasn't supposed to be liked. Yes, he did change very much in the past month or so, and he was lightyears more tolerant with everyone, rarely even raising his voice anymore, but... He did so many awful things, then lost his mind and treated them even worse. Why was this happening? It's not like his remorseful actions after Ivan snapped him out of it changed any of the past. It was history and history could never be erased. It'd always hang in the air like a tight string about to snap and let all hell break loose... Right?
"No, no um... It's... Thanks, Frenchie" Izzy stuttered, and stood on his tiptoes to look for a gap where he could slip out of the circle the three had gathered in around him and maybe return to the ship for a nice fucking cry. But before he could go ahead with his plan, Stede and Edward appeared, hand in hand, and the crew mates opened the circle to fit them in, too. Stede basically squealed in joy at the sight of Izzy dressed up so fancy.
"My my, you are putting our money to good use!" The captain cheered in a singsong—y tone and Frenchie scoffed.
"Yep. Our money" the three crew members in front of Izzy said almost in chorus, and he never wanted to run and not look back so badly. This was awkward. He didn't want to appear elegant and didn't want to have nice clothes, and actually? He deserved to feel cold and perhaps even get ill from it. But then Edward looked him up and down, then up again and oh, there was that same old fuzzy feeling in his guts.
"Looks cute, Iz. Should get you some more of this sorta shit" And there was a hand on his shoulder, Ed's hand, and after that a torso against his, Stede's, and Izzy looked around for the crew desperately. He was too embarrassed to have this display of affection in public!
But alas, the crew bolted the second Edward reached out to him. They knew what was coming and they weren't about to interrupt. Stede brushed his lips across Izzy's reddening cheek and it made the man want to be swallowed by the ground in embarrassment. Wouldn't there be people staring? He couldn't have a bad public image at... Wherever they were.
Edward seemed to read his thoughts. "Relax, Iz. Nobody's going to think anything of you, because we're not going to come back here again. Probably ever"
Stede nodded in agreement, Izzy knew because he felt the man's nose move against his tattooed face. Edward leaned in, just when he felt himself get less tense. He left a sweet but chaste peck on his lips, and as he pulled back Izzy followed with his head briefly, silently pleading for just one more. It was Stede who satisfied that request, pulling Izzy to him for a much longer kiss. His soft fingers ran into his hair and suddenly, the first hand didn't care about who could see, or judge anymore. He nearly purred from all the affection, pressing himself closer to the two men in front of him. When Stede finally ended the kiss, Izzy was blushing blood red, from the tips of his ears down to his neck, his head falling forward to thud against Ed's chest.
All three of them jumped slightly as they heard Wee John and Roach call Izzy's name behind them, and once again a small path was made towards the man by his captains parting ways with him for now.
"I found this... Hot thing and i was thinking you'd like it?" John spoke like a shy virgin and Izzy wanted to slap him for it. He was a grown man, damnit, what was he shy for? At the same time, he was half expecting Roach to pour the steaming drink all over the nice new coat, but instead he handed him a mug of it, and tapped his own against Izzy's, as did Wee John.
"What is it?" Izzy asked, trying to sound the least amount of suspicious of the drink as he smelled it. It was surprisingly pleasant.
"Bloke said mulled wine" Roach shrugged and took a sip, as if the beverage wasn't boiling hot still. Feeney nodded in confirmation and Izzy smelled it again. It was a sweet but strong scent of spices and, obviously, wine. He bit the bullet and took a sip, too, and if he ignored the burning feeling in his mouth, he could make out how delicious it was. He looked up at the two men and nodded, approving of their choice of drinks. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Swede and Buttons approaching with their respective mugs and he already had a headache from the chaos they'd probably bring with them. However the two men stood on either side of Roach, just quietly drinking away.
"You know i thought you could get more drunk from this" The Swede said and Izzy scoffed.
"It's been boiled. Boiling makes the alcohol evaporate" He explained, and everybody except Roach looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky right in front of them.
"See? I told you, why do you believe the pretty guy but not me?!" Roach smacked Swede's arm, and the man just grumbled. Izzy was looking at the cook completely stunned. Was he really just called pretty? And why was it said so casually? Were they calling him that behind his back? Was this some sort of mocking?
Defensively, Izzy clutched his mug tighter and pushed himself past the four men, heading into the crowd with no real destination. He was quite sure the four he'd left behind were confused, but he still wasn't going to take any slander to his name, regardless of the things he's done. He didn't talk badly about any of them anymore, so why couldn't they do the same? Because oh, he surely could come up with ten mocking names on the spot for each of them. Actually, he just might. He's been on his best behaviour for so fucking painfully long, he didn't insult anyone, he never even uttered a single complaint...
His head was brewing with anger, he hadn't felt like this in a while and he found he... didn't like it. It was scary to think that'd ever be the case, but it was happening. He needed a distraction... And so he began looking around the little tables filled with different products as he walked, and it was actually rather hard avoiding bumping into people to not spill his wine and window shopping at the same time. He occasionally stopped in front of some vendors who'd caught his eyes, mostly food ones, and almost every time he was offered free little samples. He scarfed them down like a starving man. It was... Strange. He rarely got access to proper food in his past, let alone get these luxuries for free. It was only now, with Stede's crew that he could get a good portion of nice quality food. Besides, didn't they know he was Israel Hands, feared first hand? Did they have no care of the sword at his side? Izzy felt free like this. Nobody knew of the things he's done, he felt like this was a fresh beginning. So silly to think that just because some salesmen were trying their damnedest to get money for their wares by anyone possible... This whole Christmas market thing was stupid and Izzy hated it. Or at least he wanted to, but as he spotted Lucius reading aloud some stupidly overdecorated house signs to Pete, Ivan and Fang who were trying, and failing to keep in their laughter, he thought about how much this crew was like a family. He never had one. Blackbeard's crew was the furthest thing from that. But every now and then, he had to remind himself, this is their crew now. His mind made him feel like an outsider to them nevertheless and it didn't let him get too comfortable with anyone just in case they stabbed him in the back. It was so stubborn of him to. After all, these people gave him the biggest second chance in the history of second chances. No logical reasoning was behind his worries. Nobody would do that to him, not anymore... So why couldn't he just let himself enjoy this? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to get surrounded by people this... Good. Why did he have to go back to these stupid defense mechanisms just because he had somebody call him something that was never used positively about him? Of course, he didn't want to burden Lucius with these thoughts like the man previously told him he could. And especially not now, when he was finally enjoying something with people he loved dearly. It just stung a little. He wanted to be fearlessly happy too. And he will be, he decided. He'll stop acting like a stuck up piece of shit at least for today.
So, he took off with new purpose, sneaking past Lucius and the men with him in order to not disturb them. He could see Jim, Oluwande, Frenchie and his captains in line at some tent, and upon further observation he noticed that they were giving out meals inside of it. He hurried to them, and he was greeted with a smile by all five. And he said hello back before his mind could go on about how he didn't deserve that.
"We're getting lunch for the whole crew to eat together, I'm glad you joined, Israel! An extra pair of hands will help tremendously!" Stede explained happily, and all Izzy's mind could focus on was that he was glad Iz joined. It surprised him as if the man wasn't kissing him like his life depended on it just a thirty minutes ago. Ed patted Izzy on the back the same time Frenchie and Oluwande reached their hands out to pull him closer, and it resulted in him blushing all over for a second time that day. He was pressed against Jim's side because of the two men positioning him, and they were warm in a pleasantly surprising way. Izzy couldn't refrain from burrowing himself further into the warm body, and Jim just wordlessly wrapped him in their coat, trapping him to their torso.
"If i knew this coat wouldn't be enough i would've stol— i mean, purchased you a vest too, Iz" Frenchie tutted, and in response Izzy only shook his head, trying to convey this was already more than enough. Besides, he discovered his love for having an excuse to seek warmth from other people.
"Of course you fuckers stole" Edward scoffed, and Stede's eyes widened. Izzy could already hear the freak out...
"These people work hard to make their wares!" Stede scolded, and Frenchie hid behind Oluwande, while Izzy disappeared himself entirely into Jim's long coat. The sight was quite ridiculous, Edward even laughed about it. Frenchie poked his head out from behind Olu's back to protest.
"Actually all of us know these have been imported from Italy. Seller told some couple himself. Makers got their money already" And that seemed to have done it for shutting up Stede. Izzy snickered from the safety of Jim's clothes and Jim flicked his head playfully. He stopped laughing immediately. It was deserved, honestly.
They hadn't noticed the line moving until Edward left them to approach the counter and order exactly 14 portions, and even pay for it. He must've felt strange, not only taking but also giving. Or at least, Izzy would've. The portions were divided into containers, and placed in a bag, 2 in each. Izzy emerged from the comfort and warmth of Jim's jacket to grab two bags to be useful, while everyone else grabbed one. They headed back to the ship, and set the dinner table. It was quite a nice sight, actually.
"If everyone keeps to the plan, the whole crew should be here in the next five minutes" Stede said warmly, and Izzy couldn't decide if he wanted to cut his own ears off to never be able to hear his voice dripping with honey sweet love again, or kiss him until he felt lightheaded. For now, the safest bet was neither.
Ed placed a hand on his lower back, pulling him to his side, and Izzy fit like a puzzle piece. He belonged there. The careful caressing of the man's hand helped settle his thoughts about wanting to eat alone, because he didn't deserve to have company.
"You should sit with me today, it's unfair just how much Roach and Lucius get to eat next to you" The captain purred into his ear, and Izzy felt like his brain was putty. He nodded, completely in a daze of the love and affection, and tilted his head to kiss Edward's throat. It was a small exchange, yet the rest of the crew present pretend—gagged loudly. Edward laughed before coming to their defence. "Aw come on, you guys get the boy to cuddle with and i can't even hug 'im?"
"Captain, i can assure you they've moved past cuddling" Lucius, who'd just walked down the stairs, commented and Izzy never wanted to turn into dust and get blown away by the wind so badly. Edward patted Izzy on the back roughly, though he probably didn't realize it was that hard. The man never knew his true strength. He congratulated him like Iz didn't spend every third night in the two captain's room spread and used like a ragdoll.
"If we've stopped sharing the gross details of our lives, can we eat, please? I'm starving" Grumbled Swede, who arrived with Lucius, along with Pete and Buttons.
"Actually, we're still missing Roach, Ivan, Fang and Wee John" Stede frowned, but as if on cue, the four men stumbled in, miserably juggling fourteen mugs of that 'mulled wine' on trays.
"Sorry we were late, cap...s!" Feeney panted as he placed down the trays, the rest of the newly arrived crew doing the same.
"Now we can eat!" Buttons yelled, and everyone found their place for the duration of the meal. Izzy took Ed's request and sat next to him, Olu on his other side. Light chattering took over the room as they dug in, and Izzy grew to like it more and more as a background noise. He felt a nudge to his leg under the table, and he looked up to see Roach as the source of it. The man had a genuinely concerned look on his face.
"What was it about you running off earlier, eh? Didn't even say thank you for the drink" And Izzy felt so ashamed. He wasn't sure how to explain his dilemma, so he apologized quietly before turning to Olu, who immediately stopped his conversation with Jim and Swede. Why'd everyone consider the times he talked some high value moment?
"Roach called me pretty boy earlier. How do you think he meant it?" He whispered, silently enough for only the man to hear. Oluwande frowned in thought, before he whispered back.
"Think he meant it genuinely, Iz. You're pretty" That didn't make sense to the first hand. He was just a decent shag, and the motive of everyone who showed him affection was to get to experience that, no? He wasn't handsome and he fit the criteria for pretty even less.
He turned back to Roach, looking puzzled as ever. "I... Don't think I'm pretty, that's why" His voice was so quiet, trying to prevent from anyone overhearing, yet all the chatter in the room was cut in half immediately. He felt infinitesimal. He didn't like all the eyes glued to him.
"Israel you are a dummy if you think that!" Stede was the first to speak, and then a flow of agreement followed. Izzy felt overwhelmed. He leaned against Edward, the only one not looking at him, and Ed glared at the room as a sign to go back to what they were doing. He knew all the insecurities Izzy dealt with on the daily. That's why they had to turn the mirrors to face the wall in the captain's room.
"Come on, do you want to go for a walk?" Came a voice, but his panicked brain didn't want to register anybody else's other than Ed's. Izzy clutched Blackbeard's arm tightly, so he spoke for the person, a low murmur in his ear.
"Go with Jim, baby, talk about it with them. You know i don't know as much, wish i did..." A few more reassuring rubs to his back, both by Jim and Ed, and he agreed to go, taking a deep breath and not looking at anybody in the room as he stood. Jim linked their arm with his and lead him up to the deck, where they made laps until Izzy felt comfortable enough to speak.
"How d' you just get confident? I... The last time we fucked, you handled yourself like some god amongst men. You had so much power and you didn't even seem to doubt yourself... How?" Sure, Izzy still had it in him to get undressed, but he'd never look at himself then. He always just stared at whoever had bagged him for the night.
"I guess i just... Know that this is what the 'Jim package' comes with. There's no shame in that. My body keeps me alive and that's pretty much all its use is, anyway" They carefully unlinked their arms to stop Izzy in the pacing, turning him to look at them. "However you look, this is what matters to everyone here." Jim poked his chest where his heart was. "As long as you don't pull back on that cold layer, i don't care if you have fish for tits or legs for hands. And nobody else does, either. You think we're so nitpicky? Shit, you've had Ivan and Fang, Olu and I, Frenchie, then Roach, and even both the captains for a reason. And we'd all go for a thousand nights more with you. Believe me that you're just fine now?"
Izzy was... For once, at a loss of words. He could only see a body not right for him before. What people could only use but never love. And whenever it was useful because Olu and Jim liked to cuddle at night after tending to his desires; or because Frenchie sketched Izzy while he slept post act, claiming he was as good as Lucius at drawing; or useful because Roach would spend hours mushing and kneading him like some dough to make sure Izzy got to relax as well, then gave him the most uncharacteristically soft fucks ever; or maybe because Ivan and Fang shagged him without a complaint even if he started crying during, because they knew he coped like this with big emotions; and of course useful because Stede and Ed could cherish him, undress and worship as if he was worth anything more than his status in this hierarchy, he only assumed it was just to make themselves feel better about using Izzy. He'd never put it in this perspective. So what mattered wasn't really about Izzy's body. Anything went at sea. What mattered was, all these people cared about him, and what was good for him. Treated him like an equal after he'd spent almost two months earning a second chance. His lips quivered and he collapsed into Jim for a hug. He never felt so appreciated.
"Whoa, hey, c'mon hombrecito. It's alright. I know it's hard, but we've got you" Jim's soothing seemed to only rile his brain into wanting to cry more. Usually, he kept that to himself and an empty room, but he felt safe. Small hiccups indicated to Jim that his emotions had gotten the best of the man, and they could only hold him tight as Izzy processed it all.
The time in which he worked towards getting a new beginning, trying to make up for the hellish actions of his, by changing who he was, and doing the opposite of what he used to, he began to feel like he had a heart again, and though it was shattered to pieces, the wait was worth it. Moments like these patched it all up. He liked to be nice, but he couldn't afford to be that vulnerable before. Everything was a danger to his love with Edward because he didn't trust himself enough to be able to keep him. Because he was selfish and behaved ugly. Now, he discovered sharing him only did them good. Sure, Bonnet was glued to Ed's side, but so was he to Izzy's. Their love was equal. He was equal. And everybody else who wanted a piece of his love just wanted him to feel like that, too. They were genuine and honest, even if it was really hard to forgive Izzy, let alone let him become a part of their tight knit crew.
By the time he stopped crying, it was starting to dusk. Jim gently pulled back to cup Izzy's cheek with their hand and tilt his face up, wiping the tears with their thumb. They wordlessly leaned down and pecked his lips, and Izzy's face scrunched from the affection. Still, he let a small smile tug at the corners of his lips.
"Thank you. I... Really, really needed that" Izzy leaned his face further into Jim's palm, and before the other could reply with anything, they heard quiet footsteps approaching.
"Caps said we could rearrange their room and have a sleepover for Christmas?" Lucius didn't want to disturb much, so he kept his voice down, but Izzy knew he was smiling at the sight by the way he talked.
"We'll be right there" Jim reassured, and squeezed Izzy just one more time before taking his hand and leading him back to the much warmer inside of the ship.
"Y' think Stede would be mad if we finished the food there?" Izzy asked, the question more aimed at Lucius than Jim because the man knew him better. Lucius shrugged.
"As long as you're happy, i think you could paint all the furniture piss yellow and turn them upside down. So no"
With that, Izzy briefly parted ways with the two to grab his and Jim's plates, then brought it into the big room. Everyone was either taking up some sort of furniture, or laying on the floor on multiple blankets and pillows. He handed their plate to Jim before taking a seat next to Roach on the floor, at first quietly eating. Then, once he finished, he gathered his bravery and looked at the cook.
"Well... You cook good but this wasn't half bad either" He forced out a small laugh to ease his own tension, and Roach huffed. "Listen, i wanted to say 'm sorry for just leaving you there. I let my stupid brain eat itself up and i over thought what you said. Thank you for the drink and... The compliment, too."
Roach wrapped an arm around Izzy, squeezing the man to him. "I was just worried, man. You can say if something upsets you. Don't make me say the rhyme but... you know, we talk things through"
"Yes, understood" Izzy nodded, and permitted himself the comfort of laying his head on Roach's shoulder. Stede and Ed were going on about some story of how a strange red haired, tinted glasses wearing fellow and his blonde, fancy mate reminded them of themselves, and as the tale went on, the crew somehow seemed to keep gathering around Izzy. First, it was Ivan coming to occupy his other side, while Fang rested his head on one of his legs; then Frenchie joined, sitting on the dresser above Izzy to be able to mess with his hair. After that, Oluwande laid on his other leg, while Jim sat by Olu's side, and reached to hold Iz's hand. He felt so safe and loved... Happy, like he never was before. It was incredible, mind blowing even, just what a bit of affection could do to him. He looked over the room, seeing Feeney, Swede and Buttons fast asleep on the couch, and the people surrounding him were slowly dosing off too. Lucius was still awake, tracing midless patterns onto Pete's back as he held him. He locked eyes with Ed and Stede, and his captains blew him a kiss in the air. It was only Ed who stood, and brought a blanket over to Izzy, however. He was the only one who couldn't grab one, seeing as he was the last to arrive. Ed tucked him in, careful not to cover the faces of the crew members resting on his legs, and this time, the kiss pressed to Izzy's lips was long enough to make him breathless. Ed wished him sweet dreams with a quiet hum, and headed to where Stede was already getting comfortable on their bunk.
Izzy didn't feel guilty for being happy, or living comfortably for a few moments. He was exploding with love and he knew now, whatever he had to do to make sure nobody regretted that second chance, it would be worth it. He fell asleep surrounded by everything that mattered in the world. His crew.