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Dearest Delloso de la Rue,
I have begged thrice for the knowledge of what slight I committed to cause the spectacle on the southern lawn. I was denied this information. I am not a smart man; I wouldn’t claim to understand the inner workings of your mind. In the lack of concrete information, I am forced to make my own conclusions.
I presume you found my show of affection so odious, so beneath you, that you were driven to tears. Forced to send your assistant to duel me to regain even a shred of your honor. Your brilliance momentarily blinded me, and I forgot my place. In the future, I will remember to not look beyond my station. I am in need of reminding that I am a fool, often. You have given me this.
I only wish to apologize for sullying a reputation as pristine as yours with my delusions of grandeur. It is not my place to stand beside you as an equal. I have been told that my instincts are not fit for the goblin court. How ironic it is that being around you proves this truth. I was not deserving of the attention that I thought you paid me. I will bask in those moments like one basks in the sun, but I will push them out of my mind to maintain your integrity.
You are blinding Rue, and I flew too close to your light. It is only fitting that I face the same fate as Icarus, falling from your grace.
Your blunt instrument,
Capt. K. P. Hob.
The midday sun shone through the skylight set into the roof. Colored glass warped and distorted the rays, covering the room in rainbow hues as they shone through it. Fey magic permeated every inch of this space, and you could feel it in the air. Despite your court's place within faerie, you still were not used to the magic running over your skin. Goblins did not have magic, as the other courts loved to remind you. Being at the bloom overwhelmed your senses, and you briefly wondered if the excess magic in the air played a part in your irrationality.
Your feet ached. Your fur was matted and rough against the pads of your fingertips. You clenched and unclenched your fists, trying to release the tangled mess of nerves building in your stomach. It was too late to take the letter back.
The harsh sound of the floor creaking made your ears lay flat against your head, trying to soften the noise. The room was taunting you, reminding you of what you had done. Calligraphy supplies laid out on the table, not moved from where you had left them upon completion of the letter.
It had been days since you had last seen Rue, and your heart had begun to devour itself in their absence. Your mind, overflowing with thousands of questions, had granted you very little sleep. In this horrible madness, you had done the only thing you could think of to regain control of your mind. You wrote them a letter.
Love had made you mad, and despite your best efforts, you could not wrestle yourself free of it. Your perceptions were dulled as you paced back and forth within this space. The monotonous rhythm of your feet pressing into the rough wood floor holding some of the thoughts at bay.
A knock sounded at the door. It woke you from your stupor, and you stumbled, catching yourself the moment before you crashed to the floor. You froze. The knock came again. You crept towards the door, hoping the traitorous floorboards would not betray your position. The door was within your grasp. You were only a few steps away. You froze as a creak emanated from the floorboards beneath you. There was movement from the other side of the door, a rustle of fabric, and the readjustment of weight.
“Hob, if you are trying to hide, you certainly are doing a horrible job,” Rue called out, slightly muffled by the door between you.
With a single sentence from them, you lost control. The power in their voice washed over you, causing your posture to falter. Breath caught in your throat, and you choked it out. Straighten your back, arms locked at your sides, eyes forward, a rehearsed message trying to keep your body within the confines of rigid formality.
The door handle was hot in your hand, a final warning before you did something you would regret. You pulled it open, knowing that this could ruin you. Words spilled out of your mouth the second the door was open. “I know why you are here.”
Sparkling purple fabric invaded the edges of your vision, and you lifted your eyes. You were selfish as you took in all of Rue. Knowing this could be the last time you spoke, you tried to sear their image into your mind. Wanting anything to remember them by. Their pale green skin sparkled in the light. A hint of gold peeked out from underneath their purple cloak. They lowered their hood and their long hair cascaded down their shoulders. Somehow, it was still perfect, despite having been tucked into the hood.
Rue moved towards the desk, shutting the door behind them. The calligraphy supplies were still on its surface, evidence of your mistake. You stiffened, cursing yourself. Your tongue was heavy in your mouth, and all the thoughts that had been overtaking your mind for days suddenly vanished, leaving you with nothing to say.
Rue spoke, their voice a melody in your ears. “And what exactly do you think I am here to do?” a pained expression crossed their sharp features, and you fought down the urge to comfort them.
Your voice trembled, and your hands shook. “I have caused you offense. I have hurt you.” You met their gaze. “Take your anger out on me. I have dishonored your court. I have dishonored you. There are rules on how such matters must be handled.”
You unclasped your halberd from your back, pushing it as far away from yourself as you could. You removed your rings from your fingers, stripping yourself of anything that could be used to fight back. Collapsing to the ground at their feet, you held your breath. Waiting for what fate you knew would befall you.
Blood pooled from wounds on your legs as you dug your claws into them, desperately grasping for anything to calm yourself down. Rue was the diamond of the court of wonder, and you were nothing more than a soldier.
Rue crouched down, pulling your face to meet their gaze. You closed your eyes, waiting for whatever punishment would await you. Their hand cupped your cheek, and its warmth surprised you.
“Oh, my dearest Hob, you have greatly misunderstood the purpose of my visit.” Rue pressed a kiss to your temple, and against all sense of self preservation, you leaned into the touch.
Your eyes shot open. “Please,” you begged, claws digging further into your legs. “Speak plainly. You know, better than anyone else, that I struggle to understand the intricacies of the spoken word.”
“There is something horrible about you,” Rue spoke, their voice was a whispered growl.
You flinched. Their words washed over you like a slap in the face. Tears pooled in your eyes. And you nodded, averting your gaze. Your mind screamed at you, Monster, Soldier, Coward. This foreign anguish filled you, gluing you to the floor.
“I understand.” Your posture wavered. Your shoulders slumped. You no longer cared enough to return to form.
“No,” Rue whispered, tracing your hand with their thumb, “You don’t.” They looked down at you, hesitant and trembling. “Sit. There is no world in which you kneel at my feet, and I let you.” Rue pulled the chair out from the desk, pushing it closer to you.
You were too tired, too confused to disagree, and so you did the one thing you knew how. You followed orders. Your body unfolded from itself, removing your joints from their rigid form. You settled back into the chair, legs bouncing from nerves. You stared up at Rue, biting your tongue, trying to fight back everything you wanted to say.
"Tell me. What have I done to hurt you? How can I make this right?" You said instead.
Rue met your gaze. Their eyes were burning, and their voice was sharp as they spoke. “I look into your eyes and reflected within them are the worst parts of myself. My chains, my desires, all the pieces of me I force back; that I must contain to fulfill my duties.”
You forced yourself to hold their gaze, to not give in to the most primal parts of yourself. Rue looked at you with a gaze that could bare you down to your deepest parts. You were a bug under a microscope. A creature being inspected by someone far more powerful than themself.
“You contain all of my fears severed from me and formed into a vessel, and yet, when I look at you,” Rue paused, and their voice softened to an almost inaudible whisper. “I can face them head on.”
They took a step back, chest rising and falling as they breathed deeply. Even a few steps away, you were left to bask in the hole their presence left behind. The air shifted; it became metallic, and you shivered as it washed over you. The image of Rue in front of you rippled, a stone thrown into a still pond. Their form melted away, green flesh and purple fabric replaced by a hulking form of brown feathers.
Your heart raced in your chest. Your mind fought to catch up with what your eyes were telling you. A breath caught in your throat, and you exhaled, releasing a deep breath that you had not realized you had been holding.
Rue stood in front of you. You craned your head up to look at them. They were seven feet tall and brilliant. They were beautiful and monstrous, and you stumbled as you marveled at the splendor of their form. You glanced down at their claws, and then your own, and were filled with a sense of belonging that you had never felt anywhere else.
This whole time Rue had been hiding a part of themself. They had covered themself in a glamour, and deep down you knew they were right to. You had been on the receiving end of the way the courts treat monsters. You could not blame Rue for even a moment that they wanted to avoid the same fate.
“You’re beautiful,” you spoke. The words fell out of your mouth before you had time to process what you were saying.
Rue, the owlbear, stood in front of you, just as breathtaking as the moment you first met. Rue, the owlbear, smiled, and glanced away, struggling to hold your gaze.
You stood, bringing yourself to eye level with the beautiful monster you had grown to love. This was Rue, with their glamour stripped away; this was the truth of them. You stared into their eyes and knew that they possessed a courage that you never would. Cupping their face, you brought them close, leaning your forehead against theirs. Their feathers were soft, and you traced your hand along them, taking in every part of their form.
Rue sighed, grabbing your hand between theirs. “I deeply apologize for my behavior. I let my emotions get the best of me, causing you a great deal of pain. You deserve an explanation for all of this. If you would let me.”
You nodded, hesitating for a moment. No longer willing to make the noble choice, you pulled them into an embrace, burying your face into the crook of their neck, ignoring all the warning bells in your head, telling you to follow orders. “We have time. Explanations can wait.”