Chapter Text
when the doorbell rings one saturday afternoon in march, it’s not what momo’s expecting.
“dahyun-ah?”
it’s an odd sight, seeing the younger woman in front of her. especially since, as far as she knows, dahyun’s supposed to be in america.
“um. hi, unnie.”
she’s just as pale as momo remembers. paler, even. despite the fact that winter’s three seasons from now, dahyun looks as if the first snow’s already here, shivering slightly and shifting weight from one foot to the other, the cold seeping in to her bones somehow.
“…i thought…you were in the states?”
it’s been so long since momo’s last seen her, she’s startled at how much she hasn’t changed. in the best way possible, of course, with her jet black, pristine hair, her soft, round cheeks that still have some of her baby fat, and her wide, sunny smile that takes momo back to college.
and yet, something is wrong.
dahyun shrugs.
“i, um, thought it was time to head back for a breather.”
she’s quiet. that’s the next thing momo realizes. the dahyun she knew would have been all over her in a matter of seconds, a burst of energy like no other.
“right…it’s…good to see you?”
momo winces slightly at the sound of uncertainty in her own voice. she’s sure dahyun notices it too, but in spite of that, she gives momo one of her trademark wide grins, a smile she was known for back when they first met.
and yet, something is wrong.
“i know it’s been a while, but…it’s good to see you too, unnie.”
a familiar flush comes over her. damn. all these years, and dahyun still manages to do the same things she did back when they first met. it’s like she’s back in college again, with some adolescent crush.
“i…like your hair.”
momo offers. there’s one main difference to dahyun. her hair is shorter now, much shorter, barely even reaching her chin in length, styled in some sort of lazy wolfcut. it’s out of place. dahyun always loved having long hair.
“thanks. i, um, cut it myself.”
momo clears her throat, pulling her glued eyes away from dahyun’s appearance to address her directly.
“how long are you going to be in the country?”
dahyun hums.
“well…probably for good. america’s…um, not what i thought it’d be.”
she’s not surprised dahyun’s quickly moved on from “the american dream.” aside from it being a total sham, dahyun was always one to move on quickly from something when it didn’t interest her.
the question is, why now? in their late 20s, when everyone seems to be settling, just from first appearances, it seems like dahyun’s still trying to find a place to put her roots down.
“have you tried europe, maybe? i hear the weather there’s a lot nicer.”
dahyun giggles, a light and airy noise. momo had almost forgotten how beautiful it sounds, like wind chimes on a kindly spring day. the accompanying smile is just as light, and easily encourages momo to smile as well.
and yet, something is wrong.
“i did. try, i mean. europe. it was okay. but there’s no place like home.”
dahyun looks straight at her when she says the word home. momo’s not sure how to feel about that.
she shifts in place, revealing the bags that are behind her.
“sorry about this but, um, i just wanted to ask for a favor.”
it’s then that momo sees it. or feels it, rather.
there’s something in the air around her, momo thinks, as dahyun stands in front of the door to their house. it’s thick, viscous, and looming, making momo still in her tracks. it chokes the air around them, her breath hitching unconsciously.
it’s wrong. all of it is wrong.
in spite of that, dahyun has the biggest smile on her face, her bags behind her as she leans in close.
”can i stay over for a few weeks?”
and in spite of everything, of their history, momo can’t think of any other answer.
“of course, dahyun-ah.”
sana scrubs through the dish one more time, trying to get every bit of grime off.
“you have a nice house.”
it’s fully cleaned already, sana’s sure, considering she’s been washing the same dish for about a full minute now. but it’s the last dish, and once she puts this away, she won’t know what to do with her hands.
“o-oh? thank you, dahyun-ah.”
she isn’t able to stop her voice from shaking, and mentally, sana checks over her appearance once more. she’s still in her work clothes, except her blazer’s been replaced with an apron, for washing dishes. it’s a subconscious habit, checking herself, one she only picked up when dahyun started hanging out with them.
“yeah, it’s in a good neighborhood. it’s quiet, not much trouble, there’s a mall and park nearby, and there’s even a kindergarten near here.”
sana tenses. she puts away the last plate.
“…i mean, um, if that’s in your plans.”
dahyun adds it on, like an afterthought.
she wipes her hands on the apron, before taking it off and hanging it on one of the pantry knobs. when she turns around, she sees dahyun in the living room of their house, eyes roaming over the many framed pictures sana’s taken care to set up in their shelves.
many of them are from college, which is why sana thinks she sees the distinct fondness in dahyun’s eyes. it makes sana’s chest tighten.
“how has everyone been doing?”
so, she’s not in contact with anyone else. or hasn’t been. it makes sense. if there was anyone she should have been talking to, it should have been sana or momo. but she hadn’t been talking to them. even when she should have been.
“they’ve all got their own lives now. nayeon-unnie and mitang are off in the countryside. they took over mina’s family farm, if you remember.”
dahyun nods, and sana almost curses herself for adding that last part. of course, dahyun, of all people, would remember the smallest details about her friends. that was her.
“jeongyeon-unnie and jihyo-unnie are working in the big city with that firm of theirs. you know how they are, ambitious as always.”
recollecting the current exploits of their former group of friends is nostalgic, but it’s nowhere near the nostalgia sana feels, just seeing dahyun in the flesh.
“chaeyoung-ah and tzuyu-yah finally put up that café of theirs. it’s pretty cute, we usually go there when we visit their city.”
dahyun has a soft smile on her face, hands tracing over a framed picture of the nine of them, all smiles and laughs.
“yeah…everyone’s doing fine.”
sana’s voice has a certain quality to it as she says those words, like she’s reassuring dahyun. she’s not sure why. dahyun nods, satisfied with the answer.
and then her eyes are on sana’s, head tilted curiously to the left.
“and…um, you two?”
you two. how could sana even begin to answer that? in the first place, they weren’t supposed to be only two.
“we’re…fine. we…well, we got married. if…if you heard.”
considering it was only a few weeks ago, there should be a bit more enthusiasm to her voice. but there isn’t. in fact, it sounds hollow to her, devoid of meaning.
“i heard.”
it’s barely a whisper that leaves dahyun’s mouth, and sana can almost see her lower lip trembling. almost.
“congratulations.”
the ring on sana’s finger shines. its sheen isn’t as bright as it usually is. sana’s not surprised.
“…thanks, dahyun. that…means a lot, coming from you.”
dahyun laughs, faltering and weak.
“does it?”
it would have, if she actually went to the wedding.
sana doesn’t respond.
“i’ve set up your room, dahyun-ah.”
momo’s quiet as she enters the room. sana’s not sure if she’s grateful or disappointed for the interruption.
dahyun’s eyes flick, from sana to momo. then down to their hands, where a simple silver band is wrapped around their fingers.
then she bows, formal and polite. as if they didn’t spend four of maybe the most important years of their lives together. as if they don’t know who she is anymore. as if she’s a stranger intruding in someone’s home.
and at this point, she might as well be.
“thank you.”
their breaths are quiet in the darkness of their bedroom. measured and slow. the covers are getting uncomfortable at this point.
“do you know why she’s come back?”
momo shakes her head, hands running through sana’s hair, an attempt at easing the younger woman’s discomfort.
“she said she needed a break. from what, i’m not sure.”
their voices are silent, and they usually are when they talk to each other in the dead of night like this, but with a new body taking up space in their guest room, it’s as if every utterance of words is muffled, for fear of waking her up.
“that sounds like her. but…why now? i thought…she’d never come back.”
the admission isn’t something new. in fact, it was a fear they shared, many moments after college spent crying to each other during nights like these.
“i…i don’t know, satang.”
“a-and why us? she could have gone to…to nayeon-unnie, or to jeongyeon-unnie, or chaeyoung-ah and tzuyu-yah, i just…”
sana closes her eyes, slightly shaking.
“…i don’t know what to do with her here.”
momo’s next words are as quiet as she’s been since dahyun’s arrived.
“i don’t think there’s anyone else she should have gone to.”
sana’s breath falters, and she chokes slightly on her own words.
“momoring, she…you know how i feel about her.”
momo’s hand goes down to sana’s, squeezing lightly.
“and you know how i feel about her too, right?”
sana squeezes back, and even though they can’t see each other in the dark, they instinctively seek each other’s warmth, curling around each other’s body.
“is…is this a good idea? having her…having her here with us? it’s been so long since college, you know, i…things won’t be the same. i don’t know if she’s changed, but…you and i definitely have.”
momo wraps her arms around sana’s middle, spooning her as sana inhales sharply.
“i’m not sure, but…can either of us really turn her away?”
sana doesn’t respond to that, because she knows neither of them could ever hope turn kim dahyun away. they’re quiet for a bit, both of them stewing in their own uncertainty.
“i’m just…a little scared.”
momo tightens her hold around sana, arms clenching tightly.
“me too,” she whispers.
the two of them lie there quietly, until they fall asleep. when they do, a space forms in between their embrace, not from a growing distance, but from the subconscious knowledge that there should be a third body in between them.
momo blinks at the sound of the stove going. wasn’t it her turn to cook breakfast today? she sniffs and immediately blanches, the smell of something burnt making its way to her nose.
she turns into the kitchen, where she finds dahyun, tongue sticking out and attempting to pry a burnt piece of toast off of the pan.
“what are you doing?”
dahyun almost leaps into the air from momo’s voice, and momo has to stifle her laughter at the sight of dahyun’s wide eyes.
“o-oh. um. unnie. good morning. i didn’t think you’d be awake. i was just…”
dahyun stares helplessly at the burnt piece of toast.
“…burning bread?”
there’s mirth in momo’s tone, and it feels a little out of place. dahyun only got back yesterday, and she’s still not sure how to feel about her coming back after everything.
“i just…wanted to make you breakfast or, um, something.”
she’s touched, of course. usually momo makes breakfast for them, when she has to wake up to head to the office. sana’s job doesn’t start until later in the afternoon, so usually it’s momo up first.
dahyun looks apologetic, curling into herself as she turns the stove off. she’s biting her lip, almost as if she’s ready for a scolding.
momo almost lurches forward, to pull the younger woman in her arms. her hands are already outstretched, a familiar, subconscious act that even she’s not aware of until she’s halfway there.
but she doesn’t, stopping halfway through, and pulling her arms to herself to cross them.
“we have a toaster, you know?”
she clears her throat while speaking, an effort to get rid of the lump inside that forms when she finds that she’s not exactly sure of where dahyun’s place is in their lives anymore.
“…you do?”
dahyun blinks owlishly, looking around the kitchen.
it’s hard, momo thinks, to keep such a strange distance from dahyun when everything she does beckons some sort of endeared reaction from momo.
if this were seven years ago, momo would have already pulled dahyun into her arms, planting kisses all over her face just for how adorably useless she was.
but it’s not seven years ago. momo’s different now. a little older, a little more mature, and a little more aware of the fact that love doesn’t always go the way you want it to.
“…yeah. it’s in this cupboard.”
it just sucks, because with dahyun right here in front of her, momo almost wants to fall back into that naïve state of mind where anything is possible as long as they love each other enough.
she pulls a toaster from one of the cupboards, plugging it in. dahyun watches her, quietly, disappointed, momo thinks.
“…can you pass me a couple of fresh pieces of bread?”
momo looks towards dahyun, who blinks momentarily, before her whole body brightens up, immediately going over to the wrapped plastic where their loaf is.
“y-yeah! okay!”
it’s amazing, how much of a hold dahyun has on her, even after all these years.
dahyun hands her three pieces of bread, one for each of them, and momo takes them, eyes taking in dahyun’s form as she smiles shyly, cheeks lightly flushed in embarrassment.
sana was right, they have changed. they’re much different people now.
“thanks, dahyun-ah.”
so, why is it that momo finds herself wanting to go back to the way it was, before dahyun broke their hearts?
sana closes the door behind her softly, a tired exhale of breath leaving her. the kids really put her through the ringer today. if she had to extract another smattering of clay from a five year old’s hair, she’d shave them bald.
“oh. um. hi, unnie.”
the voice makes her deflate. she’s not in the right headspace to deal with this right now. she might end up saying something she doesn’t exactly mean.
“hi, dahyun-ah.”
her tone is curt and quiet, and she hopes that this conversation isn’t going to draw itself out. a bit of a paradox, she feels, considering that dahyun’s voice naturally brings a lift to her shoulders. she wants to hear more of it, something she’s not sure she should be feeling.
“how was your day?”
sana hums, slipping off her shoes and tucking them into the shoe rack by the door.
“it was alright. one of my kids threw paint and clay into another of my kids’ faces, so i had to stay back for a bit to clean up.”
it’s funny when sana thinks about it. the whole reason she was in this job, teaching kindergartners, was because dahyun gave her the idea. sana always was good with kids, after all. even if she didn’t like them as much as dahyun did.
“oh. yikes. that sounds tough.”
she shrugs. just like any other day, she supposes. kids can be rowdy, after all.
“they’re just kids. they have their fun with each other, as long as it doesn’t get too out of hand.”
dahyun nods thoughtfully, before standing up from where she is on the couch.
“um. do you need help with your stuff?”
sana blinks, looking down at the teaching materials she had to bring to the school.
“i…yeah, sure.”
dahyun almost scurries to her, eagerly taking some of her stuff to lighten her load, even if it wasn’t that much in the first place.
sana uses this time to inspect dahyun. she’d spent the first few days with her here trying to avoid even looking at her, so now is a good time to renege on that.
dahyun looks as if she hasn’t changed at all except for a few things, maybe slightly taller, her hair much shorter, and in general just a little bit slimmer than before, which is a little concerning, but in essence, it’s still her.
that same girl who became their roommate, spent all of her college years with them, then eventually left with no word whatsoever.
sana clenches her fist at the thought, unconsciously crumpling the papers in her hand.
“um. unnie? are you okay?”
okay? is sana okay? no, she isn’t. far from it. why would she be, when such a vital part of her life has come back out of nowhere, when she’d made peace with the fact that she was never going to come back?
“i…”
how is she supposed to feel about this? she’d spent so long wishing dahyun would come back, and now that she’s actually here, all she can feel is disappointment and anger. why even bother coming back?
but as usual, sana says nothing.
“…i’m okay, dahyun-ah. just tired.”
unfortunately, dahyun’s always been quick on the draw. she picks up on it immediately. sana hates that she’s actually thankful for it this time.
dahyun bundles up sana’s things in her arms, turning her head away.
“i, um, will put your stuff in your study.”
dahyun’s finally come back. she’s here with them, with sana and momo. just like they’ve always dreamed of.
and yet, as dahyun walks away from her, a slight slump to her shoulders, all sana can feel is a strange, misplaced feeling of loss.
“are you sure i’m not intruding?”
dahyun asks, three days after she’s arrived. it’s dinner time, and the soft question that leaves her mouth stills movement from both older women.
neither of them are able to answer outright. dahyun almost curses herself out loud. of course, she’s intruding. what was she even thinking, going back after all this time?
“um. because i can go somewhere else. i can ask chaeng? if they’d let me stay over, i mean. i don’t want to be a burden on…your bills or whatever.”
her fingers are tapping along her thigh, nervous energy trying to disperse. she wants to run. run far, far away. coming back was a bad idea, and the uncertain looks momo and sana are shooting each other just prove that.
“it’s not that, dahyun. you know we…we don’t mind having you here, it’s just…”
sana trails off, fingers fiddling with her utensils as she looks to momo for help. that’s always the way it’s been between them. sana knew how to speak lightly, in easy conversations. momo knew her way around serious discussions. together, they helped each other maneuver around what the other had difficulty in.
momo clears her throat.
“we’re just…concerned.”
it’s as if momo’s choosing where to place her feet while hanging on the edge of a cliff, with the way she speaks. every word’s cautious and wary. dahyun doesn’t like it.
“um. do i snore too loud? i can tone it down. i know sana’s a light sleeper.”
she goes to humor as a failsafe. humor always works in tense situations. it’s her go-to social maneuver when she doesn’t like how a conversation’s turning out. it’s always been her way.
the corners of sana’s lips curl just the slightest bit, but only for a moment. momo is more open, and a faint smile draws upon her.
“we’re worried, dahyun. about you.”
dahyun lets out a strained breath. they’re worried. about her. they shouldn’t be. not after college. she was the one who cut herself off from everyone.
“you used to talk about going overseas during college so much, and now you’re back. what happened over there?”
she shrugs, and crosses her arms, staring down at the food, away from their furrowed brows and concerned glances.
“i just…wasn’t feeling it.”
“seven years of no contact with any of us, and you come back to our doorstep like it’s nothing, just because you weren’t feeling it?”
dahyun winces at the pressure in sana’s voice. this is why sana’s not good with serious conversations. she always has a tendency to hit where it hurts, not even on purpose.
momo puts a hand on sana’s wrist, and dahyun realizes sana’s shaking. the way she shakes when she’s about to cry.
she’s messed this all up.
it’s only been three days, and everything’s wrong already. now what, she goes back to the states? saliva pools in her mouth, and she swallows, uncomfortably clearing the tightness in her throat.
“i can, um, leave. it was on short notice, so i get that, um, it’s kind of…hassle? i guess. really, it’s fine.”
run, her body tells her. run like you always have. she shouldn’t be here. she should have just stayed in america, where at least she knows her stay would be easier on everyone, even her family.
but who is she if not selfish?
sana doesn’t say anything, and it’s then that momo’s voice hardens.
“we just want to know the truth, dahyun. why’d you come back after all this time?”
the truth. the truth is that dahyun is one of the most selfish creatures on planet earth, that all she wants is to live as peaceful a life as she can, that all she wants is for the three of them to go back to the way they were, before they graduated, before she left, and before she went on some misaligned journey around the world to fix herself.
but she can’t say that.
so she settles for a smaller truth. one that isn’t as magnanimous or significant as the one she carries in her chest, but is important nonetheless.
she looks back down at her food, the lump forming in her throat again.
“…i, um, i missed you two. that’s…that’s why i came back.”
the words hang over her like a death sentence, and if the table was silent before, it’s nothing compared to the unearthly quiet that has somehow been beckoned to the dining room.
sana’s breath hitches, and when dahyun looks up, she can see the unshed tears shining in sana’s eyes. momo’s the same, head stubbornly looking down, eyes locked onto her unfinished plate of food.
dahyun takes that as her cue to go.
“um. i’ll pack my things. i can just stay at a hotel or something.”
she’s a fool for thinking that things were going to go as she planned. that she would come back, into the welcoming arms of sana and momo, and everything would be just like they were before she left.
dahyun stands hurriedly, not eager to break down in front of them for the umpteenth time because of her aching heart. she turns, to head to the bedroom where all her things are.
until she feels soft, slim arms curl around her waist, hauntingly familiar in this foreign house.
“god, dahyun-ah.”
sana’s voice trembles as it sneaks up to her, her head tucking into the crook of dahyun’s neck, sniffing.
dahyun can feel her own eyes beginning to blur and irritate, tears that she doesn’t deserve to shed beginning to form.
hands close around her own as momo steps in front of her, eyes as soft as they’ve always been when they look into dahyun’s.
“we missed you too, dahyunnie.”
the dam breaks, and the tears come flowing down dahyun’s cheeks. she hates the feeling, especially when she can see momo’s own tears come spilling slowly, especially when she can feel a wet spot form in her shirt where sana’s eyes are hiding. she should be imprisoned for making two of the most beautiful people she’s ever met feel this terrible.
then again, what she has now is far worse than just prison.
she buries her face into momo’s shirt, tears coming freely now. momo lets her, quietly shushing the quiet whimpers that choke out of her mouth.
there’s more she isn’t saying. she knows that sana and momo have obviously picked up on it, but they don’t know the specifics. dahyun wants to keep it that way.
ignorance is bliss, and bliss is the least sana and momo deserve after all she’s done to them.
“you can stay with us.”
she’ll make sure of it, until her time’s up.
“um. unnie?”
momo peers over her phone, eyebrows raising.
“yes, dahyun-ah?”
in front of her, dahyun’s standing in the middle of the grocery aisle, holding two cartons of milk in her hands.
“what kind of milk does it say we should get? skim? or whole?”
momo looks at the small sheet of paper sana handed her before they headed out. her handwriting is pretty, but nowhere does it say whether the milk they should get is whole or skim.
“…it doesn’t say.”
dahyun frowns, looking at the backs of the carton, her eyebrows pinched in the way they do when she’s trying to solve some inane puzzle. momo chuckles just seeing it.
“okay, so…skim means that there’s no fat, but more sugar or artificial sweetener. whole means it’s straight from the cow, so it’s all natural, but it’s got some fat in it. what do you two usually get?”
momo never thought she’d be in this situation, dahyun helping her with groceries in the picture perfect image of domesticity. it’s endearing, and momo can feel her heart warm just at the sight of her.
“who knows?”
momo shrugs, smiling helplessly at the milk conundrum dahyun’s currently in. dahyun rolls her eyes.
“some help you are, unnie. sana-unnie trusted us to get the groceries, i don’t want to disappoint her.”
leave it to dahyun to take grocery shopping incredibly seriously. momo usually doesn’t do the groceries, but when she does, she usually gets something wrong, so maybe it’s good that dahyun’s here.
“should we just get both?”
momo shrugs. the image of dahyun here, in front of her, just as she’d always dreamed of, still has her in a bit of a chokehold, staring at her form.
“unnie, are you even listening to me?”
dahyun pouts, and momo’s nineteen again, in their dorm room, trying to figure out how to split the rent three ways.
“yeah. yeah, i am, dahyun-ah.”
momo smiles, and it’s not because she knows the answer to the milk riddle dahyun’s posed to her.
“and?!”
dahyun gesticulates wildly with the two cartons of milk. momo can’t help but laugh again.
“we get both.”
dahyun grins, tucking both cartons of milk into the grocery cart.
a week into her stay, and dahyun’s acclimated nicely, it seems. she’s adamant on helping with the daily chores that are usually split between sana and momo, but they seem to elude her for some reason. hence, momo accompanying her.
now, dahyun’s taken a cereal box, eyes narrowing at the nutritional content, before shaking her head and putting it back.
“didn’t know you were such a stickler for health.”
it’s an idle comment, full of amusement, but momo takes note of the way dahyun momentarily stills.
just like she used to do when she lied.
“we’re getting into our thirties, unnie. we need to start taking care of what we put in our bodies.”
dahyun hasn’t changed that much. unlike the rest of them. momo’s beginning to realize that.
there’s still something she’s not telling them.
but that’s okay. dahyun may not have said anything before she left the last time, but that was in the past.
“if you say so, dahyunnie.”
dahyun smiles at momo, and she knows it’ll be different this time.
“ack!”
sana sighs as she hears the yelp. that’s the third time.
“um. unnie?”
it’s full of exasperation and fondness, the way she sighs. like one would at a clumsy puppy that managed to bump into a door several times.
“yes, dahyun-ah?”
“the carpet got stuck in the vacuum cleaner again.”
sana puts down her broom and dustpan once more, turning to the woeful dahyun, who’s staring in dismay at the corner of the carpet currently being sucked up into the vacuum cleaner.
“okay, turn it off first.”
dahyun does as she says, then blinks up at her innocently, as if this isn’t her third time doing this.
“then, you press the button that unlatches the vents on the vacuum.”
she fumbles a bit, searching with her hands, even with sana pointing right at the button. sana can’t help but giggle. when dahyun said she wanted to help with spring cleaning, she initially welcomed the help, but it turned out she was pretty much useless with chores like these.
“here, why don’t you use the broom instead? i’ll use the vacuum.”
dahyun physically deflates, staring up at her with wide eyes.
“but…the vacuum’s cool.”
sana has to stifle another giggle and resist going up to dahyun to squeeze her for being so cute.
“well, it’d be cooler if you didn’t get something stuck in the vacuum every now and then.”
dahyun flushes, holding the vacuum protectively to her chest as she does.
“i wanna use the vacuum.”
she’s like a child, whining about using her favorite toy. sana sees no problem in indulging her. she’s always spoiled dahyun, after all.
“alright, but if something gets stuck in there again, i’m not helping you, okay?’
dahyun nods fervently, pulling the vacuum cleaner away from the carpet and glaring at it. sana shakes her head, again in exasperation and fondness.
“why do you want to help with spring cleaning, anyway? you never used to help when we were back at the dorm.”
dahyun pauses, both in speech and movement, and for a few moments, the only thing sana hears is the whirring noise of the vacuum cleaner.
“i just wanna…do my part. i don’t want to freeload off of you and momo-unnie.”
sana softens. dahyun’s always had a sense of duty to the two of them. it’s only gotten worse since she’s returned.
“you don’t have to, dahyun-ah. you know momoring and i are just happy to have you here.”
her hands clench onto the vacuum cleaner, and sana can see dahyun stare into a corner for a bit, lost in thought. then, she shakes her head.
“i don’t want to be too much of a burden, unnie. not when i…”
she trails off, and then begins to clean with the vacuum again, not bothering to elaborate.
this happens sometimes now. dahyun begins to elude to a bigger reason as to why she’s returned, then catches herself before she can say anything more. it’s honestly infuriating, sana just wants to corner her and get the truth out of the younger woman.
but she doesn’t want to scare her off, not when she has the eyes of a stray cat that’s ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. it’s been so long since she’s gotten to hold dahyun in her arms, she isn’t about to just give it up.
so, she’ll wait. dahyun will come out with it eventually, she thinks, whether or not she means it to. she’s always been a bad liar, especially to sana and momo.
for now, she’ll be okay with this, watching her fit into their lives like the third puzzle piece that was always meant to be there.
“ack!”
sana sighs again. this time with more fondness than exasperation.
“um. unnie? it’s the carpet again.”
“okay. three seconds, no pop, and it’s good. three seconds, no pop, and it’s good.”
dahyun repeats it to herself, again and again, like a mantra. she counts in her mind, eyes locked on the rotating bag inside the metallic contraption.
it pops incessantly, and every pause, dahyun narrows her eyes.
pop.
one.
two.
three.
“yah!”
she slams her hand down on the button that opens the microwave, yelling all the while.
the door opens, revealing a full bag of popcorn. she beams. another job well done. with delicate hands, she pulls the piping hot bag out of the microwave, letting out small “ooph!” and “haah!” noises at how hot it is.
“everything okay in there?”
she hears sana call out, probably over how noisy she’s being.
“yeah! i’m good!”
she pours the popcorn into a bowl, the buttery smell making her sigh in contentment.
“well, hurry up, then!”
dahyun takes the bowl into her arms, then scurries back into the living room, where sana and momo are comfortably perched on the couch, waiting for her to play the movie.
“took you long enough.”
momo smirks, remote in one hand, other hand around sana’s shoulder.
“i didn’t want to burn the popcorn, unnie.”
sana giggles lightly, pulling the blanket further over herself and momo.
“silly. you’d have a harder time burning the popcorn over cooking it properly.”
momo’s quick to intervene, snickering all the while.
“oh, i don’t know about that. you should have seen her when she first got here. that poor piece of bread.”
dahyun pouts as she places the popcorn down on the coffee table.
“unnie! you said you wouldn’t mention that to sana-unnie!”
they all giggle, and dahyun’s heart lightens at the sound.
they’ve taken up their place in the corner of the l-shaped couch, arguably the best place to stay, as momo’s got her legs outstretched on one part of the couch, and sana’s curled up on the other part.
dahyun swallows.
and she sits on the other end of the couch, an awkward distance away from the two of them.
she wants nothing more than to curl up and cuddle in between sana and momo, just like they always used to do during movie nights in their dorm.
now, though, she doesn’t want to push her luck. she’s already gotten this far, dahyun would rather not ruin anything. she’s being selfish enough, just being here.
“dahyunnie?”
sana’s voice calls her out of her reverie, the two of her favorite people looking curiously at her.
“a-ah. um, yes, unnie?”
sana tilts her head, brow furrowing.
“why are you so far away?”
momo’s peering at her, too, eyebrow raised.
“oh. um. well. i just thought, um, you guys need your space?”
the way she phrases it as a question has the living room turn quiet for a moment, and dahyun’s afraid she’s said the wrong thing.
then sana smiles softly at her.
“we saved a spot for you, dahyunnie.”
momo chuckles in tow.
“kept it warm and everything.”
the two of them part to create a perfect, dahyun-sized hole in between them.
dahyun’s eyes tear up treacherously, and she sniffs, rubbing at her eyes quickly to try and hide the fact that she’s so emotional these days.
she’s not sure what she’s done to deserve this. she’s been anything but cruel to them, just up and leaving at the height of what they shared with each other. they should be shunning her from their home, much less from movie nights.
“dahyun? are you okay?”
the two of them are looking at her, worried, and dahyun is again reminded of how much she doesn’t deserve this. not when she’s as selfish as she is.
“s-sorry. just. butter, in my eyes. i think.”
it’s lame, and sana and momo can see right through it, but she wants to preserve at least some form of her own dignity and not break down bawling in front of the two of them.
someone takes her hand lightly. whether it’s sana or momo, it doesn’t matter much to her, not when that hand pulls her close, into that perfectly sectioned niche in between them, where she sits, where she’s always meant to be.
“sit down so we can start the movie already, dahyunnie.”
momo’s voice is gentle, soft, and everything dahyun wants to hear right now.
“here, have some blanket. it’s getting colder these days.”
sana spreads some of the blanket over dahyun’s legs, warmth encapsulating her form.
the two of them converge on her, momo’s arm wrapping around her shoulder, safe and secure, while sana leans her head down on dahyun’s lap.
god, how right it feels, to be in between minatozaki sana and hirai momo. heaven paints a pretty picture, but none of it as vivid as the colors dahyun feels when the two of them are next to her.
momo rubs her shoulder softly. sana caresses her hand gently.
dahyun almost cries again, half out of relief, half out of guilt.
they end up not playing the movie, staying on the couch that way until they all fall asleep, the popcorn going stale.
“i’m home.”
dahyun’s head lurches upward from where it’s resting on the table, pillow entrenched in between her arms. her eyes are drowsy, a bit of drool leaking down her cheek.
momo’s heart twinges at the sight.
“o-oh. unnie. welcome home.”
welcome home.
to hear those words coming from dahyun fills momo with such a warm feeling, it’s impossible to describe in length how happy she is.
“why are you still up? it’s late.”
dahyun blinks blearily, looking at the clock in their living room.
“oh, i—” she yawns, cutting herself off. “—wanted to wait for you to get home.”
it’s too good to be true, momo thinks, that dahyun’s here and saying these things to her, just like they’d giggled about when they talked about their future back in college.
“so, you stayed up and sana didn’t? my own wife?”
there’s a playful tone to momo’s voice, and dahyun picks up on it, obviously, rolling her eyes.
“she’s in the shower, unnie. stop being so dramatic.”
momo chuckles, then closes in behind dahyun, leaning down to wrap her arms over dahyun, burying her face into dahyun’s shoulder.
the younger woman sighs at the warmth, hands coming up to softly grasp at momo’s arms.
they stay like this for a moment. it’s as if momo’s exhaustion is evaporating, just being in dahyun’s presence like this. she wants to hoard it all to herself, the way dahyun makes her feel.
although, she probably shouldn’t, considering how much sana loves it just as much as she does.
“unnie, you’re grimy. go take a shower so we can head to bed.”
momo laughs into dahyun’s shirt, only pulling her closer.
“let me savor this, alright?”
dahyun obliges, only humming in response and turning on the chair to give momo more access to herself.
“how was work?”
momo’s voice is muffled, the way she speaks into dahyun’s shoulder.
“same old. corporate law stuff. boring.”
dahyun chuckles, hand rubbing a particular sore spot in momo’s back, causing her to sigh.
“whatever happened to being the best dancer in the country?”
momo pulls away, managing to look almost slightly offended.
“who says i’m not?”
the two giggle to themselves, like children on the playground keeping a secret.
having dahyun in this way is something she’s always dreamed of, momo thinks. she’s had her before, but not like this. momo never thought she’d get to have her like this, in her arms, with barely any fear of losing her.
it calls to mind everything they used to be in the past, when all they needed to worry about their grades and being able to pay rent on time, when they didn’t care about anything else in the world except each other.
the atmosphere slows, and suddenly momo’s inches away from dahyun’s face, eyes locked so intensely onto the younger woman’s.
“dahyun-ah…can i kiss you?”
she asks, because of course she does. a lingering tension’s come over them since dahyun’s arrived, and momo would be a fool to ignore it. but that doesn’t mean she wants to force it.
dahyun swallows, her throat bobbing. it doesn’t seem like she trusts her voice, because she can only nod.
momo leans in, pressing her lips against dahyun’s, the feeling all too perfect, and all too familiar.
they’ve shared so many kisses like this, almost a lifetime ago, in the privacy of their dorm room, in locked college bathroom stalls, in empty and quiet school classrooms.
but none of them compare to kissing her like this, in the safety and security of their own home, where momo can call dahyun her own and not have to worry about what comes next.
when she pulls away, she can feel dahyun chase after her, lurching forward even as momo leans back to look her in the eye.
dahyun’s cheeks are flushed, and she’s slightly out of breath, shifting in her chair.
“that was a long time coming.”
momo can’t help but say, affection plentiful in her tone.
“hah…i agree.”
dahyun’s voice is quiet, more than it’s ever been since she’s arrived.
momo closes around her again, taking dahyun in her arms as if she’s something precious to behold, like a priceless treasure or a fragile piece of art. and in a way, she is.
“i love you, dahyun.”
and she embraces her back, her arms slipping right underneath momo’s as they always have, hands sneaking up her spine like electricity tingling down.
“i love you too, unnie.”
momo’s not going to let go this time.
“teacher! there’s a pretty lady at the door!”
sana turns away from where little jisung’s been bickering with minho, eyebrow furrowing.
“pretty lady? who is it, yuna-yah?”
the spitfire of a kid chirps up.
“i don’t know! but she was really pretty and her skin was super white!”
sana flushes. there’s only one person that can be.
“she says she has your lunch!”
right. in her hurry this morning, sana may have forgotten to actually bring her lunch with her.
“alright. yeji-yah, please watch over everything, i’ll be back in a bit.”
the eldest among her students, yeji nods, an uncharacteristically serious look on her face as she’s entrusted with the wellbeing of her classmates.
sana chuckles, before heading off to the door of her classroom.
dahyun’s sitting idly by one of the waiting chairs, eyes wide and taking in the hall, decorated with painted pictures that the kids made themselves.
“hey you.”
sana grins, bright and full as dahyun looks in her direction, face lighting up.
“hi, unnie.”
she walks towards her as dahyun stands up, lunchbox in hand.
“you forgot this at home.”
sana takes it, warmth spreading through her chest as her hands graze past dahyun’s. how childish is it of her to want to leave her lunch at home all the time, just so she can see dahyun like this? never mind that she’s been seeing her every day at home for the past few weeks.
“you didn’t have to come, you know. you could have just had it sent over.”
sana much prefers this, however, and she knows dahyun can see that, as dahyun gives her a soft but shy smile, tucking her hands behind her back.
“i just…wanted to see you.”
sana doesn’t restrain the urge to coddle dahyun anymore, and pulls her close, arms wrapping around the younger woman’s shoulders and back as dahyun lets out a small yelp of surprise.
“unnie! we’re in public!”
it’s a heated whisper full of reluctance, but the way dahyun’s arms naturally sneak around the small of sana’s back say otherwise.
“i don’t care.”
she doesn’t. maybe she used to, sometime in the past. how the three of them looked to other people was always a point of concern back then.
but after everything that’s happened, it’s only taught her that moments like these come so sparingly, and that they often flitted away before she even knew they were there.
this time, she would savor them.
sana leans back, and dahyun’s face is a proper tomato, full red on her pale cheeks.
“are you done, unnie?”
dahyun pouts, crossing her arms.
“no.”
sana says, as she cups dahyun’s cheeks, pulling her in for a kiss.
she doesn’t resist, and the feather-soft touch of her lips on sana’s makes the reality of the situation all the more clearer to sana.
dahyun is here. and dahyun is hers.
sana giggles into the kiss, lips parting as their breath intermingles. if possible, dahyun only turns redder as they pull away.
“now, are you done?”
she leans in again, this time a quick peck on her lips as she squeezes dahyun’s hand.
“now i am. i’ll see you at home, okay?”
dahyun nods, straightening out her clothes and trying to fix herself proper.
“okay, unnie.”
sana flashes her a smile, as giddy and as childlike as the kids she’s teaching.
“i love you, dahyun.”
and dahyun returns it, hands still tucked shyly behind her back as she flushes once more.
“i love you too, unnie.”
when sana goes back into the classroom, yuna pinky-promises her she won’t tell momo that sana has another wife.
it’s bliss.
there’s no other word to describe it.
dahyun’s the first to wake up, in the wee hours of the morning, and cooks breakfast for the three of them (or at least attempts to). momo’s the next to wake up, kissing dahyun on the forehead as she attempts to salvage the inevitable mess than dahyun’s created in the kitchen. sana’s the last to wake up, still yawning and grumbling as the three of them eat breakfast to the sounds of a quiet, spring morning.
momo leaves for work soon after. she kisses sana and dahyun goodbye, then drives to work. it’s fifteen minutes away on a good day, thirty minutes on the regular. sana’s the next to go, kissing and hugging dahyun for a good five minutes until dahyun pushes her away, saying she’s going to be late. she walks to the kindergarten, just a few minutes away from their house. dahyun watches the house in their absence, keeping herself busy with books and tv shows.
sana comes back after sunset, usually tired from having to manage around twenty hyperactive kids that don’t do what you tell them to unless you bribe them with toys or snacks. dahyun usually puts her stuff away as sana relaxes on the couch, dahyun joining her soon after.
momo comes home at different times, and sometimes dahyun and sana have to eat dinner without her. when she does come home on time, a proper meal’s been cooked for the three of them, courtesy of sana with a little help from dahyun, as the three of them talk quietly about how their day’s been.
then they take showers. sometimes, they take turns. other times, they share the bath, cramming themselves in and giggling all the while. they go through their nightly routine together, before piling themselves into a bed only meant for two people.
it varies from here. some nights, they talk. they reminisce on college days, or they catch dahyun up on what she’s missed. other nights, they make love. making up for lost time, momo would say, as dahyun’s face would be completely red, sana giggling all the while.
most nights, though, nothing happens.
that is to say, they lay quietly in the darkness of their room, momo’s hands combing through dahyun’s and sana’s hair, sana’s arms curled around dahyun’s and momo’s torsos, and dahyun’s body pressed into sana’s and momo’s warmth.
nothing happens these nights, and yet, everything happens, as they bask in each other’s presence, particularly in the presence of the one who’s been gone for so long.
these nights are the best nights. when all is right in the world, and three souls are together where they are meant to be.
and it is on one of these nights when that bliss finally peels away, the truth no longer able to hide behind ignorance.
it starts with a cough.
it doesn’t sound any different from any of the other coughs dahyun’s had, of which there have been quite a few in recent days.
but this one doesn’t stop.
it cuts through the nighttime quiet like a knife through the thick air.
“dahyun? are you okay?”
momo sits up, flicking the bedside lamp on as dahyun coughs into her hands.
“water, i’ll get some water.”
sana immediately leaps to her feet, rushing out of the room as momo pulls dahyun to sit upright.
dahyun hasn’t stopped coughing.
by the time sana returns with water, momo’s gone pale with worry, each cough shaking dahyun’s body like a tremor.
“drink, dahyunnie.”
sana lifts the glass to dahyun’s lips, the younger woman balling her hands into fists as she greedily gulps from the glass.
when she finishes, she’s pale, paler than usual, sweat building on her temple as she smiles weakly.
dahyun clears her throat, loud and ugly as she smiles weakly at the two.
“i-i’m okay.”
sana frowns.
“that didn’t sound okay, dahyun. are you sick?”
momo presses the back of her hand to dahyun’s forehead, her cheeks, and her neck.
“you’ve been coughing a lot more recently too.”
dahyun stills. the way she does when she’s about to lie.
“it’s nothing, unnie. really, i’m fine.”
sana grips dahyun’s wrist firmly.
“it’s not nothing, dahyun. what’s going on?”
dahyun opens her mouth, only to cough again.
it’s only once, but it’s enough. because it sounds ugly, painful, and terrible as dahyun brings her hand up to her mouth to cover.
when she pulls her hand away, all they can see is red on dahyun’s palm.
“oh my god. dahyun, you—”
momo’s eyes are wide at the sight of blood, gaze flicking from dahyun to her hand.
“i-i’m going to call an ambulance.”
sana’s voice is shaky, arm reaching for her phone on the bedside stand.
“no!”
in a rare burst of speed, sana’s hand is pulled back by dahyun’s, the older woman slightly shocked at the show of force.
“dahyun?”
momo’s voice is scared, and for good reason.
dahyun’s shaking. no, not just shaking. she’s shuddering. her eyes glisten with unshed tears and her mouth is trembling as she shakes her head vehemently.
“no. no hospital, please.”
her voice is raspy, and sana cringes at the sound of it.
“dahyun, you’re coughing up blood, you need to get—”
“not the hospital, please.”
dahyun’s pleading. she rarely does that. she rarely needs to, considering sana and momo are all too willing to follow her every whim. but not this time.
“what’s going on, dahyun?”
momo’s voice is hard now, but concern shines through as the highlight of her words. sana turns on dahyun as well, eyes searching for the younger girl for answers.
it’s like a band-aid, dahyun supposes. you rip it off in one go. except dahyun’s been picking at this one, slowly and surely, and in doing so, she’s caused the most amount of pain.
dahyun realizes one thing, when sana and momo are looking at her the way they do, confused, scared, and worried.
she is selfish.
“i’m dying.”