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Stede’s hand felt soft against his cheek, so soft, like it was made of precious fabric itself. Ed was safe with him by his side and his gown draped over him like a golden layer of silk protecting him from the world. It wasn’t a feeling he often had – safe, protected – and even now, concern began to creep into this beautiful moment. Izzy would be furious. Izzy might do stupid shit when he found out that Stede was still alive. Izzy didn’t understand.
Ed bit back the tears and raised his head.‘We should go.’
‘Of course, yes.’ Stede reluctantly took his hand back. ‘The crew will be dying for my feedback.’
‘They will.’
Ed pushed Stede’s gown off of him, already missing its warmth, and pulled himself up. As he stood there in the tub, ready to climb out, Stede raised his hand to him, palm open, fingers slightly curled. His nonchalance made it seem like a matter of course, but it shocked Ed to his core. He froze in place and stared. Did Stede mean it the way Ed thought he did? Was this really happening? Ed had seen the gesture before: Gallant men offered their hands like this to fancy ladies who stepped out of carriages. He had watched them from the sidelines with a heavy heart, but never with any kind of hope that one day, he might take part in a moment like this. Gallantry wasn’t meant for people like him. He swallowed and tried to breathe and hoped desperately that in the dim candle light, Stede couldn’t see him blush. While Ed stared at him for what felt like hours, Stede had this wonderful, sincere smile of his on his face and patiently kept his hand raised. He meant it. Dear God, he meant it.
Finally, Ed regained some control over his body. He had to pluck up all his courage to reluctantly place his fingers in Stede’s palm, just as he had seen the fancy ladies do, hoping he was doing it right. He tried not to think about these fingers gripping a knife mere moments before and raising it over Stede’s back, tried not to think about what else these fingers had done… Ed’s breath hitched as Stede gently closed his hand around them. This was happening. Ed could feel his heart beat painfully in his chest.
Stede guided him as Ed stepped over the brim of the tub onto the floor, which seemed uncharacteristically unsteady underneath him. It wasn’t because of the swell of the sea, though. Ed’s knees were shaking. As he held onto Stede’s hand more tightly, he felt a soft touch at his hip, woefully fleeting, to steady him. Ed could have sworn that his heart stopped beating for a moment. He wanted to kiss Stede so very badly, even more than he had wanted to under the light of the last full moon, but he held himself back again. That was never what the ladies from the carriages did, after all. Those ladies smiled coyly and took their hands back, so Ed did exactly that. But Stede’s hand stayed raised.
‘Oh, look. Your hair’s a bit… May I?’
Ed stood stock still. He couldn’t stand it when people touched his hair or beard and they so often wanted to and did it without permission. But Stede was different. His movement was slow, deliberate, giving Ed plenty of time to step away or refuse. Stede’s touch was different, too. It wasn’t the curious prod of a stranger, it was gentle and comforting like a warm breeze. His fingers deftly moved some tangled strands back behind his ear and combed down a few stray hairs to sort out the mess on Ed’s head. Ed closed his eyes. He could have stayed here forever, just being touched so very, very softly. But eventually, Stede drew his hand back and Ed batted his eyelashes open.
‘The crew,’ Stede whispered. ‘They’ll be wondering where we got to.’
Well, Izzy would certainly wonder. And he would most certainly be disappointed when Stede emerged unscathed. ‘Yeah. Right. Right, the crew. Let’s go.’
And of course, of fucking course, Stede opened the door for him and let him walk out first. Ed clenched his fists as he went ahead. God, he really wanted to be that kind of person who doors were opened for and hands extended to and who was gently steadied when they were about to fall. He wanted it so badly.
Izzy didn’t understand. Izzy would never understand. But Stede did.