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Denki was minding his own business, for once. He was playing with a tangle, the soft plastic sound grounding him like a lead balloon. He didn't mean to overhear it, honest! He really was sitting there minding his own business! It wasn't his fault Midoriya could be as loud as him sometimes, and don't even get Denki started on when Midoriya practically screams like a fanboy over his special interest.
"Well, my favorite type of stim is auditory! I really like the sound of pens clicking, but also I really like making sounds myself! Usually it's tapping on my desk, or sometimes I uh..." Izuku's cheeks dust pink. "Sometimes I like the sound of a certain word or phrase and I'll keep repeating it! And that can include..." he avoids Todoroki's always intense gaze. "Mimicking other people."
"So is that why when Bakugo-"
"Yup! Good talk, Sho!" Todoroki looks at Izuku even more bewildered.
"This conversation seems very one sided, Izuku what is stimming?" Denki drops his tangle, and that alerts the two to the third wheeler in the conversation.
"Oh, Denki! I assume you heard at least the mention of stimming!" Denki was usually energetic, but listen, he usually tried to stay out of it! He nods and picks his tangle back up from the floor. "Denki also stims! I've noticed he prefers the tangle toys over most others, but he also has plenty of oil timers he lets me borrow!" Todoroki nods, far slower than usual. "So a stim is a self stimulatory behavior used in repetition to convey an array of emotions. They could be general stims, stress related stims, happy stims, the list goes on! Usually, stimming is most common in autistic individuals-"
"That's me!" Denki yells with a cheerful smile. Midoriya giggles.
"That's all three of us, Denki. As I was saying, while it is mostly common in autistic individuals, people with ADHD and anxiety also stim! It's for whoever wants to, really!"
"My father told me I shouldn't ever stim, because it makes people think I'm weak." Todoroki wilts under the looks he's being given.
"Oh, Sho, there's nothing wrong with stimming." Izuku is quieter, gentler. "Stimming is a perfectly healthy behavior, your father has no right to say anything like that."
Despite Izuku's words, Todoroki still feels confused.
Todoroki thought about what his friend (boyfriend? Friend with benefits? Todoroki has no clue and at this point he's afraid to ask) and Kaminari were saying, and thought the conversation made the situation end, so he no longer had to think about it.
Until Kaminari left one of his... oil timers, that's it, on his desk.
Now, Shouto knew the right thing, the socially acceptable thing to do was pick it up and take it to Kaminari, or give it to Mr. Aizawa so he could give it to Kaminari the next day. But, that ugly, ugly little demon on his shoulder told him to 'borrow it'. Logically speaking, Kaminari wouldn't be upset if he found out, he'd probably give him the oil timer for fucks sake. Even with that in mind, it felt awful. It wasn't the rules he grew up with, and his father's ugly voice rang in his head now. Now, illogically speaking, Shouto feared the second he started even thinking about stimming, Endeavor would bust through the classroom and strike him for daring to think about anything other than surpassing All Might.
He still takes the oil timer to his dorm room. He'll just go to his dorm and return it the next day. He sits at his desk to work on homework, his room having been restyled in second year because the feeling of home was nice, unless a good majority of those memories were filled with pain and fear. He shuddered, but silently thanked Ashido for taking him to Ikea so he could find something that suited him, not his family.
"It's your room, Todoroki! Your room, not his!" Such a deep memory, twisted into something funny by his traitorous brain. He snorts at the mental image of Izuku yelling that with the ferocity of the Sports Festival. He looks at the time and oops, he's been reminiscing about his trauma for two hours. He stares at his homework, and the oil timer. He flips it over so it'll start, and begins his homework. That is, until he ends up watching the oil timer instead. He deflates at the thought.
Well, the oil timer was pointless.
The next morning, he returns it to Kaminari's dorm room by taping it to the door so he wouldn't step on it when he came out. He can't explain it, but he was silently hoping that it would help him, and the disappointment sits heavy in his lungs. He sits in class, and Mr. Aizawa notices his sad eyes and disappointed expression. He's barely taking in a word he says, but he mindlessly takes notes on what he does hear.
To his surprise, he's pulled aside by Mr. Aizawa after class.
"Todoroki, are you alright?" He didn't want to think of it, but seeing Todoroki reminded him of what he was like in first year.
"Yes, sir. I was simply distracted." He was expecting a chewing out by Aizawa, but to his surprise, Aizawa picks up the metaphorical knife and hits Shouto in the chest.
"Is it your father?" His expression is concerned, and man it felt good to be cared about, but it looked so wrong on somebody so jaded.
"No, sir. I mean this with all the respect I can muster, but I do not think you would understand." He sees Aizawa go through a mental list.
"Would you like to speak to Midoriya instead?"
"Izuku caused this, sir." He has to backtrack. "It isn't necessarily a bad thing sir. He and Kaminari said something to me that I have been thinking about, but the more I think about it, the more confused I get."
"Are you still confused about where your relationship stands?"
"Yes, but that is not what I am worried about at the moment." Aizawa nods thoughtfully, and thankfully he drops it.
"Is it too personal for me to ask what this is about?" He could tell Aizawa was considering if he was walking into a metaphorical, or perhaps literal, minefield.
"Do you know anything about stimming, sir?" Aizawa deflates with what seems to be relief. Shouto is tragically too good at reading people, he thinks to himself.
After his talk with Aizawa, he is looking through options. Slime might be what he should go to. It seems to be popular with quite a few people who stim. The package of slime he bought with his father's card (how has he not noticed yet? This is a crime) practically taunts him. He knows it wouldn't ever happen, but he still feels nervous. He knows his father won't barge into the dorms and scream at him. He knows his father won't hit him anymore. He knows that the school is working on a legitimate restraining order against his father.
Those ugly thoughts still remain. Worthless. Broken. Wrong. Faggot. Retard.
He shudders especially violently at the last two. He remembers a third year calling Kaminari that word and how quickly he went from all smiles to beating the shit out of a third year was kind of impressive, he wouldn't lie. He remembers the class Aizawa had to put in on how slurs are damaging, and how even if one person didn't think it was a slur, Shouto immediately remembers his old private tutor casually saying that word in regards to autistic people, that there is no purpose to those words other than to hurt. He also emphasized geneless, and how slurs towards the quirkless are still casually thrown around.
He's breathing heavily and his room has dropped at least 15 degrees. He looks at his thermostat. -35 degrees. The cold is soothing, it reminds him of his sister. If there was any precipitation, it would have frozen over long ago once it was at 0. He doesn't heat up his room, but he tries to stop it from dropping any further. He takes his slime out of the box, and he notices that it says not to freeze, so he begrudgingly leaves the chill of his room, a wave of frost hitting the hallway as he steps out. He heads down to the common room and sits at the island in the kitchen. Almost as if holding a newborn kitten, he actually remembers Shinsou bringing in a kitten, unsure if it would survive considering how tiny it was given that it was found alone in a dumpster, and Izuku volunteering Shouto to help, he gently opens the container as if expecting it to jump out at him.
He isn't sure what to do, actually. Should he just put his hand in it? Should he take it out and roll it between his fingers like a gelatinous marble? He settles on gingerly taking it out, and-
Nope. That's a bad texture if he ever felt one. He drops the slime with a distressed noise and runs to the shared bathrooms to wash his hands. He scrubs them raw but the feeling absolutely will not go away. He steps into the shower and rubs himself raw, mostly focused on his hand and fingers. He's grimacing as he steps out of the shower, trying to get this feeling off was harder than he expected.
No slime. Got it.
It's Kaminari again who approaches him.
"Hey dude! I bought some chew stims for when I'm stressed out, but I was wondering if you'd like one before I go ham on them!" Todoroki blinks owlishly.
"When you are stressed?" Kaminari nods.
"Yeah, I get bitey when stressed. Far better than legging it." Todoroki blinks yet again.
"Legging it?"
"Yeah!" That helped him absolutely none at all. He'd have to look it up later. Probably some sort of slang or euphemism. "I have some left and Midoriya is visiting his father in Tartarus, probably yelling at him more like it but I was going to leave some for him and also I found some slime if you'd-"
"No thanks on the slime. I tried it and it was... less than stellar." Kaminari nods, an understanding look on his face. "What is the harm with a chew? Couldn't be worse than the slime." Kaminari grins and hands him a plastic feather necklace. Todoroki runs it over his fingers tentatively. Texture leaves a bit to be desired, but not awful. "Do I just put it in my mouth?"
"Aye, aye, cap'n!" He gives a shitty salute. Shouto nods and puts it in his mouth. It's... actually pretty nice. While the touch texture was left to be desired, it provided a really good mouth feel. He really likes this. He bites there, chewing on it while Kaminari is twisting his tangle within his hands. They sit there for a while, Shouto happily chewing and Kaminari clicking the tangle by taking it apart and putting it back together.
Iida comes downstairs, and a part of Shouto wants to run because he isn't sure what to expect, but Iida simply sits with them and starts swinging his arms. He says nothing, but he's smiling, seemingly content. He's lost awareness, having been focused on the chewing, but Tsu has joined them wrapped in some green bag that covers her whole body, Yaoyorozu has a weighted blanket, he can hear the beads, and is holding a stuffed cat while she studies. Ashido has joined them, playing with the tangle he remembers her making for Kaminari. He's the only one to notice Izuku, who happily sits in what Shouto realizes is a circle. Izuku starts clicking his tongue and tapping on the table. Shouto smiles.
This is nice.