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Just when everything seems unbearable and a star is about to lose it's light, a special someone is there to make it shine again. Just like that.
After a very long and exhausting day, Rui and Tsukasa were making their way back to the director's house. It's become a habit for them to stay the night whenever one of them was not feeling good.
The walk home was very silent but they were alright with it, nothing needs to be said if the mere presence of somebody is enough.
The second they got in the house they arive in Rui's room, not letting go of their intertwined hands for a second. Locking the door, they made their way to the... Couch? Bed? No one knows, but at least they are comfortable. Not that much though, since apparently Tsukasa has been a little soaked by the rain outside.
They both let out a big sigh, meaning they're done for today and relieved from the pressure they held throughout the day. Their eyes were closed and their heads tilted to the ceiling, but this lasted only for a few seconds before Rui turned his head at his boyfriend, staring at him before saying something.
"You okay?" Tsukasa let out a hum, given he had no strength left to properly reply, eyes still closed. "Want me to help you take a bath?" All it took was Tsukasa getting up for Rui to understand that it meant Yes.
Tsukasa made his way to the familiar bathroom while the latter picked up a towel for him to use. Tsukasa sat down on the floor and let his boyfriend take off his sweater, pants and anything else and sat inside the bathtub.
Since a child, the blonde boy never had anyone to take care of him properly and more importantly nobody taught him how to take care on his own.
His entire childhood and teenage years he could have gone weeks without showering or brushing his teeth and had no sense of hygiene whatsoever. It was up until his second year of middle school where he became aware of it and quickly became insecure about it.
Thoughts such as 'I can't believe I let everyone see me in such state' would never leave his mind everytime memories came up of people commenting on his scent, his messed up, extremely tangled hair, the yellow color of his teeth; pretty much anything.
Tsukasa being a child though, he never minded his appearance until recently.
How was a kid supposed to figure out it was not normal to go days without taking a shower. Why did no one bother to tell him in a kind way and not some judgemental way.
The boy had been depressed for as long as he can remember and has been very conscious from an early age, causing him to not look at a mirror for a whole year and breaking anything that reflected his face.
It was unbearable for him to look at. How the hell did he show that to everyone.
Back when he became aware of his state, he tried to keep it somewhat under control. He showered and brushed his teeth more regularly but eventually paid attention to many more things and he became obsessed with details. He'd study his face for hours, taking out any visible facial hair and using an insane amount of products in order to make his skin look clear. He'd shower himself in perfume to the point where the scent would make anyone around him dizzy; but better to smell good than bad, right?
Everyone else seemed to be taking care of themselves and most people looked naturally good. Why not him?
The summer was the absolute worse season for him. It was like a yearly battle.
What does summer make you think about when you hear the word? Swimming, sunbathing in the beach with kids running all around you playing, swimsuits; people looking beautiful in swim suits, the heat.. In general, a very good time where you're free and you can hang out with your friends!
That's unless you are Tsukasa Tenma, self proclaimed future star, big looser deep inside.
Because to him, the thought of summer made him tremble, causing the hair on his arms, which he despises, to go up. He would always ruin it for himself. He never had a good time as he'd spend days locked in his house, having no friends to hang out with and having absolutely no confidence to wear summer clothes.
Few were the times that he'd go out, and everytime he'd wear layers of suffocating clothes in order to hide himself. His parents have told him nobody will notice him if he just tries to act unbothered and that wearing long clothes was more noticeable to everyone, but it never stopped him from feeling humiliated.
Even if in reality no one batted an eye in his direction. Is it selfish to think everyone's paying attention to you when no one is? Especially when attention is the exact thing you're trying to avoid.
However all the effors of him trying to make himself look good for somebody else's eyes was pointless and it turned out that everyone was right.
Indeed no one was paying attention to him. After a while, the young boy found everything so unfair. His mindset quickly changed, thinking if no one was going to aknowlege him, he'll force them to. Hence his current behavior of acting all mighty and not lowering his voice for one second.
It may sound complicated. It is. His thoughts seem like the detective case boards with evidence and pictures all being connected to one another with a red thread that is all messed up and tangled on itself that even expert detectives find it weird to comprehend.
That's how he liked to visualize his problems with Rui, since it seemed that visualizing and explaining the situation with materials and examples was way better than spilling his guts out and trying to get his words to make sense.
Right... Rui.
Rui was the only one who had helped Tsukasa with his self image issues, even before they were dating.
Only a skilled director would notice whenever Tsukasa's acting was off but only a caring best friend would want to know the reason why he was feeling ashamed in the first place.
They worked it out, slowly, together. Rui was able to understand since he himself was feeling insecure in middle but after meeting Mizuki and Wonderland's x Showtime he's now more confident and in no way he would let Tsukasa feel the same way he did.
Both Rui and Tsukasa never judged one another, hence they trust each other so much now.
Anything one found embarrassing, the other found it beautiful. And they showed it to eachother. All they both really needed was somebody to hear them without criticism and fate did a great job bringing them together as it seems. Where have you been my entire life?
Back to the present; Rui let the water run after adjusting it to his partner's preferred temperature. While waiting for the tub to fill at a level, he rested his head on the tub, playing with Tsukasa's fingers.
"Today's troupe practice was better than expected honestly... You did great in the second scene by the way. Thank god Emu helped me the other day with making the costumes, otherwise it would have taken forever... Did you like how they look? Nene seemed satisfied with them as well. Speaking of her she's been getting so good at the singing part, reaching such high notes is beyond my skills."
Rui's plan to talk about all of this was to distract Tsukasa from what was currently happening. Who knows.. maybe Tsukasa was overthinking the fact that he is completely exposed to the purple haired boy, despite the amount of times they've done this. But it was clear that this was not the case since Tsukasa was slowly coming out of his dissociative state, making a few expressions and a soft smile showing on his face, just for Rui to see.
He was beyond greatful to have him. Seriously, going out of his way to try distracting him by starting a normal conversation with the softest voice and tone he's ever heard?
Just how considerate can a person be and what the hell has Tsukasa done to deserve said person.
After a few minutes, the tub was full. Rui spead some hair lotion all over his hands and started to apply it to his boyfriend's golden hair.
He'd carefully massage his scalp and comb his fingers around any tangled parts, very carefully as to not hurt the boy. It was a nice feeling, having your hair washed by the only one you trust
However such good feelings don't last forever, as it was time for Rui to apply soap to Tsukasa's body. Even if they've done this before, Tsukasa would feel insecure everytime.
Rui knowing that, he gave the boy in the tub a reassuring smile. "I'm going to have to touch you now, is that okay?"
"Mhm" was all the boy could let out, closing his eyes and letting Rui help him.
Rui was very slow when grabbing the shampoo bottle, he was giving time for the other boy to prepare mentally for this but also wanted to show Tsukasa how careful he was going to be when touching him. And the star appreciated that.
Rui started to apply the soap on Tsukasa's arms and made his way down to the boy's waist. Every movement of his was gentle and delicate, just enough to spread the soap in order for Tsukasa to be clean.
"Do you want to do any areas on your own?" Rui quietly asked his partner. That way it showed him he was not trying to be invasive, but also an attempt to let Tsukasa try to take care of himself on his own, he's not a baby anymore but Rui is always willing to help him anyways. Tsukasa was finally able to talk.
"Ah... Can you do it? I'm really sorry I just.. don't feel ready" his breath was hitching but also getting faster, eyes looking down and his posture showing he's feeling ashamed. Not on Rui's watch though.
"Hey, no problem" said Rui, while raising Tsukasa's head by holding his chin, smiling warmly at him.
"The water is filled with foam anyway, so don't worry, I won't be seeing anything" it was true.
Nothing under Tsukasa's chest was visible thanks to foam covering the water. And that was all the reassurance Tsukasa needed.
How thoughful of Rui, he was even thinking about the foam covering Tsukasa. It's unbelievable. It's like he can read his thoughts, not in a creepy way but despite everything, it was sad that Rui thought about every detail that could cross Tsukasa's mind. It indicated that Rui went through something similar.
But what matters is that he's not going through it anymore. Rui went ahead and applied soap on a shower sponge and one of his hands was holding Tsukasa by his waist, keeping him in place, while the other was running circles around Tsukasa's body with the sponge.
Without the blonde boy realizing, his boyfriend was already done. It was that simple. Rui made it simple; all there was left was to rinse off everything.
Rinsing was quick and it was their favorite part. For Tsukasa it was the best because he finally felt relaxed after the entire day, whilst Rui was softly combing through his hair with warm water running. It's as if... along with the soap, Rui was also rinsing all the bad thoughts filling his head away.
It was Rui's favorite part because he's always thinking about how Tsukasa trusts him enough to help him take a bath. Gaining trust is a whole different feeling of accomplishment.
The water was slowly disappearing from the tub while Rui covered Tsukasa in a towel and carried him back to his room. Tsukasa had some strength to dry himself with the towel, while Rui was going to bring him a change of clothes.
Changing in them, he let Rui dry his hair.
As much as Tsukasa sometimes hated feeling human, the weird domestic atmosphere surrounding him and Rui didn't feel so bad after all. It felt normal, and that is very big for both of them after spending their childhoods treated as anything other than normal.
Everything around the room was dark except a small area, where the light of a warm desk lamp was filling the area, reflecting on Tsukasa's eyes and highlighting orange parts of his hair, a beautiful sight for Rui, and the only thing that can be heard is the sound of rain hitting the window, the small sounds the towel made when being folded, their slow breathing...it was everything they could ask could ask for.
"Do you want anything to eat, or drink?" Asking that question was hard for Rui.
He was aware Tsukasa could go many hours without eating and he did not want to remind Tsukasa about it.
Even if he cares and wants the best for his boyfriend, it's not always kind to excessively ask. It may unmotivate the other person and will probably remind them of something bad. Best thing normally is to leave it. But their relationship is way bigger than this, he knows Tsukasa won't feel bad and will be honest about it.
"Not really, thank you though" and any food talk was over.
"Then let's go brush our teeth? I'll help you" with that Rui got up; taking Tsukasa's hand, they headed back to the bathroom.
Tiredness was the expression written all over both of their faces, it was a long day. However they had the strength to brush their teeth anyways. They did so in a hurry, both eager to return to the bed and finally do nothing but be together.
They made their way to the room and Rui didn't waste a single second to pick up his boyfriend and bring him over to the bed. They fell on the mattress and the worst was finally over. Quiet laughs and chuckles could be heard as they sat back up.
Rui was sitting cross legged while tsukasa was on his lap, facing him with his legs wrapped around his partner's waist, his head resting on his neck.
"..Thank you" a whisper left from Tsukasa, loud enough for Rui to hear. Rui pulled back Tsukasa to look at his face.
"For what?"
"Well...Taking care of me... Letting me stay over.. I really hope you know how much I appreciate it. I wouldn't be that comfortable around anyone you know".
Rui's lips turn into a mischievous grin, his eyes half closed as he whispers
"No, I don't know how much you appreciate it. Will you show me?" Tsukasa huffs at that, he rolls his eyes but they eventually make their way back to meet Rui's; he smiles as he leans in to touch their foreheads together.
"okay"
And like that, their lips meet into a soft kiss. Lasting a few seconds, they pull away to stare at eachother.
"I love you" No matter how many times Tsukasa says those three simple words, it always causes Rui to blush like a maniac, feeling everything inside him completely melt.
It's a great feeling.
"Shh" With that their faces get closer and Rui gives Tsukasa pecks on the side of his lips, their eyes closed. "I love you" could be heard in between the pecks, eventually back to kissing eachother directly on their lips. Slowly and silently, pulling away ever so often to breathe but their lips immediately finding each other's again.
Tsukasa would grip onto Rui's sweater on his back, and Rui's hands would travel all around his beloved's face. Thumbs tracing circles around his cheecks, the rest of his fingers going up from Tsukasa's neck, up to his hair which is still wet from the bath.
It's all full of love, expressing the adoration they feel for one another but also releasing the pressure from not being able to do this anywhere in public.
They weren't too big on PDA aside from some hand holding, hugging or occasional pecks on their cheecks and it's not like their friends mind it, but being alone makes them more comfortable.
What seemed like an eternity of a makeout to them lasted just about 30 minutes when they proceeded to play a card game to get their minds off things, having random conversations, a bunch of aggressive flirting from the rivalry feeling of the little card game and they wrapped everything up by falling asleep, embracing eachother.
If you can't be good to yourself, let someone else be good to you. It may be just what you need and patience is all it takes. If it's not as simple as it sounds, then you care too much about the big picture.