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The bruise had faded pretty quickly all things considered. They always had. Something due to good genetics probably. But they still felt like they were there.
A dull ache in his neck at all times, struggling to breathe sometimes. He'd asked Oluwande about it, but when he'd poked Stede's neck to feel if there was something there, Stede was back there. One minute they were sat in Stede's room, the next, he was on the Spanish ship, but this time, he was alone. No Blackbeard to cut him down, no crew, he was just alone, slowly dying on a strange ship in the middle of the sea. The sky around the ship had gone blood red, and Stede felt himself going numb as he hung there.
He hadn't even noticed he was pointing a knife right at Oluwande until Jim grabbed his wrist, yelling at him, but Stede couldn't hear what they were saying, he was just trying to breathe. His throat was too tight, like he was being hung again, and his stomach hurt, the stitches burning, and he had to restrain himself from scratching at them, because it just felt too wrong.
Jim slapped him, and Stede blinked, back in the moment, "were you even listening to me?!" They yelled, eyes full of fire, hand on one of their knives.
"I- I'm sorry," his eyes welled up with tears, and Jim took a step back, "I didn't, I just…" Stede sobbed, burying his face in his hands.
Oluwande put his hands on Jim's shoulders, "come on, let's leave the captain for a moment."
"But he just-" Jim started.
"Jim! Now is not the time, okay?" Oluwande said sternly, glancing back at Stede who was now sobbing violently, so much so Oluwande was worried he might be sick, "come on, let's go see if Roach wants any help in the kitchen, let you get some aggression out."
They left, and once again, Stede was on his own.
That was when the nightmares started, similar to the flashback. He was alone on the ship, hanging by a noose, dying slowly.. Though sometimes, he wasn't alone, sometimes the Spanish were there, laughing and cheering as he bled out, choking in his last breaths, his dead crew around his face, the cheers telling him they were dead because of him. Other times, Ed was there, laughing along with the Spanish as Stede tried to plead with them to let him free, tried to plead with Ed. Those were the worst ones. The ones that left him looking over his shoulder, that left him unable to breathe when he woke up, feeling like he was going to be sick.
The nightmares were debilitating, and it wasn't like taking a walk outside would help, even the salt air would bring him back there, the rocking of the ship, nothing would help. So instead, he stayed up in his room, reading to take his mind off it. Escaping to different places, back home, back to when his life was normal. Painfully boring, but lacking the nightmares.
No one had really noticed Stede acting different recently, or, if they had, they didn't bring it up. Maybe he deserved it. Jim still glared at him, maybe they'd told the crew he tried to stab Oluwande, and they were planning a mutiny. The only person that brought it up was Ed.
They'd been working on table etiquette, but Stede was falling asleep as he talked, losing his thoughts mid sentence. His eyelids felt heavy, as did his head, like it had been replaced with fifty cannonballs, and all he wanted to do was sleep, but when he closed his eyes for too long his neck tightened and his stomach burned, so he just willed himself to stay awake.
"Lucius!" Ed barked, snapping Stede out of his half awake state.
"Um, yes Cap- uh, Blackbeard?" Lucius stuttered, looking up from where he was writing in the corner, hiding from Izzy, and really, Ed couldn't blame him.
"Go see if anyone wants help with… anything," he told him, waving his hand towards the door, "oh, and if Izzy says anything, tell him I sent you, and that I'm busy." He looked over at Lucius, a stern look on his face, before he turned back to Stede.
Lucius blinked, confused, before he noticed Blackbeard looking at Stede, concern and worry plain on his face, causing Lucius to smile slightly, raising his eyebrows, "right away sir," he nodded, rushing out of the room.
Stede had barely noticed, he was just fiddling with his necktie, eyes focused on the cutlery.
"What's wrong?" Ed asked sternly once Lucius was completely out of the room and out of earshot.
Stede shook his head, looking up at Ed. His eyes were sunken and dull, "it's nothing."
"You're tired," Ed stated, causing Stede to look away, "when did you last sleep?" Ed pushed, reaching towards him slightly.
"It doesn't matter," he insisted, looking back to the table, picking up a random fork "come on, we should get back to the lesson, this fork is for… it's, um," Stede put it down, rubbing his head, trying to remember what he was about to say, still pulling at his neck tie, almost like he was trying to pull it off, or at least loosen it, though it was already pretty loose.
They'd come back late from the party the night before. Ed had talked to him before they went to bed, and he looked tired, but this was a different type. A type he remembered from the nights after he killed his father. A sad type of exhausted, like he wanted nothing more to do than curl up in a ball and sleep for a month, and it broke Ed's heart.
What happened to him?
"Stede, here, let me help," Ed said carefully, reaching over, fingers gently brushing against Stede's neck, and Stede just snapped, picking up the fork.
Leaping towards Ed, both of them toppling off the chair and onto the floor, screaming "Don't touch me!" tears welling up in his eyes, and a type of fear that wasn't entirely present. Ed just grabbed Stede's arm, inches away from the fork going into his eye, snapping Stede out of whatever memory he was in as Ed gently pushed him back, making sure neither of them got hurt.
Stede dropped the fork, shuffling back under the table, away from Ed. Ed was going to go, get someone better suited to help, until he heard quiet sobbing from under the table, and he thought it was best not to leave Stede alone right now. As best he could, Ed shuffled under the table, trying not to hit his head as he did, sitting next to Stede.
He was curled up, knees up to his chest, face dug into his knees, breathing heavily, heavy, wet sobs choking themselves past his lips every few seconds, and Ed wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him. To rub his back and tell him that everything would be okay.
"I'm such a hypocrite," Stede muttered once the sobbing slowed down, shocking Ed slightly.
"What?" Ed blinked, both because he was not expecting Stede to be talking so quickly, but also because he hadn't fully heard him. His voice was muffled by his knees.
Stede looked up from his knees and he looked like a wreck. He'd pulled his necktie off, his eyes were puffy, and his hair looked like a wreck. Tear tracks had stained their way down his cheeks, and more still fell, though not as heavily before. Stede's knees were soaked, darkened with tears Ed wished he could get rid of.
"I- told them- I told them that we, that we should-," he started to cry heavier again, and he quickly wiped them away, "that stupid rhyme," he muttered, not looking Ed in the eyes anymore, pulling his knees tighter to his chest.
Ed thought for a moment, of all of the things Stede and his crew had said in the month he'd been aboard, trying to think of which would actually apply in this situation, before he remembered, "talk it through as a crew?" he tried carefully.
Stede nodded, staring forward at the table cloth, eyes dead, "We're supposed to talk things through, I always told them to. If any of them came to me, needed to talk about something, I'd let them, but I just- I can't." Ed sat, listening carefully, "I should be fine!" Stede yelled, slamming his fist onto the floor, and Ed heard something fall on the table, but all he cared about was whether Stede's fist was okay. "The bruise healed! I didn't die… but I can't stop thinking, about-" He stopped.
"...About?" Ed asked, still not sure what Stede was talking about, but he wanted to hear, he wanted to help.
"I can't even wear my damn necktie anymore!" Stede yelled through a broken sob, slamming his head back into his knees, and that was when the pieces clicked in Ed's mind. Of course he was talking about the Spanish ship, how could he be so blind?
"Y'know," Ed started, "talking isn't always easy. It's easy to say that you should talk about something, but not so easy to do it," he shrugged, "it's like, growing a beard, when someone talks about it, you're like 'hey! That's easy', but sometimes you just can't. It's not your fault, you just gotta give it time, and it'll help."
Stede looked up again, tilting his head slightly as he looked at Ed, "that's… weirdly philosophical," he laughed slightly, "but why did you pick growing a beard?"
"It was the first thing I thought of," he shrugged, "it's kinda my thing anyway… though, it's supposed to relate to you, so maybe I should've picked reading," Ed muttered, scratching his beard.
Stede shook his head, "no, it makes sense, I just thought it was funny," he was still smiling at Ed. "Sorry… for nearly stabbing you."
Ed shrugged, "many people have, don't feel too bad about it."
"Well… still, I nearly stabbed Oluwande the other day, I still think Jim's gonna kill me in my sleep."
Ed smiled lightly, "if you want, you can sleep with me… they can't kill you while I'm here." he shrugged, trying to hide the fact that just the idea of sleeping in the same room as Stede made his stomach flutter.
Almost immediately Stede's face went red, "I uh, well-" he stuttered, before Ed realised what he said.
"Oh! No, no, I meant, sleep in the same room as me… not," he shook his head, "sorry, it was stupid," he muttered, turning away, feeling like an idiot.
"It wasn't stupid," Stede smiled, putting his hand on Ed's shoulder, "I just, misunderstood you. I'd be happy to share a room with you. You can sleep in the captain's quarters with me if you like."
He stared down at their hands, before looking back up at Stede, "um, yeah, sure," then, he got an idea, "on one condition," he smiled mischievously.
"Wh-" his eyes widened, worried about what condition the famous Blackbeard would want.
"I will sleep in the captain's quarters with you, if, and only if, you promise to go take a nap right now," he grinned, squeezing Stede's hand.
He looked down at the floor, clearly contemplating it, "...will you be in the room with me?" Stede asked carefully, "I just, I think I'm less likely to have a nightmare if you are. Sorry, it's a stupid idea, I'll uh," he went to push himself up, but Ed grabbed his arm.
"Of course I'll be there Stede, as long as you'll have me," he smiled, squeezing his arm slightly before letting go.
Stede nodded, not trusting his voice, and the two of them pushed themselves out from under the table, Ed grabbing the neck tie on his way out, offering it to Stede, who shook his head.
"I don't…" he sighed, running a hand through his hair again, "it's-" his throat felt tight again, just the thought of wearing it made him panicked. Having something around his throat… he just couldn't.
Ed cut him off, "I get it…" he said gently, noticing the panic on Stede's face, "you mind if I wear it? Or do you want me to throw it overboard?"
"I think I'd like it if you wore it, it looks good on you," Stede grinned, "you need a hand putting it on?" Ed nodded, and Stede carefully took it from his hands, tying it carefully and loosely around Ed's neck, smiling, "you look like a proper gentleman," he grinned as he lowered his arms.
"So do you," they stood smiling at each other next to the table until Stede yawned, and Ed remembered what they were doing, "right, a nap," he said, slapping his thighs awkwardly, following Stede to the door and down the hallway.
They walked past lucius on their way, who just raised his eyebrows as he saw them walking to the captain's room, smiling slightly, but Stede didn't noticed, and Ed pretended not to, too busy making sure Stede didn't walk into anything on their way.
Ed turned his back as Stede changed into his night clothes, and as he got into bed, falling asleep almost instantly. Ed didn't blame him, not in the slightest.
Carefully, Ed walked around the room, looking at everything on Stede's shelves, the knickknacks, the books, everything. Before, Ed would have thought it was a waste, laughed as he destroyed the knickknacks and burned the books, but now? They brought a smile to his face, they were so silly, but so distinctly Stede, that he couldn't help it.
He nearly went into Stede's secret closet, but as he turned back to the sleeping man, he decided against it. He'd promised to stay with him as he slept, and he was determined to keep to that promise, despite the fact that he was bored.
It reminded him of when they'd first met, Ed waiting for two days for Stede to wake up as he watched him carefully. He was so fascinating, even as he slept. The Gentleman Pirate. A rich man, run away from home and comfort to become a pirate. Everything about him screamed not pirate material, and to anyone else, this would have proved it, but to Ed, it cemented in his mind that, while not made for this life, he was learning.
Half of being a pirate was suffering. Losing the people you love, losing your life. It's a life of pain, and torment, the people who become pirates do it to escape their life, to live at sea and steal, instead of doing it on land. Run away slaves, run aways in general, but here Stede was, only a few months at sea, and surviving an encounter with two big naveys, only almost dying once. It was a good track record in Ed's mind.
So, instead, Ed sat down on the sofa, looking over his shoulder every time Stede even slightly moved. Ed felt restless, lying down and staring at the roof, drifting off until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Ed… Edward," Stede whispered, and Ed smiled up at him, "oh, sorry, did I wake you?"
Ed laughed, "you shook my shoulder and said my name, course you woke me up," he saw Stede go to say sorry again, but he cut him off, "everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, everythings… everything's pretty good, I just didn't want to sleep my life away," he laughed slightly. He was fidgity, playing with his night shirt, looking around.
Ed hopped up, startling Stede a bit, "come on," he said, stretching, "get dressed."
"Um… why?"
"Well, you did a lesson earlier, I suppose it's my turn isn't it, so, get dressed, I'll meet you up on the deck in a couple… I need to move y stuff into here too," he muttered, rubbing his beard.
Stede nodded, "right, yeah, training sounds great, I'll get dressed," he smiled, walking over to where his bed was and pulling over the curtains. Ed decided to head off while he was getting changed, he needed to change too, something a little better suited for training.
The crew were under the deck when Ed arrived, or, most of them were, Lucius and Pete were standing, talking to each other, barely noticing when Ed approached them.
"Oi, you two, Stede's coming up for sword training so… go bugger off for a bit yeah," he said. Pete almost instantly nodded, muttering 'yes blackbeard sir' or something as he rushed off, glancing back at Lucius when he got to the stairs, who just gently waved him away.
"So… You and Stede huh?" He smirked, and Ed bristled. "Look, I don't care what you two are doing, he's needed to loosen up a bit recently. Is he, y'know, okay?" the mocking tone turned to concern in a second, and Ed was almost impressed with how much Stede's crew actually liked him. "Jim told us about him nearly stabbing Oluwande. God knows we had to stop them from going and killing him themself, but… Oluwande said there was something up, like, something serious."
Ed shrugged, "yeah, but, he's fine, and I promise you he feels much more like shit for nearly stabbing that guy than the guy who nearly got stabbed does. Just uh, he's not ready to properly talk about it, guy's not been sleeping, give him a couple days."
"Yeah, that's Stede for ya, that guy would die for the people he likes… including you," Lucius patted him on the shoulder.
"What do you-" Ed started, then he heard Stede coming.
"I'll leave you two to it," Lucius smiled, waving as he walked off downstairs, laughing to himself as he did.
Stede patted Ed on the shoulder, "glad to see you're getting on with the crew Ed," he smiled, "now, you ready to train?"
"Hm? Oh, right, right, sword training, yeah, lets get to it," Ed nodded, looking over. Stede was wearing a brown neck tie, if Ed had to guess, he'd put it on out of habit more than anything else, but he seemed fine, and he felt that mentioning it would probably make it worse, so, instead, they started.
It was only when Stede ran him through with the sword that he finally noticed. He was panicking, and out of habit he grabbed at his neck, and ripped off his necktie.
"You okay?" Ed asked, still making sure he was breathing as Stede was trying to pull out the sword.
"You can't ask me if I'm okay while you have a sword in your gut!" Stede yelled, finally pulling the thing out. They both stood, just breathing for a moment, Ed with a hand on the wound, leaning forwards to not loose to much blood. "We should… bandage you up," Stede muttered, wrapping his arm around Ed, pulling him into the ship.
"We heard yelling, is everything okay… what happened?" Little John asked, looking at the two of them.
"Training," Ed smiled.
Stede scoffed, "can someone grab some bandages for his stomach, I stabbed him."
"See! I told you!" Jim yelled from inside the room where they had been playing cards, and Stede looked down at the floor, ashamed.
"No, he stabbed me as part of training, deliberately. He already feels like shit because of the thing with your friend, keep your shirt on," Ed waved his hand away at Jim, who practically growled back at him.
In all honesty, the wound wasn't that bad, Ed was right, he'd missed all of the vital organs, some bandages and a bottle of rum later and he was up on the deck of the ship, with the rest of the crew, listening to Stede tell the absolute worst horror story of his life, laughing along with everyone else, poking holes in Stede's stories.
He fiddled with the necktie, smiling as he watched Stede, the flutter in his chest coming back, maybe staying on the revenge for a bit longer wouldn't be as bad as Izzy kept saying.