Work Text:
Donnie hates his brothers sometimes. But he hates how much he cares for them even more, because that makes this all so much harder.
Splinter's voice wafts into the lab, sharp and angry as always, all the way from the dojo, and Donnie strains his ears to listen. He can't catch much, given the distance, but - oh. That was a crash, it doesn't matter, he needs to listen anyway. Just in case. Just in case Raph says something stupid, something that makes Splinter hurt - no, just in case Splinter hurts him, regardless of what Raph does, because this isn’t his fault.
But, god, couldn’t he bite his tongue for once ? It’s so much easier than…
“You are a disgrace !” Splinter shouts, and Donnie tries to scoot his chair over to the door, closer to the noise, as quietly as he can. The project he’s working on gets ten times more difficult with the relocation, considering he doesn’t have his desk to rest it on so he has to precariously hold it with one hand while working on it with the other, but it’s okay because he can work one-handed and he just has to . He just has to be closer to the door so he can hear better, so if Splinter does something he can… He can.
He just has to listen, okay?
Something clatters, but it doesn’t sound like a body falling or anything so Donnie sits still. It’s hard to hear all the way from his lab, even more so when Mikey turns up the TV, but… the lab is out of the way. And he wants to stay out of the way.
His stomach clenches uncomfortably, and he tries to refocus back on his project to quell the live-wire nerves inside of him. It’s always like this, when Splinter goes on his rampages. Nothing happens (except for that time a couple years ago and that time he’s not sure about and that thing he kind-of heard when he got back from a scavenging trip and -), but the anxiety sits like a lead weight in his gut, anyway, zapping him when it thinks he’s gotten too complacent. Almost choking him when he notices anything out of the ordinary - a playful argument getting too loud between Leo and Raph, Mikey getting scolded in the dojo just a bit too long, all alone, Raph getting corrected in training a little too roughly, the way Splinter looks at Leo sometimes…
It makes him hole up in his lab, because he’s too scared to face the answer to any of his questions. Best case scenario, he’s just mildly paranoid, and that’s not exactly a great thing to be the “best outcome,” is it? Maybe. Maybe it’s just a PTSD thing. Maybe he’s projecting. Maybe.
But the reality is that Raph is yelling back, and Donnie’s hand twitches involuntarily from how hard he’s clenching it.
Why can’t he just let Splinter yell himself hoarse? Why can’t he just find a way to leave it well enough alone, like Donnie has learned to? Has had to? It’s - it’s not fair .
It’s not fair that he has to sit by the door like this, it’s not fair that he has to give up time he could be spending on his project sitting by the lab doors with his heart in his throat and a headache from how much he’s straining his ears to hear, just because Raph doesn’t know how to keep his stupid mouth shut and Donnie doesn’t know how to not care.
And then there’s a lull, and he takes a breath, and he realizes what’s really unfair about all of this is that they have to live with a father who scares them enough to drive them apart.