Chapter Text
Jeff Bezos Anti ✔ @TonyStark
I hate teenagers.
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When a popular Ironman fan account and Ironman got into an online feud, almost everyone felt surprised. A few notable exceptions to that statement included the owner of the fan account and Ironman. (It wasn't pre-meditated in any way shape or form, but both of them were expecting it.) Only five hours after the first argument online, #ironmanvsanironfan trended on Twitter. In interviews, Tony Stark would ominously declare "that kid brought all of this on himself." The other avengers, mainly the recently returned Rouges, chided Tony for "cyberbullying a kid." Every time this was brought up, Tony would indignantly claim "I'm the victim here. That good for nothing brat was practically asking for it." What the others didn't know was that the kid actually did ask for it.
"Hey, Mr. Stark? What would you do if I created an Ironman fan account?" asked Peter one day, during lab time. Tony nearly dropped a stoppered test tube full of carbon monoxide gas in shock.
"First of all, no questions when I'm holding substances that could kill us. Second, what the absolute fu-heck do you mean?" At Tony's attempt to censor himself, Peter snickered.
"You know... like a fan account?" Tony rolled his eyes at Peter.
"Kid, I know what a fan account is. I'm on Twitter. I was just wondering why you would make one."
"Because it would be funny."
Tony didn't get Peter's generation's humor; he saw the grape surgery on TikTok, it wasn't even funny. He was about to voice this to Peter, but he didn't. Right before he did, he realized in horror that he would sound like Captain Spangled-ass. Instead Tony decided on a simple "Where's the joke there?"
"I think I am going to make a fan account. If anything, just to spite you."
"If you do that, you're dead to me." Peter grinned at the man in response.
So maybe Peter didn't exactly ask for it, but Tony definitely felt like he got the anti-fan account sentiment across. Even with that being said, it didn't surprise Tony when Peter sent him the links to Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr accounts. Peter's timing wasn't opportune, as Tony was in a meeting about fixing the Sokovia accords. Although, Tony was bored as fuck so maybe it was good timing. He took out his phone and tried to hide it so as to not get lectured by Ross (he didn't want to deal with Ross's shit today).
All of Peter's accounts had the username tonystarksleftshoulderblade, and the bio "I'm an Ironstan." Tony nearly blocked all of them, but curiosity got the best of him. In hindsight, he probably should've blocked the account.
Instead, he texted Peter back. Lab day is canceled indefinitely. I did not sign up for this when I took you on as a protege. Also, is anyone even on Tumblr anymore?
Peter responded to his text immediately. no offense but you're too much of a coward to ban me from lab day (also i know you have a secret tumblr account mr stark don't pretend to be cool when you aren't.
I have no clue what you're talking about. For both claims. I am not a coward; I have saved the world many times. And a secret Tumblr account is not something that Tony Stark would have. (That was a blatant lie- Tony had multiple.)
sure thing old man
Holy shit, this kid is getting murdered the next time Tony sees him.
"Stark. What's so important that you can't listen to this meeting? A meeting which is very important to the future of the Avengers, might I add." Tony rolled his eyes at the sound of Thaddeus Ross's voice, which was getting increasingly agitated. "Don't roll your eyes at me." ('Okay, Howard.' Tony thought wryly)
"Secretary Ross. Thad- if I may."
"You may not," Ross interjected, looking like he just had his villain origin story.
"Thad. What do you have against me watching POV videos on TikTok?" Rhodey started laughing and disguised it as a cough. Tony smirked when he heard Pepper whisper to Rhodey to not enable him.
Ross just scoffed and continued. "As I was saying. I think we can figure out a solution to where the other Avengers will stay soon."
"Oh. Just make them stay in the compound upstate. I'm moving back to Stark Tower in NYC anyway so..."
"You are?" exclaimed Rhodey shocked that he hadn't heard about this development before.
"Yeah. The new owners were practically begging for me to take it back. Apparently, a lot of people didn't know I moved. So the new owners were getting violent threats, meant for me, every other day." That was only really half of the reason, but he'd never admit aloud that he would move back to NYC to keep an eye on a 17-year-old pain in the ass.
"Anyways." Ross was speaking through gritted teeth. "Are you actually willing to use the compound to extend hospitality to your ex-coworkers?"
"Yes. If it makes this meeting end any faster." After that the meeting didn't take very much longer, so Ross must've taken Tony's words to heart.
After the meeting, Rhodey asked him again what he was doing on his phone. "No offense, Tones." Rhodey started, "But I don't believe that you were watching POV videos. I know you have a secret Tumblr, but POV videos are a little far for even you."
"What is with it with people claiming that I have a secret Tumblr account?" Rhodey raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay, fine. I was looking at an Ironman fan account that the kid made."
"It's the first time I've ever seen you so bashful, and you're talking about a 12-year-old. Tones. You're becoming a dad."
"He's seventeen," Tony said absentmindedly. Then the rest of Rhodey's sentence dawned on him. "I am NOT a dad."
"Sure, you aren't. Oh, and what's the account called. I want to see it" Tony gave him the details to the Twitter account and noted that Peter had already posted something. He read the post over Rhodey's shoulder.
P <3 @tonystarksleftshoulderblade
proof that tony stark has pollen allergies based off of random clips i found on the internet.
Attached to the post was a compilation of videos of Tony sneezing.
Tony grabbed his own phone from his pocket and started typing two words. These two words are what led to all of the memes, the news articles, Peter's internet fame, and the online feud between him and Peter. Two words were what led to everyone changing how they saw Tony Stark.
Tony Stark, who hadn't tweeted ever since the "Great Fiasco of 2015" replied to a fan account.
P <3 @tonystarksleftshoulderblade
proof that tony stark has pollen allergies based off of random clips i found on the internet.
| Jeff Bezos Anti ✔ @TonyStark
*based on.