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Imagine, if you will, how a ‘normal’ romantic relationship would begin. A couple awkward dates, hands brushing but unsure. Cinema dates, coffee shops and walks in the park. Slowly growing together, confidence leading to a first kiss, tentative touches becoming assertive.
It takes time, patience and trust.
Shame that none of this happened when Duncan and Cody got together. After their dance in the rain, rather than splitting up and heading home to gossip about their date with their friends, they instead headed back to the dining hall and sat next to each other, enduring teasing ribs from their friends.
Heather even spared a smile for them.
And when it came to heading to the beds, DJ and Owen both blocked Cody from heading to his side of the cabin, instead ‘helping’ him over to Duncan’s bunk.
“I’m beginning to think that this will be our life now,” grumbled Cody as he squirmed about, trying to get comfortable. Duncan chuckled, and then pulled Cody into his chest, wrapping a warm arm around the smaller teen’s waist. Cody blushed a bright red, but snuggled into Duncan’s embrace.
In the background, the other campers did their best not to squeal at the amount of adorableness.
Chris too, found the new couple very cute – so cute, in fact, that he began to plot his own plan. Couples were great for ratings, after all.
***
The whir of a helicopter woke the camp up, followed by the crackle of a megaphone and the roar of the helicopter blades as they zoomed overhead. Duncan scrambled awake, grabbing Cody and pulling him under the bed, protecting the smaller teen with his body.
“They’ve come for us, man!” shouted Duncan.
“I think that’s just Chris,” said Cody. “Come on Duncan, it’s okay.”
It took a grand total of ten minutes for the campers to wake up and make their way to the firepit, where Chris was waiting with a crate of beans and a shit-eating grin.
“I want to start today with a change!” he exclaimed. “Cody, Harold – you two are swapping teams!”
“What?! Why?!”
“Because I said so. Now switch, and then I’ll explain the challenge!”
The challenge turned out to be a paintball deer hunt – only half the campers were hunters, and half the campers were deer.
Cody, Duncan and DJ were made ‘deer’, and dashed off into the woods.
“This is demeaning,” grumbled Duncan. Cody wandered ahead of him, and Duncan changed his mind.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m outta here,” DJ said, and then he was bounding away on all fours.
“Is that… normal?” asked Cody slowly.
“Not where I’m from,” Duncan replied. “Any ideas where we should hide?”
“Let’s just go as deep into the woods as possible – I bet you Heather will make Lindsay and Beth protect her, so we’ll only have to worry about Leshawna and Owen.”
“You mean we’ll only have to worry about Leshawna. The walking gas-bag won’t be much of a threat.”
“True,” chuckled Cody.
Cody and Duncan walked along side-by-side, hands dangling between them. Cody reached out and bumped his knuckles against Duncan’s. Duncan looked down, then over at Cody.
“If you wanted to hold hands, you could’ve just said.” Their hands interlaced, slotting together perfectly. Blood rushed to Cody’s cheeks.
The cameras followed them about as they wandered along the path, slowing down once they were a good distance from camp. They found the other side of the island, and walked along the beach, shoes in one hand and holding hands with the other.
“This is probably really boring television!” laughed Cody.
“Maybe there’s something interesting happening closer to camp?” suggested Duncan.
He had no clue how right he was.
Back near camp, an all-out paintball war had erupted between Heather and Beth, with Leshawna, Geoff, Bridgette and Courtney joining in gleefully.
Of course, there was no way Duncan and Cody could know this, wandering along the sandy shores of the island and talking to each other.
“So, have any siblings?”
“Two elder brothers. You?”
“Single child.”
“Ouch dude.”
“It wasn’t so terrible. It meant that I had the house to myself most of the time.” Duncan paused for a moment to stare at Cody incredulously.
“You had the house to yourself? Where were your parents?”
“They went international all the time – they had important jobs and stuff.”
“That… doesn’t mean they can— do you smell piss?”
The two looked towards the woods.
“That’s Owen, isn’t it?”
“He really needs to buy a darker shirt,” groaned Duncan. The two ran down the beach, leaving both the cameras and Owen far behind.
Owen watched the pair vanish into the distance, passing around the curve of the island.
“Do I… have to run… after… them?” he panted.
There was no reply. Owen looked around – and the camera crew had booked it in the other direction.
***
Most reality TV is staged – but not Total Drama. Which meant yes, Lindsay was really screaming while she was pelted with paint, and yes Heather was somehow weathering all the paintballs bursting on her. That was honestly the scariest part of this.
Leshawna accidentally shot Beth once – though that may have been because Beth and Heather were now chasing each other around screaming obscenities.
“We can’t air any of this…” groaned the cameraman.
“Depends. What time does this air?”
“Prime time.”
“Then no. Chris won’t be pleased.”
Chris was not pleased. The entire day’s episode was… Cody and Duncan hugging, Owen dousing himself in piss, an unusable paintball fight filled with curses and a walk on the beach.
Oh, and DJ somehow joining a herd of deer.
“What the hell happened?!” he demanded. “There were not many rules when it came to this show. But the Number One rule was keep the swearing to a minimum! What are you even saying here?!”
“I think it’s Korean,” an intern said.
“And what does it say?”
“You… don’t want to know.”
Chris groaned.
“Well, it’s obvious who lost. Screaming Gophers, I’ll see you at the bonfire tonight. Killer Bass, you get a hot shower and the afternoon off.” Chris paused until someone held their thumb up. “Okay,” Chris went on. “I’ll be real – we can’t really use any of that episode. We’re going to need Beth, Lindsay, Heather, Owen, Leshawna and… Duncan and Cody together to do confessionals. Stretch them out, and then do something that we can film. Please. Harold… what did you even do today?”
“I became one with nature. Ninja Steve would be proud of me.”
Chris did his best not to scream, and strode away.
Duncan and Cody headed to their cabin to wait for the confessional to be freed up. Cody pulled out a thick book and flopped down on the bed they had shared.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a full collection of Jane Austen’s works. I’m actually just about to begin Pride and Prejudice again. It’s a favourite.” Cody blushed, and curled in on himself, waiting for Duncan’s jeering laughter.
Only, it didn’t come.
Cody looked up. Duncan was… gazing at him in awe?
“You’ve read Pride and Prejudice? I mean… I heard about it from some dude in Juvie – but I never was able to read it myself. Weird, complicated English. Could you… read it to me?”
Cody beamed, and it was like the sun bursting through the clouds to grace the world with its warmth. Duncan smiled back, and the two headed out in front of the cabin. There was a rickety old chair that Duncan flopped into with practiced ease, pulling Cody into his lap. Cody went red again – was his face okay? – and opened the book to the first page of the story.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife…”
***
Chef walked over, ready to drag Cody and Duncan into the confessional to spill on their walk and whatever else they could drag out of them for the show – only to hear a gentle, soothing voice recounting the frightfully witty tale of Miss Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy.
“…Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was herself becoming an object of some interest in the eyes of his friend. Mr. Darcy had at first scarcely allowed her to be pretty; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only to criticise. But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she had hardly a good feature in her face, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying.”
“Wait – so you’re telling me that as soon as he convinced himself and everyone else he didn’t like her, he started to like her?”
“Yep.”
“What the hell?! Why would he do that?!”
“Because he’s a bit of an idiot. But you know who’s like this?”
“Who?”
“Leshawna and Harold.”
“You think—?” Duncan cut off, his eyes going wide. “Those damn letters!”
Cody laughed, leaning back into the crook of Duncan’s shoulder. The smaller teen started reading again, and Chef walked away.
They had gotten enough out of that conversation to last an entire series!
***
“Do you know why the elimination’s been pushed back?” asked Beth.
“Probably so that everyone can process just what a backstabbing traitor you are,” hissed Heather. Lindsay shot a sympathetic look at Beth, but said nothing.
Meanwhile, mysterious love-letters began turning up. Chris stirred up the shit by making sure every discovery was caught on camera, and then asking probing questions.
“Geoff couldn’t write anything this good!”
“As if Trent would be so sappy! He’d write you a song, not a poem. It’s. Not. For. You.”
“Well, Bridgette, it’s not for you either! And we all know it isn’t likely to be Duncan – he’s already with Cody!”
Cody and Duncan just shot them all pitying looks while going on hikes together.
***
“Someone had to have tampered with the votes!” snapped Leshawna, leaping to her feet and pointing an accusatory finger at Heather.
“I didn’t. Would’ve gotten my nails dirty.”
“Yeah! We would’ve gotten our nails dirty.”
All the while, Beth is happily chewing on her marshmallow as Harold is unceremoniously dragged down the dock.
“Wait…” gasped Bridgette.
“Leshawna’s the crush girl!” exclaimed Gwen. The two gaped at one another as Leshawna went flying after Harold for some weird romantic moment.
As they did, Duncan and Cody slipped away. Duncan had a paintball gun strapped to his back, and Cody was carrying a smaller pair of paint pistols in a homemade holster.
The two grinned at one another as they spotted Chris’ fancy caravan setup, and opened fire.