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“Why didn’t you trust me?” Ai asked suddenly. The laughter of the Detective Boys played a background soundtrack as they won and lost to each other in Agasa’s video games. Conan and Ai had been sitting back, watching them on the couches. It was a few days after the Mystery Train, and Ai had been upset since then that no one told her about the plan to fake Miyano Shiho’s death to the organization. So when she asked the question, he knew immediately what she was talking about.
Conan winced, not looking at her. “I had to make it all seem real, Haibara. And to do that, I had to keep you in the dark.”
“You let Subaru-san know about it,” Ai said. “You know I don’t really trust him. He reeks of their scent.”
Conan sighed, finally turning to her. “Is this just because you don’t like Subaru-san?”
“You let your mother into the loop as well,” Ai continued. She surprisingly managed to keep her voice flat. “And Hakase, and even Kaitou Kid. What makes me so different? Me, who was targeted by them? Me, who could have died ?”
“It was the best way to do it,” Conan argued. “Kaasan had to know because she had to keep Vermouth distracted. Hakase had to know because he’s been with me since the beginning, he had to be involved. And Kid was the one who pretended to be you and pulled the final strings in faking your death.”
“You’re avoiding the question, Kudo-kun,” Ai spat out. “You’re telling me why you told them, but not why you didn’t tell me .”
She was right, he realized, he was avoiding the question. Apparently, he didn’t know the real reason he didn’t tell her about the plan. Was he scared she would give something away? Not act well enough? Ai was a great actor when she wanted to be, he had to admit that. So why didn’t he tell her anything?
“I need to trust you, Kudo-kun,” Ai hissed. “The incidents on the Bell Tree Express just proved I shouldn’t.” As if making a point, Ai opened a fashion magazine and stared at it instead of at Conan. The area around the couches dissolved into silence, the laugher of the Detective Boys seeming so far away.
Conan clenched his fists. I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? And why did I feel like I had to keep Ai away from the truth?
Ai’s nightmares were always filled with the organization. Sometimes they were flashbacks of when she used to be one of its members, sometimes they were dreams of the dark future, where they found out Miyano Shiho, Sherry , was now a grade schooler named Haibara Ai. And the nightmares never stopped. She would go to sleep, then wake up drenched in cold sweat as she either remembered her past or predicted her future.
But recently, she’d begun to dream of the Mystery Train. She remembered the feeling of eyes watching her, of running through halls, of Okiya Subaru standing there, having come out of nowhere, and giving Ai a deep sense of dread. Finally going into the dead man’s room and finding the help she needed, and realizing it was all planned by Edogawa Conan. Calling Kaitou Kid and telling him everything he needed to say in order to trick Bourbon (Amuro Tooru, as Ai now knew) into thinking he really was Sherry.
She had been relieved when the plan worked, but felt a cold feeling when she saw Conan next. Conan, grinning as his call with Kid ended, and looking at her, acting like all was well with the world. Conan, who stole the truth away from her and only gave it back after all was said and done.
Edogawa Conan, Kudo Shinichi, had good intentions, but was willing to play her like a fiddle in order to succeed.
“Why didn’t you trust me?” she had asked a few days later, but in the end, he couldn’t answer.
And Ai was scared that he didn’t trust her because he still thought of her as Sherry.
“You aren’t my assistant, you’re my partner,” Conan had once said to her during the Jolly Roger case.
If they were partners, he should have told her everything. Now, she didn’t even feel like an assistant.
…being in love with him made her hate herself even more.
It was late at night, yet Conan couldn’t fall asleep, Ai’s question ringing through his head. He stared blankly at the door, then slowly got up and headed towards the kitchen. Might as well get himself a glass of water.
What he didn’t expect to see was Ran pouring herself a drink as well.
“Conan-kun, what are you doing up?” The girl asked, letting out a big yawn at the end.
“A-ah, Ran-neechan,” Conan stammered, quickly getting past the shock of seeing his - Shinichi’s - best friend in the kitchen. “I just needed to get water…”
“You look like you didn’t sleep at all tonight…” Ran noted, looking at him. “You don’t look like you just woke up, at least.” Again, she yawned.
It was true. He didn’t feel any sort of tiredness or the urge to yawn like Ran did. He had explained those tells to her back when they were children, so it was only natural that she’d know. “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” Conan confirmed, making sure he had the high pitched voice of a real child.
“How come?” Ran asked, sitting down at the table.
Conan paused. Did he really want to tell anything to Ran? Thinking a bit more, he realized that he did. Ran had been his best friend since he was in preschool. He wouldn’t be able to tell her everything, since she still didn’t know he was Kudo Shinichi, but he could still tell her just a bit. Sitting down in front of her, Conan admitted, “I made Haibara upset.”
Ran tilted her head. “How’s that?”
Conan paused, gathering his words. “I didn’t tell her something really important concerning her, and now she’s mad. She asked me why I don’t trust her, and why I didn’t tell her about it, but I don’t know why.”
“What kind of thing did you not tell her about?” Ran questioned.
“W-well…” Conan furrowed his eyebrows, staring at the table, unsure how to proceed. Eventually, he came up with the necessary words. “It was in a case, and she thought she would get hurt. I knew she wouldn’t, because people like Subaru-san were there to save her, but she didn’t know that because I didn’t tell her.”
Ran’s eyes widened. “Conan-kun, that’s horrible! Did you apologize to Ai-chan yet?”
Conan thought about it, then admitted. “Not really… I don’t think so.”
“You should,” Ran said, taking the tone of an older sibling lecturing the younger one. “Are you sure you don’t know why you didn’t tell her about this?”
“I… I told myself that it was to help her,” Conan whispered. “I told myself that if she knew she would be safe, she’d accidentally put herself in even more danger.” Oversimplified, but true.
Ran’s face softened. “So you just didn’t want her to get hurt?”
Conan slowly nodded. “I suppose so.”
“She’s your friend,” Ran said. “Of course you didn’t want her to get hurt. Maybe explain that to her?” Conan saw a teasing glint in Ran’s eyes, however, that implied she thought him and Ai were more than just friends.
He paused. Oh . That made sense. He liked Ai. He wasn’t sure if he was in love with her, but he certainly did like her a lot, and not as a friend. That was why.
“I will,” Conan whispered. “Thanks, Ran-neechan.”
“I’m sorry,” Conan blurted out when Ai opened the door early the next morning.
Ai stared at him for a while before sighing. “Good morning to you too, Kudo-kun. Come on in?”
Conan nodded mutely, seeming to have no words remaining in his mouth. He walked inside Agasa’s house and stood to face her.
“What are you sorry about?” Ai asked, crossing her arms. “About what happened on the Mystery Train?”
Conan nodded, seeming to figure out what he had to say next. “Yeah. I figured it out, I think. Why I didn’t tell you.”
Ai glared at him. “Well? What was it?”
Conan let out a deep breathe. “Because you’re my… friend… and I didn’t want you to get hurt.” He glanced away. “I was afraid if you knew… Then they would find out. It was an irrational fear, you’re a good actor… But still. I like you too much for me not to worry.”
At the last sentence, Ai started blushing as she stared at Conan. “Oh,” she whispered. Because she had no other words.
Conan awkwardly drew his attention back towards her. “So yeah. I’m sorry. And I’ll work on that trust thing. I promise.”
After a few moments, Ai whispered, “Apology accepted.” She could think about Conan’s confession later, when she was in the right mind.