Chapter Text
Imogen is eight years old, and she is in love with Laudna. Exhilarating, bubbly puppy love that started to thrum through her chest from the moment she saw a twig of a pale-skinned girl on the playground for the first time, perched atop the monkey bars like a spider. Imogen herself has always been too frightened to climb all the way up there - it’s so high and she’s worried she’ll fall straight through the bars. But the girl seems comfortable, and the pose she’s struck with all four limbs jutting out at strange angles makes her look both scary and silly. Her dark hair is cut in a hard line at her chin, and it falls over her face as she snarls at the kids who try to get too close. Imogen’s classmates all shy back in fear from the strange new girl, but Imogen just giggles as she watches them from her safe position with her feet tucked under her on the merry-go-round.
She walks up to the monkey bars curiously. The girl hisses at her, some strange noise that sounds like an angry cat, or a monster in one of the scary movies Daddy watches. Maybe the girl really is a monster. She does look like one. Up close, her skin is ashy gray and she’s inhumanly skinny. Imogen thinks curiously that it seems like her bones might poke right out through her skin. Her black t-shirt hangs loosely off her frame like a dress, and she’s wearing a long skirt underneath it.
“Hi,” Imogen says. She reaches up a hand, but her arm is too short to even brush the skirt. “I’m Imogen.” Her daddy taught her that if you want to be friends with someone, Genny, you should always start by introducin’ yourself to them and shakin’ their hand . She can’t really reach the girl’s hand, but at least she can do the introducin’ part.
The girl lays flat face-down on the monkey bars and sticks her arm down to meet Imogen’s. Their hands touch, and the new girl’s is cold. Imogen shakes it anyway. It’s always a good idea to be polite.
“What’s your name?” she says, when the girl still doesn’t speak.
“My name is Laudna,” the girl says in a strange growl. Imogen giggles again, and Laudna smiles at her.
“I’m playing monsters. I’m very scary, you know,” she says matter-of-factly. “You’re supposed to be frightened like everyone else.”
“You’re real scary,” Imogen agrees. It’s the right thing to say, because Laudna’s whole face scrunches up in a smile, lips pulling wide to reveal a gap in between her front teeth.
“I’m glad you think so! Do you want to play with me?”
“I don’t know how to play monsters,” Imogen says, suddenly shy and blushing. “I’ve never done it before.”
“That’s all right! I can teach you!” Laudna grabs one of the bars and slips through the gap, dangling above the ground for a second before she drops onto the bark chip ground of the playground. For a second it seems like the landing will be graceful, but then her legs crumple under her and she flops in an unceremonious heap. Imogen shrieks, running over to her side.
“Oh no, Laudna! Are you okay?”
Laudna pushes herself up and brushes off her skirt. “Yes, this happens a lot. Mommy says that my body doesn’t work like everyone else’s, so I have to be careful. I don’t like being careful, though, it’s boring.”
Then, before Imogen has a chance to begin processing that, Laudna looks at her hopefully. “Do you still want to play?”
Imogen glances at all their classmates, huddled in little groups by the slide and swings, pointing at Laudna and whispering. She doesn’t understand why they’re acting so strange. This is the most interesting thing that’s happened all day, maybe even all week. “Yeah.” She grins at Laudna, cheeks dimpling. “I’d love to.”
Laudna teaches her how to growl like a fearsome monster, and how to curl her fingers in the shape of claws. They scare away a few classmates, and even manage to frighten their teacher once before she reminds them it’s not polite to shriek at people. It’s a good recess, very educational.
The next day, Imogen teaches Laudna how to play house. They imagine a home together, in the shadows under the play structure. “The window’s right there,” Imogen says a bit bossily, and Laudna smiles and adds, “The curtains are dark purple,” as she mimes cooking soup for dinner.
They like playing house, maybe even more than they like playing monsters. They act out their days, making scrambled eggs together and going to work together and sleeping in their bed together every night. Everything together, that’s the most important part. Of course, they don’t really have a bed, since it’s all pretend. So when they lay down and cuddle underneath the slide, it isn’t very comfortable. Laudna’s elbows are real pointy, and Imogen always ends up with bark chips stuck in her hair.
That’s okay, because it means that when they get up in the “morning,” Laudna brushes them out with her fingers. Imogen likes it when Laudna brushes her hair. She’s much better at it than Imogen’s daddy, who pulls the brush down too fast and never seems to realize he’s hurting her. But Laudna’s hands are gentle.
They’re married, of course. That’s what people who live together do, get married. Imogen asks if Laudna wants to have a baby, and Laudna thoughtfully says that she thinks they’re a little young, but maybe next year when they’re nine. Imogen nods solemnly. Nine seems like a big age, and far away. But there’s no doubt in her mind that she and Laudna will still live together then.
“Laudna,” she realizes one day, “if we’re married, why don’t we have rings? Married people are supposed to have rings.”
“That’s a good point.” Laudna grins at her. “We should make some!”
They leave their house, get in their pretend car (they haven’t quite decided on a color yet - Laudna thinks it should be black, like her mommy’s car, but Imogen wants it lavender to match her hair), and drive to the “countryside,” which is the field right next to the playground. Laudna says they can make rings out of the little flowers that grow in patches in the grass, but Imogen’s fingers aren’t as delicate as Laudna’s and the stems keep breaking in her hands. She gets more and more frustrated, face turning red and tears pricking at her eyes.
“Laudna, it's not workin’!” Her face scrunches up, and she starts to cry.
Laudna falters, looking panicked, then scoots over and hugs her. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you sad. We don’t need rings, we can just pretend. Plus, people can love each other without them, you know.”
Imogen sniffles and wipes her eyes. “Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll love you forever and ever, even if we never get rings.”
“You promise?”
Laudna grabs her hand. Laudna’s hands are always cold and Imogen’s are always hot. “I promise.”
With that, Imogen considers the matter pretty much solved, and they get back to pretend. But Imogen is still wondering about the rings when she gets home, so she asks her dad after dinner. “Daddy, I have a question.”
“Yes, Genny?” He sighs. It’s a tired sigh. He sounds tired a lot these days. She thinks maybe he needs an earlier bedtime.
“Laudna and I tried to make each other wedding rings today at recess, ‘cause we love each other a whole lot, but it didn’t work ‘cause they kept falling apart, but she said she’d love me without a ring too and that people can love each other and even get married without ‘em -” The words trip out of her mouth in a rush - “So anyway, I was wonderin’ if you had a ring when you loved Mommy?”
Her daddy is quiet for one, two, three, four whole seconds. Imogen bounces patiently on her toes. Sometimes he doesn’t answer very fast - he doesn’t talk as quick as Laudna, or use as many words. Laudna knows a lot of words, some really big and fancy ones too. Definitely more than her daddy.
“Yes,” he says finally. “I had a ring.”
Imogen is wide-eyed. This is very exciting news. “What did you do with it when you didn’t love Mommy anymore? Do you still have it? Can I see, can I see?”
Her daddy turns away. He doesn’t like to talk about Mommy. “I sold it,” he says finally.
“You sold it? Was it real expensive? Was it pretty? Do you have a picture?”
“No more questions, Genny. Go put your pajamas on.”
Imogen falls asleep and she dreams of a warehouse full of shelves, stretching up and up into the sky as far as she can see. Most of the shelves are empty, but she knows there’s treasure, somewhere, if she can just find it. She tugs on Laudna’s hand - of course Laudna is there too, by her side like always - and they set off together, walking barefoot through the warehouse.
Laudna is wearing a fancy wedding dress, like the ones Imogen sees on TV, white and sparkly with a big train that rustles behind her. She’s beautiful like a model. The moving fabric sounds like whispers, but Imogen can’t understand what it’s saying. She thinks maybe it’s telling her where to find the treasure - maybe there will be a ring, if she can get to it, and she’ll give it to Laudna, and then everything will be perfect - but she wakes up empty-handed.