Work Text:
Tim Drake: Be caffeinated or be nothing!!!!
Dick Grayson: I am in a constant state of caffeination.
Bruce Wayne: I worry for you both…
Tim Drake: Maybe if you caffeinated, then you wouldn’t fall asleep DURING BOARD MEETINGS!
Bruce Wayne: That would be great, except caffeine has no effect on me.
Bruce Wayne: …Neither does poison.
Jason *not dead* Todd: JOIN THE CLUB!
Bruce Wayne: I introduced you.
Tim Drake: ooope
Dick Grayson: YOU WAHT?
Damian Wayne: *what?
Dick Grayson: QUIT.
Damian Wayne: *Quiet?
Dick Grayson: NO! i LITERALLY mean quit.
Bruce Wayne: I introduced Jason to poison. I microdosed him over a few years.
Jason *not dead* Todd: YOU DID FUCKING W H A T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bruce Wayne: Jason you KNEW this. I told you when you were 13, I’m going to microdose you with snake venom.
Jason *not dead* Todd: Ok that is so different than what I thought you meant
Bruce Wayne: What did you think I meant?
Jason *not dead* Todd: I don’t know, Arsenic, Methanol, stuff like that.
Bruce Wayne: You KNOW the body can’t break those down.
Jason *not dead* Todd: … I wonder if the Green can.
Dick Grayson: YOU ARE NOT THE HULK DAMMIT DON’T EVEN TRY IT JASON!!
Jason *not dead* Todd: I was just WONDERING. I’m impulsive, not suicidal.
Jason *not dead* Todd: Don’t get any ideas, Tim.
Tim Drake: What the FUCK is that supposed to mean, Jason?
Jason *not dead* Todd: I know you’re passively suicidal, time.
Dick Grayson: :o
Jason *not dead* Todd: *Tim
Damian Wayne: *Drake
Jason *not dead* Todd: It’s not a secret, Tim.
Dick Grayson: You ok Timmy?
Tim Drake: Fine.
Tim Drake: Honestly, he’s not wrong.
Tim Drake: But that’s active, not passive, so big pass. Besides, I’m not looking to blind myself.
Jason *not dead* Todd: You know your poisons.
Tim Drake: Plus one of my great-grands was a bootlegger and he died from it.
Jason *not dead* Todd: Bummer. What a legend
Dick Grayson: I didn’t know that, Tim
Tim Drake: yep
Tim Drake: Yo, I need money. Who’s gonna Venmo me?
Jason *not dead* Todd: Aren’t you a fucking billionaire?
Tim Drake: Not til my dad dies
Jason *not dead* Todd: Dman
Damian Wayne: … I won’t say anything this time.
Dick Grayson: Thanks
Jason sent Tim $25 dollars.
Tim Drake: Thanks, I’ll send you the rest back.
Jason *not dead* Todd: Don’t mention it. I don’t need it.
Tim Drake: K
Tim Drake: just don’t mention it either
Jason *not dead* Todd: This isn’t what I would bring up in a fight. It’s the fact that I still don’t have my comics back that I would…
Jason *not dead* Todd: And I’m supposed to trust you…
Tim Drake: JASON! YOU TOLD ME I COULD KEEP THEM
Jason *not dead* Todd: That was when I thought I was going on a dead op.
Tim Drake: YOU LITERALLY THOUGHT YOU WOULD DIE?
Jason *not dead* Todd: Well, yeah, but I didn’t.
Bruce Wayne: Tim, wait, per your first text… how much caffeine did you have?
Tim Drake: Just a Ghost.
Bruce Wayne: YOUNG MAN IT IS 10PM AT NIGHT.
Tim Drake: HAHAHAHA!!!!
Alfred Pennyworth: It is not a patrol night, Timothy. This was your chance to sleep early, and I know you need the sleep. This is not funny. You are harming yourself and in the process you are putting others' lives in danger. This is selfish of you. Do better. Even if you lack the proper self-respect to do this for yourself, I expected you to do it for them.
Tim Drake: Yes sir…