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"My hair is crispy and I don't like it." Peter hummed to himself as he prodded at a few strands in the mirror. The hair crackled under his touch like aluminum foil, he recoiled immediately.
"That's what you get for using bleach. Again." Loki rolled their eyes and filled up Cat's food bowl with some treats. They turned and squinted at Peter's new hair-do "To be completely honest, I don't understand why you changed it. The lavender was pretty."
"Because I had a mental breakdown and in typical queer fashion, dyeing my hair was the cure to all my problems."
"That can't be healthy."
"You obviously don't know the beauty of the hair dyeing process. It's therapeutic!" Peter urged his point then skipped over to Loki with a devious smile "I think you would look good with royal blue hair. It would match your eyes."
"I like my hair already, thank you very much." Loki said as they flipped back a long wave. Peter gave them the best puppy dog eyes he could manage.
"Please."
"No."
"Please."
"No."
"Please--"
"Ugh, fine, I'll do it so you stop annoying me." Loki groaned and snapped their fingers. Their hair was clouded with sparkles in a cartoon-like manner before it revealed brilliant blue hair. They turned to their mirror to investigate it further.
"Hm, not bad kid." Loki approved of the shade. They snapped their fingers to change their shirt into a vibrant mustard color sweater. Loki was a fashion lover at heart, so of course they'd know what was the opposite of blue in the color wheel without even checking.
Peter just gawked at them. His jaw was dropped, eyes teary, and his face pale with shock. When Loki noticed they stared at the kid in pure confusion.
"What? Is there a stain on my sweater?" They asked and quickly tried to twist the sweater to look at the back.
"No, no. The sweater is a perfect example of Loki-Fashion. What I'm about to cry over is how you changed your hair color."
"Peter, you've seen me turn the world upside down. Literally. Changing my hair color is hardly anything by comparison."
"I know that, it's just you didn't get the experience. You need the bleach, the gloves, and the unsettling fear of possibly destroying your hair in your bathroom to really get the feel." Peter grabbed his backpack with a huff. He stomped over to Loki and ordered "Captain Loki, you are going to experience the horror of at home hair dyeing whether you like it or not."
"...Am I being threatened? You sound like you are threatening me."
"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not." Peter said, trying not to giggle at how ominous he was trying to sound. Loki rolled their eyes, but showed no other sign of denying Peter's request.
The duo began to head out of the tower quickly before all the shops closed (this was happening at eight in the evening. So it was pretty accurate to how most spur of the moment hair dyeing moments go). Tony looked up from his seat on the couch, worry was evident on his face.
"Please don't tell me that you are going on patrol this late." Tony said mainly to Peter, he didn't really care what Loki was up to. The god was quite older than Peter. A lot older than any of the team, actually.
"Nope," Peter said, popping the 'P' and rolling on the heels of his feet "I'm dyeing their hair!" He looked like a kid who just woke up in Christmas morning. Excited and curious to the fullest extent a person could be.
Tony looked at Loki, who still had blue hair, with a puzzled expression.
"This was of my own doing," Loki explained with a dead pan expression "Peter claims I have to do it the mortal way for the experience." Loki did finger quotes around the last part, earning them a sharp elbow to their ribs from Peter.
"You'll love it... Also we're using your credit card Mr. Stark. 'Kay bye!" Peter shouted before squeezing Loki's forearm.
Tony began to shout out at them, but Loki already teleported far, far away.
"Tony is going to force us to clean his stupid suits when we get back. Probably with a toothbrush too. The man loves being evil." Loki muttered, not even caring that a group of people were staring at the duo who appeared out of thin air.
"It'll be worth it," Peter promised "I'll get you addicted to hair dye if it's the last thing I do."
"Kid, I already have enough unhealthy coping mechanisms."
"Might as well add one more then!"
"Can't argue with you there."
The two ran into the beauty supply shop, not wasting a single second more loitering in front of it. Once they burst in, they saw a familiar face closing out the cashier.
"No, not again." Zoe cried into her hands. This was the same clerk at the grocery store and the pet store. Both of which Loki and Peter caused... incidents... to.
Riding around in a shopping cart and releasing a flock of parakeets isn't socially acceptable. Apparently.
"Zoe, my good friend!" Loki greeted her with a huge smile. They weren't on board on the hair thing at first, but now knowing it meant they got to annoy Zoe a third time, they were excited. "Long time no see!"
"No. We're closing. Get out." Zoe gritted her teeth and pointed a finger to the door with a glare so deadly it could kill. Peter swore he saw a fly drop dead.
"Actually," Peter went to the shop enough to know the hours perfectly "It closes in three minutes. Loki, go!"
The two stormed across the shop, grabbing any and all bottles of dye they could get their hands on. Loki shoved mixing bowls into a cart while Peter jumped up the shelves to grab bleach powder.
Zoe couldn't do anything but curse the universe as she watched them but an ungodly amount of hair dye.
"You don't need that much!" She yelled to the two.
"The extra is going to charity so kids can experience the joy of hair dye, don't worry!" Peter yelled back and the two slammed baskets of hair supplies on the check out counter.
Zoe wanted to say something snarky to that, but she couldn't find anything. It was, admittedly, sweet.
"I can't believe you have three jobs." Loki noted as Zoe began scanning the items.
"I got fired at the pet store. No idea why." She said sarcastically. Loki didn't seem to notice.
"Really? That's monstrous! Here, have these as a token of my condolences!" Loki handed her a stack of hundred dollar bills. Zoe almost dropped the item scanner once she saw it. Her eyes widened comedically as she traced the bills with her hand.
"I'm not allowed to take tips." She said.
"I won't tell if you won't! Breaking the law is my favorite pastime!"
"Aren't you a superhero?!" Zoe asked. You wouldn't catch Steve Rogers saying something like that even if his life depended on it.
"Ehhh, that's debatable. Are you going to take the money or not?" Loki asked again, bored of her hesitation already. She snatched the bills and stuffed them in her purse before checking out the rest of the duo's items.
"Your total is $458.67." Zoe wiped some perspiration off of her forehead. Checking out Loki and Peter was exhausting, no matter the store.
"We almost spent half a thousand dollars on hair dye." Peter's pale expression made Loki laugh.
"Don't worry about it. Tony has plenty to spare!" Loki passed Zoe the credit card.
"Did you seriously admit to using someone else's card in front of me? By law I can't check you out now."
Peter and Loki froze and looked at each other warily. Loki weakly smiled at Zoe.
"If you don't tell, I won't?" They squeaked out. Zoe stared at them blankly before groaning in defeat. She swiped the card and handed the two all of their bags.
"I agree with this, as long as you promise you won't burn the store to the ground the next time you shop somewhere I work." She said firmly then shouted "It's five minutes past closing, get out!"
Loki snapped their fingers and the two teleported back to the tower. They appeared beside Wanda in the kitchen, who helped and almost dropped her plate of pancakes at the suddenness of their arrival.
"You both have to be more careful with where you teleport!" Wanda chided before staring in awe at the various bags they were holding. "Intriguing. What's that?"
"Hair dye!" Peter said ecstatically and shook the bag for full effect.
"I'm being held hostage. Save me." Loki cried out, Peter webbed their mouth before they could say anything else.
In Loki's room, Peter shoved them to a wheeling gamechaor that they received last Christmas.
"Ok, we have every color you could possibly imagine. Plus all the unimagined shades we'd get if we mixed them together. Loki, your hair will be art!"
"Kid, I've seen your paintings from art class. I'm begging you not to do whatever you call art to my hair."
"Tsk, tsk. So rude. You'd think you'd be nicer to the guy who's literally bleaching your hair. If this touches your skin, you will literally die."
"What?!" Loki snapped and tried to wriggle their way out of the apron that Peter tied on them to protect their clothes. Peter shoved them back in place.
"Slight exaggeration, you won't die... you'll just wish you were."
"So, no change to my current state of mind?"
Peter blinked at Loki as they smiled goofily. Peter began to open his mouth then closed it before saying whatever he planned on saying.
"I've taught you too much Gen Z humor."
"It's my favorite coping mechanism."
"Mine too, no wonder we're besties."
"We should get matching tombstones. Like friendship bracelets, but more creepy. We can also throw a celebration at our funerals, they can crowd surf our corpses." Loki said and immediately the two started cackling. Friday, however, started clicking with disapproval.
"We better stop talking about death before the AI rats us out to the others again." Peter rolled his eyes "You say you are going to jump out a window one time and suddenly the place is baby-proofed!"
"To be fair, you are a baby and constantly run into the corners of tables."
"I'm going to burn your hair off, jerk."
"I think I could rock the bald look. I'm Loki, I could rock anything."
"You are such a narcissist."
"It's not my fault the public loves me!" Loki winked with a grin, causing Peter to roll his eyes. Then Peter began to mix the bleach in its container. Loki froze, the harsh chemicals hit their nose. They felt like even the smallest nose hair was going to set aflame just from being in the vicinity of the bleach.
"Nope!" Loki yelped and brought their knees to their chest as some shield "How about I just magically make my hair platinum and then you dye it? That sounds safer. Much safer."
"The. Experience." Peter was adamant and quickly began sectioning and applying bleach to Loki's hair before they could run away.
"Oh, I forgot to do a test strand to see how it would react to your hair chemistry.... eh, it should be fine."
"Peter I swear to Asgard you better not ruin my hair. It's all I have."
"Ouch, what am I? Chopped liver?"
"Currently you are my number one enemy." Loki stared absent mindedly into the mirror. Metallic looking strips of paper encased small sections of their hair. They looked so confused.
"Pete, how is this going to make my hair lighter?"
"Well the science of bleach interacting with your hair follicules is actually pretty simple--"
"Nevermind, save the science for Tony and Bruce. My head already hurts looking at this without the sciencey crap."
"Again, you should be nicer to the guy bleaching your hair." Peter dangled the bleaching brush in front of Loki's face, who promptly screamed a terrifyingly high shout and tried to back away from it like it was a spider (pun intended).
"Can you two keep it down? I'm trying to sharpen my knives to threaten Clint with-- Oh what's this?" Natasha tried to keep her face blank, but a grin was begging to go along the edges of her lips. She sashayed her way to the bags and picked up some pink hair dye.
"He's torturing me!" Loki told her, pale as a sheet.
"I'm torturing them!" Peter told her, happy as can be.
"Not how I would describe the hair dyeing process, but ok. Kid, can you give me some pink streaks once your done with Loki's?" Natasha asked. She seemed to have fallen head over heals in love with the rosy pink pastels in front of her.
"Of course! I'm sure you'll get done with it without squirming like someone." Peter said and gave Loki a pointed look.
"One, rude. Two, Tony is going to freak out with three of his Avengers having dyed hair."
"My plan is to slowly brainwash the others into loving hair dye so we can all have a uniform rule of unnatural hair colors." Peter hummed, then suddenly exactly one section of Loki's hair began to fall off their scalp.
The horrific event happened in slow motion. Like a feather falling to the ground, the strand of hair began to waver in the air. Like it didn't know where it was wanting to go.
It fell on Peter's bare foot.
A beat of silence. Then.
"EWWWW OHMYGOD GET IT OFF! NO NO!" Peter started to shriek and began to fling his foot up and down, but the foiled hair was not coming off.
"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! AND PUT THOSE GRIPPERS AWAY!" Loki shoved Peter's foot out of their face as they mourned the loss of their hair strands. Natasha was doubling over in laughter, trying her best to contain herself as the two grew more chaotic.
She eventually walked over, forcefully plucked the hair strand off of Peter's foot, then waved it in his face.
"Now, was that so hard?" She was trying so hard not to laugh.
"...Let us never discuss this again." Peter said.
"Um, hello? My hair?!" Loki reminded him and flung their aluminum encrusted mop of hair at Peter "I could go bald!!"
"Well, you said that you would rock being bald--"
"Peter!"
"Ugh, fine. You're boring." Peter tsked before removing the foil and starting the next steps of the process. Natasha watched intently, wishing she had popcorn.
"Funnily enough, the rest of your hair is perfectly fine. I don't know why that one piece fell off." Peter hummed as he started applying some turquoise hair dye.
"I don't know, and I don't want to. I'm scarred for life " Loki literally shuddered.
"Loki, Avenger and past villain, is traumatized by a strand of hair." Peter mused with a grin.
"Says the one who was screaming at it like it was a cockroach!"
"Hey, I don't know how often you wash your hair! There could have been cockroaches in it!"
"You little--"
"And I'm going to go get some snacks! I'll be back in like thirty minutes. You can watch the Great British Bake Off or something." Peter did a peace sign and ran off in a giggling fit. Loki stared after the boy, their mouth agape in shock. They turned to Natasha.
"Can you believe him?"
"Yes." Natasha said without hesitation, and she started snickering at Loki's expression of betrayal.
When it was time to wash out the dye, Peter quickly realized there wasn't a sink anywhere.
"Ok so we might have a problem."
"When don't we have one?" Loki asked. Peter quickly thought of places to wash Loki's hair then snapped his finger when he figured it out.
"To the kitchen!" Peter rolled Loki in their chair all the way to the kitchen. Peter debated on washing Loki's hair in the side with dirty dishes or the empty one.
"You better not wash my hair in the dirty dish water side." Loki warned as if they read Peter's mind. Peter smiled awkwardly and put Loki's hair in the clean side. He turned on the water.
"Hey that's cold!" Loki hissed.
"Get used to cold water. It's hair dye care 101."
"Why did I agree to this?" Loki groaned, but otherwise made no complaints.
When all was said and done, Loki examined their new blue-colored ombre styled hair in their room. They touched the strand, it felt a little dry but it was nothing a hair mask couldn't fix.
"So?" Peter asked giddily "What do you think?"
"It's... actually very nice. You can tell that a lot of effort was put into it." Loki admitted bitterly. They rolled their eyes as Peter jumped up and cheered.
"I knew you would love it!"
However, before the two could celebrate too long, a shout could be heard from the kitchen.
"WHY IS MY KITCHEN SINK BLUE?" Oops, Tony. Loki didn't look worried.
"WHOEVER DID THIS BETTER COME FORWARD!" Yikes, Pepper. Loki looked very worried.
"It was the duo, obviously." The two heard Natasha tell the two. She had resigned herself to the living room during Loki's waiting period for the hair dye to set.
"Traitor." Both Peter and Loki scowled. The ceiling clicked.
"Loki, Peter, I recommend you leave. Pepper and Boss are on their way with cleaning supplies." Friday warned them. Loki grabbed Peter's shoulder.
"Pep is going to kill us." Loki gulped and looked to Peter sheepishly "How about we go for a late night trip to Wendy's and never return?"
"I support that fully, Captain." Peter nodded quickly.
Just as Loki's room door swung open, the two were teleported away to the land of Frosty's and French fries.
Of course Tony and Pepper would give them a lengthy list of chores when they returned, but we'll pretend they managed to escape.