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And there it was, a set of vials of unimpressive liquid, and Oliver wondered if this long lost juice was worth all the pain he had gone through. “We got our bargaining chip. Look alive.” Slade said, but none of them looked all too pleased, not even himself. Shado stashed the precious, damned, vials on her bag, and let out a sigh. They were about to make a deal with the devil with these, and Oliver didn't want to second guess their choice. This is how we get out. At least, he hoped it would be so.
“We should rest here for the night, it's already dark” Shado said solemnly, a bit strained. It was the right choice, but she was worried about her father, alone at camp. None of them would fear for Yao Fei's safety when he was at one hundred percent, but with his leg most likely broken? Not even him could take on attack from that madman Ivo. But for now he was safe, their camp was well hidden and would remain so until their return. Oliver had to believe that. They all hung to that. “I'll take the first shift.” He said as he clasped his hand on her shoulder; her smile was weaker than he hoped.
“We'll set out at dawn tomorrow” Slade said as he double and triple checked his gun. “And we'll buy our way out this fucking hellhole”. Oliver really didn't want to, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling -dejected. Slade's dark eyes fell on him, but he quickly turned away from his gaze.
“Get some rest.” he said quietly before making his way outside.
He wasn't alone for long before he felt steps coming from the submarine. “I really hope I'm not getting this wrong-” It was Slade, more cautious than usual. “But I really don't want to believe you want to stay here.”
Oliver looked at him, dumbfounded, for a moment. “Fuck no” he said without thinking, not that he had to give it much thought. This was their way out, he had to trust on that. But Slade kept looking at him, and he somehow looked- smaller than he usually did. Oliver gave him a sad smile, realizing that Slade had grown very adept at reading him. How could he not?
He sighed, trying to find the right words. “So, Back to Australia with you? Try to make things right with your wife?” Slade's expression made him realize that he had failed to find the right words. He sighed and chuckled with actual humor at Slade's lost expression. “I am not- Jealous, Slade.” He let out a sigh, finally fully facing him. “I'm not a kid. Whatever is the thing we keep dancing around, Like, dumb kids- it really only makes sense here.” It hurt to say it, but it was true. Their flirting, those lingering glances, that- hunger. It only meant anything here. It wasn't just attraction or even horniness, it was nothing as simple as that, and it was hard to reconcile even understanding that nuance in light of the carefree kid he had been a year ago. So much had changed. What had been forging between them, it was tempered by the uncertainty of even living to see another day. Everything else felt so shallow in comparison, yet part of him knew this itself would feel like a dream someday -if he got out- but right now, how his guts twisted when he thought about Slade, were the most real things he felt for anyone. But that really only made sense in here, only in this god forsaken island.
Slade remained silent for a moment, and for a moment his mouth worked itself without saying anything. It was almost comical. Oliver felt at least some satisfaction in leaving him speechless for once, it was not often he could pull off that one. So he smiled that smile of his that Slade called know-it-all. “Can't say self awareness doesn't suit you, Oliver.” Slade offered with a sigh, and seemed to give up on trying to say anything else and instead leaned on a tree right besides. Oliver, on his part, was quite happy with the stealth compliment Slade had given him.
“You owe it to yourself to get your family back.” Oliver dared not to say the words too loud because they still hurt, even if he knew them true. Nor he looked at Slade as he said them.
Slade sighed again, and then Oliver did look at him. He looked so burdened, he wanted to believe so at least. That this wasn't an easy choice for him, that at least it would hurt at least half as much to say goodbye to whatever this was between them. Then Slade finally just grunted in affirmation, almost as if he was not happy about agreeing. He crossed his arms over his chest, and looked up at the night sky.
“It's hard to believe it sometimes, that there is a life out there still waiting for us.” Oliver spoke again, trying to fill the silence, trying to make sense of all the thoughts still going around on his mind. Slade stared at him attentively. “I -I don't even know to what I am even returning.” And a part of Oliver really disliked how the following sigh came almost as a sob. “My dad is gone, and I guess I'm gonna have to take over the company and, I don't think I am ready for that.”
“You're gonna be.” Slade said firmly but not loud, the gravel of his voice carrying the words easily nonetheless. His eyes felt on Oliver accompanied by a stern nod, and they felt so full with conviction that Oliver wanted to believe so hard. He almost shuddered, the vertigo of what lied ahead being almost dizzying, and he had to steel himself from not shaking like a leaf in the wind.
Slade smiled at him, and it was almost that cocky grin of his, but far fonder that he had seen it before. “Look at us, practicing some effective communication.” He over-pronounced the words and Oliver couldn't help but let out a chuckle of his own. “I wouldn't have believed it a year ago, not at all.” He looked lost in thought for a moment. “You and Shado, you have been good influences on me, regardless what Yao-Fei likes to imply.” The honesty first part couched by the jape on the second, evidently, so Oliver remained quiet, he really didn't want to interrupt. Slade's eyes returned ahead, lost on that endless green. “I'm, old, and I'm already set on my ways. Hell, I had been for years already, I never made it easy for Addie. I do hope I get the chance to fix it.” He stared at Oliver, who nodded in return. He didn't want to feel wounded, but he couldn't deny the childish part of him that wanted Slade to promise to never leave his side. He had grown self aware, didn't mean he no longer wished sometimes to live in an unattainable fantasy. Sometimes those were the only way to get through the day.
Slade gulped hard. “Even before the island, working for ASIS. It was so easy to just see the bad in the world, and it was even harder to give a damn. It helped me to survive in here -but, if I get out, I can't be that same guy.”
“We're all capable of change.” Oliver said, remembering his father's words, trying to hold to that truth for his own sake too.
“Doesn't mean it's easy.” Slade gave him a wry grin. “Feels like it took me getting stuck in Satan's asshole and go a bit Heart of Darkness to realize what is what matters -and that I actually want to live a life and not just get by.” He sighed, and he intently looked at Oliver. “It got you guys to hammer it through, So thank you, for making me feel like a person again.” Slade sighed, and Oliver had to wonder, and not for the first time, how Slade endured that time locked on his own, caged like an animal. He had witnessed the effects first hand those first few months, always wondering if Slade would make the math and decide that letting him live wase more of a hassle than just killing him. You didn't survive in this island with altruism and niceness though, you survived by doing everything you could to not die.
Survival in here was everything, yet, these last few months after Friers, with the four of them getting to feel the closest there was to peace in almost a year, remembering how to live and not just be alive had been -something. To know he had helped Slade realize that, well, he felt pride about that. He would take solace in hoping that in a year or in a decade, Slade would think of him and smile.
“You're welcome.” Oliver said after what felt like too long, but Slade only nodded, his face relaxed and with a hint of a smile. His eyes were -warm and dark and a bit too wide, and Oliver could stare into them for hours and feel little shame. It was so easy to get lost on those moments, were the words ended and all what they did was stare into each other, over a precipice they had for some reason not dared to cross, over that distance he still wondered why they held. “It does feel a bit like you're being again too open because you think you're gonna die.” Oliver quipped instead.
“Well, that goes without saying at this point.” Slade deadpanned but couldn't hold the laugh that followed. It was a good laugh. It was good for breaking the tension. Oliver would miss it. Slade moved from his place by the tree, and it seemed to Oliver that he was going to make his way inside the submarine for the night, and Oliver did genuinely wonder if this would be their last goodbye. Instead, he stopped in front of Oliver, and leveled a stare that he couldn't avoid. Slade's posture was relaxed, but his gaze, it seemed like he was sizing Oliver up, just like that first time they had met.
“You know-” Slade finally said, seemingly reaching a verdict. “I don't want to regret not knowing.” It sounded almost like an intellectual problem, but Oliver couldn't help himself from swallowing. There was just something on his tone that made him wish, made him hope.
“Not knowing what?” Oliver asked way too high, but the answer didn't take long. Slade's lips met his, and it felt like nothing he had felt before. His lips were chapped, his beard was coarse, his arms tight around his waist, and Oliver felt like he could drown on his own hartbeart. The sound echoed on his head and he chased the tingling running through him. If he wanted anything he didn't know, he just reacted, meeting Slade with the same intensity, his hand running up his back and holding his nape, their mouths nipping at each other with the curiosity of teenagers. Oliver had kissed only one man before, and that kiss had been filled with desperation and fear. This kiss was exciting, and he felt like he was being swept from his feet. Like a kiss goodbye you're supposed to give after the perfect first date, hoping for a second. Had Slade kissed a man like this before, or was he also his first? Oliver wanted to admonish himself for these silly thoughts, but knowing that tomorrow they were going to try make a deal with the devil, and that failure meant a bullet to the head in the best case scenario, or becoming again Ivo's prisoner in the worst, right now, this kiss was everything.
Oliver hung into the kiss, trying to sear the taste of Slade on his memory, wishing he was doing the same. Don't forget me. It was all he could ask.
Slade broke the kiss, a small chuckle escaping from his reddened lips. “Oh, I would have definitely regretted not doing that.” Slade sounded almost breathless, and Oliver had to stop himself from desperately wishing to finish the job. Slade's hand held to his hips, and his thumbs run small circles over the ratty fabric of his shirt, while Oliver hung from those shoulders he had admired oh so often during those sparring sessions. Oliver chuckled, and their foreheads touched for a moment, and he enjoyed how he could lean on Slade's.
“Not used to look up.” Slade said with humor, and Oliver smiled. His stare remained on Oliver, and he wished he wanted to treasure this moment as much as him. They held each other in the silence of the night for so long Oliver lost track, and yet he didn't want to let go.
He heard the sounds of the forest at the distance, still surprised to know the time by those. How he wished he could stop the night right then, and to stay holding Slade.
“You need to get some rest before your shift.” Oliver said with a sigh, and Slade's eyes crinkled as he smiled.
“Yes, sir.” He said mockingly, but there was something underneath. He let go, and Oliver already missed his warmth. “I'll come relieve you in a couple hours.” He gave him one last stare and a pat on the back, and made his way back to the submarine.
Oliver watched him go all the way, wishing for so many things. He shook the thought away, instead holding to a realization.
Slade no longer called him kid anymore.