Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Brian wakes up freezing and with every muscle in his body aching like he pulled the most intense workout the other day and was now dealing with the consequences.

Except Brian is pretty sure he wasn’t doing anything of that sort yesterday considering he was dead.

...Was dead. Huh. Past tense— that’s gonna take some getting used to.

The sun shines through the leaves and blinds him, causing him to squint as he slowly forces himself to sit up and take in his surroundings. While it’s true that Hell looks a lot like Rosswood Park, Brian is also fairly certain he’s actually in Rosswood Park. Because Hell was also a lot less colorful than this and Brian is now breathing and can see out of both eyes and—

A sudden rustling of bushes causes Brian to jerk away from the source and immediately regrets it. A hiss escapes him, low and pained, and moments later a deer bounds out of the foliage, sees him, and diverts its path to dive deeper into Rosswood. Brian just watches it go, catching his breath.

He’s really alive then. The pain isn’t just a memory of something that already happened like it was in the Ark and he’s too solid to still be dead.

Brian might’ve questioned how he came back at all once but he’s learned that there are some questions that are pointless to ask. There are some things that nobody is meant to know and Brian doesn’t really need to know how or why he came back. He just is— that’s a bigger fish to fry right now.

Resurrection has one hell of an effect on the body but it’s better than being dead, Brian determines. Not to mention he sure as hell feels better than how he did when he died. He’ll take it— beggars can’t be choosers.

Brian wobbles to his feet but takes his time in doing so. As far as he knows, there’s no rush. There’s birds chirping in the trees above him so the Operator can’t be around right now. And since he was dead, it’s not like anyone is trying to track him down and kill him again. He can take this as slow as he needs.

He flexes his hands, then twists his arms and groans when he hears a pop. He tests each limb, making sure they’re still in working order, then slowly begins to walk.

It’s more of a stumble at first— gravity is heavier than he remembers it being— but he gains a rhythm to it. Figures it out on his own and adjusts as he takes in his surroundings.

He’s right next to that old red shack— he knows this area then. That means Brian can find his way out and after that—…

Well, that’s for later. One step at a time, both metaphorically and literally. Focus on walking, Brian, you’ll burn that bridge when you get to it.

Carefully, Brian finds his way to the front of the red shack and curiously peers inside. He’s not sure what he expects to find, if anything at all, but he did wake up right next to it despite not dying here so it’s no question why he would want to check it in case it has something important.

Though, of all the things he expected to see, one unconscious Alex Kralie was not one of them.

He’s wearing that dumb blue striped jacket of his and has his cheek pressed against the ground. There’s a thick scar around his neck but it looks clean and completely healed over. His glasses are cleaner than Brian has seen them in… Years. The only indication that he’s alive at all is the shallow rise and fall from his chest.

Alex is alive, just like him. And if he is, others might be too but Brian isn’t concerned about that right now.

Because right here lies the one person he was ready to chase to the ends of the Earth in order to finally get back at him, but Alex looks barely any better than a wet dog and Brian is finding it really hard to be angry right now.

He’s done anger. He felt it burn him from the inside out and consume him completely. He let it fuel him when he was running on pure fumes and some days, could feel nothing but bitter anger, keeping him from starving in the night.

He died angry. He suffered in some sort of limbo angry.

So Brian’s a little sick of feeling angry. It’s never done anything for him, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that it did. And it sure as hell never made him happy because Brian is back now and all he feels is empty and he would really like to change that.

Alex lies on the floor, unconscious and at his mercy, and in the days where Brian wore a mask to hide his identity, he might’ve taken advantage of this situation. Killed him outright or left him to die.

But Brian’s done death too. He’s watched others die and died himself. Honestly? Not all it’s cracked up to be.

Right now, Alex is the only thing Brian has. He’s not gonna leave him here and he lost the stomach to kill when he died himself.

With a sigh, Brian shuffles over to Alex, already set on what he wants to do.

Nudging Alex does nothing. He doesn’t so much as twitch in response. Brian suspects he’ll be out for longer.

Brian takes a deep breath, bends down, and wraps his arms around his waist. Alex doesn’t respond to that either so Brian lugs him over his shoulder and nearly sends both of them to the ground.

By some miracle, Brian remains standing. Every muscle in his body hates him but he’s standing and Alex is… Lighter than expected. He can manage this— Brian just needs to get out of Rosswood. Does he still have his old car? Didn’t he hide it somewhere in Rosswood?

Assuming it’s still there at all… It could be his best bet. It’s a walk but it’s better than any other option he has. He hid it far out where nobody likes to go. Even if they don’t know about the monster within the trees, most people don’t like to travel past a certain point, as if they know subconsciously that they shouldn’t. It's likely still there.

Brian adjusts Alex so neither of them will tip over. Then it’s just a matter of hoping he has enough energy to get them both there but Brian keeps his chin up and starts marching with purpose.

No rest for the wicked after all.

—

About halfway there, Alex starts twitching. Subtly at first but Brian begins to take notice and glances at him. He shows no indication of being awake so Brian ignores it, which is on him.

Because when Alex does wake up, he takes all of five seconds to process what’s happening before he starts thrashing and Brian loses his grip on him in the panic. Alex crashes to the ground and despite his pained cry upon doing so, immediately flips himself over to face him.

Alex’s eyes get wide and panicked. Brian sighs and holds his hands up.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” Brian tells him softly.

“I find that hard to believe.” Alex retorts, an edge to his voice that’s trying to sound fierce but betrays his fear instead. His gaze darts around but only seems to get more panicked by the second. “Where am I— what did you—”

“We’re in Rosswood.” Brian says before he can start hyperventilating. He manages a weak smile. “Welcome back to the land of the living by the way. I would tell you how that happened but I haven’t figured it out myself.”

It takes Alex a minute to process his words. Then it hits him and one hand darts to his throat, feeling the scar tissue there. No doubt his death-wound. Brian wonders if he has one on his back.

“I should be dead— I was dead.” Alex speaks up at last, whispering harshly. “I don’t understand— I should be dead!”

“Welcome to the club.” Brian jokes dryly. Alex shoots him a look.

“What do you want from me?”

Brian shrugs. “I haven’t really thought that far ahead, believe it or not. I was just trying to get to where I stashed my car.”

Alex doesn’t seem convinced. His fists ball up and he manages to push out, “Last time I saw you, you were doing everything in your power to kill me.”

“Last time you saw me, I was dead.” Brian counters. “Now I’m alive. Kinda sick of the whole death thing, thought I’d give stopping people from dying a chance.” He inclines his head so Alex knows he means him. “So unless you want to stay in Rosswood, I might have a car. Hopefully with gas but we’ll see when we get there.”

Alex remains silent for a long time. Brian wonders how he ever got away with lying before because now he can see every little emotion crossing his face. Fear, guilt, unsurity, and eventually the tiniest flicker of hope before Alex says anything else.

“I thought you hated me.”

“I did. But I’m kinda over that too.”

“You’re— you’re over it?” Alex says incredulity.

“I’m the last person who should be judging you, Alex.” Brian finds himself huffing. He gestures down at what he’s wearing— he’s shy of his mask but the rest? It’s the same outfit. The hoodie, the gloves, the shoes— if he put on the mask, he would look no different.

Alex eyes him, having no doubt already noticed this. He doesn’t have anything to add so Brian continues for him.

“The Operator has a certain effect on people when they deal with it in the long term.” Brian says, and Alex visibly recoils from the name. “It takes control— clouds your judgment. Makes you into somebody you don’t want to be. And I might not have a body count but I sure as hell wasn’t a good person.

“But,” Brian adds in a softer tone, “If there was ever a time to turn over a new leaf, it’s now. I’m tired of feeling angry. I’m tired of being against my friends for some so-called ‘Greater Good’ that never actually goes anywhere. We’re alive now, might as well start there, right?”

Brian offers his hand. Alex eyes it but to his surprise and relief, takes it in the end.

Alex struggles to stay on his two feet, just as disoriented as Brian was when he first woke up. Brian tries to help steady him but Alex seems determined to do it on his own, batting his hand away. Once Alex looks good enough to walk, he motions for him to follow and together, they trudge down the path.

“Is it just us who came back?” Alex asks after a beat of silence. He doesn’t take his eyes off their surroundings, searching no doubt for a tall figure in the trees. Fortunately for both of them, there’s no sign of it.

“As far as I know. You’re the only one I saw.” Brian hums. “But if anyone were to come back… I’d bet money Jay would too.”

Brian hears Alex stutter to a stop behind him. He pauses and turns to give him a look.

Alex stares at the ground, jaw clenched. Guilt rolls off of him in waves.

“I shot him.” Alex says, like it’s a confession and he’s standing before a judge. Once, Brian might’ve considered himself one, but now the thought makes him sick. “I killed people I loved. I killed Jay! And Seth and Sarah and Amy and— I never even knew that man in the tunnel! And what, people are just supposed to forgive me?”

“Was it you?” Brian tilts his head. “Or was it that thing?”

“I…” Alex swallows. “I thought it was a mercy to kill them. That I was sparing them from a worse fate.”

“Would you have made that choice had you been of sound mind and body?”

“I don’t know.”

Brian pauses. Then lets out a sigh. “They might not forgive you.” He admits and Alex goes as stiff as a board. “And that’s fine. Because you can still apologize and do everything to make up for it. They might never forgive you but that’s okay.”

“But— what am I supposed to do?”

“Live with that.”

Alex stares at him like he doesn’t know where to start. Brian gets that. He doesn’t either but they’ll figure it out. Baby steps.

“We can’t control how other people will feel about us coming back but we can control how we act towards them.” Brian tells him. “So start with an apology and go from there.”

“Apologize for killing someone?”

“Under the influence of a… Whatever that thing is.”

“It’s still murder, Brian!”

“Yeah, it’s fucking shitty.” Brian deadpans. Alex recoils from the bluntness of it. “But you’re alive so deal with it. Alive is better than the alternative, as we both know. We all got consequences waiting for us, you and me especially. And if it makes you feel better, even if Tim and whoever else came back never want to see you again, I’ll be here. I won’t leave.”

Alex barks an almost-laugh. “That hasn’t changed then. Still sticking to me like a thorn in my side?”

Brian cracks a grin. “Got nowhere else to be. Former best buddies or not, I’m not sure how happy Tim will be to see me so it might be best if I don’t stick around and make things worse.”

“I don’t think things can get any worse than they already did.” Alex says.

“Well, when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, right?”

“How are you so annoyingly optimistic?”

“It’s part of my charm!” Brain jokes, but then finds himself adding, “You looked like you could use optimism anyways.”

“Always the hero, huh, Brian?”

“Not always.” Brian replies in a tone that’s darker than he means it to be. He brushes it off, turning his attention forward. “C’mon. We got a long road ahead of us. Think you can walk a bit further?”

“Been through worse.” Alex grumbles and falls into rhythm beside him.

“That’s the spirit.” Brian chuckles.

—

“Your car looks like shit.” Alex tells Brian once they manage to move the tarp off of it.

“It’s been wasting away in the woods for who knows how long, give the gentleman some slack.” Brian scolds with no real heat as he brushes off all the gunk that’s gotten on the windshield.

It’s in desperate need of a bath but when Brian locates the hidden keys and starts up the car, he thanks their lucky stars that after some effort, it manages to roar to life. It sputters and wheezes, causing Alex to eye it warily, but Brian coaxes him into the passenger seat as he adjusts the settings.

“Do you even remember how to drive?” Alex asks, raising one eyebrow at him.

Brian opens his mouth. Then closes it. “I… I was busy running around in the woods but it’s just like riding a bike, right?”

Alex rolls his eyes and unbuckles himself. “We’re swapping, get out of the driver’s seat.”

Brian complies but only because he can’t for the life of him remember which is the gas and which is the breaks.

Alex re-adjusts the seat and slowly begins to drive them out of Rosswood. It’s not the smoothest road but neither of them care.

“Where are we going?” He glances at him.

“Not sure. We have to find Tim somehow.”

“Do we have to?” Alex asks wearily.

“Yes.” Brian presses. “It’s only fair he knows. We don’t have to drag him into our lives but… He should know we're back.”

Alex sighs in defeat. Brian can hear the anxiety in his tone, even if he tries to hide it. “Alright. But where are we gonna find Tim?”

“I dunno.” Brian admits. “This… Might take a while to figure out but he had to have left some kind of trail.”

“Very reassuring.” Alex says sarcastically and Brian wacks him, light enough to not actually hurt but hard enough to get an offended noise out of him. “Hey! I’m driving, don’t do that unless you want to crash!”

“We’re not even on a road, you big drama queen.”

“There could be deer! That’s just as dangerous!”

“Uh-huh.” Brian replies, unconvinced.

After a pause, Alex asks, “Do we even have money? What happens when we get hungry? Or run out of gas?”

“I have a savings account that I haven’t touched in years.”

“You were dead, Brian.”

Brian shoots Alex a look. “The Operator steals the bodies of the dead and I highly doubt Tim reported us dead after everything so something tells me the state didn’t exactly know that.”

“How much money do you even have in there anyways?”

“Enough.” Alex gets a skeptical look on his face so Brian says, “Trust me. That’s the least of our worries right now.”

“And what’s the most of our worries?”

“…I think you know.” Brian says quietly and the air gets tense real fast.

He doesn’t want to think about it but it was gonna come up sooner or later. Alex’s hands grip the steering wheel as he shudders for a breath. “You think it’s still..?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen or felt it yet but I don’t want to take my chances.” His fingers drum against his leg and Brian swallows. “I’m… Glad you’re here.” He says honestly. Alex’s head swivels in surprise, eyes wide, and Brian meets them head on with full honesty. “I can’t imagine dealing with this alone.”

Alex breaks away first, looking back towards the road. They’re finally exiting Rosswood and getting back on a paved road. “Gotta admit, I wasn’t expecting anything good when I realized you were carrying me but… I’m kinda glad you didn’t leave me behind.”

“Least I could do considering I terrorized you for a couple years there.”

“Not like it wasn’t justified. I did try to kill you several times.”

Brian hums, cracking a smile. “And this all started because you just wanted to make a student film. Funny how things work out.”

“Funny.” Alex echoes, not a hint of humor in his voice. “Where should I head?”

“Fund the nearest ATM, then a motel.” Brian directs and Alex nods and complies.

It’s quiet after that. Brian rides in the car, trying to get used to all the returning sensations and aching for a hot shower. From the looks of it, Alex could use one too.

Get the money. Rest and figure out where to go next. Track down Tim. Brian repeats to himself. You’ll get there. You both will.

—

Alex gapes at the amount Brian has in his savings and Brian shoos him away, scolding for looking over his shoulder. Though, Alex does seem noticeably less tense knowing Brian has it covered money wise so Brian can’t find it in him to be actually annoyed.

They book a motel room and Brian calls dips on taking a shower first. Alex doesn’t argue, taking off his glasses and flopping on the bed. Brian bets he’ll be asleep by the time he gets out.

He tries not to use all the hot water but boy is it tempting. The feeling of it on his skin is overwhelming and yet, Brian yearns for more. He turns it up to the point where it’s almost scalding but even the pain feels good.

All the dirt washes away, feeling like his second skin is being ripped away from him. Like he’s being born again, fresh into the world and doesn’t have a million horrible things he’s done and needs to atone for.

The warmth on his skin almost reminds him of a nice hug too. Yet another thing Brian aches for but at some point, he realizes that he’s spent too long in the shower and that if he doesn’t get out soon, Alex won’t have any hot water left for him.

Begrudgingly, Brian gets out but is already thinking of taking another tomorrow. He washes up and slips back on what he was wearing before, minus the boots that are by the door of their room.

As expected, Alex is quietly snoring. Brian cracks a smile and shakes him awake. He wouldn’t normally but Alex deserves to feel clean too. He can sleep afterwards.

Alex jolts, taking a moment to remember where he is but Brian directs him to the shower and he nods and ducks inside. Soon enough, the shower starts up and Brian is left with his thoughts.

He peeks out the window at the parking lot but there’s nothing of note. No static in his head, no suspicious people to watch out for. Their room is safe too and it’s not like he has to take inventory when the only possessions between them are clothes, glasses, cards to get into their room, and the money Brian deposited.

They’ll have to take care of that too. Buy some extra clothes to change out of, invest in a flashlight, ibuprofen, and maybe a knife for self defense. A camera also comes to mind but Brian feels too sick to entertain the idea for long and dismisses it.

Get supplies. Rest up— you won’t get far if you’re both sore and miserable. Track down Tim. Figure it out from there.

It feels natural to form a plan. Thinking ahead is what Brian did best, even if his judgment couldn’t be said for the same. It gives him some sense of control to alleviate the anxiety gnawing in his gut.

They’ll figure it out. He’s not doing it alone this time, he has Alex.

When Alex gets out at last, he settles down back in the bed and Brian mentions the beginnings of his plan to him. Alex nods along and adds that they should get some snacks for the road considering they have no idea how far Tim went.

However once that conversation is over, they both get quiet. They drink in the fact that they’re alive and how they’re breathing right now and exactly what that means for them. What they’ll do now that they’re alive.

Alex ends up falling asleep within the hour.

Brian doesn’t fall asleep at all, resting on his side because the scalding water irritated the scars on his back and now his back isn’t happy with him. He should sleep— he’s exhausted enough— but it doesn’t come to him. Nor does Brian particularly want to because he knows what his dreams will be like.

Eventually he stands and sits by the window. He watches the parking lot vigilantly but there's still nothing. Not even a shadow that flickers out of the corner of his eye.

It’s strange. If anything, Brian would’ve thought that the Operator would have everything to do with their return and yet, not once had he felt its presence.

It’s more unnerving than it has any right being.

So Brian watches the window all night just in case that changes.

It doesn’t.

Chapter Text

If Alex knows Brian didn’t sleep a wink the previous night, he’s either too afraid to say anything as if it isn’t his place, or has been there and doesn’t pry because he knows more than anyone.

The following morning, now marking their second day being back to life, is mostly a matter of figuring out what they’ll need from here on out. Seeing as the only outfit they have is the one they woke up in, they head to the cheapest clothing store they can find and look around.

Brian finds himself straying towards the hoodies, jackets, and sweaters. There’s a comfort that comes with covering every inch of his body up, even now that he doesn’t need to hide his identity. There might be no prying eyes on them as far as they’re aware but Brian still doesn’t like the feeling that comes when someone unfamiliar turns their attention towards him.

Extra layers provide a shield. He loads his cart up with different types but makes sure to grab some simple shirts and pants while he’s at it.

Brian is not surprised by Alex’s own selection of various zip-up jackets and graphic tees. It’s about what he expected.

The total amount of both of their clothes has Alex a little twitchy, mumbling that he can put a few things back if they need to be careful, but Brian waves him off. Reminds him that they’re investing in something they’ll need every day and that they’re fine when it comes to money. They both know to not splurge on it, not that they’re the type to begin with, and that it’ll last them a while. Enough to complete their goal and figure out how to adjust to a so-called 'Normal' life, whatever that means anymore.

Supplies come next. Bags to store said clothes, practical needs, burner phones for emergencies, and a few music discs and books, both physical and audio, for the road because Brian knows they’ll be traveling and doesn’t want to ride in total silence.

They have a lot to talk about but he doesn’t want to spend the whole ride doing just that. Alex is twitchy enough as it is and Brian doesn't think he could stomach it.

They're at a good place right now but Brian can't tell how sturdy it is. He can't tell if its an actual gut feeling that one wrong move will send their whole arrangement toppling again or if it's a side effect of years of lies, distrust, and being always on the move still lingering around under his skin. All he knows is that the idea of being alone again makes him feel sick.

Brian shouldn’t be cataloging everything that happens on a supply run but there are a few things he takes note of.

The first being that Alex seems to be trying to do everything he can to fade into the background regardless of where they are. Brian gets the apprehension of being in public and feeling exposed, probably more than anyone, but it’s more than that.

It’s fear, that much is clear, but of what is the question. It could be any number of things and Brian doesn’t want to spook Alex by asking. They’re still finding their footing after all and even if they’re comfortable enough to stay in close proximity, Brian wouldn’t be surprised if Alex has any lingering fear of him. He can't help but feel guilty for this fact but keeps it locked inside, putting on a smile anytime the pair lock eyes in hopes that it'll help Alex get comfortable around him again.

The second being that Brian has another issue to deal with. He couldn’t wear his gloves in the store without raising suspicion so he had to leave them behind. And that on its own was fine— there might’ve been a comfort that came with them having them but he wasn’t gonna put up a fight. He could survive without them, not a big deal.

But then Brian hands over his cash when paying and accidentally brushes his hand against the hand of the cashier and freezes up for a moment. Not enough for the cashier to notice but he’s fairly certain Alex did. He’s too on edge for him to have missed it.

Alex probably thinks he’s touch adverse but it’s quite the opposite. Because Brian hasn’t felt skin on skin contact in years and that one brief moment just made his brain go haywire, demanding more.

Logically, Brian knows this was bound to happen. That spending years living out in the woods alone, paired with the fact that he’s just been resurrected, would have consequences.

But when Brian thought of consequences, he thought of stealing his friend’s medication for his own and purposefully making him relapse in order to partner him up with Jay; of the attempted murder of the guy who he’s now traveling with; of tormenting anyone who got in his way and stalking people he once thought of as friends and causing everyone to distrust him because he was convinced that he couldn’t trust them.

Not… Touch starvation.

He probably should’ve thought of that too but he knows now.

Brian just. Isn’t sure how to deal with that on top of everything else.

Baby steps, Brian reminds himself. One thing at a time. Surviving day by day and finding Tim takes priority.

He’s not forgetting about this, he’s just putting it on the back burner. Dealing with it later. There are more pressing matters at stake.

Which brings him to his third fact: Still no sign of the Operator.

This should be good news. Technically it is. Brian just can’t shake the feeling that it’s the calm before the storm or that it is still stalking them and he’s just too rusty to realize it.

How would he know? Maybe its changed— maybe he’s changed. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to recognize it anymore after spending all of that time in the Ark. Maybe the Ark dulled his senses.

He’s only just scratched the surface on the after effects of returning from the dead. He’s still aching, the consequences of his previous state before death hasn’t been reversed even if his injuries are healed over, there are lasting scars from how he died, his appetite is lower, he’s easily overwhelmed— who says no longer reacting to the Operator’s static isn’t one of them?

Who says they’re really out of the gate at all? Is Brian truly alive at all, or did he never leave? Maybe he’s still in the Ark, making a fool of himself for thinking for a second he could be alive and safe again— for thinking he could ever truly get a moment to relax— for ever thinking he deserved to come back in the first place—

“-ian? Brian!”

Brian jolts, heart thumping wildly in his chest, even if he’s quick to quiet his breathing like his life depends on it. His first instinct is to go still— be soundless, blend in with his surroundings, be nothing but a shadow— but there are eyes locked with his.

Familiar eyes, ones he could never forget.

Alex is here. He sees you. You cannot hide so you must run. Run even if there is no real escape. You are trapped you are trapped you are trapped you are—

“Brian?” Alex says slowly— cautiously? Why is he the cautious one? “Are you… Are you with me?”

He searches Brian’s eyes for recognition. His hands twitch as if they ache for something to hold or fiddle with. Maybe a camera, maybe a gun, it’s always been one of the two with Alex.

One hand reaches up, rubbing the back of his neck, briefly brushing up against the scar tissue on his neck—

Wait. The scar on his neck.

He didn’t get that until after—

After—

All at once, it’s as if his memories are slammed back into him and Brian has to shake himself. He puts all of his strength into not stumbling or tipping over and forces out, “Hey sorry, I was pretty deep in thought for a moment.” As casually as he can, though he hears his voice strain. He doesn’t wince because that would only make it more obvious.

Brian knows he doesn’t fool Alex with that one because it’s written all over his face. But in spite of his doubts, Alex doesn’t press and accepts the blatant lie with a simple nod. Backs off without a fight and averts his eyes.

He has to take an extra few moments to settle himself back in the present before he’s capable of speaking up once again, albeit still shaky. It feels as though he's barely holding on. One more push and he'll plunge into the deep end and be unable to pull himself out. He tries to focus on something else. “How bad are you aching right now?”

Alex just shrugs, still not meeting his eyes. “I’m still walking, aren’t I?”

“Alex.” Brian narrows his eyes and tries not to feel too guilty when Alex reacts ever so slightly. He’s quick to hide it but the damage is done. Brian had spent years watching him, trying to make a move against him but never quite able to without the Operator getting in the way. He knows his mannerisms.

“If I’m aching,” Brian says, “Then you are too. So how bad is it? Scale of one to ten.” Then after a pause. “Regular standards, not yours.”

“What’s wrong with mine?” Alex furrows his brow. Brian just rolls his eyes.

“Because you were dragged around for years, surviving by the skin of your teeth and the favor of some fucked up being, and got good at ignoring pain in order to survive.”

Alex almost argues but mulls over his words and thinks better of it in the end. “Like a four? I’m pretty sure I’m not hindered, I’ve had worse than this, but it hasn’t gone away.”

Brian nods. He’s about the same. “We’ll take a rest day.” Alex gets half a protest in but Brian shuts him down. “Relax, it’s for both of us. It’s harder to focus like this so we’ll need our bodies in better shape if we’re gonna be traveling.” Brian glances around. “I highly doubt Tim stuck around here after we all died so it’s just a matter of how far he went.”

“And how to find him.” Alex points out. “We don’t even have a starting point.”

“I have a vague plan. Tim will have wanted to make any presence of him minimal but Jessica might not be as cautious. She had memory issues— she might not even remember anything that happened. Might not have that same need to disappear like the rest of us would.”

“And Jessica can somehow lead us to Tim?” Alex raises an eyebrow skeptically.

“If anyone can, she’s our best bet.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Imagine all your friends have died except for one other person. Do you let them go or do you stay in contact?”

Alex looks up at him briefly, then breaks away. “Point taken.” He huffs. “We’ll find Jessica then. And hope she doesn’t immediately see us and run the other way.”

“It’s the best we got.” Brian reasons. “But first? Let’s head back. I wanna lie down for a while.”

Brian leads the way, walking back in the direction of their motel. Alex isn’t far behind, jaw clenched a little tighter than usual but ultimately says nothing.

—

Brian shifts, twisting from side to side but no matter how he positions himself, there doesn’t seem to be a right position that gets him comfortable.

Not with the elephant in the room.

He huffs, facing Alex while pressing his face into the pillow. He doesn’t immediately start talking, just staring until Alex notices and snaps out of his thoughts, giving him a look. His shoulders hunch defensively.

“What?”

“I can hear you brooding from over here.”

Alex scowls. “I’m not brooding.”

“Yes you are. Just— whatever you have to say, say it.”

Alex avoids his gaze. Brian rolls his eyes, thinking this isn’t gonna get anywhere and they’re gonna be stuck in the world’s most uncomfortable stalemate.

Then Alex surprises him by saying, “Why’d you let go?”

“What are you talking about?” Brian frowns.

“At the college. When you were hanging in the window still.” Brian feels every muscle in his body stiffen unintentionally. “You let go before Tim could do anything— he wasn’t anywhere near hitting you and you still let go and got yourself killed!”

His chest tightens but he does his best to ignore the feeling. Brian’s eyes shut on their own and he breathes out slowly. “It’s… Complicated.”

“Complicated how?” It’s an undeniable fact that Alex is upset now. Brian might’ve teased him for caring once but the particular topic leaves him too stiff to do so.

Brian doesn’t answer. Can't answer yet. Alex waits until he picks up that he won’t before he continues. “I watched what Tim uploaded. Over and over and over again just… Trying to make sense of it. And I never could because— Brian, you were relentless. I swear to god, some days I was more afraid of you than that thing because at least it was somewhat predictable. You never were but— the one thing that I knew about you was that you never gave up. There was no shaking you.”

Alex looks over at him again. “Until you proved me wrong about that too. So what happened? What changed?”

“…A few things.” Brian says slowly, tasting every word that leaves his mouth and swallowing down his urge to stop all together. “ToTheArk was a big one.” Alex looks all too guilty at that. “Finally found out what happened to him. I would say Seth changed a lot but it’s not like I can judge. I also realized that… Without Jay and Tim, I wouldn’t last. I was a liability and Tim had a higher chance of surviving on his own than with me.

“If Tim killed me and learned who I was, it might’ve broken him beyond repair, so I let go. It was the best option left.”

Alex’s mouth flaps open and closed as he grapples with the information. In the end, he runs a hand through his hair and groans. “I’m probably the worst person you could be having this conversation with considering.”

Brian barks a surprised laugh. “We really got fucked up, huh? Didn’t know how to deal with our problems in any other way that didn’t end with death.”

“It felt like the only way to escape.” Alex murmurs. “Boy were we wrong about that.”

Brian laughs again even if it really isn’t that funny at all. The Ark was a living nightmare— Hell would have probably been kinder. At least then Brian could be away from that thing instead of festering like a wound that kept getting reopened.

“I still don’t know how we’re alive.” Alex says.

“Me neither. I’m trying to just accept the fact that we are instead of questioning it.”

“Are we just supposed to go back to normal?” Brian shrugs, causing Alex to throw his hands up in the air. “I know you know just as much as I do but I don’t get it. Why us? Why did we end up in Rosswood?”

“Rosswood is like a magnet for us, next question.”

Alex shoots him an unamused look. Brian holds his hands up the best he can while still lying on his side. “I’m not wrong.”

“No.” Alex agrees after a beat. “You’re not. It’s just not the most helpful comment.”

Brian hums noncommittally. “We might never figure it out. Count your blessings, not your… Blights or something. I don’t remember the saying— just don’t get too consumed by it. An eldritch-level thing started following you around while you were trying to make a student film— a lotta things don’t make sense and we don’t have answers for them. We just gotta deal with that.”

Alex doesn’t argue any further, nodding mutely.

It’s relevantly silent afterwards. They rest and keep themselves busy in the motel room, they eat, and eventually Alex passes out and Brian watches the parking lot for the second night in a row.

Still nothing. Not even a trace.

He finds himself restless. Brian glances at Alex, unable to get Jay’s channel out of his mind and finally finds himself standing. He leaves a quick note that he’s going out in case Alex gets up in the middle of the night and slips out the door silently.

Once he puts his mind to it, it’s not too hard to find where he needs to go. He used to go to this library all the time while he was still masquerading under the mask. It had open computers and free wifi— perfect for when he needed to upload under ToTheArk. There was a particular computer in the corner of the room that gave him privacy too.

The best part? It was open late. Brian could still go there now if the hours hadn’t changed.

They had but it ended up in Brian’s favor as they were actually open even later due to better staffing. He got a friendly greeting when he entered but nobody batted an eye as he took his usual computer and immediately pulled up YouTube to search for Jay’s channel.

There were a few videos he had never seen on it. The first being what was no doubt his death and the last being… Answers for whatever happened to Tim.

The idea of getting more clues in finding Tim should’ve made him excited. His best friend, his former partner in crime, someone he never quite stopped caring about even when he was empty and angry. Instead, it only made it hard to breathe but Brian pushed past it and started on Entry 83.

It was only five entries but it took around forty minutes in total to complete. By the end of it, the information was burned into his brain. Useful information for sure— told him exactly what happened after he died— but it was haunting too.

Particularly the image of Alex bleeding out on the floor with a slashed open throat.

Brian figured the scar on Alex’s neck had something to do with his death but it was one thing to have the idea of it and another to see it for yourself. To know exactly what happened and be unable to forget it.

Ignorance is bliss they say, and Brian hasn’t been able to forget a thing since the Summer of 2006. Maybe there was some truth to that too given he hasn’t been able to repeat that same happiness he once had since the day he stopped forgetting.

Brian tells himself that it’s important to know these things. Knowing what happened to Alex and Tim after he passed is crucial in moving forward.

It doesn’t make his footsteps any lighter as he returns to their motel room. Alex is still asleep. Brian resumes his post by the window but can’t get what he’s seen out of his head.

If Alex didn’t know he was skipping out on sleeping before, he absolutely does when he wakes up early in the morning. Brian still watches the entrance but turns to greet Alex. He can feel the weight of losing two days of sleep dawning on him but does his best to shake it off.

Alex knows for sure now. Brian can see it in his eyes.

But he looks away and doesn’t breathe a word, even if Brian hasn’t the slightest idea why.