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Kusuo was staring at Satou again. He never looked at her like this. His eyes dilated with pure amusement.
She rubbed her arm. Mikoto was used to the knowledge that Kusuo could read her whenever he was around, but couldn't help but want to keep those embarrassing thoughts to herself. Thankfully, he seemed to be too entertained to take note of her. She couldn't believe she was actually excited to spend some time with him just to be sidelined again. Why did he even accept it? It wasn't like him, but she was too glad that they would spend lunch together to care.
"Can we talk in private?" She spoke loudly, breaking the monologue Kusuo was having in her head about how perfectly mediocre he was.
Was she just too much? That's why he had no interest? Mikoto was sure he was actually her soulmate. Her powers had never lied to her about this kind of stuff. Perhaps it would happen later, except his feelings for her never seemed to even begin to change.
She'd tried to look more conventional, like the perfect Teruhashi, and somehow he managed to give her even less of a fuck. She tried to be sexy. Fuck tried, most teenage boys would tell even their grandkids if she invested on them like she did on him. But that didn't do a thing to him again. She shouldn't have done that really, it was an annoyance. Actually, humiliating, the amount of delusion disguised as confidence. And it was her luck he would still give her attention and be so kind. Of course he was kind.
Kusuo blinked and his face returned to its regular stoicism. Her heart was racing, she wasn't ready for the answer she could get. OMG! Just let it go! You don't need to worry about it. It's your destiny! Fuck, he's reading it. Change topics!! Go go go go, Brain! Think of things!!! Lalalalarariralarara! A cockroach! Perfect!
Kusuo's full body spasmed and then he was gone, leaving her alone in the corridor. She felt kinda bad for scaring him like that, but she needed a bit of privacy in her mind in order to properly convey what she meant.
I'm at the rooftop. Don't dare thinking about those things -the disgust and irritation echoed clear in her head.
Haha opsy! I'm sorry. Mikoto tried to keep it light, besides the fact that he could see right through her facade.
I'm not a homosexual, he answered as she opened the door meet him before she could ask. I admire him, I envy him and wanna be his friend, but I have no intentions of dating Satou. I just appreciate his averageness. Also, he's dating Suzumiya.
He was extremely honest for some reason, it caught her off guard.
"Makes sense, my previsions couldn't be wrong. I doubted myself for a sec, sorry for the inconvenience."
They glared at each other for a few seconds. She was about to leave and be sorry for herself, but Kusuo seemed hesitant.
"It would be fine if you were. I'd hate to be on your way."
He turned his eyes away from her, to the barricade. The sky was gloomy and the city looked particularly boring.
Your prediction was wrong. We aren't soulmates. I can't ever fall in love with you.
"You don't think I'm good enough for you?" she felt embarrassed as soon as the words left her mouth, was she asking for a motive to lower her self-esteem? Have some self respect!
You aren't the problem. I can't fall in love with my powers. All I see in people is a pile of poop and bones, and I know every disturbed thought they have. Would be like being attracted to a dog.
Both her hands turned into a fist, this had to be a ploy.
I thought it was better for you to know, I don't want to give you hope anymore. You misinterpreted who your soulmate was, another S.K. guy must had been visiting the school and you missed him.
Mikoto was still processing what he had told her. Both their voices were mixing up in her head while she tried to comprehend how she felt and what he was meaning. She really wanted to punch his face.
"Are you joking?" she screamed. "I know you think you're so incredibly special ‘cause you have some more extra abilities than other people, and you think people can't understand you, but do you really lack any self-awareness??"
Kusuo blinked twice. What did she mean? He was aware he couldn't love her the way she wanted him to. That's why he came with her. Was expected that Aiura could react badly, but disrespectful seemed out of character for the adoration she was used to give him. Her affection was probably also misplaced, now that she'd seen how he truly was, she'd finally move on, and he could have one less worry for his last year, along with Teruhashi also forgetting him and dating Rifuta. Better that way.
"Not even you believe that. You don't see people as dogs, much less a pile of shit and depraved thoughts. I know the lengths you go for the people around you, your family and friends and even me. You respect and care for people so much even if you don't admit it. That's why I love you, not because of my powers."
He was almost flustered, and the tremor in his face was probably undetectable to Aiura. The school bell rang.
Tears were running down her face like a waterfall. She was so frustrated. Why did he isolate himself so much? So much dedication gone with the wind because he couldn't even take her feelings seriously. So much self-doubt, because he couldn't trust her with his honesty. She had no chance from the beginning.
No, it was her fault, not his. She was the one who crossed his boundaries multiple times. He told her he wasn't interested. Her part in gaining his trust wasn't done. She had to change.
"Sorry. Please, don't go just yet. If you don't mind."
The sky was beginning to trickle, not like he could get sick anyways. It would be a bother to continue this later.
"Is it true that you never had a crush on anybody?" He nodded.
She took a deep breath and tried to hold back her crying, not with full success. Mikoto knew for sure her expectations for love would never be met now, he was her soulmate.
“Fuck. Do you know what aromanticism is?” He seemed confused for a moment.
I know.
“I know you just read my mind right now. You can admit when you don’t know stuff, I won’t judge you.” The rain started to get stronger, she started to reopen the rooftop’s door.
“Anyways, I think you might be aromantic, and maybe asexual too. Get a better source than literally my head", her voice started to crumble. "You should go back to class first, it would be weird if we entered together."
So did he, completely dry, and wasn't even the last to enter. Could he be aromantic? It was a logical conclusion he supposed, but he didn't even know what that really meant. And he couldn't know if it was really just because of his powers. Kusuo only just recently had begun to accept he had to live his life with them forever, he hadn't thought about what that would imply for his future. He had a future now too, not only gaining power to stop the apocalypse. That sure was new. He had no idea what to do with it.
Aiura was crying in the bathroom instead of going back to class. It probably was rough on her, she always had a future, and a future with him. Not that he had consented to any of that, but he could understand the appeal. His grandparents were happy, his parents were disgustingly content, and romantic love, despite how volatile it could be, when mutual seemed nice enough. Sharing a life seemed interesting.
But he didn't think he would enjoy playing the role of a boyfriend. All the compliments, the cutesy voices, the obligation to go on dates and do stuff you don't want to do, to be impressive. Kissing, having sex, have a wedding and kids. Completely not his thing, this seemed so overwhelming. He wanted peace.
Aiura came back 10 minutes later, telling the teacher it was a girl emergency. She asked Kusuo if they could talk about it again in a week, which he agreed. He told her he would learn more about aromanticism too. He was intrigued and felt like he kinda owned it to her that much, for not taking her feelings seriously before.
Later that day he felt through the a-spec rabbit hole. Aromanticism and asexuality seemed to fit him, as it was more about the experience itself than the reason why. Apparently, there were a lot more people who didn't have those types of attraction and even who didn't care about that at all. That was cool. There were also people who engaged in sex and romantic relationships despite of not feeling attraction, or because they felt it sometimes or a little. He came across the concept of "queerplatonic relationship".
It wasn't something he was craving for, but being in one could be nice, he would be comfortable with it. Kusuo wondered if Aiura would be satisfied with "only" that from him, or if she'd think it was silly, because she already was one of the people he was more comfortable around. He didn't have to hide anything from her —not that hiding was necessarily bad, but breaks were nice. She could be selfish occasionally, but never ill-intended, and had gained his trust multiple times.
Aiura was unapologetically herself, which was admirable. He also respected how well she treated people, and how she used her powers to help them, despite thinking it was irresponsible. Being more intimate with her would be something to appreciate, she had a nice way to live life and was very comprehensive. Kusuo could see how easy it would be for someone else to love her, romantically, if most guys cared about more than her bust, and she wasn't so fixated on him. It was a bit sad that he couldn't return the feeling, but he also didn't feel like he was supposed to change himself. Just a shitty situation overall, but he liked who he was.
The next morning, the girl texted him before school.
M: I know it's not been a week yet, but I figured it had no point waiting if I'm decided and you would know anyway. You can answer me in a week.
M: Is it okay if I keep loving you?
She didn't want to see her future before asking him this, now she could only wait.
K: If you won't get hurt. I told you I won't feel the same.
The answer didn't come until later, she was busy making sure of it. Honestly, it didn't matter if hurting was a possibility, she was already happy with the way things were between them. Nevertheless, to please him, she checked. Looking into her own future was always kind of funky, like if her present was a filler to it. She couldn't wait to be closer to him.
Mikoto came to class almost too late, smiled at Kusuo and said: I'm sure I won't get hurt. I'm so happy you'll let me love you!