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Ladybug leapt to the next rooftop, shutting her eyes as she felt the cold wind in her hair. It wasn't a scheduled patrol, but Marinette had felt too itchy sitting alone in her room, waiting for something to happen. Her brain buzzed too much, and drawing and sewing and video games weren't enough to drown it out. She'd told her parents she was going for a walk, and then Ladybug took to the skies, relishing in the harsh snap of cold that signaled the start of winter.
She'd sent a message to Chat, just in case he wanted to join her, but there was no guarantee he would see it before she was done. He was so punctual with patrols, but otherwise seemed to have a busy life. She wondered if he ever did this too, transforming just to get away.
She landed in a somersault, then rose to her feet and walked to the side of the building, taking a deep breath to let the cold fill her lungs. The suit blocked most of it, warmed by some incomprehensible magic, but it was still free to enter through her nose and mouth, filling her with a chill that grounded her in the real world despite the sting.
She heard coughing, somewhere below her. Then hacking, wheezing, choking, and the sound of something falling to the ground.
Ladybug dashed to the side of the building and looked down, frantically searching for the source. The street below was mostly empty, lined with rows of flats without much foot traffic. The coughing continued, and finally Ladybug's eyes caught on a person collapsed on the ground, a bag of groceries discarded beside them, its contents scattered on the pavement along with a pair of crutches.
She vaulted over the side, catching her yo-yo on a street lamp to swing herself safely and quickly down, immediately kneeling beside the person, reaching out to steady them with her hand on their back until the attack subsided.
"Are you okay?" Ladybug asked. "Do you need medical attention?"
The person held up a hand to wave her off. The coughing had mostly died down, but they were still gasping for breath. They wore a white medical mask over their nose and mouth, and Ladybug could see flecks of pink soaking through.
"No," the person croaked. A low, feminine voice, younger than Ladybug might have guessed. Her eyes were also covered by a pair of sunglasses, her dark hair disheveled and falling into her face. "It's just the cold air. I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" Ladybug asked. She backed away carefully, then turned to grab the bag and gather the scattered foodstuffs into it, putting the crutches within the woman's reach as she did so. "I don't mean to intrude, but... you don't look fine."
The woman laughed bitterly. "No, I guess I don't. But I live close by. I'll be alright once I get some rest."
Ladybug watched as the woman struggled to her feet, grasping one crutch desperately with both arms as she forced herself up on shaking legs, wheezing and panting the whole time. When she was mostly upright, Ladybug bent down and offered the other one. The woman stared at her for a moment before cautiously reaching out to take it.
"Are you sure I can't help? I can at least carry your bag for you. It must be hard, with your hands full."
"Don't superheroes have something better to do?"
Ladybug winced at the bitterness in her hoarse voice, but followed as the woman hobbled forward.
"There's no attack right now," Ladybug explained, trying to keep her voice light. "I'm just out on patrol. Friendly neighborhood Ladybug, here to help!"
The woman didn't answer. She pushed forward, her gait arhythmic and her breath coming in uneven gasps. She walked until the end of the block, where her foot hit something unseen and she stumbled, barely catching herself with her crutches in time, careening forward and coughing anew, triggered by the sudden surprise.
"Lucky Charm!"
By the time the woman recovered, Ladybug was jogging forward, pushing a red and black spotted wheelchair ahead of her.
"Please, ma'am," Ladybug said, holding her elbow and leading her to the seat. "If you don't want an ambulance, let me at least help you get home. For my own state of mind."
"Why waste your powers on me?" the woman asked between coughs. She reluctantly let Ladybug guide her to the chair, and collapsed into it, the seat magically made to fit and comfortable on her aching everything.
"I'm a superhero!" said Ladybug. "What kind of hero would I be if I didn't use my powers to help people."
"Thinking like that will eat you alive," the woman said, squeezing her eyes shut as she leaned back in the seat. She accepted the bag of groceries and her crutches from Ladybug, and the chair started forward in the direction they had been going.
"I always think it's a good thing to help people who need it," Ladybug said.
"Not that," replied the woman. Her voice already sounded a little stronger, given a break from the strain of walking. "Using your powers for it."
"What do you mean?"
"You only have five minutes left," she pointed out. "Less, now."
"Oh! Well, uh-"
"And there was no reason for you to be out while transformed, anyway. There's no attack, and this isn't when you and Chat Noir normally patrol anyway. What brought you out here?"
"I mean, well," Ladybug stuttered, glad the woman couldn't see her from their current angle as she pushed the chair. "It's not like everything has to be scheduled or an emergency, you know?"
"No," the woman said, staring straight ahead, bitterness in her voice. "You just wanted to. Because that's what a superpower does. It consumes you, or kills you, or both."
Ladybug kept pushing, staring vaguely at the ground as it passed under her feet. The silence pressed until the woman gestured for her to turn a corner.
"You know a lot about superheroes," said Ladybug. "There's some truth to what you say, but... I don't think it's the full picture. But I guess one meeting isn't going to change your mind."
"No," the woman agreed.
They continued in silence for a moment, until the woman spoke up again. She took a breath first, stronger than the ones before it, and her voice was steady and decisive when she spoke.
"It used to be my job."
"...What did?" Ladybug said, confused.
"Knowing a lot about superheroes. Learning their powers, strengths, weaknesses, schedules. Anything there was to study, I studied it. I learned every hero, every power, inside and out."
"Oh, really?" said Ladybug, laughing uncertainly. She didn't know of any professional positions for hero-watching, just Alya and her blog, but-
"For a time," the woman said quietly, "I was known as Mayura."
The silence was heavy, this time. An oppressive weight, and the brisk air and wind was no longer refreshing, but icy and harsh. The woman in the wheelchair shifted very slightly, one blue eye just visible around the side of her face, behind her glasses, coolly examining Ladybug and waiting for a reaction.
Ladybug's feet kept moving automatically, moving them in a straight line along the grey street, the sun low in the sky and the long shadows throwing them into darkness.
"At the time," Mayura said, as casually as if she were telling an anecdote to an old acquaintance at the supermarket, "it was a last resort. Using the Peacock. A step up to help when information and cunning wasn't enough. A way out of a dead end. But that power was intoxicating. Enough that I ignored the physical toll, and put everything into playing that new role. Every time I wore it, I was stronger, physically and mentally, able to do all the things I couldn't in my normal life; to be selfish, to fight for my goals, to be someone who mattered. And every time I took it off, I was more broken."
"...A Miraculous did that to you?" Ladybug murmured. "It shouldn't-"
"Shouldn't it?" Mayura asked. She laughed and it only briefly turned into a cough this time. "In a way, I'm lucky. The physical side effects happened before I could be taken over by the mental and emotional ones."
"It's not like we asked to be heroes," said Ladybug. "But when Hawkmoth attacked the city, somebody had to do something."
"That was the idea," said Mayura. "There's no plot to take over the world, you know. Before he was a supervillain, Hawkmoth was just another man. He just had to play the part in hopes that the Guardian would create an opening to grant his wish."
"Then he could have stopped," Ladybug said harshly. Her hands clenched against the handles of the wheelchair. "He could have talked to us, talked to the Guardian, but he chose to terrorize the city again and again and again."
"Exactly." Mayura sank slightly in her seat, shoulders slumped. "It was the same with me. I believed in his wish, so I helped him. I believed the ends justified the means. But at some point, we were only doing it because it was what a villain would do. Because that role had taken over. And it was only when I realized that that I could walk away. Because when a new option presented itself, he didn't take it. Because it wasn't defeating you. At some point his wish had become a prize, not the goal."
"He could have had his wish?" Ladybug asked. "Without our Miraculous?"
"There would have been no need for a wish," Mayura said, and she gestured for Ladybug to stop.
They waited at an intersection, finally at the boundary of the shadows again, the air slightly warmer but still chilled. A man was walking his dog on the other side of the street. Leaves and plastic bags danced in the wind before falling to the pavement.
"You're the same as he is," said Mayura.
Ladybug bristled, and opened her mouth to protest.
"You're 'patrolling' outside of when you need to. Transforming because you want to, not because you have to. Any young woman without powers could have stopped to help me up, to call an ambulance or carry my groceries. You chose to use your magic, just because you have that power."
Mayura pushed herself shakily from the seat, bracing herself on the crutches, her grocery bag dangling awkwardly from her shoulder. She turned to look Ladybug in the eye, though all the hero could see was dark glasses and a white and red face mask.
"You could have taken my mask and glasses," she said. "Or taken my wallet when you were gathering my things, looked at my ID. Demanded to know who Monarch is, or at least gathered those clues so you can figure it out. Why haven't you?"
Ladybug stood silently, one hand on the spotted wheelchair. Her earrings beeped, as did her yo-yo as it received an incoming reply from Chat. She said nothing.
"Because it isn't the 'right' way," Mayura answered for her. "Because it's not what a hero would do. You can tell yourself it's because of honor, or respect for your opponent, but if the bottom line is putting a stop to all the chaos Monarch has unleashed, it shouldn't matter. Maybe you don't want to defeat him, not really. Not yet. Not without your full hero's journey, the spectacular showdown, winning because of your cleverness and your powers and your dedication to love and friendship. Because accosting a disabled woman on the street for information doesn't fit that role. And maybe because you don't want to stop being a hero."
Ladybug remained quiet.
"You can step away if you want to, Ladybug. You can take an easy way out. But you won't. Just like how you won't follow me the rest of the way home to discover who I am. Because even if it hasn't hurt you physically, the way it has done to me, that magic has irreparably damaged you, changed you into something you can't escape. Show me any hero, any villain, and I'll show you a tragedy."
Mayura nodded politely to Ladybug, then turned to hobble away. "Thank you for your assistance, Ladybug. I can make it home from here."
Ladybug watched for a moment. Her steps still looked painful, her progress slow, but the woman didn't stop to cough or falter, at least until she disappeared around the corner.
She dissolved the wheelchair into a Cure that fixed nothing, then swung away to a discreet spot to detransform. When she reappeared, leaping across rooftops to meet up with Chat, the cold wind stung her eyes until they watered, numbed her face and pierced in through her nose and mouth to stab and splinter in her lungs.
She barely felt it through the suit, and as she swung away to meet her partner, she didn't look back.